How to heal a woman in me?

[cutiecat]

Hey all! I asked this question and got 63 lines 2 and 4 changing to 43. The reason I asked this question is because long-long time ago I lost myself, my feminine self. My core being is more masculine now. The woman in me is wounded and lost. I lived my life as a man. I do not want that anymore. How can I heal her?
And may be once I heal myself, I will not need to kill myself in medschool. May be it is a way to distract myself from my pain. a medschool?

Thanks!

-CC

 

[bamboo]

Honey, you need Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts..or at least her books. Look her up online and get her daily dose of inspiration. I also recommend Women Who Run With Wolves..read the story about the Seal.

 

[sooo]

Hi CC,

Difficult situation to address due to variations of what "the woman in me" could be interpreted to mean, particularly on a forum like this one, where feminine is often linked with feminism. If you were to refer to Wilhelm, you would read an entirely different slant on the feminine principle than if you read LiSe's more gender generic work, or the feminine specific A Woman's I Ching by Diane Stein.

I don't know how you are defining this missing feminine element, and that is what matters here. Otherwise, everyone will simply offer an answer to what they mean by feminine. A woman can claim inside knowledge (and she'd be correct on many levels), but a man's view would not only differ from a woman's, but they'd differ from other men, depending how much he was in touch with his own inner woman. But even if he was effeminate, it wouldn't be a woman's view. To some (possibly you?), it could mean something as simple as your girly side, meaning stuff most girls do, pretty themselves up... be more.. girly. But some might be offended at even such a reference to what could be a deeper question.

A woman loses the curtain from her carriage (63.2) and doesn't chase after it, confident that after a cycle, it will return to her. Now, I'd interpret that as referring foremost to her dignity, and her genuine modesty (I'm a bit of a Confucian pig that way ) . Maybe she let more than her hair down for awhile, or maybe she had it wrapped up too tightly. But whichever, she must trust that it will return to her, if it really belongs to her.

What you don't want is a temporary fix (63.4); and it's wise to not plug the leaks with your finest clothes.

You're already across, you already are who you are. If you stand for who you are, that's as far and close as it gets to your woman and your man side. If you would like to develop certain refinements, such as inferred in h50, I think that's a related question, but less gender specific.

 

[sooo]

Btw, CC, I'm not saying there's not a more specific answer to your question, only that defining the feminine qualities you wish to retrieve would be very important to know, first.

 

[gato]

there is nothing to heal just al lot of things to discover. relax and they will come to you
take care with your decisions as you might make a big mistake.

 

[cutiecat]

gato, thanks a lot! you seem to know whas happening with me
What kind of mistake can I make? In what area of my life, could you be more specific please?

Thanks
-CC

 

[bamboo]

CC, I think gato was referring to your reading specifically line 4, because it advises caution. you would have to ask yourself where you are in danger of making similar mistakes.
the female spirit cannot be lost, I agree, but I know a lot of women who have ended up feeling like a "she-man" ..to rediscover the feminine might mean taking the risk of being vulnerable. of nurturing your own pleasure in whatever way you seem to be deficient. time for fun and maybe putting aside the goal-oriented pursuits for awhile?

 

[cutiecat]

I did a channeling session during which I learnt ( or rather confirmed something I kinda knew). When I was 5 I lost my femininity and she told me also the left side of my body(not literaly, although may be there is some truth to it, i was operated in my left eye at 6) due to the wound my dad inadvertenly gave me. SInce then I live, act, think and behave like a man. Many people including my mom told me that while looking quite feminine I make en impresion that I'm tough and do not show my femininity. When I looked inside trying to find a woman in me I only found a girl of 5 years old who was crying because her dad was hurting her ( verbally!!!) After the channeling session and a message from my dad who passed away that he loves me ( and all this time I felt really unloved by him inspite of all the care he showed for me) next day during a regular massage session I disctinctly saw very bright light and this little 5 year girl in me went into it and told me she is going to dad who passed away. She died and since then I cannot stop crying as a part of me died. i was begging her to come back, but she would not. I feel like a part of me is already dead.

Hope all this does not sound really crazy, I'm quite a rational person otherwise, but I had this weird experince and now I just cannot stop crying becuase there is no girl left in me, only a man, executive looking man. How can I regain this lost part of me that is so dear to me, a part of me that is my core?

 

[gato]

I did a channeling session during which I learnt ( or rather confirmed something I kinda knew). When I was 5 I lost my femininity and she told me also the left side of my body(not literaly, although may be there is some truth to it, i was operated in my left eye at 6) due to the wound my dad inadvertenly gave me. SInce then I live, act, think and behave like a man. Many people including my mom told me that while looking quite feminine I make en impresion that I'm tough and do not show my femininity. When I looked inside trying to find a woman in me I only found a girl of 5 years old who was crying because her dad was hurting her ( verbally!!!) After the channeling session and a message from my dad who passed away that he loves me ( and all this time I felt really unloved by him inspite of all the care he showed for me) next day during a regular massage session I disctinctly saw very bright light and this little 5 year girl in me went into it and told me she is going to dad who passed away. She died and since then I cannot stop crying as a part of me died. i was begging her to come back, but she would not. I feel like a part of me is already dead.

Hope all this does not sound really crazy, I'm quite a rational person otherwise, but I had this weird experince and now I just cannot stop crying becuase there is no girl left in me, only a man, executive looking man. How can I regain this lost part of me that is so dear to me, a part of me that is my core?

be careful all day long, finest clothes turn to rags....

 

[maremaria]

cc,

the story you said, is so 63.2 !!!
My first thought when read it and plz , take it with a or lots of grain... or lots of salt, is that the girl didn't abandon you, just had to leave and looking at 63.2 she will return, somehow. Seems that you had to be tough to cope with violence, but your sensitive part is still there.
wonder, what if that 5-year-od girl had to leave to help you heal that woman ? She is going to the "past" , this is how i see it from here.

I think you got a lovely reading CC.

( I'm a bit biased, because of friend of mine , which i love very much, has a similar story and some "meeting" with her girl.)