How to support my son? - Hex 63.1.3 to 8

[veronica]

Hello everyone,

I have posted on this forum many times about this topic so apologies for posting again but this issue is so close to my heart and often when we are anxious we cannot see the truth so I would be very grateful for your help.

I have a very difficult relationship with my ex, who is a father to my 9 year old son. Although we split up 8 years ago, our parental relationship has not improved and we always seem to have a constant conflict, which greatly affects my son. The relationship deteriorated further when my ex found out that I am now pregnant (I remarried 4 years ago), which he is struggling to accept (he is still single) and he now seems determined to try to ruin this experience for my son, telling him that I won't have time for him any more, turning him against my husband, manipulating and brainwashing him. My son is really struggling to deal with it and I don't know how to help and support him.

I asked today: How to best help and support my son in this situation? I received 63.1.3 changing to 8

I'm not sure if I find this answer reassuring... Does it perhaps suggest first of all (line 63.1) to not rush or force anything and to take things easy and slowly? Then the scary line 63.3 says that it will be hard work and it might take a long time (3 years???) but eventually he and I will reach the union I'm seeking? What's with the hexagram 63 though, suggesting good fortune at the beginning and chaos at the end? Please help!

 

[veronica]

Please help anyone...

 

[weaver]

It must be difficult and upsetting. I'm sorry. The first thing that jumped out at me was 'Do not use inferior people' in 63.3. I think that might mean, don't allow any part of you to resonate with or consider feeling guilty about your ex-partner's remarks. Tell your son you and his father both love him, and that he's going to have a new relationship with a new young sibling. If you don't seem worried by the accusations, I think your son will take it all less seriously. Also, offer a lot of physical reassurance and hugs (8, holding together). I think 63.1 is saying don't jump the gun and react to your ex-partner's obviously trying and upsetting behaviour. You could also tell your son that sometimes when people love us they transfer their worries onto us, and that in this case it's not a problem, as you know how much you love him and how much he matters to you.

 

[peter2610]

How to best help and support my son in this situation. 63,1,3 - 8

This isn't a situation that calls for defeating your ex, it's a situation that calls for gaining control over your lower impulses and urges. Hex 63, After Completion, is associated with stability, constancy, being settled and the preservation of these qualities. The lines are concerned with the various factors, MOSTLY INTERNAL, that could erode and destroy your settled stability and constancy. 1st Yang is urging you to brake your wheels with regards to your intended direction, getting your tail wet is urging you to withdraw before you become completely submerged. 3rd Yang is urging you to discipline the Devil's Country, not your ex. but those aspects of your mind (that we all have) that seek justice and retribution against your ex. Maintaining and Holding Together (Hex 8) your integrity, your dignity, your feminine poise and gentleness in front of your son is FAR MORE IMPORTANT than any vulgar display of force or aggression. Without a word being spoken your son will gradually recognise his mother's graceful poise and integrate it into his self.

 

[Tim K]

Visually I see it as turn off the gas under water, to prevent boiling.
In 8 the fire is replaced by receptive(motherly) earth.
Ease off the pressure, don't aggravate the situation. Maybe keep your son away from the father (fire), and as peter said - from your possibly offensive behaviour.

 

[butterfly spider]

Hello
The points made above are really very sensible here

I would just as though that I went through a stage of getting hex 63 - and also hex 63.13 - it was like ground hog day. Hilary did a posting on hex 63 with 2 copybara wallowing in mud - and looking back I wish that I had been more relaxed and mindful in my situation. Enjoying the moment - with your Son right now - letting things unfold and enjoying time together both of you is far more important than what your ex may have to say right now. Enjoy your sons company - show him you live him - and this will outweigh any negative influence.

63 is from my own experience one of those hexagrams where I look back and realise that my worries were not necessary after all. An example - I had the chance to go to a hop farm with my son. I was given a ticket. It was a sunny day and my friend had made a picnic. I was so worried about a situation that I decided not to go and spent the day at home dithering and thinking of ways round a dilemma. I got 63.1 - and really I should have left my phone behind together with my mind - and had a day out soaking up the sunshine.

Xx

 

[veronica]

Thank you so much Weaver, Peter, Ashteroid and Butterfly spider for your invaluable comments. These really made me think over the last couple of days. I think the common denominator is the advice to not inflame things further and to preserve the stability and constancy (the gentle mother earth energy) for my son. I have never considered myself an offensive person but I guess I feel like I've been under attack for so long, perhaps my reactions have become more hostile so I will ensure this does not happen again. I will reduce contact with my son's dad as much as possible to avoid conflict and will try not to get anxious over minor details and instead try to enjoy time with my son more. Thank you once again for your help, I cannot tell you how helpful this has been.

 

[fatima1977]

Good night. I decided to post here because it is exactly the same reading I got. I asked something far more sad: How can I cope with my baby's dead. It is almost a year i gave to birth a stillborn baby girl. So many things got upside down after that and the anniversary plus my solitude are making me having a hard time. I guess I need to be patient and strong, but I do not understand with whom I need to do Uniting since I feel very lonely even though I may seem to have friends... I don't find my family is a reliable source. Thank you