new person here needing a bit of advice

[Skclost]

Hi, So My wife of 5 years has followed I Ching for most of her adult life, We are now in our 50s. I have thrown coins when we first met 7 years ago and it was fulfilling but for whatever reason I drifted away. She has not, and still looks to the I Ching.

Now our marriage has been far from perfect over the years but I believe to my core that we are meant to be each other. We new each other in collage and reconnected do to the universe 7 years ago and it has been what I would call true love. We have always expressed our love to each other and up until a few weeks ago I thought we were fine (with a few issues). I went to sleep basically and took her for granted this caused many issues to rise up, and I just missed the signs.

Now things have taken a dark turn, less then a week ago she reviled that she thinks she is in love with a woman way out of the bule. This is someone who is technically her client or customer and they were working on a large project together. She then came to visit us last weekend and it seems that when everything took off. Now My wife over and over says that she loves me and cares about me and wants me in her life , but at the same time she does not know if she wants a relationship wight the woman or not, if she wants me as her husband or not or if she wants to live alone. Its been fast, its been ugly, and its been intense. I wont get into any details as I could go on and on. It seems that this new influence could be not good for my wife.

My wife does not need me to move out, we are still in the same bed, she still says she loves me and wants me to be apart of her life, she says nothing has been decided hates that she has caused me pain and that we need to live day by day and not worry. No the thought has crossed my mind that she has decided to move on for sure and is keeping me in the dark to keep me somewhat in check, but I will take her for her word I think. I wish I knew what readings she has done but she keeps those to her self for the most part.



I do love her, I do want to see if we can work though this.



So I asked 3 questions, one with my wife in the room last night as she helped me remember how to throw stones. The first was 2 K’UM all 6 results of the coins were exactly the same (8) the question I asked was: What kind of Marriage can XX and I create. It seems that hexagram 2 points me to conflict in the marriage , but if I do not push, I act softly, and am her rock, I do not judge then there is hope for a positive resolution. My wife will not help interpret which I think at this point is good, so I am on my own trying to get a grasp.



The 2nd was after waking up, and laying in bed clearing my head. My wife left this morning on a work trip, and yes will I’m sure see the women. This question was How will XX and I marriage together grow? This result was 31 with a 6 at the top changing? This seems to me to be positive, that the marriage will grow with work, maybe a new beginning. Once again I am very new at this and learning.

The 3rd was after reading through the 2nd this one was What is the XXs (the new woman) influence on my marriage. That may be a silly question but it popped into my head as I was laying in bed just breathing The Result was 7 Shih with a 6 in the first 9 in the 2nd and 6 in the third. I am assuming this is the impact that this person is having on me personally maybe this this person represents challenges.

Like I said I am very new at this and I am trying to dive into the works if that makes sense. I do not want to throw away my relationship, I want to repair it I do not believe it a lost cause yet, but I could be missing the meanings. I truly cannot express the love that I still feel for her even though the pain. I tend to believe that this new person is just that, new, and praying on someone who is in the state of mind to receive that.

I would be grateful for any help, and it could be a do not have a deep enough understanding yet to ask such questions.

Not sure if this is right or wrong how I was told to record my throws was:

3 heads = 6 and - -

3 tails = 9 --- (solid line)

2 heads and a tail= 7 --- (solid line)

Two tails and a head = 8 - -

 

[Trojina]

The way we generally write the cast that is easy to understand is for example for your second question
31.6>33.

I'm not up to deciphering the other casts I'm feeling lazy.....maybe

So I asked 3 questions, one with my wife in the room last night as she helped me remember how to throw stones. The first was 2 K’UM all 6 results of the coins were exactly the same (8) the question I asked was: What kind of Marriage can XX and I create. It seems that hexagram 2 points me to conflict in the marriage , but if I do not push, I act softly, and am her rock, I do not judge then there is hope for a positive resolution. My wife will not help interpret which I think at this point is good, so I am on my own trying to get a grasp.

Was this hexagram 2 with no change lines? That would be written as 2uc, that is 2 unchanging
I don't know what cast you got 2uc is a guess.

If you got 2uc for what kind of marriage you can create then it's a good sign, in a sense, you can pretty much make it what you want. The earth is open to receive all. It may be a bit too open and you'd like more guidelines? She married you, you're her husband, if you want to stay married perhaps with this very open answer you yourself could make some decisions and choices about what you want.

You see so far you've written all about her and this other woman and what she wants and it sounds like you are somewhat powerless, maybe you embody 2 right now. Not that 2 is exactly powerless in itself but unchanging this is something just open and waiting for direction to be given. It's a neutral cast but in this context I'm wondering how much your yourself need to shape things. You say you want to stay with her but do you want to accept this other woman? If so why? I don't see why you should but it's your choice.

The 2nd was after waking up, and laying in bed clearing my head. My wife left this morning on a work trip, and yes will I’m sure see the women. This question was How will XX and I marriage together grow? This result was 31 with a 6 at the top changing? This seems to me to be positive, that the marriage will grow with work, maybe a new beginning. Once again I am very new at this and learning.

Same question really isn't it? You ask how it will grow and get 31.6>33 which is just talking without a great deal of impact. I'm seeing it that all this stuff about this other woman is just talk really. So essentially nothing has changed. Unless you believe it has changed but I'm not sure it has?


I think this is the 36, this 'dark turn'

Now things have taken a dark turn, less then a week ago she reviled that she thinks she is in love with a woman way out of the bule.

So she just told you, it's just words. Her telling you she is in love is just words maybe it really changes nothing about her life, your life or your marriage? But it's hurtful. 7.1.2.3>36....it looks to me like a failed project, it doesn't get off the ground

The 3rd was after reading through the 2nd this one was What is the XXs (the new woman) influence on my marriage. That may be a silly question but it popped into my head as I was laying in bed just breathing The Result was 7 Shih with a 6 in the first 9 in the 2nd and 6 in the third. I am assuming this is the impact that this person is having on me personally maybe this this person represents challenges.

So is this cast 7.1.2.3>36? That is hexagram 7 with lines 1,2 and 3 changing? You said

Now things have taken a dark turn, less then a week ago she reviled that she thinks she is in love with a woman way out of the bule.

I think that 'dark turn' is the 36. But all she said is 'she thinks she is in love' which may be just talk. This woman is trespassing on your marriage in your house. Why would you accept that. It's very hexagram 2 of you to just allow that.

She then came to visit us last weekend and it seems that when everything took off.

That's very hurtful. If they want an affair perhaps they could not do it right in front of you in your house.

My wife does not need me to move out, we are still in the same bed, she still says she loves me and wants me to be apart of her life, she says nothing has been decided hates that she has caused me pain and that we need to live day by day and not worry.

So she bought this woman into your house, tells you she loves this woman and says you don't need to move out? Great.

You know I have said before 2uc can be 'doormat'. I mean everything's open for someone to just walk on and that can be a good thing in some situations but in this one seems to me you may be far too accommodating. Seems to me this is like it was 'staged' in front of you. Like there was an open stage which is you and she comes in and gives some chat about being 'in love'. And I don't like the cast 7.1.2.3>36 since it looks to me like a harmful plot or strategy. In your shoes I would never let that woman in the house again, that cast makes me feel she is scheming. I don't think she is very effective but if you want your marriage why would you have that woman in the house. It seems like you're just allowing this to happen and maybe it would work better for the actual marriage if you did have some boundaries for yourself.

 

[Skclost]

Thanks for your response, I get what your saying, and thank you. Its a lot to take in. I do not plan on being a doormat I knew the weekend she was there that there was going to be an issue. none of it came out until the day she left. I have expressed the level of anger I have over the issue to my wife. I am trying to keep doors open for now and I feel that also from 2uc I need to not judge her and I need to be patient, or maybe I am miss reading. I do feel powerless and I think my next questions will be about me, I bought some of this into my house and I need to find me to be able to fix it.