The Hardest Answer to Face

[troubadour]

Sometimes when we really really want something to happen - and I am thinking especially of the return of a lost love - we ask the Universe to let it happen, we ask the Yi to tell us it will happen.

And then the answer comes: and it is a clear No.

It's happened to me and it was painful and I feel that pain all over again when I see other people struggling with their own No answers and trying every trick of argument to turn No into Yes.

It's hard to help someone who wants to make Yes out of No. They sometimes get angry with the Universe, the Yi, and with us.

I guess then the best thing we can do is to ask the Universe - and the Yi - to help us - all of us - to find a sense of acceptance and inner peace and recognize reasons to hope for better things.

If there is a balance between Yin and Yang in our lives we can also hope that for every No at some other time a Yes will come too.

Love is pure energy; and energy never dies. Life goes on. We go on too.

Peace all.:bows:

 

[hooo]

I dreamt last night - can you believe it? - that i was in the neighborhood of the woman who fits, for me, the dynamic you describe above.

it began with me seeing a large black bear rummaging through someone's trash; not hers, though, as i was still down the street. i decided to warn people who might be out and about (it was broad daylight) about the bear, and did so, then, because i thought She might be out on her stoop reading the paper (or whatever), and because i just happened to be in the neighborhood, i thought i'd head up the street to her house and warn her.

when i got there her place now had a large window that faced the street and i could see a man at the table, and knew it was Someone New; i knew he was her new significant other. oddly, he didn't seem particularly happy, just sitting there. (it would've made for a rather cryptic tarot image.)

there was that brief sort of sinking feeling, and i quickly left. i couldn't see her through the window but there was a bit of glare that, i thought, might prevent me from seeing her while she could see me. anyway, i left, retracing my steps. i'd seen what i needed to see and what i'd suspected. (but to get back to it i thought to myself as i was walking away that he did in fact seem a little melancholic, which was interesting to me upon waking.)

interestingly, on the way back to my car i saw a couple or few skunks coming up the road, coming from where i'd started and headed toward her place. (to make a stink?) and that was pretty much the dream.

i woke and replayed it and was a little surprised that the usual deep sort of ache wasn't there. (for one, the imagery of the dream supported - or maybe did - a suspicion i have that "things" are not entirely set and that she is, in fact, in for something of a fall. his face, the bear in the neighborhood, the skunks heading her/their way.)

(i did inquire: what was that about? 17, Following.)

but yes, i am also aware of my envisioning that particular scenario - at least in part, a little - due to a wishfulness that indeed turns a No into a Yes.

(however, i DID dream awhile back of bringing her back to life after she'd had a tremendous fall from a hot air balloon and "died.") ("hot air" indeed.)

it is both easier and harder now with such things. harder because at my age, there is a preciousness and fragility to things; so much more seems at stake; the costs feel heavier, the sadness greater. and yet "easier" in that this same aging/maturity/experience reminds me that YES, we DO "go on, too."

wonderful post. thank you.

 

[troubadour]

I am so glad I wrote what I did because it led to you writing what you wrote.

It's beautiful and I identify with all the feelings you set out - the numb ache (can there be such a thing? You know what I mean), the inability to look too long at the woman of your dreams, the fear that she will realize you are out there looking in with some degree of shame, the careful audit of pain (and the sense of relief that comes when you realize the pain begins to abate), and the sly reality check your subconscious inserts in that clear impression that the next guy in her life will sooner or later sag or wilt or look into space and think of someone he's lost just as you lost her.

And above all that wonderful comic touch - the bear that's there to rifle through the trash or take a dump on the lawn - and the skunks to express that pervasive air of crap which goes with the whole process of falling, not out of love (don't think that can happen) but out of infatuation.

You sound like a nice man, maybe a middle aged man? I like your sense of humour and wish you new joy on the road of life. For you and me both.

 

[hooo]

I'm 51 in November.

This sense of humour is an inflatable life raft we blow into shipshape breath by panicked breath while all the while treading water in a vast ocean that holds no promise other than to remain unfathomable. We are lucky when the islands we arrive at via current are inhabitable, but they too shall be submerged, eventually, and in knowing this we are more thankful for each one whose beach lends us embrace before we must again brave the waves and beautiful, treacherous reef.