Hex 48,1,3,5,6 ôï Hex 41

[usilser]

Hi all,

I need your precious help with my cast.
Me and my partner have a lot of problems recently. Actually he broke up with me but he calm down and he reconsider his decision. We are still together and stay together but we have a problem with sex. He doesn't feel well so as to do it with me. My question to iching was what to do so he will make sex with me. The answer was Hex 48 with line 1,3,5,6 to hex 41
48.1 there is no sex between us and that's why I feel so sad 48.3. 48.5 and 48.6 seems to say that yes there is desire between us (indeed) but perhaps I should stop pushing him and drop the subject(hex 41)?
He told me that women used sex to keep him in the past and it was an unhealthy situation... So I believe the best advice is to stop pushing for sex?

 

[diamanda]

what to do so he will make sex with me
48.1.3.5.6 > 41

48 shows a steady supply of a basic need (e.g. sex, since that's what you're asking about). However, here, this supply has 4 changing lines, which means the supply is not steady at all. Your relationship with him is not steady at all.

48.1, an old well without water, and 48.3, there's water but nobody drinks - these two probably show the many times he has broken up with you, and also the lack of sex. In 48.5 and 48.6 there is water and the well is uncovered, so these two sound like sex at some point. 41 shows decreased desire, and very little 'food'. The well is static, so there's no action you can take really. Just be there whenever he feels like it again. 41 advises to not expect much from this relationship.

He told me that women used sex to keep him in the past and it was an unhealthy situation

Huh? This whole sentence that he told you sounds bonkers. 'Women', so he means that he's a popular guy, ok... And those women wanting to keep him - why, was he going somewhere? And since when is sex unhealthy in a relationship?? That's just crazy, he sounds like a manipulator.

 

[Lavalamp]

what to do so he will make sex with me
48.1.3.5.6 > 41

41 - Decrease - your situation here. The advice in such a situation is that one should simplify and make a plan.

48 "The Well" - a lot of moving lines. so I would try to read the whole hex rather than get lost in the lines.
Generally this hex is about what is an unchanging resource, but should the well dry up or the water be unreachable it is unfortunate. My guess is he is experiencing some sexual dysfunction, due to age or health and this is damaging his self esteem. You might let him know intimacy is more important to you then his performance. There are ways older couples work around this, and there is always viagra or cialis. He may be in a bit of a rut and need to get out of his hole/mancave.
Be careful of his pride.

- LL

 

[usilser]

Thank you both for your answer.
Actually, I don't see hope in my relationship anymore.

He uses excuses so as he doesn't make sex with me. I asked if we will make sex this year (if ever), the answer is hex 12 line 1 to hex 25 does it mean a clear no there will be separation?

Moreover, I have already written that we live together so my question was if I should move and break up the next week. This is what I am thinking every day.
The answer was hex 30 lines 5 and 6 to hex 49
tears but I should avoid punishment or I should punish him? Hex 49 shows radical change... Does the answer confirm our separation? Or I should avoid breakup?

I am so confused and I need help to decide what to do. Should I give time to this relationship or should I move on?

 

[diamanda]

if we will make sex this year (if ever) 12.1 > 25
If you leave and move out, then no there won't be any more sex, it will be the end.

if I should move and break up the next week 30.5.6 > 49
If you're expecting that by leaving he will come after you, then no, he won't come after you. The break up will be final.

Is this the same guy you just moved in with? Sadly it doesn't sound good, sorry... Because if you stay, the situation is already bad and he is most probably trying to force you to leave, by denying you sex. If you do leave, it sounds to me like it will be the end between you. This guy gives you constant grief, for many months now. I hope you manage to find someone else soon and be happy.

 

[usilser]

if we will make sex this year (if ever) 12.1 > 25
If you leave and move out, then no there won't be any more sex, it will be the end.

if I should move and break up the next week 30.5.6 > 49
If you're expecting that by leaving he will come after you, then no, he won't come after you. The break up will be final.

Is this the same guy you just moved in with? Sadly it doesn't sound good, sorry... Because if you stay, the situation is already bad and he is most probably trying to force you to leave, by denying you sex. If you do leave, it sounds to me like it will be the end between you. This guy gives you constant grief, for many months now. I hope you manage to find someone else soon and be happy.

Thank you so much diamanda for your help.
Yes this is the same guy. You are right. I know very well that If I move out he will not come after me. It will end for good but I love him so much. I want to save our relationship from a breakup. Last night we had an argument for one more time. I have a serious problem with his mum she doesn't behave me so good. Anyway the real problem is between us and he doesn't want sex with me because he doesn't feel good with us. He insists that we are so different and there is a serious communication problem that can't be resolved. I insist the opposite. I believe in us. I believe we can work it out, we can find a new approach to solve our communication issue but he is the guy that he never forgets what makes him feel bad, he doesn't forgive easily and I am trying to back off but he insists to be 'ice' if he has something with me for days. (Please forgive me for my English)

Diamanda I will be really grateful if you could help me with one more of my questions, as yesterday we had one more argument and today he doesn't talk to me and he is ice for one more time, what I am asking is how to save my relationship with him from a breakup
hex 24 line 5 to hex 3
Our relationship needs a new beginning, it would be very difficult but I should talk to him honestly from my heart?
"

Wilhelm's commentary describes a test situation: ​

"

(The line)​

is central; therefore it is possible for it to test itself and thus to find a way of turning back from all mistakes. The relationship with the (first line) is not suggested by any external ties, hence it represents noble hearted free decision."

Blofeld's: ​

"critical self- examination"

in the Confucian commentary repeats this idea, as does Cleary’s ​

“Balanced reflection on oneself.” "

I should examine myself and find a way to turn back from all of my mistakes? Ok then, but how can I correct my mistakes? What can be the best way to do that? What can be the advice here?

 

[usilser]

if we will make sex this year (if ever) 12.1 > 25
If you leave and move out, then no there won't be any more sex, it will be the end.

if I should move and break up the next week 30.5.6 > 49
If you're expecting that by leaving he will come after you, then no, he won't come after you. The break up will be final.

Is this the same guy you just moved in with? Sadly it doesn't sound good, sorry... Because if you stay, the situation is already bad and he is most probably trying to force you to leave, by denying you sex. If you do leave, it sounds to me like it will be the end between you. This guy gives you constant grief, for many months now. I hope you manage to find someone else soon and be happy.

Thank you so much diamanda for your help.
Yes this is the same guy. You are right. I know very well that If I move out he will not come after me. It will end for good but I love him so much. I want to save our relationship from a breakup. Last night we had an argument for one more time. I have a serious problem with his mum she doesn't behave me so good. Anyway the real problem is between us and he doesn't want sex with me because he doesn't feel good with us. He insists that we are so different and there is a serious communication problem that can't be resolved. I insist the opposite. I believe in us. I believe we can work it out, we can find a new approach to solve our communication issue but he is the guy that he never forgets what makes him feel bad, he doesn't forgive easily and I am trying to back off but he insists to be 'ice' if he has something with me for days. (Please forgive me for my English)

Diamanda I will be really grateful if you could help me with one more of my questions, as yesterday we had one more argument and today he doesn't talk to me and he is ice for one more time, what I am asking is how to save my relationship with him from a breakup
hex 24 line 5 to hex 3
Our relationship needs a new beginning, it would be very difficult but I should talk to him honestly from my heart?
"

Wilhelm's commentary describes a test situation: ​

"

(The line)​

is central; therefore it is possible for it to test itself and thus to find a way of turning back from all mistakes. The relationship with the (first line) is not suggested by any external ties, hence it represents noble hearted free decision."

Blofeld's: ​

"critical self- examination"

in the Confucian commentary repeats this idea, as does Cleary’s ​

“Balanced reflection on oneself.” "

I should examine myself and find a way to turn back from all of my mistakes? Ok then, but how can I correct my mistakes? What can be the best way to do that? What can be the advice here?

 

[usilser]

I am sorry for the same post twice. I don't know what went wrong.
I made 3 more questions if this situation between us leads to definitive end: hex 17 line 4 to hex 3 for one more time.
Line 4 of hex 17 is one of the lines that I really don't understand. It is wrong to 'follow' him or my speculation of separation is wrong? or my sincerity towards him can produce brilliant results? or am I confused? I believe hex 3 points out that I need his help so as to improve our relationship.

Should I be patient with him and our relationship..
hex 23, lines 4,5 to hex 12
It seems that I suffer and this will lead to separation. Right?

Should I leave from his house?
hex 18, lines 5,6,to hex 48
I try to fix our broken relationship but I should just leave (18,6) but what about hex 48?

 

[diamanda]

He insists that we are so different and there is a serious communication problem that can't be resolved. I insist the opposite.

If he is so certain that you are different and don't match, then you can't argue with that.
However, if he's so certain, then why did he ask you to move in together recently..?
This is why I wrote before that he's a manipulator - he asks you to move in then wants to split.

how to save my relationship with him from a breakup 24.5 > 3
Stop being honest with him. The more honest you are, the more chaos you'll get.

if this situation between us leads to definitive end 17.4 > 3
What he wants is a lot of admirers, and this will constantly lead to chaos.

Should I be patient with him and our relationship 23.4.5 > 12
I'm afraid that no matter how patient you are, there's suffering, and many other women, and a break up.

Should I leave from his house? 18.5.6 > 48
You can stay there a bit longer if you flatter him, however in the end you won't be able to take it anymore and you'll go back to your home.

I'm sorry but the answers are dire :-( this guy sounds like really bad news. You know, we only have one life, and it contains a limited amount of years. Please value your years, and don't waste them on such a person.

 

[usilser]

Dear diamanda,

I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your help. I am really grateful and I can't find the words to show it.

Firstly, Yes he is a very attractive man who has a lot of admirers but I know that he doesn't care. When he has a relationship he is faithful, he is this type of man.

Actually, I forgot to mention that I have tickets to leave anyway at the end of the month. I will go to see my parents for a couple of days and I will be back. Perhaps that's why Iching shows a separation? Anyway, really I don't want to break up, I want to make whatever it takes to save our relationship so I asked Iching If I should stay here and leave the date that I have my flight.
Hex 46, line 5 to hex 48

Does it tell me to take it step by step and not be hurry to leave earlier? Moreover, about the well I am wondering if it shows that there are feelings here (water) there is a source of love here. I know he loves me even if there are problems in our relationship.

 

[usilser]

update
We brokeup. I left and I moved in a hotel.
It is our second time that we separate. It seems that this relationship is doomed.

I asked some questions.
Is this the end for us?
hex 2, lines 1,3,6 to hex 22
The situation between us is so bad and we both feel devastated but I can't understand hex 22 beauty. Something superficial.

Will he want to make a relationship with me again?
hex 64, 1, 5 to hex 10
I believe it's a yes? I feel line 1 shows that he will try for it..

Will we be together again?
hex 34,2 to hex 55
Be patient and don't be sad…

Will he come back to me?
hex 22,3 to hex 27
He is in love with me.. so yes?

What will be the future between us?
hex 44,2 to hex 33
There is a fish in the tank... Does it show a relationship between us or a new relationship from one of us?

I know it will be a mistake to give a third chance and I think it is impossible.

 

[diamanda]

Sorry to hear things went so bad...

Is this the end for us?
2.1.3.6 > 22
The signs were there (2.1). It's concluded (2.3). An old battle where both get hurt (2.6)
From now on any 'relation' you have will be superficial politeness.

Will he want to make a relationship with me again?
64.1.5 > 10
He has been with another woman and you'll find out and you'll probably argue with him.
After that he'll just be afraid of you.

Will we be together again?
34.2 > 55
Perhaps yes, if you're patient and endure/accept his affairs without complaining.

Will he come back to me?
hex 22,3 to hex 27
He is in love with me.. so yes?
He certainly doesn't behave as if he's in love with you.
So either he's in love with someone else, and you'll be left hungry and empty-mouthed.
Or, you're in love with him but you'll be left hungry and empty-mouthed.

What will be the future between us?
44.2 > 33
I'm afraid he's with someone else in the future...

 

[usilser]

Wow.... I have no words diamanda.
I am sure that he was faithful to me during our relationship... He had a short relationship during our first breakup and It seems that he will have a new relationship soon. As you mention new relationship I need your help to 2 more of my questions...

Will the situation between us be improved?
hex 54 ,3,4 to hex 11
Is there indeed a third person involved? or does it refer to the future?
Is there someone else that she is waiting for him?

Will I go back to his home?
hex 64, 1,6 to hex 54
Does it refer to someone else too?

(diamanda could be the third person his mother? She lives with him the most of the week. Yep we stayed all together and it was a nightmare)

 

[marybluesky]

Hello Usilser!

Sorry for your story.
Will the situation between us be improved? hex 54 ,3,4 to hex 11
You aren't in your proper position (54) and it seems to continue this way (11)

54.3: "The marrying girl is to be a maidservant. She marries as a concubine." Even if there is improvement, it doesn't turn the way you desire.
54.4: "The maiden stays unwed beyond the proper time, but the day comes when she makes a late marriage." You have waited long for this situation to improve. You make the progress later- maybe the progress means getting rid of this connection, finally??

Will I go back to his home? hex 64, 1,6 to hex 54?

You aren't in the right conditions (54) to return to his home yet (64).
64.1: "Wetting his tail; distress." Don't act prematurely ...
64.6: "He drinks wine with confidence. No blame. When his head gets wet, he loses confidence." And don't lose your head- be logical.
As the first & Sixth line change, you're likely to be stuck in the "not still there" position, which is confirmed by hexagram 54 theme.

Overall, regarding all you have shared with us, I think it is better not to put your energy on this man anymore.

Good Luck!

 

[usilser]

Hello Usilser!

Sorry for your story.
Will the situation between us be improved? hex 54 ,3,4 to hex 11
You aren't in your proper position (54) and it seems to continue this way (11)

54.3: "The marrying girl is to be a maidservant. She marries as a concubine." Even if there is improvement, it doesn't turn the way you desire.
54.4: "The maiden stays unwed beyond the proper time, but the day comes when she makes a late marriage." You have waited long for this situation to improve. You make the progress later- maybe the progress means getting rid of this connection, finally??

Will I go back to his home? hex 64, 1,6 to hex 54?

You aren't in the right conditions (54) to return to his home yet (64).
64.1: "Wetting his tail; distress." Don't act prematurely ...
64.6: "He drinks wine with confidence. No blame. When his head gets wet, he loses confidence." And don't lose your head- be logical.
As the first & Sixth line change, you're likely to be stuck in the "not still there" position, which is confirmed by hexagram 54 theme.

Overall, regarding all you have shared with us, I think it is better not to put your energy on this man anymore.

Good Luck!

Overall, regarding all you have shared with us, I think it is better not to put your energy on this man anymore.​

I am so in love with him that I can't accept that he has hurt me so much. I can see though that it is better to move on. I can't make the same mistake third time.

Just one more question and I will stop.
Will he try to fix our broken relationship?
Hex, 3, 2, 4, to hex 58
He is not the ideal partner for me. The ideal partner will come. -or- it's not the right time for us... It will be the right time after a couple of years?

Thank you for your support. My story ended up as the worst soap opera.... DISASTER

 

[marybluesky]

Oh dear! I didn't mean you have to stop posting questions about your relationship. I completely understand how hard it is to let go of someone you deeply love, no matter how much they made you suffer (and it isn't always their fault- sometimes the conditions weren't right...). I don't think either that's a disaster. I said you have better to let go of this guy because of your readings under current conditions. Who knows what happens in the future.

Will he try to fix our broken relationship? Hex, 3, 2, 4, to hex 58

This Difficult Beginning (3) is likely to lead to Opening (58)...
3.2: "Difficulties pile up. Horse and wagon part. He is not a robber; he wants to woo when the time comes. The maiden is chaste, she does not pledge herself. Ten years -- then she pledges herself." There are lots of difficulties and chaos in the relationship now. Your partner doesn't mean to do evil and thinks about approaching you. It takes lots of time for you to settle, though...
3.4: "He goes back and forth on horseback. If he seeks marriage, he will have good fortune. Everything benefits." He is hesitant. There will be good fortune if he definitely decides to save your relationship and work on it.
Hexagram 3 is about huge unorganized potential, so your relationship could survive if he opens up to you and puts his energy on organizing this potential.

Good Luck

 

[usilser]

Thank you for your interpretation Marybluesky.
I have asked so many times the same and the same questions. I am so desperate and I can't see clearly. I believe diamanda is right. There is no future here, there is no happy end here...

Of course, I couldn't stop and I made one more question:
Will he give one more chance in our relationship?
hex 8,1,3,4,5 to hex 55
Perhaps yes... but even if I accept this chance I believe it will end for one more time. Funny I have the line 3 I hold the wrong person...