Sex? 45.4>8

[vikk]

I tried having sex with my husband today. He could not get exited for a while and he finally did after some action, he couldn't finish and pretended that he did.
I asked "why couldn't we have sex?" And got 45.4>8
Mind you it is not the first time we tried having it after some time plus after the time I found our that he cheated on me.
Hexagram is positive, says creating success. What kind of success? We couldn't get it through.
Sorry guts for tmi. But what the heck us happening here???
Thank you!
Vikk

 

[kafuka]

Hello Vikk,
I'm not sure I can help but nuclear hexagram, the deeper message of your reading, is 53.3.5. Maybe you can try to read those lines meanings as well. Idk.

 

[sooo]

Where is Charly when we need him!

Kidding aside, I think this a most practical response. 45 is getting together, though 11 would be closer to actual intercourse. "Having sex" sounds a bit like have spaghetti for dinner. Not a whole lot of sentiment involved there, unless one has a high degree of passion over having spaghetti. There's some interesting imagery in 45: joy resting upon the earth, the king "entering" his temple - pretty graphic possibilities. There is obvious appreciation, even reverence, or at least respect involved. These are precursors to sharing intimacy, which leaves a lot of room for private ritual and romancing the one who is supposed to be precious. Sounds like a promising preliminary to a successful time together, in line 4.

8 can be literally holding together long enough to satisfy both. This is so outside the bedroom as well as inside. People who go their own way all week and expect to share and hour or more of intimacy once in awhile may find they have nothing to share.

We are not robots that have mechanical sex, we are sensitive, emotional creations with a drive to unite with an intimate partner. That means understanding and patience, not expectations and performance ratings at the end of the race to coitus. Focusing on caring and true intimacy and ritual can begin early in the day. Looking attractive, smelling attractive, speaking with care and consideration - that's all part of the mating ritual, unless you are teenagers who can't wait to get it on in the back seat on Saturday night, but even that is stimulated if dancing and having a fun time leads up to getting together intimately. A night out together may not be a bad idea once in awhile, just the two of you.

We are also individuals with personal buttons that turn on and turn off. Discovering and 'opening up' to those new adventures can inject energy into the king entering his temple, and joy resting upon the earth. Relaxation, comfort, security and trust are all conducive. If there's cheating going on, that is usually an intimacy killer unless it's somehow resolved and trust is restored, which is typically easier said then done. But it can be done if this reading is taken to heart.

Try not thinking of "having sex" as a mechanical or clinical performance based activity. Pay attention to the all important rituals that prepare and encourage the libido to become activated and enthusiastic. Be less goal oriented. Climax isn't called the "little death" for no reason. Enjoy the full course, savor the delicacies, relax, enjoy. There's no race or performance deadlines. Sex can be enjoyed even without a climax, and faking one fools nor helps anyone to become satisfied.

 

[RindaR]

What Bruce said - great response! This truly is a very positive and constructive reading!

I also see in 45 the idea of a mutual commitment to a larger goal within the gathering, a larger purpose. I'm wondering if it might be helpful to see making love in terms of cementing your relationship rather than some kind of test of your relationship, a means of expressing your love rather than a measure of it.

Perhaps just cuddling for awhile without any expectation of intercourse might be a good first step. Things will never be exactly the same, and if you can overcome this they may be even better than they were in the past. Allowing trust to grow again takes time. He will also need to learn to trust deeply again, trust himself (as well as you as you deal with your anger over this injury). It is impossible to force change to happen faster than it does. Pay attention to the things that brought you together and that helped hold you together.

 

[Tohpol]

For folks in general, just in case it could be useful:

http://www.reuniting.info/first_visit

 

[sooo]

For folks in general, just in case it could be useful:

http://www.reuniting.info/first_visit

This topic could warrant its own thread in Open Space, even its own forum. It's that important, and relevant to probably a large percent of the relationship problems posted here in Shared Readings.

 

[peterg]

Try http://www.iching123.com/45_text.htm for 45.4.5. as two competing factions. Line 4 is at the courtiers position and out of place so may get into conflict with line 5 at the kings position through lack of cooperation or submissiveness or usurping in some way. Or something like that.

H8 Bi 比 shows two persons next to each other seeking union, merging and joining together.
The person 人 is turned around. The character also means spoon. http://zhongwen.com/d/164/d80.htm
http://zhongwen.com/d/164/d241.gif
Liu Ming in Changing on 45.4 says ''a successful assembly is created by consensus not force.''
Instead of forcing the issue just try just spooning https://www.google.ie/?gws_rd=ssl#q=spooning
I heard a sex symbol celebrity say on '8 out of 10 Cats' TV he prefers spooning to sex.

Spooning leads to forking.

 

[vikk]

Hey guys!
Thank you for all of your input!
Love the spooning stuff! Very helpful!! ))
Plus the materials on reuniting!!!
Thank you thank you!!!!
Xoxoxo
Vikk