Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).
Hawk Song Strong
visitor
- Joined
- May 8, 2022
- Messages
- 5
- Reaction score
- 1
Hi, everyone.. I am in a somewhat difficult situation in my life.. All 3 of us are in our 20's.. I have been in a very beautiful and intense relationship with X for going on 2.5 years. The relationship has been wrought with deep satisfaction and mutually supportive growth, as well lots of heaviness and pain, fighting and arguing to a degree that often feels we may be incompatible as romantic life partners, however, the relationship has also been one of the most pure, healing, and balanced, and we have both grown so much from this relationship in many ways that are so profound its hard to really even do justice in describing it. I am very deeply in love with X, and likely always will be to some degree, even if we couldn't last as life long or very long-term partners. We have made it through a lot of extreme relationship hardships that give me hope about our potential to make it through anything; however this also causes lots of concern and doubt for me as to the viability of the relationship, as it seems we have had too many heartbreaks, extremely painful fights and stubborn emotional violence for such a relatively short time being together. The relationship has been quite paradoxical to say the least; the most engaging and fulfilling relationship i have been in, with the most stress and emotional turmoil as well (the Yi loves to talk about this inevitable returning of opposites in life, doesn't it?).
Now, this woman Y... I have had a bit of a latent crush on her for 3 years, and the feelings are mutual, as we shared with each other just when I was first meeting X, my current partner. I was in polyamorous style open relationships for 4 years before settling into monogamy with X. One year into our relationship, my feelings of trust towards X and belief in the relationship potential were for the first time deeply broken because of her lack of boundaries with another man. This caused a seemingly inevitable internal transition for me back towards polyamory, and I have vacillated about the relationship with X ever since, feeling such deeply beautiful authentic love and growth between us, and also feeling a lack of hope towards the old human enterprise of attempting to commit romantically to only one person for life.
I mention all of this because it gives appropriate context, hopefully, to innerstand(understand) my question - I seek guidance and to walk the proper way in life while doing the least harm and hopefully helping to bring healing and love and my pure self to each relationship I enter. This woman Y and I never speak, however we did chat a bit 1.5 years ago during a short period of separation I was in with X, and the mutual interest was clearly still present (X knows about this). I feel that the energy between us still is there under the surface, if I were to choose to invoke it.
So this leads me finally to my questions and their respective answers.. as with typical "control" in experiments, I asked the exact same question, word for word, about both of these people..
What is my highest self calling me to do with X? 62.1 to 55
What is my highest self calling me to do with Y? 58
The first question's answer seems to speak to the fact that I am perhaps not ready to make the big leap of faith and attempt to make the relationship work, by attempting to soar when it is the time to keep still and develop myself further.. On the other hand, it also seems to be saying that by choosing to leave the relationship I would be leaping from the bird's nest prematurely and trying to fly too high.. the confusion exists for me not only in my own personal emotional paradoxes with these people but also in the translated imagery and the fact that the bird's relative actions are described as "rebellion"(flying too high) which brings misfortune and "devotion"(coming back down to the earth), which brings good fortune.
I cannot really discern if the "rebellion" in this case is trying to force the relationship against some signs that we are incompatible , or if the "rebellion" is my internal attempts at bucking the relationship and its control over my emotions.. Likewise it is hard to tell if the "devotion" aspect refers to continued devotion and commitment to my partnership and journey with X, or if it saying to remain devoted to my internal process of honoring my feelings and not over-extending myself with this relationship with X.
With the question about Y... It seems to be suggesting a very positive and pleasant outcome from literally opening up and communicating, experiencing the joy of the coming together.. the Yi even uses imagery such as "one lake by itself evaporates and dries up readily, however two lakes joined together have a much greater reserve.." or something along these lines. I feel there is definitely a suppressed desire within me to connect with Y, which I have suppressed out of respect and integrity to my partner X, who is very strictly monogamous. Life feels like I am at a crossroads, and ultimately these questions are both hinging on the doubt and difficulty underlying my relationship with X for the last 2.5 years, and my feelings of interest and desire to know deeper this other person who could be potentially more compatible with me.
Well, I know this was a lot of information to take in, so if you've made it this far, thank you very much for taking the time to read this and help me with your feedback. I know that everything will work out however it is meant to, and its ultimately out of my control, however I also cannot seem to shake this feeling of me being able to choose my destiny, and the nagging feelings that tag along with... Thanks so much for reading.
Blessings, Hawk
Now, this woman Y... I have had a bit of a latent crush on her for 3 years, and the feelings are mutual, as we shared with each other just when I was first meeting X, my current partner. I was in polyamorous style open relationships for 4 years before settling into monogamy with X. One year into our relationship, my feelings of trust towards X and belief in the relationship potential were for the first time deeply broken because of her lack of boundaries with another man. This caused a seemingly inevitable internal transition for me back towards polyamory, and I have vacillated about the relationship with X ever since, feeling such deeply beautiful authentic love and growth between us, and also feeling a lack of hope towards the old human enterprise of attempting to commit romantically to only one person for life.
I mention all of this because it gives appropriate context, hopefully, to innerstand(understand) my question - I seek guidance and to walk the proper way in life while doing the least harm and hopefully helping to bring healing and love and my pure self to each relationship I enter. This woman Y and I never speak, however we did chat a bit 1.5 years ago during a short period of separation I was in with X, and the mutual interest was clearly still present (X knows about this). I feel that the energy between us still is there under the surface, if I were to choose to invoke it.
So this leads me finally to my questions and their respective answers.. as with typical "control" in experiments, I asked the exact same question, word for word, about both of these people..
What is my highest self calling me to do with X? 62.1 to 55
What is my highest self calling me to do with Y? 58
The first question's answer seems to speak to the fact that I am perhaps not ready to make the big leap of faith and attempt to make the relationship work, by attempting to soar when it is the time to keep still and develop myself further.. On the other hand, it also seems to be saying that by choosing to leave the relationship I would be leaping from the bird's nest prematurely and trying to fly too high.. the confusion exists for me not only in my own personal emotional paradoxes with these people but also in the translated imagery and the fact that the bird's relative actions are described as "rebellion"(flying too high) which brings misfortune and "devotion"(coming back down to the earth), which brings good fortune.
I cannot really discern if the "rebellion" in this case is trying to force the relationship against some signs that we are incompatible , or if the "rebellion" is my internal attempts at bucking the relationship and its control over my emotions.. Likewise it is hard to tell if the "devotion" aspect refers to continued devotion and commitment to my partnership and journey with X, or if it saying to remain devoted to my internal process of honoring my feelings and not over-extending myself with this relationship with X.
With the question about Y... It seems to be suggesting a very positive and pleasant outcome from literally opening up and communicating, experiencing the joy of the coming together.. the Yi even uses imagery such as "one lake by itself evaporates and dries up readily, however two lakes joined together have a much greater reserve.." or something along these lines. I feel there is definitely a suppressed desire within me to connect with Y, which I have suppressed out of respect and integrity to my partner X, who is very strictly monogamous. Life feels like I am at a crossroads, and ultimately these questions are both hinging on the doubt and difficulty underlying my relationship with X for the last 2.5 years, and my feelings of interest and desire to know deeper this other person who could be potentially more compatible with me.
Well, I know this was a lot of information to take in, so if you've made it this far, thank you very much for taking the time to read this and help me with your feedback. I know that everything will work out however it is meant to, and its ultimately out of my control, however I also cannot seem to shake this feeling of me being able to choose my destiny, and the nagging feelings that tag along with... Thanks so much for reading.
Blessings, Hawk