Is it worth to pursue this relationship? He’s 30, I’m 38. Answer: 61.2.4.5 to 21

[lucuma]

Hi dear community,

I'm in another relationship dilemma. I (divorced mum, 38) was dating B (30, never married, no kids) for the past 6 months, mainly because he initiated, insisted to date me and treated me well. I do seem to attract younger men somehow. Some say 30 are the new 20 nowadays... but I think he was pretty mature in several aspects. He was caring, attentive, intelligent, athletic, straight forward, excellent at his career, starting his own business. I loved his little quirks, they always made me smile. And major green flag for me, he made me feel seen, like I was enough. I felt really comfortable with him, which is a lot to say for my standards. We had lots of fun and the sex was great. I met his friends and he met mine, we said 'i love you's and went on a few short trips together.
But fast forward to month 6, I ask where is the relationship going and he says he can't commit, that he has issues to solve first, i.e major milestones that he wants to hit before committing, and that although he wants a family he's not ready yet. He says that he's not sure he is in love with me yet, that he needs more time but that he feels I am special and we should continue as we are and check in a few more months.

So I ended things with him, asked for no contact and deleted him from my social media, because I want commitment and a relationship, but I miss him terribly and can't help to wonder if I should have given him more time.

Is it worth to pursue this relationship anymore?
61.2.4.5 to 21

Line 2 talks about calling her younger friend to share good times
Line 4 the horse's mate runs away from the yoke? Freedom, no mistake?
Line 5 this bond can be trusted

21 bite through the obstacles and reunite?


I also asked 'what will happen if I don't do anything and wait for him to initiate contact?' and got 37.3.5.6 to 24


Please bear in mind that it's not easy for me to find people that make me feel good with myself as this guy did. My current circumstances are complicated, I live alone in a rented house with my child who has a physical disability and are continuously running with work, therapies, doctors, with limited time for friends, family, hobbies and also lovers... so I don't get to date much and I'm probably not aware if people say things like "im not ready to commit" as an excuse for when they're not that into the other person; or if all this was only a way for this guy to get casual sex without commitment. (although I felt the feelings were real)

Can you help ? (with reading or without it)


Thanks for your time

Lucuma

 

[marybluesky]

Hello lucuma!

Is it worth to pursue this relationship anymore?
61.2.4.5 to 21

I see the cast as a description of relationship: 61.2: a heron sends a message of friendship/intimacy and the other accepts to share some good moments; 61.4: one mate runs away; 61.5: there has been a real connection anyway.

Another way to look at it: 61- your inner truth- is going through a reality check (21) now.
Then is it worth to pursue? Maybe, in the sense that you'll see the reality and won't regret it later.

A personal note:

My current circumstances are complicated, I live alone in a rented house with my child who has a physical disability and are continuously running with work, therapies, doctors, with limited time for friends, family, hobbies and also lovers...

I see how difficult it can be, and I don't know about your situation details. However I'd say that you need to put yourself first sometimes.

 

[my_key]

Hi lucuma
Your relationship with your younger partner looks to have been a fulfilling one for you on all levels. Not being able to easily find people that make you feel good can make heart warming relationship a rare commodity. It is apparent that your young man has spoken with maturity when he offered you insights into his long term commitment, his unreadiness for family and his not yet fully crystalised feelings towards you.

Is it worth to pursue this relationship anymore?
61.2.4.5 to 21

61 <> 21
'Innermost Sincerity' through 'Eradicating'

The worth in whether to pursue this relationship is not clear to you as you find yourself swimming in a sea of confusion that you need to understand better. The laws you have lived your life by and the penalties that come because you let the laws slip in some way now seem to be at odds with one another, Yi indicates the these circumstances become favourable if you administer justice - the question, that needs biting through to the core for you here is "What is just?". (21)

61 - points to speaking, behaving or acting in ways that that align authentically with your inner truths. Truths that you can now place your trust in. Perhaps there is a great river within you that is in need of swimming across, accompanied and supported by your little piggies and fishes, so that fresh waters can provide new inner purpose and can spill outwards over your outer world.

61 is deeply fuelled by 27 'Nourishing' which offers a sense of correcting your source of nourishment. What you are feeding yourself in this situation could be more healthier fayre than you are currently taking in.

In order to understand what worth pursuit of this relationship might have for you

61.2 - Call to that which is hidden away within you to better understand your reactions and behaviours and consider the future yet to come regarding how you might walk in the world with and without this relationship.

61.4 - Consider the pros and cons of the choices ahead of you and align your choice with your eventual allocation of worth to your decision. Consider in a common sense way what bring you the greatest fulfillment while maintaining you innermost sincerity.

61.5 - Now give structure to the decision you reach. Trust that the new links you have emerged from your innermost place are worthy for you on every level. In all sincerity, follow where they lead you.

I also asked 'what will happen if I don't do anything and wait for him to initiate contact?' and got 37.3.5.6 to 24

37 <> 24

'Household' through 'Turning Back'

Waiting for him to contact you will be creating a situation just like you have done before where locking the doors, ceasing all trade communications and not inspecting your estate (24) have contributed to the way in which your household is organised now; leaving you on many an occasion on the outside looking in(37).

37.3 - speaks to your ability to evaluate matters of emotion in a balanced way and the regrets that you may still carry around the past. Acting in the same ways now, or as if things are being considered anything other than of serious import, will only create ongoing distress for you.

37.5 - Let your 'King' influence your household, allowing your heart to show it's true beauty through creating harmony in the the structure of the world around you.

37.6 - The wisdom to be found for you lies in the worth you show towards honouring your true self and your true needs. Good fortune is always there to be had whenever you follow the joy of your true Tao. It is the false Tao that creates all the unnecessary issues and turbulence in our lives.

It seems that you are the holder of the only set of keys to unlock what you see as the worthiness of this pursuit.

...of course, there may be other readings that bring different insights to you.

Good Luck

 

[Hans_K]

Hi Lucuma,

Is it worth to pursue this relationship anymore?
61.2.4.5 to 21

H61 is Inner Truth. H21 Biting Trhrough/Reform.
Reform through Inner Truth.
The question in this situation is what Inner Truth refers to.
When you look at the trigrams of H61, Wind above Lake below, they are each other's mirror images. In other words the inner self is reflected in the outer world and vice versa, there is interaction.
In H61.2.4.5, there is an imbalance due to the moving lines. The moving lines together form the trigram Fire, which generates trigram Water through the moving lines.
This is about an attachment to one's own truth/vision within relationships (Fire) due to fears and insecurities (Water).
The text of the Image of H61 says:

...
Thus the superior person discusses criminal cases carefully
And postpones executions.

But you have already ignored this advice, so to speak. You have already "convicted" him and carried out the "punishment". Terminated the relationship and cut off all contact.

The lower trigram Lake generates Thunder as a balance due to the moving line at the 2nd position.
Here we can see a rigid attitude in interaction with the other based on fear and uncertainty, the interaction is a one-way street rather than an exchange, the attitude of "it happens my way or else not".
Thunder's advice is to let go of old insights, ideas so that a new start can be made.

The upper trigram Wind generates Fire through the moving lines at the 4th and 5th positions.
Here, no reality can be made of ideas, because the essence of the situation is not reached. The essence of what is really going on is not seen, or does not want to be seen. Fire's advice is to be open to another person's truth/opinion, to find that which connects rather than that which separates.

The nuclear hexagram of H61 is H27, which is about nourishment (that which you take to you, in the broadest sense of the word) and feedback. So this situation gives you the opportunity to look at what you see as truth and question it.

The shadow of H61 is H4, Not Knowing/ Immaturity.
H4 shows that it would be unwise to "blame" him. He is like the mirror in which you look and he confronts you with a sense of insecurity and fear that you tried to resolve through him by expecting commitment after 6 months.

H4 shows that it would be unwise to adopt an ignorant/childish attitude and "blame" him. Not to go to your own core and find and resolve the essence there.
He is like the mirror in which you look and he confronts you with a sense of insecurity and fear that you tried to resolve through him by expecting commitment after 6 months.

Maybe not the answer you want to hear, but personally, I think there is worth working on the relationship with yourself.
This would be my interpretation. As always, take what resonates and leave the rest

Note: This interpretation is incomplete and at some points incorrect due to additional information from the topic starter after writing this comment.

 

[lucuma]

Hello lucuma!


I see the cast as a description of relationship: 61.2: a heron sends a message of friendship/intimacy and the other accepts to share some good moments; 61.4: one mate runs away; 61.5: there has been a real connection anyway.

Another way to look at it: 61- your inner truth- is going through a reality check (21) now.
Then is it worth to pursue? Maybe, in the sense that you'll see the reality and won't regret it later.

A personal note:

I see how difficult it can be, and I don't know about your situation details. However I'd say that you need to put yourself first sometimes.

Hi @marybluesky . Yes, my inner truth is going through a reality check. I know I want a relationship and I don't want to be casual for so long (6 months is probably not enough to commit to someone through marriage, but it could be enough to know if you want to be their boyfriend/girlfriend).

And I appreciate the reminder of taking my own needs into account while dealing with life's struggles and taking care of the family.

Thanks for your input : )

 

[lucuma]

Thank you @my_key and @Hans_K for both of your insights.

@my_key I'm grateful for your spiritual insight. I enjoy the way you write and explain things and appreciate how you remind me that a relationship is, essentially, a mirror, or a door to discover one's true self. I was befuddled at your 37>24 interpretation as I hadn't seen it that way before, especially the part about locking the doors and looking in from the outside... that resonates. Gives food for thought. Thank you!

@Hans_K I appreciate your interpretation. It resonates, especially when you talk about fear and insecurity guiding my actions.
Just to clarify, I don't think I pushed for an inappropriate commitment though... I was not expecting marriage but the natural next steps after 6 months together, such as defining the relationship... It's like, OK, you're calling me on the phone every day, displaying affection in public, introducing me to your friends, taking me on dates, sleeping with me exclusively... so are you my boyfriend or not? It's about choosing... You can't have your cake and eat it too or at least not forever lol.

Also, I didn't feel like wasting my time, at almost 40, with someone who wasn't sure about me. I hoped he could show up for me in the ways I needed him to, after 6 months of dating, but he couldn't. He didn't have his shit together. He insisted on keeping it casual while knowing that I wanted something more... that felt like he was stringing me along.

But I cared deeply for him and felt that it was mutual. That's why I was wondering if this was worth pursuing as in 'correcting my attitude towards him'... Does it make sense? Do you see the reading differently now with this info, or is the same? Thanks!

 

[marybluesky]

He is like the mirror in which you look and he confronts you with a sense of insecurity and fear that you tried to resolve through him by expecting commitment after 6 months.

Hans, may I ask why asking for commitment is a sign of insecurity and conviction?? If she doesn't want a casual relationship why she should go for that?

 

[Hans_K]

First of all, the interpretation of the answer is based on the information given in relation to the trigrams. Would this be a one-to-one consultation I would ask questions in between, check if the explanation/interpretation resonates with the other person, etc. That is (unfortunately) not possible on a forum, so everything remains quite general. So "translate" the interpretation to your specific circumstances, read between the lines where necessary.

Just to clarify, I don't think I pushed for an inappropriate commitment though...

I do not think that either, but it appears from the answer that the underlying motivation/energy was one of uncertainty. Had that uncertainty not been there, you probably would have reacted differently to his suggestion to wait a few more months.

An essential question underlying your question (Is it worth to pursue this relationship anymore?) is why you would want to continue or put energy in the relationship. As I see it, the Yi's answer focuses on that.
In a nutshell, the Yi advises looking at why things went wrong and what you can possibly do about it.

Does it make sense? Do you see the reading differently now with this info, or is the same?

Yes it makes sense, but my interpretation remains the same with the difference that the question arises as to why you did not start a conversation after his suggestion but cut off contact right away.
A question you might ask yourself is why the suggestion to wait for a few months was a reason to end it permanently. I think that's where the crux of the whole problem lies. What happened there emotionally for you?

But always keep in mind that this would be my interpretation based on the information you have given and the answer from the Yi, it is the not The Truth. If it doesn't resonate, just let it go.

Hans, may I ask why asking for commitment is a sign of insecurity and conviction?? If she doesn't want a casual relationship why she should go for that?

She doesn't have to go for that.
Let it be clear that as I see it, the answer shows that the request for commitment has uncertainty as its underlying motivation, not me personally.
Fire out of balance is about attachment, clinging to relationships, seeking something outside oneself that fuels "the fire". Water is the emotions, insecurity, fear. So the combination Fire - Water shows an attachment based on uncertainty.
Asking for commitment is not a sign of insecurity, insecurity is the motivation for asking for commitment. I believe there is a big difference in both.

I hope I have been able to clarify some things.

 

[lucuma]

I see what you mean.
Sorry I wasn't clear enough. I should have explained it better. It's not that I cut him off completely when he refused to go official; we'd discussed this earlier, around month 3. Back then he said it was very soon to define the relationship and asked me to wait till December so he could put his things in order. Fast forward to now he's still not ready.

In the meantime, while things were cool and we were having good times, I went through a heavy personal situation and he couldn’t be there for me the way I needed him to. No matter how well I communicated my needs, he couldn't meet them and strengthened the idea that we were not a couple yet, so there was no point in me asking or expecting certain things from him.

So yeah that made me uncomfortable and uncertain regarding the connection, which otherwise was sweet, fun and consistent

That’s why after our short vacation I asked what direction was our relationship going and he still said he couldn’t commit. It transpired to me that he cared for me and enjoyed the times together as long as they were good; but wasn’t able to give me what i needed -not that I only wanted a title, I wanted more partnership

Anyway I see what you mean by the insecurities triggering the need for commitment. Had he acted differently I’d probably wouldn’t have felt the need to end things and look for someone more serious.

But I was asking because the connection felt real and to check if I should do otherwise, like trying to talk and see if it’s a matter of time for each party to change and understand each other better… or just let it go…

 

[Hans_K]

The above explanation does put the answer in a different light. I would now interpret the answer more from the underlying question: why put any more energy into someone who has himself demonstrated not to be relationship material at the moment? Is it worth to pursue this relationship anymore knowing how he behaved/acted previous?
H61<>H21 can then be read as: biting through to that (inner) truth.
Trigram Lake generates Thunder by the moving line at the 2nd positiion.
Here we see a rigid/holding attitude, based on uncertainty, in the desire to interact with the other.
A moving yang line at the 2nd position is too eager to step out, seeks affirmation from others via action.
Thunder advises letting go of old perceptions/ideas so that a fresh start can be made.

The upper trigram Wind generates Fire through the moving lines at the 4th and 5th positions.
Here, no reality can be made of ideas, because the essence of the situation is not reached (the essence is found in the lower trigram). The essence of what is really going on is not seen, or does not want to be seen. Fire's advice is to see things clearly, to face the truth of the (inner) situation.

The 3 moving lines form trigram Fire that generates Water.
Fire out of balance is about attachment, clinging to relationships, seeking something outside oneself that fuels "the fire". Water is the emotions, insecurity, fear.
So the combination Fire - Water shows an attachment based on uncertainty.

But I was asking because the connection felt real and to check if I should do otherwise, like trying to talk and see if it’s a matter of time for each party to change and understand each other better… or just let it go…

Based on his attitude and behaviour you have described, I believe the answer advises to let it go.
Use this time to develop a strong inner foundation, H61 is also the hexagram of self-confidence, providing your own "fuel" for your inner fire.
H27 is the nuclear hexagram of H61 and is about nourishment and feedback. Here you see the idea of proper nutrition (on all levels: spiritual, mental, emotional and physical)/fuel again. Don't look for it in someone else, because anything that someone else gives can also be taken away by them.

Hopefully this will resonate more

 

[my_key]

But I cared deeply for him and felt that it was mutual. That's why I was wondering if this was worth pursuing as in 'correcting my attitude towards him'... Does it make sense? Do you see the reading differently now with this info, or is the same? Thanks!

The only things we can truly affect are ourselves. Asking about whether a focus on 'correcting my attitude towards him' makes a difference to my reading, then my answer is a most definite no.

61 <> 21: 'Innermost Sincerity' through 'Eradicating'
37 <> 24: 'Household' through 'Turning Back'

Read my interpretations again, Read the other inputs here and come up with your own version of the cast. Then align yourself, as best you are able at this time, with your true Tao. You hold the final responsibility for interpreting what these casts mean for you in terms of the questions asked and any actions you implement. Make your choices based on what you feel is most right for you. Just keep a watchful eye out for the sneakiness within of the false Tao.

 

[lucuma]

Thanks to both of you. I have a lot to think. I haven’t contacted him by now and will remain the same but I’ll update if there are changes in the long run.
I’m thankful for this community.
Hope you have a good week!