How best to deal with this person/situation?: 61 > 6 (changing lines 1st and 4th)

[sputnik72]

Recently, I've relocated my living arrangements and for the past six weeks have been living with an old friend before I travel abroad. The situation was only regarded as temporary as my plans have been to meet and live with my boyfriend who has recently moved ahead back to his home city. In the past few weeks, however, there have been a few minor setbacks and a couple of decisions of which we need confirmation before I finally head off.

What this has meant is that my time staying here will exceed the desired time I wish to be staying where I am. While this is no problem from my friends perspective -- my contribution to rent and bills benefits her as she been unemployed for the past eight months -- I've begun to find the general 'vibe' to be quite unsettling. This in part is due to my friend not only being broke and unemployed, but, as I understand it now, chronically depressed or bipolar. This I never really knew despite the years we've known each other. Over my time here it, feels as if she's oddly competitiveness and harbouring a strange jealousy towards me that in our years as friends never surfaced previously. But I supposed such issues might not be so pronounced until one lives with someone. That, on top of odd hours kept and an uneasy intensity and passive-aggressive irritability have made me wonder whether I should leave, or, being an old girlfriend, try best as possible to see above these issues and ignore the situation.

I asked the Yi the question: "How best to deal with this person and current situation". The result was: 61 > 6, with changing lines in the first and fourth.

Being new to the Yi, I do find the reading somewhat cryptic and so would be grateful for any advice or insight into the hexagram cast in relation to the context I describe.

From a purely 'practical' level, in my mind I've a few options. One is to leave and visit other older friends who've invited me to stay there. This would not only kill time in awaiting decisions, but perhaps more importantly, change the context of where I am which feels rather stagnant and psychologically 'unhealthy'. On the other hand, I could simply nut things out and try to see beyond the circumstances. I suppose it's a 'should I stay or go' situation. The issue with staying, I suppose, is that it could become exceeding draining for me here.

Any advice on the reading would much appreciated?

 

[troubadour]

Sputnik I read the commentary to the Judgement of Hexagram 61 and to me this is saying it is necessary to find a way to make a real and sincere emotional connection with your old friend if you are to avoid conflict (Hexagram 6):

In dealing with persons as
intractable and as difficult to influence as a pig or a fish, the whole secret of
success depends on finding the right way of approach. One must first rid
oneself of all prejudice and, so to speak, let the psyche of the other person act
on one without restraint. Then one will establish contact with him,
understand and gain power over him. When a door has thus been opened,
the force of one's personality will influence him. If in this way one finds no
obstacles insurmountable, one can undertake even the most dangerous
things, such as crossing the great water, and succeed.

It also cautions that you should be sure that you are not simply staying with your friend because it is a matter of self-interest to do so (for both of you) but because it is something that is a good thing, (an act of mutual friendship?) and not just a matter of convenience:

[QUOTEAll association on
the basis of common interests holds only up to a certain point. Where the
community of interest ceases, the holding together ceases also, and the closest
friendship often changes into hate. Only when the bond is based on what is
right, on steadfastness, will it remain so firm that it triumphs over
everything.

][/QUOTE]

Hexagram 61.1 raises the issue of whether there are secret issues (such as old resentments?) which may create tensions.

To me the phrase in Hexagram 64.4 "The team horse goes astray. No blame." indicates it may be better to part from your fellow horse?

For what it's worth....

 

[forty two]

Hi Sputnik72,
I agree to troubadour, especially because I wrote down ALL hexagrams, please take a look:

61.1.4 is changing (first) to > 59.4 and this is changing finaly to > 6. unchanged

If you look at 59.4 what do you see? It is very similar in meaning like 61.4 AND 61.4 corresponds with/to 61.1 (means very close relationship or very close friendship) both lines are the same but in different quality (Yin/Yang or Women/Man).

So: Normally this means relationship, but often it also can mean a very close friendship. If it shows yourself or inner processes it means a developement.

First: 61.1 Be true to yourself
Second: 61.4 make a decision by your own, don`t get influenced by other persons who are with you into that situation, in simple words: Do it your way and go your way.

Information: In hexagram 61. relationship connections are not relevant, because one shall look into himself and not look for what the partner or friend is doing or thinking. In hexagram 61. it is important to be VERY objective and true to oneself. Find your truth in this case and then make your decision, free from the opinion of your boyfriend and/or your girlfriend.

All in all that probably means to leave this unhealthy friendship and this will lead to 6. Conflict, what else. Of course your friend will not be insanely happy if you`ll tell her:"Bye, I have to go, because you are not good for me". So prepare for some trouble, but it will be probably the right decision and by the way: Hexagram 6 tells you a lot about how to avoid the conflict One can also leave without trouble, it depends on HOW you leave and what you will tell her when you leave.

Question: What is the problem with your boyfriend? I mean: Why are you not there? For what decision in this case do you need time? Maybe the (corresponding lines) relationship connection at 61. line 1 and line 4 means your boyfriend and you? That is why I asking. This situation is between 3 Persons: You, your boyfriend and your "strange" girlfriend.

Hope this helps

Best wishes Yvonne

 

[ginnie]

61.1 means that circumstances are approaching that bring disquiet and discord. Be prepared.

I don't see why you don't leave, since you feel your current living arrangements are unhealthy and you know other people who can put you up for a short period of time ... What is holding you back?

 

[meng]

61 doesn't decide immediately. "The noble one discusses criminal cases in order to delay executions"

Possibly the 6 is coming from a sense of needing to decide this right away?