Relationship reading

[Euphon]

Hello everyone. I've written here some months ago.
Well, I didn't develop anything with my love interest yet, and things are getting quite frustrating and sad for me.

I asked the following question:

"Is waiting for her to show real interest and keeping a low profile the only way forward?" ​

I got 60.3.6 and from the looks of it, it doesn't look too disheartening. I get this as meaning that, yes, I should just wait and keep a low profile. But at the same time, I shouldn't disappear entirely and always remain available and/or flirty.

I wrote about this elsewhere as well. Someone advised me to ask two other questions:

How am I doing in regards to my navigation related to this person?
For this one, I got 4.3 it seems to me that I'm not doing particularly good, at the same time it isn't drastic.

A message from this person's higher self in regards to my intent. 54.4
I think this is a very positive reading, and it relates to many other readings I've done in the past. I get this as meaning pretty much "your love is well received, but reciprocation will come at a later date".

What do you think?

 

[Serendiplomat]

Please first explain how you got "I should just wait and keep a low profile. But at the same time, I shouldn't disappear entirely and always remain available and/or flirty" out of 60.3.6? That doesn't correspond at all, I'm wondering if there's an error in the numbers. ... wait a second, looking up "60.3.6, 9" led me to your discussion on this same question over at https://www.reddit.com/r/iching/

Over there, you say, "Well, things aren't going the way I hoped. So, in line with what seems to be the most common answer I receive (something like "your love is good, this relationship is a good bet, but don't do anything now") I asked something more specific", namely to whether waiting on your beloved to declare herself is the "only way forward".

Possibly you're grabbing the I Ching by the wrong end here, working on mistaken assumptions. Your interpretations of "the most common" answers you receive from the oracle haven't led to good results for you--things aren't going the way you'd hoped. "Lay low, don't disappear entirely, stay flirty" is 100% wish-fulfilment fantasy. In essence, you're asking for a recipe, or a successful plan of attack. Should you wait for her to attack? This leads us inevitably to that joke, from the first or second Captain America movie, "We need a plan of attack." "I have a plan. Attack." Back in the day, the Chinese raider princes battling each other would seek augurs about their plans of attack; they'd ask the Priest to crack the tortoise shells and read the cracks to predict whether their plan would succeed or fail.

The I Ching's structure as wonderfully allusive as its language may seem does not actually lend itself to free-association type thinking. You can't actually pull a plan of attack fully detailed out of it without just making stuff up. Then the I Ching has lost its moorings and the interpretation is purely a function of the subjectivity of the reader--you. You can use its objective response to you as its opinion of your plan of attack as it is now with a slight change in your stance towards its pronouncements.

Before jumping to the lines, the overall image of 60 is cheerful self-restraint, a kind of stoic joy, with full acceptance of the circumstances and their natural limits. 60.3 can be boiled down to (by Jim De Korne in his Gnostic I Ching) to:

A. An image of self-caused misfortune.

B. You'll regret it if you exceed the mean.

Similarly, De Korne's commentary on 6.6 seems to fit your situation:
A. You are limiting yourself, but it is OK.

B. Too much structure inhibits growth.

C. When discipline becomes oppression, the Work suffers.

Your relating hexagram can understandably be taken to buttress your fantasy of yourself as showing admirable self-restraint that will (should, if the world is fair) eventually pay off.

Over at Reddit you gave more detail about your beloved's life situation. She's under tremendous stress in her life, with her family and her own uncertain future. You're at the periphery of her life, you want some of her peaches (the happiness her love you believe will bestow on you), and you've been pestering the oracle repeatedly about how to make that happen; and you're latest plan is to do nothing, to wait over here while she's over there.

And the oracle says: you're sabotaging yourself. It says: you're stiffling yourself. You're okay, though.

You're fundamentally okay because you're only human.

You don't get it (that's how I read 60.3 here, and also 4.3 from a related question you mentioned on Reddit), but who does at the game of love?

So we hurt, we get into situations in which we get hurt. I guess it might be less blame-worthy, on some metaphyscial plane, than being the one who always seems to cause pain to others, but still causing yourself pain isn't less unpleasant for all that.

Making a leap here, combining the details I read over at Reddit, there's something beautifully archetypal about your situation and your attitude to it. That's the overall tone of 60. Self-restraint is mature and even noble.

Yet you'll cause yourself pain if you continue doing what you're doing.

Coming to the oracle for clues as to how to best get her is the wrong way to go about it. You can never get a woman's heart by manipulation. If you wait for her to sort her life out without contacting her because you think that's what she best needs it's one thing; if you do that because she hasn't given you enough positive signs of her interest to give you the courage to broach the topic (of getting to know each other by doing something together in a group or alone), and you're not sure, that's another. I suggest that the opportunity for you here would be (to allow yourself to be "limited" (60) by the "wind" trigram (top portion of your relating hexagram), which I take here as representing a feeling of affinity or connection with someone--something that spans time and space, really. Something you can't put in a box or order about. Something that really should be experienced face next to face (like the same breeze against both faces), in person. The challenge would be for you to do that with an appropriate moderate self-restraint. Your nervous hankering for certainty is threatening to snuff out your natural drive towards connection and intimacy. Using the I Ching for love situations is the most delicate and difficult thing to do because it's almost impossible to separate one's wish-fulfillment fantasies and projections from the facts of the oracle's answer. It's best to approach such predicaments (love and its mysteries) with an experimental rather than a proscriptive attitude. It can't tell you how she feels about you. It can't tell you how to win her heart. What it can do is give you a picture of your "viewality", which is a neologism Chat GPT coined a few seconds ago at my prompt to combine the senses and sound of objective reality and point of view in one word. That picture most times only comes into focus with a slight change of point of view. That's the stretch and the exhilaration of synchronicity.

I see over at Reddit that there's commentators to your post agreeing with you on its consistency, the oracle is always "on message", the same message, with you about this girl. You've been self-reinforcing your point of view on the situation, but it hasn't been working out. What if you sacrificed the very idea of hatching the perfect plan to get her to love you, what if you sacrificed the idea of not facing your fear of rejection by magically acquiring a fool-proof plan? What would be a middle-road of self-restraint here, that would not stiffle your own needs, cancel any chance of a relationship with this woman developping? What about actually talking with her, asking her? Or, maneuvering and plotting just to get in her presence, by a group date you mentioned as a possibility, and see what happens? What if, instead of asking the oracle, "What should I do to make her love me?" you asked it something like, "What if I just offered to help her out in some way, without expecting anything from her, but taking it as an opportunity to know her better?" That's an experimental attitude that the oracle works well with.

I wouldn't suggest going to the oracle pronto with such a question, though. Experiments run on results. You need action in the world.

That slight shift in your point of view, away from seeking certainty, and towards facing the music, reality, taking chances with action in the world, and encountering the mysteries of the human heart, that which no one, not even an oracle, can give you a clear read on, but the owner of that human heart has herself or himself--you both have to use slow, cumbersome words to convey that sovereign, quicksilver reality--that's the discipline that's called for you here, that's the golden mean of self-restraint, and that's what the next step in your growth would be. Which would include knowing better how intertwined the oracle is with our lives in action. Repeated questions on the same topic is the classic beginner's mistake. "No blame." To ask better, self-experimentation style questions, to have an action-oriented, humble, self-restrained, experimental attitude towards life (no one has the answer to everything, we're all just trying our best), and to use the I Ching as a kind of constant goad to higher awareness, rather than "please sanction my behavior ahead of time" type questions seems like a natural upgrade (a glow-up!) for you at this point in your relationship with yourself and the world. You admit over at Reddit that you're a beginner at how to ask questions of the I Ching. In fact your whole tone and approach is as of the ideal student, humble, eager to learn. Tidbits of information like that are important in how I interpret the oracle's answers.

But on the other hand, if you don't manage that, and just continue to lay low and wait it out, you'll hurt yourself, but sometimes that's necessary too (as both your changing lines emphasise). Maybe financial or hard external facts just don't allow a relationship room to breathe right now. That's maybe something you can talk about with your intended.

 

[rosada]

60.3.6 - 9.
9 represents a person going forward on their own. The advice here seems to be that it would be wise to 60. Limit your focus on this person, keep a low profile and move forward on your own.

4.3
You are advised to not pursue this woman.

34.4
If this is a message from her higher self she is alerting you that she is not interested in a relationship with anyone just now although she may change her mind in the future.

 

[marybluesky]

Hello Euphon!

Is waiting for her to show real interest and keeping a low profile the only way forward?" I got 60.3.6 ​

To me the cast clearly says that limits should be put on being overly passive and waiting for the rain (the result hexagram, 9, makes sense here). 60.3 indicates sweet measures aren't useful and you already know it. 60.6 says being overly limited leads to nowhere.

How am I doing in regards to my navigation related to this person? For this one, I got 4.3>18
You have put this woman on such a pedestal that makes you unable to feel worthy of her. It ruins the potential beautiful things you can have together.

A message from this person's higher self in regards to my intent. 54.4
Difficult to say. Maybe she wants to be with you but saves it for later?

If the I Ching is sending a message to you, I translate it as: stop waiting, be brave and proactive and confess your feeling.