Making an offer on a property: 19.4>54 or 63UC?

[Yasmin]

Thanks Trojina for taking the time to follow this unending saga and feeling into each reading

Never mind the woolyness, I think it's because not all the facts are in yet. I am probably jumping the gun a bit, after all, the contracts have not yet been signed...I imagine that it will work itself out organically.

In case more detail helps- The kitchen is 30 years old, really ugly, and in full view because it is open plan. It is also far too big for the space, it eats into half of the small living area. It needs to be ripped out and reconfigured in a smaller surface. I would like to take that a step further and hide it from view by partly enclosing it, to let the lovely grade II listed living room shine.

There are pros and cons and a lot of unknowns. 1) The local council may not give planning persmission to put up a partition wall. 2) The market trend is for open plan kitchens. 3) Even if I cannot imagine how to get a cooker to fit in gracefully, perhaps a designer can? Although I don't hold out much hope: I have visited too many flats ruined by ill placed kitchens...

I asked the IC : outlook for getting permission o close off the kitchen? 6.3.5>50.

6 I am conflicted, because my vision is not a common one, perhaps too traditional. Developers call open plan kitchens in period rooms "a lifestyle choice", heating up pizza while chatting with friends and all that. I call it an eye sore- real cooking is messy, fat spatters, fishy smells permeate the upholstery etc...my lifestyle choice is to contain all that. But I may come under pressure from friends, agents, builders, and even the local council.
6.3 standing firm and respecting traditional virtues, perilous but eventually GF. That could be standing in my own integrity, respecting traditional lay outs, and/or respecting the rules set forth by the council.
6.5 take it to the council for arbitration. Incorporate their suggestions, work with professionals, in the end if the plan is worthy it will be crowned with success.
50 the caldron. Hopefully a sensitive transformation, which is functional as well as esthetic.

My reading is that this will not be straightforward, fixer uppers never are. But from the start, I have had an image in my mind, and while I need to listen to advice and integrate rules, I must not let that go. Maybe that clarifies some of the woolyness to be continued!

 

[Trojina]

Yes I'm not sure that you will given 6.3 adherence to tradition but 6.5 looks good for this not being a closed case. Like it looks as if it will be considered, not like someone is going to say 'no' and that's the end of it. Also 50 looks promising. Also maybe some compromise on your part brings good fortune by the look of it, especially bearing in mind 8.6 in the reading before.

 

[Yasmin]

At long last, we are within 24h of exchanging contracts, the deposit has left my account and been wired to the lawyers, just waiting for a paper to arrive in the mail, to exchange. It should have arrived today, now it seems tomorrow. The 11th hour and 59'... But this entre transaction has been under the sign of 63, can still get derailed at the last moment...

Well would you believe that the seller's MOTHER, who is managing the sale on behalf of her daughter, has decided to throw a hissy fit because the exchange is taking too long, and wants to cancel the sale? It would be lunacy to look for another buyer at this stage. But she is being irrationally angry, abusing the estate agent etc... I sent the agents proof that the deposit had left my account and arrived at the lawyers, saying that I also look forward to completing this transaction, hopefully within the next 24h. Then asked the IC: outlook for exchanging tomorrow?

18.2>52

18- repairing what has been spoiled, in this case, the seller's mother's trust?
18.2 fix the damage, but don't go too far - I hope that reassuring them with proof is exactly what needed to be done
52. find inner stillness about this. I just need to chill out and wait now.

I think this entire case is a good study of 63 at work, having to be diligent and cautious until the very last minute. Crossing fingers..

 

[Trojina]

Surely to goodness it can't be cancelled at this stage. I'd be very inclined to take 18.2 literally. A mother's corruption.

This line is a bit of a mystery but often shows up for currents upsets or behaviours of our own that we inherited or learned from our mother's treatment. In women this can be, amongst other things, never to know when to stop giving as many mother's used to aim to instil 'selflessness' in their daughters as a prime trait for a successful female life. Here however I think we see plain and clear a mother having a 'hissy fit' as you put it, trying to get things moving by using threats to manipulate...another classically learned female trait. This can work with estate agents, you know like sometimes people need a rocket up their backside to get moving. I shouldn't think she really means what she says about cancelling, that would be madness. Also I think at this late stage she may be penalised for withdrawing, but I'm not sure about that.

I don't think she means this I think it's manipulation. I wonder if 18.2 can overall show the effect of emotional manipulation as a corrupting lesson mothers can impart.

 

[Yasmin]

Actually, she can still cancel the sale because no money has changed hands yet. But it would cause her a few months of delay, which makes no sense.

But Indeed. I can't see my mother having anything t do with this, or any "over mothering" on my side. To me, it reads as something to do with the seller's mother interfering in the daughters sale because she has some psychological issues.

I don't know the woman, but I think she has trust issues: she twice chose to sell to buyers who were family or friends because she thought they would be more trustworthy than a stranger (me). In both cases, it failed. Now she is even more mistrustful of my intention to complete despite all the evidence. And she is ignoring the fact that her sollicitors only provided us with the final bits of information a few days ago. We really could not have proceeded any faster.

Whatever. All I can do is pacify her (like one would a crazy person) and keep myself calm. This seems to be a reasonable interpretation of 18.2 as "addressing a mother's psychological issues, without overdoing it". I Think it's a flash of frustration, or as you say, manipulation. But heck, if it fails at this stage, I will take it as a sign that the flat really was not meant for me! Will keep you posted , crossing fingers within 48h...

 

[Trojina]

Oh yes that's what I meant when I said I thought it was literal, I meant it applied to the seller's mother not your mother.

 

[Tim K]

Wilhelm, 18:
Before the starting point, three days.
After the starting point, three days.

Could be that it will take 3 days to sort this out, the transaction, before you really get the keys in your hands.

18.2 → 52 (Keeping Still), Richmond:
The child deals with the actions of the mother.
Do not be too active in this.

Maybe her daughter will finally put her feet down and take charge of the deal?
Putting an end to the charade.

 

[Yasmin]

Woohoo, we signed! ompom::claps:

I never thought I would see the day, what a saga! It did take 3 attempts, over 9 months, and jumping through hoop after hoop, so many near misses and scares...but phew. It's done, I don't think I would have stuck with it had I not been totally "in love" with the flat. It simply feels like home. I will have to rent it out and wait a couple of years to move in, but I can already see where everything will fit...

Official celebrations when I actually get the keys, hopefully in a weeks time

 

[Trojina]

Yay





Well Done !​

 

[Yasmin]

Its official, I have the keys)

A final note on 63UC, which I feel was a feature of this entire purchasing process and thread: when I picked up the keys, the estate agent told me (and I believed her) that the sellers were really about to cancel the sale within 24h of closing... perhaps to sell it through another agent, or maybe they had a cash buyer, who knows. They even sent her flowers to apologize for their lack of trust and appalling behaviour. I suppose it could have been recoverable, but I did come close to losing it at the 11th hour...

Anyway, from now on, my take on 63UC is : perfect balance, a good issue is possible, but watch the situation like a hawk, take nothing for granted, it can derail until the last minute.

Namaste!

 

[Trojina]

I didn't see the 63uc quite like that, I took it from the very start that you would get the house. Already Across, already yours. I didn't want to jinx it by putting too much emphasis on it and no doubt it doesn't always turn out like that, but I've had 63uc so often for things that are pretty much a done deal whether it looks like it or not. From your perspective though it certainly kept not looking like a done deal.


Anyway you have the keys !

May I link this thread to the 63uc thread ?

 

[Yasmin]

Yes, good idea to link it to 63UC. I was thinking of posting a brief note in the thread.

Yes, the entire story makes it seem like the flat was meant to be mine. But I have a feeling that if I had not been extremely diligent with the administrative obstacle course, I could have lost it. Throughout the process, my decisions were informed by a sense of urgency. And I did not waste a single day. For example, the bank asked for a Document which could be given either free of charge by the tax authorities, but that would have taken 3 weeks, or by an accountant. I went to an accountant, and it cost me a lot, but it was done within 24h. If I had instead been chilled out about delays, safe in the belief that it was destined to be mine anyway, I really believe that the sellers would have gone elsewhere.

Maybe not. Luckily, we will never know! I would still take 63UC with a hint of caution: "it's yours, but don't take it for granted, watch the situation closely until it's done". But the interesting thing is that I was motivated, I WANTED to keep things moving, not out of fear, but because I had total certainty about my intentions. Maybe that is a twist to consider as well... Maybe the bad ending in 63UC manifests when there is less than 100% commitment? I have experienced that in relationships which started out promising, but fell apart later, for example... Maybe even a perfectly balanced 63UC relationship needs total commitment from both parties and to be cherished and worked on forever, or else...

 

[Trojina]

Great thoughts about 63uc here, will post a link on the 63uc thread. Oh well I'll post a link to this thread but go ahead and add anything you want to there also.

Thanks for keeping us posted Yasmin