relationship issue

[capri]

I had posted in this forum before of my rocky married life. Till now I was the one who was always after my husband seeking love..which he never had for me. We had kind of discussed that we will be separating but again that was only a discussion and life went on in routine, our work and kid
he did something which upset me quite a lot..he did not attend my brothers wedding and my parents had to answer in our community who all think that everything is great between us...and a lot of people talked about it.
I have not spoken to him for the last three weeks..( first time in our married life and it is the first time I am feeling the detachment)..he has not said sorry..but has tried to make physical advances three times which i have denied him.
Ofcouse we fought and he told me he would leave but now he said he would not leave..his company might send him to Europe in 2-3 months and he will leave then.

I am thinking should I file for divorce or just let him leave...

Today I asked" what should i do/decide with him /nextstep for my best interest. I got hex 50.5 changing to 44

i also asked "is there hope for happiness in my love life in future" I got 11.4.5 changing to 43

please advise

 

[willowfox]

Today I asked" what should i do/decide with him /next step for my best interest. I got hex 50.5 changing to 44

It suggests that you just carry on as usual and wait for him to leave of his own accord, it advises you to not go to extremes in your behaviour, like seeking a divorce, or losing your temper with him, also it may well be a good idea to seek help from your family concerning this man.

Hex 44 says that this relationship cannot last and will only cause you further problems later on, so when he goes, don't let him come back.

i also asked "is there hope for happiness in my love life in future" I got 11.4.5 changing to 43

Yes, indeed there is hope, oneday you will meet someone really good for you.

 

[capri]

Thanks Willowfow..there were some new developmnent today..he is going to Germany by the end of August for a year and we are planning on a trial separation.
My ex before marriage had cheated on me when he had gone to Germany and it was very painful for me at that time. My husband knows about it and is laughing about it and the coincidence and is saying mean/sarcastic things. I know I should be mature about it..but somewhere there is a deep pang.
He will be single, having fun and I with my kid(i love my daughter and would not be away from her for anything in the world) and my job. I have suffered and sacrificed a lot for him for last 6 years. I get to see him having all the fun in the world and also making fun of me.
I asked " what do you see in his future(personal life)" I got 2.2.4 changing to 40
I again asked "what do you see in my future(personal life) I got 40.1 changing to 54

I know I should not care of his life and what he does but being a human it does pinch a little. Please do help me understand these and get a perspective

 

[willowfox]

I asked " what do you see in his future(personal life)" I got 2.2.4 changing to 40

Once he has got to Germany he will feel a whole lot happier because he considers the marriage very frustrating and full of problems, so he will fell free.

I again asked "what do you see in my future(personal life) I got 40.1 changing to 54

You will feel relieved to see him gone, and you will also feel much happier about things, you will then be able to progress with all your personal affairs without hindrance. Future relationships will be somewhat difficult due to your status.

 

[capri]

you are right..looking from his angle..he never loved me and he gets to get free...the major reason he never left me before was to maintain status quo infront of his friends which he would not have to face now.
I have a toddler girl and that is a great responsibility which will always be primary and important for me rather than jumping into any relationship. Though I am very fit, look good and earn well.
Looking from the short term basis I asked"how do you see my life in the next 6 months"
I got 14.5 changing into 1. Please to help with your perspective...this kind of finishes my questions for the time being

 

[Tohpol]

you are right..looking from his angle..he never loved me and he gets to get free...the major reason he never left me before was to maintain status quo infront of his friends which he would not have to face now.
I have a toddler girl and that is a great responsibility which will always be primary and important for me rather than jumping into any relationship. Though I am very fit, look good and earn well.
Looking from the short term basis I asked"how do you see my life in the next 6 months"
I got 14.5 changing into 1. Please to help with your perspective...this kind of finishes my questions for the time being

Pretty good I'd say. A opportunity to share the real you and live the truth of who you are. Quite an auspicious answer. Seems like all this could be the making of you if you play your cards right. The assets seem there at any rate.

Topal

 

[diamanda]

Hi Capri,

Your best move for your best interest - 50, line 5, to 44
Don't make any drastic moves, take it very slowly; keep away from
him, for sure, and tend to your own needs slowly and carefully. You
seem to have more good fortune in your life than you can see. 50
is a very fortunate answer to any question. You said yourself you have
lots going for you, slowly concentrate on that. Line 5 indicates that
you also have some excellent people close to you, who are going to
help you a lot - you need to turn to them for now. You'll find lots of
help. 44 is clear, you're doing the right thing to keep away from
him, continue like this. You need to stay away from him, because
if you let him influence you it will be to your detriment.

11, lines 4 and 5, to 43, show lots of hope and good fortune in
your future life! Sounds like something really good and lots of love
and happiness are waiting for you after this disappointing marriage.


"What do you see in his future personal life?" 2, lines 2 and 4, to 40

2:2 describes a person who is "straight, square, complete, great".
Someone who furthers everyone around them. It speaks of a person
who possesses excellence, and still remains modest. They bring
increase and blessing and achievement everywhere around them.

Now compare this description, of this great and all-furthering person,
with what you've said so far about him:
"love..which he never had for me"
"he did not attend my brothers wedding"
"he has not said sorry"
"but has tried to make physical advances"
"had cheated on me"
"very painful for me"
"he is laughing about it and is saying mean/sarcastic things"
"he never left me before to maintain status quo"

The reason i'm saying all this is to show you that the answer you got
does not speak about him. It speaks directly to you. You are the one
meant with line 2:2. It's very similar to 50 in a way. The I Ching is
telling you to look at yourself, and recognise your own great qualities.
You've got so much going for you. Line 2:4 shows great restriction.
The way this sounds to me is, that you've been feeling greatly
restricted, because of him, all these years. He sounds very oppressive
indeed. Eg, not only he cheated on you, but he also made fun of you
when you very rightfully felt hurt. As you said, you were not free to
love and be loved, not free to have a partner who you have fun
with, not free to even enjoy his company in family gatherings, etc.
So, this answer, according to me, tells you nothing about what his
personal life will be like. But it does tell you that you possess great
qualities, which have been suppressed for so long. And 40. Release.
Get rid of him and good riddance. You'll be able to breathe freely
again. All you need to know about his future life is that he's finally not
going to be on your neck, to torment you and hurt you and restrict you.
You are the one who should be happy to be finally free..!

"what do you see in my future(personal life)" - 40, line 1, to 54
You need to get rid of him first of all. You are without blame (40:1). But
be very very careful not to end up in a 54 position, ie, you will need to
stay away from him, do not try to get him back, try your best to not
take up any action towards him. You've got a child together, so this will
make the whole thing a bit more tricky, but in general 54 advises not
to compromise your dignity in any manner. To me this sounds like a
very logical first step towards your future happiness. You need to
achieve 40. And 40:1 is 'without blame'. Just be aware of the danger
to be tempted to contact him.

"how do you see my life in the next 6 months", 14, line 5, to 1
I think this advises you on how to deal with him so that you avoid 54.
'Truth accessible yet dignified'. Again the I Ching is stressing your great
qualities as a person, and (14) how much you've got going for you. Again
here dignity is stressed (compare 54, 'never compromise your dignity').

Capri i know you're in a very painful situation, but all your answers show
that actually this is the transition towards a life and a partner you'll be
really happy with, to a future which will be what you've always wanted,
and very much deserve!

 

[capri]

Thank you Diamanda and Topal for your replies and kind words

Well my husband did not cheat on me it was my ex boyfriend before marrriage who cheated when he had gone to Germany which was a painful episode and we broke off. My husband is also going to Germany now and thus he is laughing ..it is like the same thing..a sense of dejavu..but here it wont be a surprise since we will be on a trial separation and both have the liberty to do what we want.

I have been very low since morning...I have not been able to concentrate on work and have been generally depressed but these readings/perspectives do give me hope and definately make me feel better.

Thanks a lot, this means a lot to me

 

[diamanda]

Ok now i see what you meant. Glad it wasn't him who cheated on
you, one less painful point for you to deal with then. Wishing you
all the best!

 

[asci_blue]

While I suck at the i ching, just ask a number of forumites. I am good with general life advice. Best suggestion is think with an abundance mentality. You say you're 'fit, look good, and earn well' you already have three things going for you. Any man will consider your daughter an added benefit to any future relationship. I've dated a few ladies with children and they were totally awesome chicks to work with...except the one who went nuts but that's another story for another day. In your case you just need to let the upcoming lads know you've got kiddos. They'll either bail or accept that fact and advance.

Speaking of which I'm looking for a sugar momma...

 

[nAstWr]

Hi capri, if you are still on the forum could you please share your experience with the answer "is there hope for happiness in my love life in future" I got 11.4.5 changing to 43

I have had the same answer recently about my love life.