What does he want from me? 8.4 > 45

[mistique]

Hi there,

Happy to say i've been consulting the I Ching regularly for the past 4 months and I feel that I am getting more familiar with this wonderful "friend" and its advice.

Now I need your help again on a reading that confuses me - or better said I am afraid of seeing what I want in it, instead of what it really tells me. Story: 4 months ago I decided to end the relationship with the man i had been dating for the past 4 months. The reason behind my decision what the fact that the relationship was getting cold and impersonal and he disappointed me several times. I felt it was not leading anywhere. So, we ended the relationship on civil terms and that was the last time I heard from him...until 2 weeks back when I received a message from him. He said that he was in my neighborhood and remembered me (now he lives in another city 200km away) . We started talking and then he said that he would come to my city about once a week, and he would like to meet me for a coffee and catch up. Well, I still haven't heard of him (he is pretty busy and always takes his time) but my question to I Ching was:

What does he want from me, what does he want from the relationship with me?
And the answer received was 8.4 (Union) changing to 45 (gathering together).

I read the other posts on relationships that received the same hexagrams and they talk about good compatibility and that both hexagrams are very good for marriage. Now I don't want to get enthusiastic and completely unrealistic; this is why I humbly request your help in interpreting this reading.

Thank you very much in advance :bows:

 

[Trojina]

Story: 4 months ago I decided to end the relationship with the man i had been dating for the past 4 months. The reason behind my decision what the fact that the relationship was getting cold and impersonal and he disappointed me several times.

That sounds like 8.4. 8.4 is not a line that speaks of very intimate union. There may be shared goals, you may be moving in similar directions...but it isn't personal. Often 8.4 is experienced as cold and impersonal for the gathering is not due to emotions as such but a reason.

If you want to be friends and just meet for a catch up go ahead but I'd be dubious of thinking there's any deep emotion here.

 

[Lilly-La]

I agree with trojan, mistique.

There is a very important line in Hex. 8:
Inquire of the oracle once again
Whether you possess sublimity, constancy, and perseverance
[for union / here a relationship]
...for anyone attempting the task without a real calling for it only makes confusion worse than if no union at all had taken place.

I got Hex. 8 a couple of times in my life and never could answer with Yes upright.

 

[mistique]

What does he want from me? 8.4 > 45 and 46.3 > 7

Thank you trojan and lilly,

Yes, it cannot be about deep emotions, otherwise I wouldn't have chosen to end the relationship and I seriously doubt that anything changed from his side. Will definitely let you know how it goes...in case it goes

One clarification that I need to make before i continue this post: when i asked what did he want from the relationship with me, I didn't focus on the romantic side; i meant the general relationship (of any kind), knowing the emotionless state he was at.

Lilly, I did ask the question you advised me. here we go:
Do I possess sublimity, constancy, and perseverance for the union/romantic relationship with X?
and I got 46.3> 7, Pushing Upward into an empty city and changing to Army

Here I got surprised at the synchronicity of the hexagrams:
Hex 46 comes after hex 45 "Assembling and moving higher is called Pushing Upward, and so Pushing Upward follows"

and the pairing of hex 7 with hex 8 - "seeking Union means delight; Army means grieving"

How should I interpret this now? No obstacles in the way...I do possess the above qualities and nothing will block the progress in the relationship? What about hex 7 then? Grieving? Sadness?

Any suggestions of interpretation?

Thank you in advance :bows:

 

[meganj]

Yeah maybe, nothing is definite ever.
Gather your discipline to get what you want..
You know what is required, so be determined and do it...
46.3>7

Overall I think this may have potential for something a bit more intimate in the future. Keep doing what you're doing.

And 8.4
I don't necessarily see this as a connection that is cold. You both are at the beginning of this once again of course he's going to be a bit distant! Perhaps he has realized his errors and would like to try again. At this point it's really hard to tell but I think so, I mean why would he want to see you once a week while he's in your neck of the woods if he was just going to do the same thing over again..? Make sense?
I do not see anything negative in his intentions. He wants to see you (8-union) as a friend right now (45-gathering).

But this is the time you have to show him how you would like to be treated, and stand by that. If it doesn't work out than it isn't meant to be... but if he's coming to you then this might mean he's ready to change. Also, you cannot expect a man to just understand you and what you want.. you have to let them know! Keep that in mind.....

 

[meganj]

Oh and also realize if he does have a busy schedule than he may or may not find time to be with you in the future, look at it realisticly, if this was a problem before.. keep a heads up and see if this changes. But like I said right now is the time to teach him your needs, and if they cannot be met than heyyy you have another friend. But a person will only give as much of their time to their partner or friend because they want to.

Focus on the friendship part of your connection, no expectations.

 

[gene]

Hello mistique

I have to agree with meganj on this one. I think the answer was very good. This man is interested in seeing you because he wants to see what can become of it. He does not know if he wants romance or not, just to get to know you to see where it could go. He wants to "hold together with you" as a friend until he can find the direction this can go. Once he finds which direction it can go, he can follow that lead, and create a 'gathering together," of the type that shows by the nature of the relationship you have. It is nothing serious at this point, but nor is it totally casual or just a get together just to get together. One always looks for "the signs of the times."

Gene

 

[meng]

What does he want from me? 8.4 > 45

Everything he could get, more than he can handle.

 

[Trojina]

And 8.4
I don't necessarily see this as a connection that is cold. You both are at the beginning of this once again of course he's going to be a bit distant! Perhaps he has realized his errors and would like to try again. At this point it's really hard to tell but I think so, I mean why would he want to see you once a week while he's in your neck of the woods if he was just going to do the same thing over again..? Make sense?
I do not see anything negative in his intentions. He wants to see you (8-union) as a friend right now (45-gathering).

Actually no one has said this is a connection that is cold nor that there are 'negative' intentions.

If you read my actual words rather than just latch onto ideas about 'positive; and 'negative' I actually wrote "experienced as cold".. Mystique already wrote if you read her post that she had experienced him as cold in the past. I said

That sounds like 8.4. 8.4 is not a line that speaks of very intimate union. There may be shared goals, you may be moving in similar directions...but it isn't personal. Often 8.4 is experienced as cold and impersonal for the gathering is not due to emotions as such but a reason.

If you want to be friends and just meet for a catch up go ahead but I'd be dubious of thinking there's any deep emotion here.

There is quite a difference in how 8.2 and 8.4 is experienced, In 8.2 there is an inner connection, one connects 'within', there's emotional linking but in 8,4 one connects from 'without' or 'outside' and this is often where the connection is 'good' yes but it's to do with connecting for the purpose of some outer goal, shared interest, things like that. It is generally specifically not a deeply emotional line. Hence if one wants deep emotion from someone I don't think 8.4 shows that. Nevertherless it can be a worthwhile connection. In time it might change yes. But in the present whilst there is a connection I'd doubt there was deep emotion. It's important to notice the difference between 8.2 and 8.4 here.

Might help to read Bradford's commentary on 8.4. I've found it to be useful in pinpointing how 8.4 differs from 8.2. Alot of commentaries are just too vague about 8.4 so people just read it as 'good' or 'positive' which actually means nothing as its more subtle than that. I'd say 8.4 was good for a connection in a social group, a movement, a class...but it's not intimate.

 

[Trojina]

Hi there,

Happy to say i've been consulting the I Ching regularly for the past 4 months and I feel that I am getting more familiar with this wonderful "friend" and its advice.

Now I need your help again on a reading that confuses me - or better said I am afraid of seeing what I want in it, instead of what it really tells me. Story: 4 months ago I decided to end the relationship with the man i had been dating for the past 4 months. The reason behind my decision what the fact that the relationship was getting cold and impersonal and he disappointed me several times. I felt it was not leading anywhere. So, we ended the relationship on civil terms and that was the last time I heard from him...until 2 weeks back when I received a message from him. He said that he was in my neighborhood and remembered me (now he lives in another city 200km away) . We started talking and then he said that he would come to my city about once a week, and he would like to meet me for a coffee and catch up. Well, I still haven't heard of him (he is pretty busy and always takes his time) but my question to I Ching was:



Thank you very much in advance :bows:

Yeah maybe, nothing is definite ever.
Gather your discipline to get what you want..
You know what is required, so be determined and do it...
46.3>7

Overall I think this may have potential for something a bit more intimate in the future. Keep doing what you're doing.

And 8.4
I don't necessarily see this as a connection that is cold. You both are at the beginning of this once again of course he's going to be a bit distant! Perhaps he has realized his errors and would like to try again. At this point it's really hard to tell but I think so, I mean why would he want to see you once a week while he's in your neck of the woods if he was just going to do the same thing over again..? Make sense?
I do not see anything negative in his intentions. He wants to see you (8-union) as a friend right now (45-gathering).

..

They aren't at the beginning they had been dating for 4 months and she experienced him as cold. She asked what he wanted and 8,4 is very descriptive of what she's said. He seems to want connection without intimacy. I'm going by the reading not just my opinion.

How do you see the difference between 8.2 and 8,4 ? Can you recall any 8.4 experiences that were especially intimate ? I don't mean friendly I mean intimate, sharing emotions.

Anyway its interesting to discuss the difference between how 8.2 and 8,4 are experienced. I have found them to be very different. In 8,2 the connection is just there, an inner connection. In 8.4 there's a connection but its to do with externals and tends to aim for some kind of groop endeavour or ideal (hex 45) if one wants more than that an 8.4 connection can be experienced as quite cold even though there is nothing 'negative' there at all.

 

[meganj]

Trojan quit being so defensive.
I didnt say you said it was negative. In fact I DIDNT say you said anything or implied. I just referenced the cold part.
I didnt come to this site to be attacked, be a bit more open minded and you will grow with your readings, try and see how I interpreted it and see if it it makes sense before you get angry. If it doesnt make sense to you than I respect that there is no need to do that, be a bit more tolerant and nice to people whom you might not agree with. we are adults.

 

[Trojina]

Thank you trojan and lilly,

Yes, it cannot be about deep emotions, otherwise I wouldn't have chosen to end the relationship and I seriously doubt that anything changed from his side. Will definitely let you know how it goes...in case it goes

One clarification that I need to make before i continue this post: when i asked what did he want from the relationship with me, I didn't focus on the romantic side; i meant the general relationship (of any kind), knowing the emotionless state he was at.

The general relationship with 8.4 looks like someone you can connect with over shared life goals and experiences...or as part of a group thats engaged with something bigger.

Lilly, I did ask the question you advised me. here we go:
Do I possess sublimity, constancy, and perseverance for the union/romantic relationship with X?
and I got 46.3> 7, Pushing Upward into an empty city and changing to Army

Here I got surprised at the synchronicity of the hexagrams:
Hex 46 comes after hex 45 "Assembling and moving higher is called Pushing Upward, and so Pushing Upward follows"

and the pairing of hex 7 with hex 8 - "seeking Union means delight; Army means grieving"

How should I interpret this now? No obstacles in the way...I do possess the above qualities and nothing will block the progress in the relationship? What about hex 7 then? Grieving? Sadness?

Any suggestions of interpretation?

Thank you in advance :bows:

I don't agree with Lily that hex 8 means you must ask again but as you did ....46.3 shows that one may get where one wishes to go with no obstacles but finds when one gets there there is an 'empty city', That is you might find its easy enough to get there but when you do you find actually there's no life there, there's nothing you want there.

Perhaps he really doesn't have what you want anyway. Perhaps when its on the plate ready for you to take you find its not to your taste anyway

 

[Trojina]

Trojan quit being so defensive.
I didnt say you said it was negative. In fact I DIDNT say you said anything or implied. I just referenced the cold part.
I didnt come to this site to be attacked, be a bit more open minded and you will grow with your readings, try and see how I interpreted it and see if it it makes sense before you get angry. If it doesnt make sense to you than I respect that there is no need to do that, be a bit more tolerant and nice to people whom you might not agree with. we are adults.

There is nothing angry in my posts here but in your mind so please refrain from making personal comments here. If you feel attacked please press the red report button.

 

[meganj]

Oh and i came upon that reading through personal experience with my ex.
We are at that point where the connection is friendly, testing the waters that does not call forth deep emotions. And that is why I told her to just be his friend!

And yes shes at the beginning again, this is a new cycle if he has changed.
There was a period where they both had time to think.

I did not want it to come across as me attacking you in any way or making a jab.. why would I, I dont know you and its not me to try to prove someone wrong.
Thats the thing with online writing and even texting, it takes away the real expression.

 

[meganj]

You are so rude.

 

[dominic85]

I think he want you that's why he want to meet you even he is so busy.But you must realize him that what you want from him if you want to start it again.So the same mistakes not happen in future again.