Request for help from Master Long Yi 47.1 to 58

[newlife123]

Long Yi Sifu,

I am with a girl right now and she is very good to me but I don't feel satisfied with her. There is nothing wrong with her besides just not being my type, we get a long well but inside I wish to find someone else who would suit me better but I also feel it would be a mistake to leave this person I am with. I have tried to force myself to love her but it isn't there.

I asked the I Ching what I should do about her and got this:
47.1 to 58

This is an important (lifetime) decision for me right now. You advice is always cherished.

 

[pooja123]

you worry a lot about her. She is always on your mind. She brings joy but you don't see that. She is also seeing another man or maybe she will dump you for the other man. it looks like she will leave you first. 47.1 shows you have many doubts about her. Some are unfounded fears. The fear has over taken and you can't see her true beauty.I think this is what will drive her to look for another man. in the future you will be alone. it is strange though, you guys match each other so well. it is your doing that will break this good relationship apart.

 

[moss elk]

I am with a girl right now and she is very good to me but I don't feel satisfied with her. There is nothing wrong with her besides just not being my type

So, you love 'types' and not people.
Do the girl a favor and get out of her life, the sooner the better for her.
Seek or continue counseling as the line indicates depresssion.

You can also Private Message someone.

 

[newlife123]

Vegetables are good for us but it doesn't mean we like them. Is it my fault that I am not right for her or she for me?

 

[diamanda]

The analogy with vegetables is not valid.

We need to eat vegetables (like them or not) because we can't live without vitamins.
However, you don't need to be a couple with someone you don't really like.

what I should do about her
47.1 > 58
Make her feel sad for 3 years, then go find someone else.

 

[usilser]

what I should do about her
47.1 > 58
Make her feel sad for 3 years, then go find someone else.

That seems very bad for both of you. Let her find someone else that will make her happy (even if the breakup hurts) and go find someone else too. This is the best advice, you don't need the help of iching.

 

[Trojina]

Long Yi Sifu,

I am with a girl right now and she is very good to me but I don't feel satisfied with her. There is nothing wrong with her besides just not being my type, we get a long well but inside I wish to find someone else who would suit me better but I also feel it would be a mistake to leave this person I am with. I have tried to force myself to love her but it isn't there.

I asked the I Ching what I should do about her and got this:
47.1 to 58

This is an important (lifetime) decision for me right now. You advice is always cherished.

Well you realize we often don't know what we 'have got till it's gone'. In 47.1 the advice is to do whatever it takes to lift oneself out of despondency. There isn't necessarily any real cause for despondency there.

I also wonder if because the relationship is calm and stable (?) you think it's dull but if you lost her you'd miss her. I'm saying this because in 47.1 one really is moping, seeing everything in the worse possible light and it's not necessary at all.



If you do want to leave then do it. But she obviously gives you something or you wouldn't be with her. Maybe you are seeing the relationship in a more bleak way than it really is ?

 

[moss elk]

Is it my fault that I am not right for her or she for me?

No, not at all.

It is your fault though, if you stay with someone while telling yourself, 'she isn't suited to me, someone else out there is better suited.' The fault would be: 1-dishonesty to her, 2- using her, 3-hurting her whenever you decide to take action on your assessment.

Her time that you occupy is time that she could use to find someone who would appreciate her.
(which you do not)

 

[newlife123]

The problem is she is a Black girl. She is nice and caring but just can't get myself to be attracted to Blacks. It's not a racism thing, it is personal preference. I am only attracted to Asian and Caucasian women. So if i marry her, i will always be attracted to other races. This is a problem to me.

 

[moss elk]

I appreciate your sharing this.
It took courage to say.
(because of it's potential to invite criticism.) But honesty deserves respect.

Are you yourself bi-racial?

What if you marry an asian woman?
(will your attraction to caucasian women cease?)

What if you marry a caucasian woman?
(Will your attraction to Asian women cease?)

I myself find women from all tribes beautiful. That doesn't mean if I marry, that I would be unfaithful or unsatisfied. But, you'll have to answer this one for yourself.

 

[equinox]

The problem is she is a Black girl. She is nice and caring but just can't get myself to be attracted to Blacks. It's not a racism thing, it is personal preference. I am only attracted to Asian and Caucasian women. So if i marry her, i will always be attracted to other races. This is a problem to me.

Well it is absolutely your private business who you find attractive or not -- for whatever reason.
But since you've come here with such frankness: I find you can't simply say 'it has nothing to do with racism, it is just a personal preference.' Obviously since it is a personal preference based on the category 'race', it is racialised attraction. Think for yourself what that means, I won't say anything else about this. I myself am white and therefore I do not see myself entitled to accuse asian people of racism who are -- unlike me -- themselves exposed to a lot of racism in this crazy world.

I would recommend you to work on your perception of women. Your result shows in my opinion that you are very narrow minded when it is about her. I think you are setting the wrong priorities in your realationship(s). But I know, you can't just shake it off, you have to work hard on yourself. In the meantime I would let her go, because everybody deserves someone who is head over heels in love with them. Give her the chance to find that person, if you're not.

 

[Trojina]

Request for help from Master Long Yi 47.1 to 58

I didn't start this thread and have been unable to delete. Can someone delete this

 

[equinox]

@hilary and forum moderators :

I join Trojina's request to delete this post (and would of course modify mine accordingly or delete it)
It is certainly offensive for black users or onlookers of the forum to read something like this.

 

[Trojina]

equinox your message box is full

 

[equinox]

Sorry -- emptied.

 

[moss elk]

The moderators are aware of this thread, and will comment shortly.
For the time being,
please move along to another thread.

 

[newlife123]

I thought it would be OK at first and I do like her, just i don't feel attracted.

 

[newlife123]

She asked me to do this since she knows I believe in the I Ching. We are not racist. She prefers Asian men. It is just preference.

 

[moss elk]

After deliberation, the Moderators see no racism in this post.

Belief in the Superiority of a race is an integral part of racism. newlife expressed no such thing.
(granted he may not have carefully considered the sort of reaction he would get for sharing such intimate preferences in a public forum)

Anyone who wishes to delete one of their posts should be able to now.

No moderation action will be taken.

 

[equinox]

After deliberation, the Moderators see no racism in this post.

Belief in the Superiority of a race is an integral part of racism. newlife expressed no such thing.
(granted he may not have carefully considered the sort of reaction he would get for sharing such intimate preferences in a public forum)

Anyone who wishes to delete one of their posts should be able to now.

No moderation action will be taken.

I disagree. Alone the belief that such a thing like 'race' exists in humans while it is scientifically proven a socially constructed category (besides irrelevant phenotypical features) is racist to me.
To distinguish people by 'race' may not mean that you feel automatically superiour towards the 'others', but this approach always prepared the ground for hierarchical differentations between humans, to put it short. There are a hell of a lot of examples of that in human history.
The only realm where I accept a distinction by 'race' is in the description of social realities that arise from racism/the dynamics of racist societies.
I am very sorry for every black person who stumbles over this thread.

 

[equinox]

When I say "a person is black" then I am not talking about their personal characteristics but about their social reality, which is very much manifested through external attributions and a common history with other people who are called 'black' and are exposed to these attributions since hundreds of years.

 

[moss elk]

Four Moderators have made a decision.
Any protests to this decision should be directed in PM to Hilary.

Any further debate about what consitutes racism should be started in a new thread in Open Space.

I am closing this thread, as passions are high, the posts have gone off topic and are no longer addressing the question and reading.