Is it beneficial to continue the fertility program with my ex-partner? 52.5 - 53

[anonymousthistime]

Dear fellow travellers

I'm a 37 year old woman. I've ended my relationship of several years 2 months ago. My ex-partner and I were in a fertility program at the hospital (iui). I got pregnant twice, but had miscarriages. My ex and I still love each other, just not in a romantic way anymore. Right now, we've agreed to not contact each other for 6 weeks, to get more closure of the relationship. Which hopefully will clear the road for friendship.

My ex has stated before, and recently confirmed, that he's still interested in trying to have a baby together and raising it as co-parents. He's been started seeing someone new and very soon has shared this with her. She appeared very open-minded in this (according to him, I haven't met her).

My question to the I Ching was: is it beneficial to continue the fertility program with my ex-partner as a sperm donor? I got 52 with fifth line moving.

Thing is, I've gone back and forth on this and thus have changed my opinion and my message to him a few times. So I interpret that Yi tells me to meditate on this and get my act together before I open my mouth. And that taking this seriously enough to meditate on it and take solotime both of us, is laying a foundation for a future relationship (be it in a non-romantic way). I would appreciate any feedback on this reading. Thank you!

 

[juaneros]

Hi there. I think you got it. It's kind of like think before you speak, maybe in order to make sure of your decision. Good luck with it!

 

[mulberry]

Ah, when I have received this hex it has often been very literal advice. Keep still. Don't act. Make no moves. I also think 53 is an extremely positive resulting hexagram if your goal is to have a baby-- others should correct me if I'm wrong, but 53 to me is a very clear indicator of conception and development. In this case, Yi is saying, "Say nothing, do nothing" to get what you want.

But...you structured your question as a yes/no, which muddies the waters. It's impossible for the I Ching to answer clearly yes or no.

Some better question structures to consider next time, for answers that encourage clarity:
"How should I act in order to reach my goal of having a child?"
"What do I need to know about continuing the fertility program with my ex?"
"If I am certain I want to continue to try to have a baby with my ex, what do I need to know to make this come about?"
"What would come of continuing to try to have a baby with my ex?"

These are just suggestions-- you should not try all of them out/confuse yourself and the I Ching with lots of questions. Just try to move away from the yes/no format which limits interpretation.

I also tend to look at 52.5 and see very specifically a situation where you don't know the wider picture, and what happens next could be radically different from what you had considered possible. To me, this might indicate something where the tables could turn completely-- maybe six months from now you could meet someone new and not want to continue the fertility program with your ex (thereby deeply upsetting the ex, if you quickly promised something now). Of course this is between you and your doctor, but 37 is not so risky/late that you can't afford to take six months out to consider your options and see what happens.

All of that said-- and moving away from I Ching territory for a moment-- I'm someone who barely knew my father and was not raised by him at all, but I knew who he was and his family background, and that sense of family and roots means all the world to me. It really does. For that reason, I can't help but encourage you to try to have a child with someone you know, vs an anonymous sperm donor. I know that's not always possible, but I do think it's worth it if you can make it work. But-- that person might not be this guy, of course. I think you could meet someone else fairly soon (my own gut feeling from 52.5).

Best of luck! Please update us if you can.

 

[anonymousthistime]

Dear Juaneros and Mulberry

Thank you very much for taking the time to reflect on my question. And Mulberry, I agree with you about basically everything you stated. The question was rather narrowly put (when I ask beneficial I mean, is it line with my Tao and the Greater Plan, still I should and will put more time and effort in phrasing the questions. And I can see your point about not acting, waiting for things to evolve in a slower, natural way. And literally meditating. Also, thanks for sharing about the importance of knowing your background. I'm with you on that completely. Would only want to have a baby with someone who's eager to play an active role in the child's life. Thanks again, am going to meditate on all this!