His actions towards me after fighting 16.6>35 and 50.5 >44

[GrowingAlma]

During the last weekend my partner and I had a fight, something that started more as a quarrel that means quite superficial and unimportant, but somehow took the shape of something deeper... We are in no contact from two days now. I keep being silent since then. This time I really want that he comes to me with some valuable points and excuses (Ego alert here!!! I know... )



Anyway yesterday I asked what will he do towards me if I keep being silent and I casted 16.6>35


I interpret it as the image of him that underestimated my reaction and suddenly realized I am more serious about the issue than he thought.


But since I didn't get a proper answer today I casted it again asking what will be his actions towards me in the very next future.


50.5 >44 is the result.


Maybe he got a bad idea of me as someone is better not to merry (in a much broader sense of course) ? But he still will comes towards me with a modest and open attitude...


Any idea or comment will be very much appreciated!


Thank you as usual

 

[diamanda]

Hi GrowingAlma,

what will he do towards me if I keep being silent 16.6 > 35
One of you has finally opened their eyes, and realised that something was an illusion or delusion. From now on, this person who had the epiphany, will progress without illusions or delusions.

what will be his actions towards me in the very next future 50.5 > 44
He expects you to approach him, so that he can continue with you on the basis of "we're-not-properly-together".

 

[GrowingAlma]

Hi Diamanda!

Thanks for your reply!

I actually do not get what you mean with we're-not-properly-together".

Since, obviously, we are together!

 

[diamanda]

I actually do not get what you mean with we're-not-properly-together".
Since, obviously, we are together!

In my experience the cast 50.5 > 44 for relationships shows that the male expects the female to approach him, so that he can then keep her just for sex (but not for a serious relationship). That's because when the male is serious about the female, he makes the moves, or at least some moves. So even if you are together as you say, he expects you to make all the moves, and he's not serious about your relationship. If you're after a serious relationship, I'd advise you to find a guy who is interested in the same.

 

[GrowingAlma]

In my experience the cast 50.5 > 44 for relationships shows that the male expects the female to approach him, so that he can then keep her just for sex (but not for a serious relationship). That's because when the male is serious about the female, he makes the moves, or at least some moves. So even if you are together as you say, he expects you to make all the moves, and he's not serious about your relationship. If you're after a serious relationship, I'd advise you to find a guy who is interested in the same.

Thanks for your explanation.

This is not actually the point since we already have a serious and committed relationship, an official one to be clear!

But we have two different points of view on how relationships should be. I think of it as more fusional, as the first priority of a life, while he does not. And I even know that I am wrong, or at least somehow unbearable but anyhow we are on two opposite sides of the same medal.

 

[diamanda]

A 'serious committed' relationship indeed means what you said - that it's a top priority for both partners. It means that the couple live together and usually have children together. That's what it means.

He sounds very confused as to what 'serious and committed' means, and it sounds like his bizarre notions have managed to confuse you as well. If you want different things, and his strange attitude is making you unhappy, maybe you could try to find someone who wants the same that you do?

 

[GrowingAlma]

Thanks again for your reply!

We do not have children together yet... We "almost" live together... But I suppose that regarding those "milestones" different cultural approaches interfere. We are both Italian, and the Anglo-Saxon culture differs quite a bit in this regard. Relationship is not his top priority cause he is a workaholic indeed. But everyone in his circle has to compromise with this aspect, even his mother that, nevertheless, he loves very much.

In any case , I would like to share with you all the other castings too I made two days ago.

"how this situation will develop?"

26.6>11

What should I do towards him regarding this issue?

60.3.4>43


If the first one is absolutely encouraging, in the second one I understand, at least, that I should in any case, speak up my mind limiting my emotional outbursts!

Any thoughts?

 

[diamanda]

I also live in the UK and I can assure you that most people here form families as per normal - exactly like in any other country in the world. Your boyfriend's personal choice to be a workaholic without a family is definitely not following the cultural norm.

how this situation will develop? 26.6 > 11
My personal experience with this cast was that I progressed, from a situation where I was trapped in a severe illness, to a situation of health where I could then "move in any direction" (line 26.6). I don't know how this could translate in your situation, but yes I like this cast because I like freedom from illness!

What should I do towards him regarding this issue? 60.3.4 > 43
I had this cast three times. One was "what's best for me to do during a redundancy exit meeting", it turned out that no matter what I did, the result was the same, redundancy. The second was "is it a good idea to ask for feedback on how I did on the interview for a job that they never got back to me", it turned out that I did write and ask for feedback, but never received any reply to that either. The third was, "where is this relationship going?", it turned out it wasn't going anywhere because the guy didn't want a relationship. So, to your question as to what you should do about him, I'd say that sadly it doesn't greatly matter if you do something or not.
It's always a great idea to speak your mind in a calm and collected manner. But since you already know that you two want completely different things... perhaps rethink why you are persisting so much to impose what you want on him. Why force him? Also, why force yourself to stifle your heart and what you want just because he's a cold person who doesn't want a family, why waste your youth and life to please him? Don't your desires matter to you?

 

[GrowingAlma]

I really appreciate your effort and help, but I suppose and suspect I didn't explained the situation well. I find quite difficult indeed to write in English while thinking in Italian!


I never said that he does not want a family, in fact he does want it! It's just that he is almost totally dedicated to his job, a job that is a mission for him and that he fully shares with me qua ideas, issues, inspiration, obstacles and even space (I mean work space. I can stay with him for a whole work day if I want to) I accept that, it's one of his sides that I love the most actually. It has its downsides too, ok, but this was not the topic of my question neither the reason of the argument that keeps us apart at the moment.

When I said that cultural issues interfere in our interpretation of the situation, I meant that personal relationships differ quite a lot in the mediterranean culture. Words like "dating" for example, don't even have a proper translation. This is just an example to let you understand that when I say "committed or serious relationship" I give the Italian meaning to those words. In Italy an exclusive sexual relationship is already "commitment". It's not a case that concepts like "living together without being married" for example are a recent thing in our Roman catholic culture! Just 20 years ago something like this was totally unthinkable. And it still is for some people actually.

At the same time, when I say that I live relationships simbiotically, I mean that I dream of a world where I can be with my beloved every single second. I mean that even a small amount of time apart is painful to me. And I am fully aware of the fact that this is a huge attachment issue!
And the solution to the problem is not finding someone who has the same attitude, cause I know that I will even get bored in no time with someone like me.

The last question I casted was not about him in general but about the fight we had and the no contact that followed.

In any case thanks for your time and your kind help. The redundancy regards maybe the fact that even if I speak up my mind I cannot change him. Right?

 

[diamanda]

even if I speak up my mind I cannot change him. Right?

Yes that's what I meant. Wishing you well.

 

[Freedda]

I casted 16.6>35 .... I interpret it as the image of him .... underestimat(ing) my reaction and suddenly realized I am more serious about the issue than he thought .... But since I didn't get a proper answer today ....

I don't quite get where you got this from, but so be it ....

16 is called readiness, and here thunder has risen out of it's slumber within the earth. There is activity, movement, but in this case it's somehow gone awry .... With 16.6 my sense is that he may want to act, but is not seeing clearly how to do that - and maybe he doesn't want to act blindly - again - in a thunderous way, and continue the fight. (And maybe you don't want to act this way either.)

So, what might be called for here is to be more practical about your timing and your expectations, and also that you both may need to shine a bit more 'light' onto what happened - after all, you said things started out 'quite superficial and unimportant, but somehow took the shape of something deeper.' Do you now really expect that either of you can work out this 'deeper' something in just a day or two?

Best, D.

 

[GrowingAlma]

I don't quite get where you got this from, but so be it ....

16 is called readiness, and here thunder has risen out of it's slumber within the earth. There is activity, movement, but in this case it's somehow gone awry .... With 16.6 my sense is that he may want to act, but is not seeing clearly how to do that - and maybe he doesn't want to act blindly - again - in a thunderous way, and continue the fight. (And maybe you don't want to act this way either.)

So, what might be called for here is to be more practical about your timing and your expectations, and also that you both may need to shine a bit more 'light' onto what happened - after all, you said things started out 'quite superficial and unimportant, but somehow took the shape of something deeper.' Do you now really expect that either of you can work out this 'deeper' something in just a day or two?

Best, D.

Thank you Freedda. Your interpretation does make sense indeed. That's why maybe he expects that I take the first step towards a reconciliation as Diamanda suggested.

Thank you both