How to free myself from shame, 59.6>29

[horazero]

Hey everyone, I asked the oracle, “how can I free myself from shame?” and it answered 59 changing to 29. The changing line is 6.

Some context: in the past few years, and most acutely in the past few months, I’ve been more in touch with a deeply rooted shame that I believe comes from my childhood and growing up as a gay man. I experience it now as a frequent embarrassment and blushing in social interactions (or fear of blushing), especially around sexual/romantic topics, as well as moments of grief and crying, and occasional days or afternoons of darkness/mild depression, perhaps when I try to ignore the shame.

Intellectually, rationally, I do not think I have anything to be ashamed of, but it seems there is some wound or mindset that I haven’t been able to really integrate or free myself from. I’ve been surprised that the shame has resurfaced now (in my early 30s), when I thought I had ‘dealt with’ it already.

Thank you for reading my post- please let me know if you have any intuitions about this reading. The image of dark, repeating chasms and ‘holding your heart fast’ in particular resonate with me, but I don’t know how to articulate exactly how.

 

[Hans_K]

Hi Horazero,

I’ve been surprised that the shame has resurfaced now (in my early 30s), when I thought I had ‘dealt with’ it already.

According to the Yi's answer, you have.
The lower trigram (the internal) Water is stable in H59, which shows that the feeling of shame is something on the surface, there is no connection to the inner self.
Change is located it the upper trigram Wind, which is about the outside world and acting in the outside world. It is the line at the 6th position that moves, the last line of the hexagram, literally the surface.

H59 is the hexagram of dissolving, it is trigram Wind over Water. It evokes the image of the wind dissolving the fog over a water surface, the fog has no substance.
H29 is trigram Water doubled.
The text of the Image says:

...
Thus the superior person walks in lasting virtue
And carries on the work of edification.

The text of the Judgement says:

If you are truthful and sincere,
And follow your heart,
Then you will have success,
And your actions will bring esteem

Together, this conjures up the image of letting go of shame, not paying attention to it and focusing on what is important "being truthful and sincere".

The top line in trigram Wind makes it turn into Water.
This is about progress being held back by insignificant things, things that don't matter anymore. In this line, the process is complete, it's about looking back and contemplating. Water gives the advice to let go, find your own way. When you encounter obstacles, bypass them, don't fight them.

The text of this line says:

He dissolves his blood.
He departs and stays far away from things.
No blame.

Blood is connected to the heart, so blood transports emotions (trigram Water). The text advises letting go of emotions (shame) and staying away from them.

The nuclear hexagram of H59 is H27 Nourishment: what do you ingest? What thoughts are you nourishing yourself with? When you don't feed the feeling of shame, it automatically loses its existence.

I’ve been more in touch with a deeply rooted shame that I believe comes from my childhood and growing up as a gay man.

Based on the answer, I would say that this shame is less deeply rooted than you think.
The question "how can I free myself from shame?" seems to be answered with that if you let it go, it will resolve itself.

This would be my interpretation. As always, take what resonates and leave the rest

 

[rosada]

How can I free myself from shame?
59. Dispersion means flowing out continuously in all directions and so it seems to refer to the tears as being you dispersing your emotions and line 6 seems to point to how this has gotten to the point where it’s a problem, how just as blood is meant to disperse only within the body but not outside it, likewise there are times when you’d like to keep your emotions to yourself! The line specifically advises going far away so the simplest solution may be that you simply avoid situations where you might get triggered although that can be hard to do. (I tend to get weepy over the smallest things. My daughter claims “a bird sh*ts and you burst into tears.”) I wonder if it would be helpful for you to find a time and place where it’s appropriate and then do something intentional to get your feelings up and out like listening to sentimental music when you are home alone?. Don’t look for a reason, just let the water flow! Also if shame is somehow behind all this you might try saying prayers particularly to Jesus whose blood is said to have dispersed all sin. Indeed, the hexagram encourages having a spiritual practice and the Image specifically notes “the ancient kings made offerings to the highest in order to establish the temples.”

 

[my_key]

Hi horazero

Hey everyone, I asked the oracle, “how can I free myself from shame?” and it answered 59 changing to 29. The changing line is 6.

59 <> 29
'Dispersing' through 'Ghost River'

29 indicates that the setting for this situation is one where you have taken a deep dive into the netherworld inhabited by our demons. In such circumstances there is no option but to plunge into the darkness as it is only here that you will learn what is truly at the root of your wound. In such scenarios it is vital that you hold fast to your highest virtue and continually reside in your power, so that your deep fears can be faced, defused and then new perspectives assimilated

59 asks that you melt and dispel the illusions you still currently hold tight to you. It calls for a spark generated inside you to begin the process of dispersing the old self, still fettered by old wounds. The image of 59 calls for sacrifices to be made, in a spiritual context, that establish new temples at which you can worship. The old totems you have been repolishing recently are persistently asking that you bring them into the light so that they can be gracefully and without undue fuss turned to dust, then gently scattered on the four winds.

Shame is based in a bedrock of deep sadness that solidifies the image we hold of who we are. That image manifests tenaciously in both our inner and outer world Shame, therefore, is deeply personal and rarely recedes after just one visit - the images and woundedness travels to the core of your being.

To disperse anything, not just shame, deep guidance always sprouts from 27 'Nourishing' where there is a particular focus on correcting the sources of nourishment that you are receiving in your inner world and onwards to your outer world (and vice versa). While these can be unhealthy external influences shame is mostly fuelled by unhealthy internal dialogue and the other unfinished businesses or scars associated with our wounded emotions.

One false idea nourishing many people is that shame is logical and rational and can be magicked away or suppressed by the power of the mind. The opposite is more the case, in that the woundedness of our emotions have been repressed subconsciously - forever to remain a shade in the Underworld. Too painful to be seen or experienced again, except when unexpectedly accepting an invitation to dive into the Ghost River. By sending the invitation, the woundedness too is seeking to be set free.

The most nourishing approach is to step towards shame from or through the deepest reaches of the heart. Befriending your shame, rather than pushing it away provides the fastest route to integration. Here is where the release, freedom and letting go you seek will be found.

Perhaps Yi is signposting you towards regaining the connection with your true self that has been lost through you giving permission for the thawing and melting of the illusions you still retain.

Focus all your love and compassion on how you can nourish and heal the emotional wounds that you have had inflicted on you. The passage to freedom and the integration you seek lies in the subtle influences that the heart can bring. The shame needs to be fully felt again before it can be healed. The rational 'let's get this over quickly, because it's all too painful to relive' or 'let's use a sledgehammer to crack this walnut' promptings of the mind will never work.

Softly, softly wins the day.

... or there may be other interpretations that fit into your world more neatly.

Good Luck

 

[moss elk]

59.6 is about dispersing anger from one's system.

Expressing anger is, generally speaking, only a good thing in specific situations. (To shock an idiot awake or to protect onself, to refuse to be subjected to Indignity...etc)

It can be about sticking up for oneself....
Instead of a flush of blood to one's cheeks (shame)
It can be converted into anger.
(heat that is expressed from the body)

And sometimes it should.

Does my 1st sentence ring any bells?

 

[horazero]

Thank you, all of you, for these responses. I’m still reflecting on them. Thanks, my_key and Hans_K, for noting the nuclear hexagram, and connecting it to internal dialogue and recurring thoughts.

my_key, your invitation to approach shame through from the heart resonates with me.

The most nourishing approach is to step towards shame from or through the deepest reaches of the heart. Befriending your shame, rather than pushing it away provides the fastest route to integration. Here is where the release, freedom and letting go you seek will be found.

Perhaps Yi is signposting you towards regaining the connection with your true self that has been lost through you giving permission for the thawing and melting of the illusions you still retain.

And of course the way into the Ghost River seems to be through softening and surrender.

I’ll keep rereading your responses, but just wanted to offer my thanks and initial response.

 

[horazero]

Does my 1st sentence ring any bells?

Moss elk, yes— in fact I’ve been having anger dreams over the past year. Screaming at different people. And I did think of blood in one’s cheeks when I first read the changing line. Maybe anger I never expressed or felt in the past.

 

[moss elk]

Moss elk, yes— in fact I’ve been having anger dreams over the past year. Screaming at different people. And I did think of blood in one’s cheeks when I first read the changing line. Maybe anger I never expressed or felt in the past.

When I mentioned 59.6 being about anger that's the 1st part.
(Edit: Apologies, It is about dispersing anger/hot bloodedness, forget my mention of horns, I mixed it up with 44.6)

The 2nd (& main) part is about using distance to get the anger feelings out of one's system, getting away from the situation or person.

When we do not express anger in a healthy way, it can get stuck inside us and turned into other things.
(Depression anyone?)

I remember a thread by a dear gentle forum member who, when they started to feel anger, it instantly turned into nausea for them. How sweet that the person didn't want to express anger at another, right?

Maybe you turn your anger into shame?
Or
Maybe you feel shame for not expressing the anger?

The line itself is about getting away from the thing or person that makes you angry.

Food for thought.
Best of luck.

 

[horazero]

When we do not express anger in a healthy way, it can get stuck inside us and turned into other things.
(Depression anyone?)

Yes! That makes sense to me. Thanks for the message, and for the clarification.