Hexagram 49.3.6 Advice on how to have more success in establishing a proper romantic relationship

[MeltingPot247]

Hi all,
I used to not be interested in having proper romantic relationships as I’m a single parent...and my childhood itself was traumatic which put me off marriage and men in general as partners.
That was until I met one guy two years ago whose company I ended up really enjoying and vice versa, up until recently in an open relationship format... since I figured out I could like someone enough to want to settle down with them if that is what they also wanted by building trust etc - I asked this question *Please give me advice on how to have a successful romantic relationship*.

Result 49.3.6 to 25 Radical change from innocence?

I interpret line 3 as meaning - romantic love is something that I have thought about for a very long time at different points in my life, but I did not believe that I could have it, until I experienced some romantic moments during the open relationship that I had.

Line 6 - I think refers to not starting a relationship with someone unless I‘m willing to persevere with them long time no matter what??

I think I’m being advised that romantic relationships aren’t easy, they require a lot of commitment and dedication on a different level from being a parent, friend/ employee etc...I’ve had my own issues/emotions to deal with privately over the years, but not had to worry about another human beings baggage etc in such a personal way that would be required when it comes to having a full time life partner.A romantic life partner would be completely different/unique to every other relationship that I have had with other people... out in public or social gatherings you can put on a facade, but with a life partner you have to show them your true face in order to have a proper relationship warts and all.

Would be interested in other insights into these lines and hexagrams?

Thank you from
Me

 

[my_key]

Hi MeltingPot247

When a childhood has been traumatic the echoes of the experience reverberate down the years so your childhood has led you to being put off marriage and men in general as partners. Somewhere, though, as trust has developed in you this has challenged the views you held about wanting too or even considering the possibility of settling down with someone.

Your question it seems sprouts from your fresh perspective: "Please give me advice on how to have a successful romantic relationship". Bearing advice of 49.3.6 to 25. You capture this as Radical change from innocence, and when using this summarising method I prefer Alfred Huang's heagram names and so this could read Abolishing the Old, Without Falsehood.

line 3 - speaks to me of being true to yourself , trusting your own choices and decisions even in times of adversity. If you can't trust youself who can you trust?

line 6 - can be seen as a kind of a-ha moment. It urges a sense of trusting of the new to bring harmony. The old ways lead to misfortune and the new must be worked with.

So to have a successful romantic relationship people will need to not get hung up on their old outlooks. They'll need to treat each moment on it's merits and handle challenging situations with confident compassion, both to themselves and their partner, without dancing to the old tunes. Be yourself and trust yourself, Be assertive and stand up for what is right.

...or maybe it's nothing like that at all.

Good Luck

 

[Changstein]

Hi,
I think your reading is pointing out a contrast between the glamor and excitement of "romance" and ordinary, everyday life. The noble one in leopard skin vs. the commoners in leather masks. Think of a man who is dressed for the occasion, as dapper and elegant as Cary Grant or Fred Astaire, and another guy in sweatpants.
The first one looks like he would whisk you away to Paris, take you dancing and whisper sweet nothings in your ear. And if he whispers them enough times, you might even start to believe him.

Look, this doesn't mean literally dressing up in evening gowns, reciting love poetry or drinking champagne instead of beer. And I understand that this isn't necessarily what you have in mind. The idea is that a few grand gestures and magic moments will establish trust (line 3), the strong and secure connection you need in order to setlle down in the long term (line 6).

Don't skip over all that and go straight for the drudgery of day to day life. I really don't think this reading is a warning about your responsibility to others at all.

Regards
Donna

 

[MeltingPot247]

Hi MyKey,

I’ve weaved my responses in between yours
(mine have three stars)

When a childhood has been traumatic the echoes of the experience reverberate down the years so your childhood has led you to being put off marriage and men in general as partners.

***Yes, spot on and very true. Echoes of experience have indeed reverberated over the years

Somewhere, though, as trust has developed in you this has challenged the views you held about wanting too or even considering the possibility of settling down with someone.

***YES, I was blessed to meet a man who helped me to let my guard down, who treated me with kindness even though we have different short and long term goals in mind...

Your question it seems sprouts from your fresh perspective: "Please give me advice on how to have a successful romantic relationship". Bearing advice of 49.3.6 to 25. You capture this as Radical change from innocence, and when using this summarising method I prefer Alfred Huang's heagram names and so this could read Abolishing the Old, Without Falsehood.

***I like that “Abolishing the Old, Without Falsehood* - it’s a work in progress to stop dwelling on or getting triggered by memories of the past. It would be so easy for me to fall back into the arms of man who can give me physical comfort but not certainty of that comfort being there over the long term... There were a few times when I was in trouble and wanted to be with him, but he was with another intimate partner at the time.

line 3 - speaks to me of being true to yourself , trusting your own choices and decisions even in times of adversity. If you can't trust youself who can you trust?

*** Growing up I was the only person I trusted until I started making choices and hurting myself as well*.

line 6 - can be seen as a kind of a-ha moment. It urges a sense of trusting of the new to bring harmony. The old ways lead to misfortune and the new must be worked with.

***I now have more discernment, which will help me to separate the wheat from the chaff - but I have to get out of the mindset that meeting a good man is like finding a needle in a haystack.

“So to have a successful romantic relationship people will need to not get hung up on their old outlooks. They'll need to treat each moment on it's merits and handle challenging situations with confident compassion, both to themselves and their partner, without dancing to the old tunes. Be yourself and trust yourself, Be assertive and stand up for what is right.”

***I really like this advice on how to have a successful relationship- it relates to how I would like to approach my encounters with a new love interest, should one come along.

Thank you MyKey

 

[MeltingPot247]

Hi Donna,

I have weaved my responses in between yours (mine are with the three stars)

I think your reading is pointing out a contrast between the glamor and excitement of "romance" and ordinary, everyday life. The noble one in leopard skin vs. the commoners in leather masks. Think of a man who is dressed for the occasion, as dapper and elegant as Cary Grant or Fred Astaire, and another guy in sweatpants.

*** I have dated somewhat outside of my social class and culture funnily enough with the last man - felt a bit like Maid in Manhattan. For those who tarot, Six of Pentacles type of vibe ... but this man never said or did anything directly to or with me that made me feel less than, but I knew of other women in his life that were older and more financially ahead of me.

The first one looks like he would whisk you away to Paris, take you dancing and whisper sweet nothings in your ear. And if he whispers them enough times, you might even start to believe him.

*** When I was younger maybe, I’m a bit too blunt with guys if they try to buy me or make big promises too soon- I like to pay my own way 50/50 and would prefer a relationship where both give/take equally.

Look, this doesn't mean literally dressing up in evening gowns, reciting love poetry or drinking champagne instead of beer. And I understand that this isn't necessarily what you have in mind

*** There was a lot of dressing up, serenading and los of wine and beer in my last relationship lol

The idea is that a few grand gestures and magic moments will establish trust (line 3), the strong and secure connection you need in order to setlle down in the long term (line 6).

***It was from those experiences in my last relationship that I learned to trust the good that was possible in men... and it is that possibility that I will carry with me for my next one.

Don't skip over all that and go straight for the drudgery of day to day life. I really don't think this reading is a warning about your responsibility to others at all.

***I would never give up dressing up, singing or dancing... I enjoy those activities as a single person and would carry on with them if I had one partner to dress up, sing and dance with as well.

Thank you Donna

 

[marybluesky]

Hello MeltingPot 47!

I'd see hexagram 25 as Simple Correctness. So how to have a successful romantic relationship? 49.3 says untimely advance leads to misfortune & danger; and you have to wait until the "revolution" is spoken three times. The advice is to not jump into relationships; but to wait and see if the connection can turn into something lasting and satisfying. In 49.6 the noble one transforms basically instead of just changing her face. Don't advance now, but remain persistent in doing necessary changes.

Don't forget that 49 speaks about seasons: " Within the lake, fire -- this symbolizes Revolution. The superior man makes a calendar, clearly arranging the seasons. [Liu]". The revolution needs timely actions.

Good luck!

 

[MeltingPot247]

Hello MeltingPot 47!

I'd see hexagram 25 as Simple Correctness. So how to have a successful romantic relationship? 49.3 says untimely advance leads to misfortune & danger; and you have to wait until the "revolution" is spoken three times. The advice is to not jump into relationships; but to wait and see if the connection can turn into something lasting and satisfying. In 49.6 the noble one transforms basically instead of just changing her face. Don't advance now, but remain persistent in doing necessary changes.

Don't forget that 49 speaks about seasons: " Within the lake, fire -- this symbolizes Revolution. The superior man makes a calendar, clearly arranging the seasons. [Liu]". The revolution needs timely actions.

Good luck!

Thank you Marybluesky.

There is a lot going on in the world right now, everything is pretty unstable and unsettled so not the best time to be thinking of romance... but I guess it’s just one of those things that’s always been important to me at my core... to love and be loved. I can be thankful for all the romantic kind of love I’ve experienced no matter how short, brief or long it was or is meant to last.

Ultimately, the top priority now is keeping myself and my family as happy, healthy and safe as I possibly can.

There are some things we have limited control of other things we can influence and a lot more we have no effect on whatsoever.

Since I cast this reading I’ve actually felt more in love with the guy I wanted to stop seeing (as lovers) because of other women... we still catch up and are meant to have lunch together tomorrow.

I’m open to welcoming one different man into my life at some point in future if I had to or met someone great...but I’d have to start again with establishing trust and developing a proper bond/connection with them which is not the easiest thing to do in this day and age where people seem too busy to wanna take time getting to know someone new.

Xx

 

[marybluesky]

There is a lot going on in the world right now, everything is pretty unstable and unsettled so not the best time to be thinking of romance... but I guess it’s just one of those things that’s always been important to me at my core... to love and be loved.

MeltingPot, I didn't mean at all that you shouldn't think about romance because of the world situation! If you gave me the cast at any time my interpretation was the same; and in my eyes it's more of a personal Revolution; be it inside you, in the way you communicate to others, etc.

 

[MeltingPot247]

Hi Mary,

No worries, I wasn’t interpreting your message in that way - I was sharing some more thoughts of my own on the matter.

I’ve been thinking that I still have a lot of love and romance with the one guy I mention in my posts. I’m not the only one but he has never hurt me and is always kind to me...

With what’s going on in the world, I’m thankful for who and what I have in this life.

My greatest loves I gave birth to... so anyone else that I spend time with is a bonus - especially when they are kind to me, I really appreciate it.