What should I do? 39 unchanging

[Juliah]

There is a troublesome situation with me and my friend who ceased communicating several months ago. Then he said that he had some health problems and had to stop our communication. To my question about what had happened and what kind of problems had arisen he responded that the problems were severe, otherwise he would not have ceased our communication.

Sincerely speaking, this situation of ignorance reminding a quarrel has been distracting me a lot... And I have no mutual friends to get information about him to boot.

I asked I Ching: What should I do to resolve the situation? I got 39 unchanging.

The advice I was able to derive was brief: Nothing.


Any ideas will be much appreciated

 

[Tohpol]

Well, it may be nothing or there may be something underneath the surface that needs attention and which might eventually resolve the problem in question.

I usually ask a follow-up question after an unchanging hexagram, especially if it is somewhat of an illustrative answer of the issue at hand. Looks like the Yi has offered you an exact image of where you are right now and that pretty much means an impasse. This can stem from an inner misunderstanding, a refusal to see the issue objectively or an obstacle that is outside your control. Either way, with H.39 it's important you seek advice from someone you really respect and can offer ways forward. Most logically this can be the I Ching in the form of another question.

How about: Please clarify the nature of this impasse/obstacle.

 

[moss elk]

What stands out the most to me is that your friend gave you a vague answer.
Then when you pressed for details, he gave you more vagueness.

That leads me to believe that either it is something he made up (likely) or
it is of a very sensative nature such as a psychological/emotional problem.

Either way, seems like you shouldn't press the matter any further.

 

[Juliah]

Topal, Moss Elk, thank you for your insights, they are really useful.

Moss Elk, you seem to have come very close to the essence of the problem. I have a feeling that it was his attempt to manipulate me.

 

[Trojina]

There is a troublesome situation with me and my friend who ceased communicating several months ago. Then he said that he had some health problems and had to stop our communication. To my question about what had happened and what kind of problems had arisen he responded that the problems were severe, otherwise he would not have ceased our communication.

Sincerely speaking, this situation of ignorance reminding a quarrel has been distracting me a lot... And I have no mutual friends to get information about him to boot.

I asked I Ching: What should I do to resolve the situation? I got 39 unchanging.

The advice I was able to derive was brief: Nothing.


Any ideas will be much appreciated

I don't think you should persist in trying to resolve the situation. 39uc says you are blocked...go another way. This thread might help if you haven't seen it http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/frie...eriences-with-Unchanging-Castings-Hexagram-39

I think it's a really clear answer. Drop trying to resolve it because you are going head on into a mountain ....Also if your friend does not want to resolve it with you and has said so why are you persisting ? That must be annoying to him...I mean it sounds like he would like you to leave him alone.


It's a clear answer....leave him alone. This quest to resolve things is a losing battle. Let it be for now. Perhaps the way forward will be shown to you in future but if he asked you to leave him alone due to health problems surely you should respect that.

 

[goddessliss]

There is a troublesome situation with me and my friend who ceased communicating several months ago.

Look to your self to why the situation was troublesome and you will find the answer about what you can do about it but until then the obstacle will remain. - Liss

 

[Juliah]

Trojina, Goddessliss, thank you!

 

[blue_angel]

Just my two cents. I do agree with the other answers in one way or another. The obvious obstacle is there's no current way forward. 39 does suggest to seek wise council. Perhaps if for no other reason but to vent, be listened to, and get a new perspective of a positive or helpful way to view this situation. Asking a follow up question doesn't hurt.

However, I definitely agree to respect his space he's asked for. Doesn't seem helpful to yourself or anyone else to assume he has manipulated you. Then again. I don't know the full situation. The advice is to work on yourself for now. Seems like at best you could send healing thoughts his way, or a prayer. Whatever it is you do. Perhaps time will heal and resolve.

Best wishes

 

[Juliah]

Thank you all, friends!

 

[bradford]

Sideways is the new forward.

 

[ginnie]

When we get 39 unchanging, the obstacle is within ourselves. Or maybe there is no real obstacle. Maybe your friend isn't feeling well, as he says, and doesn't have enough energy to communicate right now. You might send him your best wishes for a speedy recovery . . .

 

[Juliah]

Bradford, Ginnie, thank you.

I have asked about the nature of the impasse pointed out by 39 UC.

The answer was 31.3.5.>62

It seems to me that he has a feeling about me that cannot be expressed in other ways. But perhaps I am just misoriented.

 

[Tohpol]

Your original question was: What should I do to resolve the situation? = You can't at the moment.
Your second question was: ...the nature of the impasse ...

31.3.5>62

I'd say this is giving you an image of your inner state rather than anything to do with your friend. There is an impasse and its resolution could depend on how you deal with it in the interim.

Line 3 is about an urge to influence the situation which is out of place and inappropriate. Line 5 indicates good intentions but entirely misplaced. (And you know what they say about good intentions and hell!)The background hex reiterates the idea of keeping low and humble. So, now is not the time to try and influence matters.

I can't emphasis enough that if folks just take the time to wait in some situations then things are allowed the time to resolve. Either way, true friends will always re-establish contact when the time is right. Respecting wishes is part of that friendship even when understanding is absent.

 

[Juliah]

Thank you, Topal.

It's time to ponder...

 

[Trojina]

Line 5 indicates good intentions but entirely misplaced. (And you know what they say about good intentions and hell!)

well I agree with your answer overall but have no idea how you get to this from 31.5 ?

'Influence in the neck and shoulders. No regret' (Hilary's book)

it's a tricky line...I tend to see it a deep seated intention, almost instinctual. I don't get where you get 'good intentions mislplaced' from though ?

I have asked about the nature of the impasse pointed out by 39 UC.

The answer was 31.3.5.>62

It seems to me that he has a feeling about me that cannot be expressed in other ways. But perhaps I am just misoriented.

I think what possibly happened is that you maybe over presumed on the connection, or he found it stressful....which is why he said his health was paramount. 31.3 shows someone clinging too closely....maybe he felt you were too close and he wanted to go his own way (31.5). I'm guessing of course from the cast as I can't mind read him and I'm not sure if 31.3, the clinging too much is you or him.

I do know if I say to someone 'I can't see you as my health needs attention' I can actually mean 'you are presuming on my my energies and I need my space'. That does sort of fit with the look of 31.3.5>62.


Hang on 31.3.5 changes to 16 not 62 ! You must have recorded the cast incorrectly

 

[Tohpol]

Good intentions in the sense of wanting to influence the situation (i.e. to help one's friend). Line 5 cautions against reacting i.e. "with a firm basis in reality" and if the time is right etc. hence "no regrets" or "no remorse". Very often I've had this line where the intention is noble but the timing is off.

Ah yes, 16... Well spotted. Overall I think that might refer to illusions rather than go-getting enthusiasm in this case.

 

[Trojina]

Oh...I see, well I never heard that about 31.5 before.

 

[Tohpol]

Well, life is full of surprises.

 

[Juliah]

Oh, sorry, I might have mixed up two lines.

Indeed, 31.3.5.> 16