Romance or travel?

[precision grace]

I had asked those and many other questions and got nowhere. I don't think it helps much to ask that sort of question. I tend to like to ask - what is it I am meant to learn from this situation - type questions. But here, as you've asked

as of right now,
A wants 15.1 > 36 (I think A wants me to be a bit less boisterous)

and B wants 4.1.2.4 > 21 ( B wants me to get a clue. He may be waiting some time...)

 

[dragona]

By the looks of it, these are beginnings of sort...and if you know what YOU want, or even better NEED, go about things that way...explore...and have a garden party with different cakes served and assembled
Have fun

 

[precision grace]

Having a bit of a sugar overload with all this cake..

Yes, tricky part is knowing what I want (or need). Apart to get fit. I need to exercise.

YI seems to think that what I need is 7.1.2 > 24.

I am valiantly fighting the overwhelming urge to run away. Or at least hide until everyone's forgotten about me.

 

[dragona]

I am valiantly fighting the overwhelming urge to run away. Or at least hide until everyone's forgotten about me.

Those days when I apologized for being human are gone...I only wish I allowed myself more...so in that sense...
more links on 11.1,2:
http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?t=3078
http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?t=13221

 

[iams girl]

What is the role of person A in my life: 33.2.4 > 57

Maybe A knows he’s got you under his spell (33.2), but has ultimately realized (57) that he needs to bow out gracefully (33.4)?

What is the role of person B in my life: 16.5 > 45

Maybe B senses a natural affinity with you (45), so lingers on, but ultimately, in the natural course of things, the relationship will end (16.5)?

...You're right, the answers didn't seem to lend themselves to easy interpretation and the above are admittedly guesses after looking at different sources for general themes. If true, then, umm, both A & B kinda look like “impossible crushes” (thanks to Trojan for that term in a 6uc situation :bag. Maybe there should be an “impossible crush” thread...

...no need to hide, PG, just enjoy them for how they uplift you and how their inner gifts help you become who you're meant to be during this time...

 

[precision grace]

Maybe A knows he’s got you under his spell (33.2), but has ultimately realized (57) that he needs to bow out gracefully (33.4)?



Maybe B senses a natural affinity with you (45), so lingers on, but ultimately, in the natural course of things, the relationship will end (16.5)?

...You're right, the answers didn't seem to lend themselves to easy interpretation and the above are admittedly guesses after looking at different sources for general themes. If true, then, umm, both A & B kinda look like “impossible crushes” (thanks to Trojan for that term in a 6uc situation :bag. Maybe there should be an “impossible crush” thread...

...no need to hide, PG, just enjoy them for how they uplift you and how their inner gifts help you become who you're meant to be during this time...

are impossible crushes all that's left?

is A an impossible crush? 49.4 > 63
is B an impossible crush? 14.2.3. > 21

both of them have had and continue to have very positive influence in my life so I can't really complain

 

[iams girl]

is A an impossible crush? 49.4 > 63
is B an impossible crush? 14.2.3. > 21

A:
49.4 The time for change has come.
63 The superior man takes thought of misfortune and arms himself against it in advance.

Not that Yi gives yes or no answers, but if this were my reading, I’d think twice about A.

B:
14.2 One may undertake something.
14.3 Ready to sacrifice.
21 Biting through has success.

Imo, it seems there’s more of a genuine meeting of heart and mind with B, but some honest talks may be in order here.

What are your real-life impressions and sense of the differences between two at this point?

(W/B, Book III)

 

[precision grace]

A:
49.4 The time for change has come.
63 The superior man takes thought of misfortune and arms himself against it in advance.

Not that Yi gives yes or no answers, but if this were my reading, I’d think twice about A.

B:
14.2 One may undertake something.
14.3 Ready to sacrifice.
21 Biting through has success.

Imo, it seems there’s more of a genuine meeting of heart and mind with B, but some honest talks may be in order here.

What are your real-life impressions and sense of the differences between two at this point?

(W/B, Book III)

Real-life impressions are ones of utter confusion. I'm very fond of both as people and would hate to mess things up in any way, but I can't help being attracted to both of them at the same time.

A is utterly delicious and we seem to have some sort of intuitive bond if you could call it that but he is impossibly young and I cannot realistically expect him to be interested. I have been putting his enthusiasm so far down to his general sunny disposition.

B is lovely and friendly and I have been putting his interest down to his general friendly disposition although I may have been wrong about that. He blows hot and cold and it's not entirely clear if he is interested and/or available. He is also much younger than me but not as much as A. I think A may have had a heart attack when he learned how old I was because I look at least 10 years younger. So perhaps both of them felt a little bit of attraction initially but I think that's since subsided.

I find it very difficult to try and build friendships with these two when I am attracted to them and haven't been given clear signs that they are not interested in me. Perhaps I should insist they tell me about their girlfriends but I hate fishing ... where is that sand again?

 

[precision grace]

OK, the saga of A and B continues.

Currently, A is getting on my every and last nerve. With that in mind, I have asked

"How to understand and handle A from now on?"
17.1.6 > 12

Now, A is being very awkward, work-wise, unreliable, and also seems to be taking altogether too many liberties - either he thinks I am stupid or completely dazzled by his shiny self, or both. I had enquired of B how to handle A and was told to treat him as an unruly labrador - smack on the nose with a rolled up paper was the expression used. Would that be 17.6?

What would you make of 17.6? Bind him and make him follow?

I just don't know whether this child is being genuinely naive and unaware of his own transgressions-which would make me inclined to leniency, or whether his arrogance is fully meant - which really would require a metaphorical slap.

I hate this. I don't know how to talk to precious young things without upsetting their delicate little sensibilities.

EDIT: I have also asked "What is my position regarding A?" (as in who am I to him, objectively speaking)

14.1.3.6>40

a spiritual guide? lol

 

[precision grace]

Hello, more updates and more readings. I thought it may be interesting to note that almost a year on and many interesting developments under the bridge, I am no less confused about these two than I had been back then. So that's fun then.

There has been absolutely nothing non-platonic and things have cooled off considerably and thankfully both have girlfriends that they are happy with which has, weirdly, made me feel massive relief. I had expected to feel jealous, or regretful or something, but no, I just feel sort of grateful and relieved about it and every time either of them say or do something that makes me question the boundaries, I start worrying that they have broken up with their girlfriends and then when I find out they haven't, I feel relief again. So I think we can safely assume I consider them as friends even if they don't feel that way about me. The heck how they feel about me is a complete puzzle and I really must be clueless because I just do not get it.

So A tells me he doesn't want to be friends, just a colleague, but keeps chatting with me at tea breaks, calls out to me outside of work and at one point he was even going to bring his gf over to introduce her but circumstances weren't right. But we are not friends. I have no idea where the boundaries of this relationship are and feel really confused. I've been getting 23 and 23 to 46 etc about this, but I cannot exactly completely remove this relationship from my life as we do run into eachother at work. Why has it even come to this!?

B is also totally confusing but because he reminds me a lot of a friend of mine (female) in terms of his behaviour, I sort of explain his oddities in the same way. Today I have asked what kind of friendship we have and received 50.4.5 > 57 In this, 50.4 is obviously worrying but I am not sure how to interpret it in this context. One of the commentaries suggest that there has been a failing of some sort - someone didn't do what was expected of them - was that me? What was I supposed to do? I have been trying so hard to be 'firm and correct' and nobody ever gives me a clue as to what they might expect from me. And they say women are difficult...

 

[ginnie]

Regarding your 50.4 and B, I think it is B who fails you, and not the other way around. BTW, what have these two done for you except given you perplexities and odd experiences? Neither of them is someone you can rely upon personally in terms of your own needs and wants, not that I am suggesting you abandon them. After all, you must be getting something subtle out of each of these two relationships with younger men. Yi said 28.2, a sense of rejuvenation.

 

[precision grace]

Hi Ginnie, thanks for the comment. They have done plenty for me, but I fear going into detail about it would be a) boring and b) compromising my/their privacy. They have always been really helpful, in work context and privately, with advice and just sort of being there to chat with. However you do raise an interesting couple of points. My own needs and wants haven't been really clear to me throughout all this, and certainly, the fact that I was allowing myself to be open to the possibility of romance seems to have caused me upset - as soon as I closed that metaphorical door (in my mind), I started to feel a lot better. I really just want friendship with them but maybe I have to define that too first?
As for getting something subtle out of younger men (heh heh, you make me feel like such a perv! there are even younger flirting with me daily, you should see how uncomfortable that makes me feel!), it is a bit of a double-edged sword. There is a vitality there and a lack of being fed up with the world that one gets from us older people, but there is also a lack of life experience and difference in attitudes that I find very challenging to deal with. I think you cannot share confidences with people without achieving some degree of intimacy, although I probably don't bond in the same way normal people do, so can't blame others if they are unhappy with me after having invested all that in me. I don't do belonging, you see. I think some people find my personal level of detachment very difficult to cope with, but I am only guessing here, it would be nice to know for sure what was what.

Thanks again, it's always really useful to hear someone else's perspective.

 

[iams girl]

Hi PG, thanks for the update. There are always ups and downs aren't there :bows:?!

Keeping your original reading in mind (31.4.5>56), it seems to have become the journey (56) of a lesson in keeping your own words and actions in sync (31.4.5) in order to have the kind of influence that settles all of you into your rightful places (31). Both A and B seem to be the ongoing test, like boys testing a mother’s boundaries (!), and maybe your emotions (comfortable or uncomfortable) reflect how well you think you are doing?

My take on person A: The stable relationship you desire is being continually undermined (23). Imo, person A seems to be happily taking advantage of the fact that you have “no idea where the boundaries of this relationship are.” I think you’re right about defining things yourself and here it might be to make your own decisions about where you want those boundaries to be for business associates vs. friends. For person A, maybe a few more polite, but firm, excuses on your part for not talking with him “right then and there” or at least keeping things brief whenever he pops on your radar might go a long way to cooling him down a bit while maintaining the business relationship you desire.

And person B: A gentle, steady influence (57) on each other. While gentleness-to-a-fault can lead to regretful situations (being taken advantage of here also, perhaps?) (50.4), it sounds like you’ve worked hard to earn perfectly correct firmness as well (50.5). However, since you are still feeling that “nobody ever gives me a clue as to what they might expect from me,” as above and as mentioned in W/B hexagram 57, having a “clearly defined goal” could be important. How do you want to see this relationship fitting into the bigger picture of your life? Do you want person B to have a minor part, a transition part, a big role, a small role? Just defining his image in your own mind might be a goal, such as “teddy bear” or “friendly neighbor” .

Another option for coming up with a more “clearly defined goal”: Once after casting 21, I saw that I liked the 21.5 line better than my 21.4 line because it seemed so much more objective and wise. I wanted it so much more that I took the liberty, with Yi kindly willing to indulge me, to cast again and ask, “What is a helpful picture for me to become more like 21.5?” (and got 56.1.3.6>51). It was very meaningful for me and helped me get to a better place beyond the original 21.4 line I’d gotten. The reason I mention it is, maybe it would be helpful for you to find a hexagram or line that appeals to you in your Yijing book and ask a similar question of Yi. In other words, a question like, “What is a helpful picture for me to become more like (insert hexagram or line)?" as a goal toward which to aspire.

Best wishes, Iams

 

[precision grace]

Wow, thank you iams girl - that's a lot of interpretation there, you went to a lot of trouble for me and I am very grateful! It may take me a while to understand all the meanings.
It is interesting that you suggest a need for consistency on my part, and I concur, I have actually found it difficult to be consistent and probably because I wasn't following my own star but was just getting blown about by the prevailing winds. Thanks so much again.
:bows: