Should I trust? Hexagram 46 unchanging

[stronglightning]

Hi everyone. I would like to ask you all for help in interpreting this response. I started dating a guy a while ago. We did a lot of things together but what was missing was open and sincere communication, unfortunately due in part to his being fluctuating and unsure of me, in part to my character, by nature I am very introverted and I have trouble talking about my feelings. We finally opened up and were clearly not at the same point in this story. He confessed to me about the problems with his being and that there had been a betrayal which, however, he wanted to talk to me about, telling me that he had felt very bad, he couldn't open up. We decided to start over but in the following days I found myself a bit stuck probably because part of me wants to trust and another part is scared. Is hexagram 46 unchanging trying to tell me that I don't have to be afraid and that things will turn out for the best?I apologize for my English, I'm Italian and I thank you all in advance.

 

[Ichingtarot]

Stronglightning Hexagram 46 is very positive. However, it advises it will take time and patience. You won't be able to push the river. Ask yourself do you want to commit the time.

 

[stronglightning]

Stronglightning Hexagram 46 is very positive. However, it advises it will take time and patience. You won't be able to push the river. Ask yourself do you want to commit the time

I believed a lot in this story and I still believe in it, a lot has happened and now that we have finally opened up I don't want to abandon it like this, my commitment is there. The problem is that he told me that he had problems controlling these impulses and then told me that he felt bad because he understood that he had fallen in love with me. What scares me is that I don't know if this is enough for him to prevent it from happening again. However after that conversation I asked for "a picture of the two of us" and I got 53 unchanging

 

[my_key]

I have just posted this 46 unchanging comment on another thread and thought it aptly spoke to your situation too.

Yi seems to be saying that it will not come easily but if you apply your will and undertake the effort required, one small victory at a time, then climbing this mountain is a possibility for you. 46 never hands anything to you on a plate.

... of course, other interpretations may sing to you more clearly.

Good Luck

 

[Trojina]

Is hexagram 46 unchanging trying to tell me that I don't have to be afraid and that things will turn out for the best?I apologize for my English, I'm Italian and I thank you all in advance.

46 is Pushing Upwards, Growth, Ascending beyond where you are now but that could be growing out of the relationship as much as it could mean developing within it.

What worries is it is not clear what impulses of his worry you so much, you haven't said

The problem is that he told me that he had problems controlling these impulses and

So what impulses is he trying hard to control ? Is he violent or something ?

What scares me is that I don't know if this is enough for him to prevent it from happening again

Prevent what from happening again? What has he done ?

 

[stronglightning]

46 is Pushing Upwards, Growth, Ascending beyond where you are now but that could be growing out of the relationship as much as it could mean developing within it.

What worries is it is not clear what impulses of his worry you so much, you haven't said



So what impulses is he trying hard to control ? Is he violent or something ?

Prevent what from happening again? What has he done ?

He defined impulses as mechanisms that push him to destroy what he builds in relationships, and therefore also go to bed with other women, which is what he confessed to me that happened while we were dating. This obsession of his with sex.
He has never been physically violent, but when he enters these distancing mechanisms he becomes abrupt and irascible, he behaves as if I bothered him. I think I understood that in those moments he thinks of going with other women to destroy everything.

 

[stronglightning]

I have just posted this 46 unchanging comment on another thread and thought it aptly spoke to your situation too.

Yi seems to be saying that it will not come easily but if you apply your will and undertake the effort required, one small victory at a time, then climbing this mountain is a possibility for you. 46 never hands anything to you on a plate.

... of course, other interpretations may sing to you more clearly.

Good Luck

What I don't understand is what he means by applying will and effort. For me, in this always slightly confusing situation, my effort was to continue to believe in him and in us regardless of all the alarm bells. But sometimes I have the feeling that he wants a reaction from me, even an angry one, he wants to make me angry but I don't understand what he wants to achieve.

 

[Trojina]

He defined impulses as mechanisms that push him to destroy what he builds in relationships, and therefore also go to bed with other women, which is what he confessed to me that happened while we were dating. This obsession of his with sex.
He has never been physically violent, but when he enters these distancing mechanisms he becomes abrupt and irascible, he behaves as if I bothered him. I think I understood that in those moments he thinks of going with other women to destroy everything.

It sounds quite a disastrous enterprise to imagine this person could ever bring you either happiness or peace.
He really doesn't sound as if he is relationship material at all. If he wants a relationship with you doesn't he need to stop sleeping with other women? If he says he can't help sleeping with other women well he will need to find a woman who doesn't mind. Why would you trust him? All that was me just going by what you have said not through Yi.

Using Yi I think 46uc could be read a number of ways, sometimes it can be 'grow onwards' rather than 'stay and grow within'. Also it is unchanging so can be quite hard for you to apply practically. The relating hexagram shows one's position with something, can be a subjective way you grasp the situation. When unchanging sometimes it can show this is something happening outside of you that you don't or can't kind of 'have a handle on'. I say 'sometimes' because we don't want to box ourselves in to saying 'unchanging hexagrams always mean..xyz' that would be silly but there is IMO quite a detachment from the subject of the question here. You have someone acting in a very untrustworthy way and being quite unpredictable and careless of your feelings. You have trust to give. The capacity to trust, trust between people is a most precious thing. Does he look like a candidate to trust with your precious trust ? It's a question I think this cast might ask.

If he makes out he always tries to ruin relationships because of his issues, well he can go and ruin it with someone else can't he ? I doubt you have the time to waste ?

It is a hard answer to apply to your question. I guess one might say if he demonstrably put the effort in, demonstrated to you how he was going to change so as to grow towards the goal of having a relationship with you then perhaps you may decide to trust his genuine resolve to change for your sake. But if he isn't doing anything to show he will change other than waffle about his issues then he can jog on can't he? 46 might ask here what you are growing towards in this ? Just reading what you have said I can't imagine why you would stay with him but I guess you know about other factors. But don't be taken in this nonsense of him needing to ruin relationships. If he cannot help but ruin them by going with other women surely he is no earthly use to you ?

 

[breakmov]

For me, when it comes to dealing with hexagrams that do not change, I consider that there is a "paradoxical situation" present and that it can be represented by the interaction between the hexagram that came out and its opposite, in this case between hex46 and hex25.

In the situation you present yourself, I imagine....

"
......this relationship, to be true, has to come from a base that represents the "fruit of something real and genuine between the two" (hex25). Only in this way is it possible to sprout "a seed of common commitment that could result in a pushing upward of your relationship" (hex46)

"

...the "paradoxical" part:

everyone wants a relationship like that, and with everything potentially happening, it seems like something is blocking this aspiration...almost as if the right quality of energy for it isn't yet present.

...and if you imagine this makes sense:

option 1....he appears to not have the same objective as you, and this is precisely what the dating phase is for...checking to what extent the two of you are compatible with something in common.

option 2... what defined this common interest for both of you is real and genuine, but he is creating a "persona" to try to use "pic up artist" strategies, thinking that doing so will have an advantage in increasing your interest in him .

Therefore, in my opinion, try to take up time and interest in understanding whether there is any paradox in this hex46 UN situation.


breakmov

 

[rosada]

I see 46. as saying trust is not created instantaneously but rather grows and deepens with time and experience. Maybe that means you should be very sensible about how much to trust him now, knowing he has this - what would you call it? - sex addiction? - and keep your eyes open recognizing that he has a real problem and while you may think your actions, your introverted nature, is somehow partly to blame for his lack of impulse control, the truth is the responsibility is all his and there is nothing you can do to reform him anymore than a spouse can keep an alcoholic from drinking. So reconnect if you think it’s worth a new beginning but only time will tell if anything has changed.

 

[my_key]

What I don't understand is what he means by applying will and effort. For me, in this always slightly confusing situation, my effort was to continue to believe in him and in us regardless of all the alarm bells. But sometimes I have the feeling that he wants a reaction from me, even an angry one, he wants to make me angry but I don't understand what he wants to achieve.

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Your original query is 'Should I trust?'
It is important to have trust in life, it means that you hold a belief in the reliability and truth of things in your life.
Your will is the thing that helps you to make decisions in life. It more often than not lies behind how you habitually behave and also provides a weight and direction to your future expectations and wishes. If you are finding a situation confusing then it might be that what is happening in the situation is going against the way you would like things to be and away from the direction that you would expect them to go.
Effort is a measure of how much you apply yourself. This could be application to a particular venture, train of thought or solving of a problem.

Yi seems to be saying that it will not come easily but if you apply your will and undertake the effort required, one small victory at a time, then climbing this mountain is a possibility for you. 46 never hands anything to you on a plate.

Remember, this response is directed at you and not about the antics of your partner.

If this was my oracle I would read this post in relation to whether I should trust in the way I do and providing pointers towards untangling the confusion:
'This situation is difficult so apply yourself more to understanding what is happening regarding how you habitually behave and how you create expectations for the future when you are in situations like this. Making the effort and applying some alternative will power will help you to gain a number of small victories (new insights) that will allow you to see matters from a higher viewpoint and perhaps to then act in different ways that will make the situation less hard for you'.

Good Luck