What kind of relationships am I creating with M****?

[soulution121]

I got hexagram 7.4.6 changing to 64.

It was confusing at the time but it was clearer now with hindsight.

Background is I tried to start dating and was having video chats with this woman who lives at the other end of the country with me. We had a few things similar and there was possibility of dating.

On our second video chat I was in a really agitated state. Overly dominating the conversation and projecting alot of my stuff and expectations. In essence trying to get some sort of security that she was committed to dating but she was making it clear that she can't offer me any sort of commitments as we haven't even met yet. She had her point but I couldn't listen at the time. I've had a traumatic past around abandonment and relationships and lost my partner in a fire a year and a half ago. I'm working on these issues but my defence mechanisms around sexual romantic relationships goes haywire and I go in to obsession mode of trying to get attention from people that don't reciprocate. I'm in recovery for my romantic obsessions. I'm doing a lot better around grief now but I am probably still not ready to date.

Anyway, a week after that video chat I got this ambiguous messages and by the end of it, it was clear she didn't want to date me.

So changing line in the 4th was spot on - the army camps on the left - no mistake - retreating with the army to stop, relax and recuperate. It was clear that giving this woman more energy was not worth it and I haven't heard from her since but she did imply she wanted to be in touch somewhat. But I am no one's backburner or stepping stone.

Line 6 changing to the great leader has a mandate.

The time of fighting is over.

I am curious about this. I interpret it as my own inner war comes to an end and the cycle of grief and healing wanes towards new possibilities of romance in a different state in my life. As long as I do the work on my end. The outer world is a reflection of my inner state and someone will be attracted to that state rather than where I am now.

But my question is, I asked about her and I's relationship and what we would be creating? I don't see her contacting me again nor I her. Is hexagram a reference just to me and where I am or a reference to her and I and where we could be?

Many thanks friends.

 

[Hans_K]

Is hexagram a reference just to me and where I am or a reference to her and I and where we could be?

The way I see it, the answer is also definitely about yourself.
H7 is not just the Army or Multitude, it is also about leading. The Image text says:

Thus the superior person marshals his forces through
generosity to the common people.

So the superior person here is leading. The question is, what needs leadership here?
The related hexagram H64 is about a new beginning, a fresh start. Here, all the components are already available, only things still have to find their proper place, order has to be created. This process thus requires leadership (H7).

In the text of the 4th line of H7, the army retreats. The leader did not assess the situation properly, causing the retreat. Things need to be reviewed here and new plans made. This could refer to the contact with the woman online that went awry.
The reason why things went wrong is already given by yourself:

. I've had a traumatic past around abandonment and relationships and lost my partner in a fire a year and a half ago. I'm working on these issues but my defence mechanisms around sexual romantic relationships goes haywire and I go in to obsession mode of trying to get attention from people that don't reciprocate. I'm in recovery for my romantic obsessions. I'm doing a lot better around grief now but I am probably still not ready to date.

In the 6th line text, the battle is won and new structures are defined and implemented. Here, work is underway to build something new.

The upper trigram Earth changes to Fire through 2 moving yin lines. This is about gaining insight, clarifying what your own essential needs are in this situation.
It also shows that the your current situation is not yet "fertile ground" (Earth with 2 moving yin lines) for a relationship (Fire).
Thus, to start over (H64) requires leadership (H7) in this de situation.

This would be my interpretation, I hope it will be helpfull in some way.
As always, take what resonates and leave the rest

 

[rosada]

I see hex 7 as being about getting your own self organized and then at 7.6 giving others the autonomy to organize their own selves, to create their own fiefdoms.
So in answer to your question what you would be creating the I Ching seems to be saying
7.4 Your retreating and…
7.6 ... her being a separate fiefdom..
64. has left things in limbo.

 

[soulution121]

The way I see it, the answer is also definitely about yourself.
H7 is not just the Army or Multitude, it is also about leading. The Image text says:

So the superior person here is leading. The question is, what needs leadership here?
The related hexagram H64 is about a new beginning, a fresh start. Here, all the components are already available, only things still have to find their proper place, order has to be created. This process thus requires leadership (H7).

In the text of the 4th line of H7, the army retreats. The leader did not assess the situation properly, causing the retreat. Things need to be reviewed here and new plans made. This could refer to the contact with the woman online that went awry.
The reason why things went wrong is already given by yourself:

In the 6th line text, the battle is won and new structures are defined and implemented. Here, work is underway to build something new.

The upper trigram Earth changes to Fire through 2 moving yin lines. This is about gaining insight, clarifying what your own essential needs are in this situation.
It also shows that the your current situation is not yet "fertile ground" (Earth with 2 moving yin lines) for a relationship (Fire).
Thus, to start over (H64) requires leadership (H7) in this de situation.

This would be my interpretation, I hope it will be helpfull in some way.
As always, take what resonates and leave the rest

Thank you Hans_K for your interpretation. I resonated a lot with it. I do believe this is a time of reflection to build from within and my outer world will reflect that.

Leading from a place of strength, from healed wounds and wisdom from what works and what doesn't allows me to create the possibility for an unknown future of a stable long lasting relationship.

The impression I am getting is to be conscious, and with that I can assess situations more with expanded eyes rather than narrow weary tunnel vision.

There is Divine timing.

Many thanks

 

[soulution121]

I see hex 7 as being about getting your own self organized and then at 7.6 giving others the autonomy to organize their own selves, to create their own fiefdoms.
So in answer to your question what you would be creating the I Ching seems to be saying
7.4 Your retreating and…
7.6 ... her being a separate fiefdom..
64. has left things in limbo.

7.6 ... her being a separate fiefdom..
64. has left things in limbo.

Hi Rosada, many thanks for your input.

7.6, her being a seperate fiefdom... Can you elaborate on that please?

I don't honestly see her and I being in contact again, but who knows. We did have an impact on each other, but in somewhat of a negative way. In the end though, there were apologies made on both sides and the door isn't fully closed. But I am no longer indulging in fantasy and magical thinking.

A penny for your thoughts?

Many thanks

 

[Hans_K]

Leading from a place of strength, from healed wounds and wisdom from what works and what doesn't allows me to create the possibility for an unknown future of a stable long lasting relationship.

This is certainly one way of looking at it, but it can also mean taking charge in the healing process. Taking leadership in making clear what you need in this situation, what your needs are so that you can get back into a relationship at some point in time. Indirectly, I think this says that you should not take a wait-and-see attitude, but get actively involved.

 

[rosada]

7.4
Perchance the army carries corpses.
7.6
The great prince issues commands, vests families with fiefs. - Wilhelm

Hexagram 7 describes an army becoming organized around it’s leader and ultimately becoming victorious at which point the leader delegates authority to others. Thus Army evolves from being one person commanding obedience from another to being one person granting or recognizing the other’s autonomy. Thus as a comment on the relationship you two are creating I see this hexagram and lines as saying you have some bad experiences from the past - 7.4 - causing you to want some guarantee of commitment, yet you realize you can’t demand this woman’s loyalty as if you were a Sargent and she a foot soldier and so at 7.6 you were open to hearing her thoughts about what might be the future for any sort of alliance. However, because you were wanting more guarantees than she felt comfortable pledging, the possibility of creating some sort of relationship is left in 64. Limbo.
Interesting how you mention you don’t want to be anyone’s back up plan - like is a friendship with this person even worth the effort - the Image for 7 says the Sargent must make the men feel the cause is worth fighting for.

 

[soulution121]

This is certainly one way of looking at it, but it can also mean taking charge in the healing process. Taking leadership in making clear what you need in this situation, what your needs are so that you can get back into a relationship at some point in time. Indirectly, I think this says that you should not take a wait-and-see attitude, but get actively involved.

Damn right... The life I live is based on the choices I make. And I want to be a participant in my life and not a spectator. With that, I am using the brief experience to look at the things that have been holding me back and softening my defences to be more discerning in the future on what is a threat and what isn't.

I think the relationship with this woman is over and she is looking for other men to date. It was clear she was no longer interested in dating me.

What is clear to me however, is as you mention previously I am not present at the moment for a relationship and circumstances aren't available for "fertile ground", for something new to emerge. But I am taking responsibility for my past deeds, learning from them and improving my life from that wisdom to bring this "war" to an end peacefully.

War isn't about a single incident, its from multiple battles and learning from each. I have learnt from this experience with this woman and it has helped me see the things I need to work on internally.

My anger towards my late partner is still present with me and being projected out towards possible potential partners. This needs to be addressed appropriately. I am working towards closure, this hopefully will result in some peace... for me anyway.

 

[my_key]

7 <> 64

I like Huang's term for hex 7 'Multitude'. The 'multitude' comprises of positive and negative energies which, left to their own device,s run amok in our inner and outer world. Old hurts and woundedness can easily become promoted above their station, holding greater sway than they deserve, and rule your life accordingly. The superior person cares for the multitude and embraces people. This becomes a particularly relevant way to feel, think, act and behave when viewed in the light of the nuclear force behind 7 which is 23 'Turning Back'.

The relationships that you are creating in your life, and not just with M, are not in balance.Your life is carried along in the choppy seas of 64 'Not Yet Fulfilled' - appropriate care and attention of others does not lead the way in your world. In this context, Yi requires of you to take steps to exhaust or extinguish the strong masculine will that currently creates your turbulent world.

7.4 speaks to the judgements you hold and the life decisions that you make in accordance with your judgements. Sometimes less is more. A good question to ask yourself before making any decision is "Do I want to be right or do I want to be free?"
7.6 - carries the words of wisdom that you are invited to take from this situation, and then eventually to embody. Release the anger and sadness; make space for new residents. Remember, your progression is not a situation requiring, or based in, warring. It is a situation calling for loving embrace and caring.

It sounds from your last post that this is the direction in which you are ultimately bound - appropriately addressing things to bring peace into your world. Small steps will bring huge success.

... or there may be other interpretations that hold a stronger sway with you.

Good Luck

 

[soulution121]

7.4
Perchance the army carries corpses.
7.6
The great prince issues commands, vests families with fiefs. - Wilhelm

Hexagram 7 describes an army becoming organized around it’s leader and ultimately becoming victorious at which point the leader delegates authority to others. Thus Army evolves from being one person commanding obedience from another to being one person granting or recognizing the other’s autonomy. Thus as a comment on the relationship you two are creating I see this hexagram and lines as saying you have some bad experiences from the past - 7.4 - causing you to want some guarantee of commitment, yet you realize you can’t demand this woman’s loyalty as if you were a Sargent and she a foot soldier and so at 7.6 you were open to hearing her thoughts about what might be the future for any sort of alliance. However, because you were wanting more guarantees than she felt comfortable pledging, the possibility of creating some sort of relationship is left in 64. Limbo.
Interesting how you mention you don’t want to be anyone’s back up plan - like is a friendship with this person even worth the effort - the Image for 7 says the Sargent must make the men feel the cause is worth fighting for.

I guess I let my own feelings of wanting more push aside the potential of a friendship. I ultimately want peace and from that place form an alliance with a romantic partner where we can create more together than alone (synergy).

I'm not sure if she will be in contact again, the door was left somewhat open and our last message was that of apology on both sides.

I'm not waiting for anything anymore though. I'm just working on my own healing and trusting in the flow of forces that opportunities with others that are more aligned to my vision of a marriage, family, co-operation, trust, love work hand in hand.

Just for today, I choose peace.

Thanks Rosada