What to do... 55.2.3.4 > 19

[Lola1986]

Hi all,

Any suggestions on this reading?

Am sort of stuck with someone a little. A guy who I've been on two dates over a month (so very slow). He was clear at the start he only wants something casual, and that was ok but actually I want something more, not necessarily with him as I don't really know him, but with someone. The dates were lovely, intimate and fun, but there's not been much contact between. He would like to meet again and I sort of am torn because I think actually if what I want is to have a serious relationship that is building up then I shouldn't probably see him again. I have been vexing over it and got so many answers I'm completely confused. But I asked a couple this eve:

Shall i just ask him, are you interested in more, or you want to keep it casual? (If it's just casual then I'd not meet again and be done with it)
55.2.3.4 > 19

I guess this is something like
55.2 - I don't know what is going on, I am in the dark, so I can only depend on my sincerity (which is maybe encouraging an honest communication around me not wanting to continue a casual thing)
55.3 - I may well loose him because of this (?) (Or he will be shocked - or I will be shocked?!)
55.4 - But either I meet someone else, or I somehow find an ally in an unlikely place
19 - that this is sort of close to happening and may well happen soon (sounds a little fated)

I can't even figure out what questions to ask. The bottom line is I could allow myself to be more interested in him but I've been burned before as anyone who knows me here will have figured out, so I've been sensible and not let it get too much in my head this time. So if he was interested I might be, and if he isn't then I'm sure there are others who might be.

The other question I asked was:
What should I do about X?
28.2.4.5 > 15
Too much of something, get back to yourself and your integrity?

 

[breakmov]

Hello Lola1986

He was clear at the start he only wants something casual, and that was ok but actually I want something more, not necessarily with him as I don't really know him, but with someone.

I had the idea that maybe the answer might be something much more generalized for you to reflect on, instead of just a snapshot of the situation to apply in relation to your boyfriend.

... and it is an encouraging read for you, as it shows how to deal with an abundance of evidence to make a lasting and beneficial decision regarding relationships.

55.2 - You are looking for clear signs of a lasting relationship. How to approach and persistently manage your true purpose despite all these signs that go against your intention.

55.3 - Your true purpose of finding a lasting relationship is not compatible with "wanting to tie yourself tightly to a situation, as if in an arm wrestling match... as if by tying, everything is guaranteed to happen".
Why not make room for "the clear signs you have about this situation" to teach you how to manage a defensive and cautious position that will help you have a higher and independent view according to your true purpose.

55.4 - Perhaps the "hidden ally" or "hidden leader" of the whole situation is linked to the fact that you now realize when a situation is going nowhere, a fact that frustrates your true purpose of wanting to commit to a lasting relationship.
The "hidden ally" ends up being the "dark helping factor" in managing this situation that leads to decisive action that respects the integrity of all involved and ultimately frees you from the darkness of the situation.

breakmov

 

[Henry Zahir]

You will lose both and a third party will appear.

 

[Lola1986]

Hello both,
Thanks for the thoughts and time.
So I sent basically a version of the message essentially saying I didn't want to continue seeing him because I want a relationship and I know he doesn't. Haven't heard back and sort of now, after a few days, I don't expect to. So that's that.

But I'm still interested in the interpretation of the reading, especially since @ breakmov it sounded like there was advice there, but I'm not totally sure I've understood it....

@breakmov - so the evidence in this case is that this person is not available for the kind of relationship I want, and the evidence was in their communications (infrequent) but also in their words (they have said this). It's the 'dealing' with it bit that I don't understand so well.

I get
55.2 - I'm looking for a lasting relationship, and there's an abundance of signs saying this is not what this person is offering so I need to understand and 'hear' the signs. Fine, I get that

But: 55.3 confused me

55.3 - Your true purpose of finding a lasting relationship is not compatible with "wanting to tie yourself tightly to a situation, as if in an arm wrestling match... as if by tying, everything is guaranteed to happen".
Why not make room for "the clear signs you have about this situation" to teach you how to manage a defensive and cautious position that will help you have a higher and independent view according to your true purpose.

What does that mean? As in maybe I was being too pushy for commitment too soon? Or just because they say they want a relationship it's no guarantee, so don't push for that, don't push for the words. Instead listen to the evidence in their actions (for example here is someone who likes me and has said so but is infrequent in their communication, which isn't a great sign of relationship interest really). And then when you write 'manage a defensive and cautious position' do you mean like I am in a defensive and cautious position, and then there is this evidence, so I need to hear it and then make decisions according to what it is I want (a full relationship), rather than focusing on words said or promises made? As in to get a balance between being too defensive and cautious maybe?

And then 55.4 - I understand your reading, so my realisation is my ally even though it seems like it's my 'pain' almost.

So 55.2 and 55.4 make sense in how you've interpreted them, but 55.3 confused me a little.

I guess the 19 was both that all this abundance of evidence was very close (19 nearing) and also that the shift in action (me telling him I didn't want to see him again) was also close. Like all the abundance was culminating in a way. I suppose I'm still wondering if I was being too defensive and cautious, or whether I was actually being quite sensible!

@Henry Zahir I guess you were right - I have lost him (not sure what you meant by both) so I suppose fingers crossed someone else will appear but I guess this'll take some time.

 

[breakmov]

"....the evidence in this case is that this person is not available for the kind of relationship I want..."

This sentence left me thinking...

But what kind of relationship do you want?... it seems to me that this is the whole focus of reading 55.2.3.4 - 19

Can you define that factor that is the "central point of support for you", where this point being present, everything else has space and flexibility to adjust in this "relationship that you need"?... which also implies that without this central point present, the term "relationship you need" no longer makes sense.

Imagine how the answer to this same question would be given by two couples with completely different personalities?

-One where the "central point" is directly linked to trust in an exclusive and faithful relationship.

-Another where the "central point" is linked to new experiences, freedom, where "free love" is practiced and accepted freely and without issues.

...on a scale with these extremes, it seems to me that it's possible to see the real "challenge of deciding" on the "relationship you need", the one that would naturally follow your heart.

The reading of 55.2.3.4 - 19 revolves around this, how to decide within this abundance of evidence at your disposal, if what you call the "relationship you need" is accompanied by "your central point" to make a lasting and beneficial decision in terms of relationships.

I get
55.2 - I'm looking for a lasting relationship, and there's an abundance of signs saying this is not what this person is offering so I need to understand and 'hear' the signs. Fine, I get that.

The idea ultimately comes down to that, but from a different perspective... first, you need to have within yourself that presence of "what is the central point for you", regardless of everything else, which is your central point of clarity and will allow you to approach and manage all the "dark cloud of uncertainties" in any relationship... you need a clear foundation to dissipate everything else that doesn't help in moving forward in the relationship... and it's not about what the other party is giving or not, but rather what is happening in the relationship... a dynamic of two.

"But: 55.3 confused me (....)What does that mean?"

55.3: "Feng is flooded with darkness,
at midday, seeing a froth of light.
Your right arm broken - not a mistake."

Hillary Barrett


I imagine this:

In this "point of extreme darkness", your decision-making ability is being questioned... Can you still keep in mind that central point that defines the "relationship you need"?... Or is that point, which also defines who you are as a person with decision-making capacity, starting to lose its sense of direction, its sustainability?
"Your right arm broken"... your "strong arm", the one that has the most strength to function and act according to reason, in this "point of extreme darkness" is compromised... if you can realize that in this extreme situation, your ability to make decisions and take action is temporarily compromised, it may help you avoid making mistakes.

And then 55.4 - I understand your reading, so my realization is my ally even though it seems like it's my 'pain' almost.

Yes, pain can often be a strong ally in detecting danger... and the "potential danger" here is related to the inability to distance yourself enough to have a more impartial view, which leads you to a clear decision that helps you get out of this "swampy terrain in relationships" that are not in line with what you "need in a relationship".

"I guess the 19 was both that all this abundance of evidence was very close (19 nearing) and also that the shift in action (me telling him I didn't want to see him again) was also close

The hexagram 19 is not temporally separated from hexagram 55.
This means that there is no situation that starts with hexagram 55 and, after a certain process, ends in hexagram 19.
-Both represent a single situation.
Hexagram 19 clearly reveals your willingness to address and manage what you consider as the "relationship you need" to make a decision.

I imagine these readings always as an internal process that reflects the path to a better understanding offered to the person...wanting to always look for external signs, like a kind of synchronistic search for external events that confirm the reading, seems to me, when the signals are not obviously clear, to be a distraction.

breakmov

 

[thisismybody]

55>19 - execution nearing. Which you accomplished.

28>15 - an overwhelmed situation that needs simplifying. You were honest with yourself about what you need, which meant it was correct for you to end it bc he couldn’t be the container or one of those roof beams.

Great job. We often want to force someone to fit our needs, thus creating a 28 situation. Your power was in 55, being the king/sovereign who decides for herself.

 

[Herny Zahir]

sorry I saw a second man too in this situation, maybe you haven´t said anything about him because he is unattainable, probably older. I apoligize if wrong. I tend to see too deep. Pardon

@Henry Zahir I guess you were right - I have lost him (not sure what you meant by both) so I suppose fingers crossed someone else will appear but I guess this'll take some time.

 

[Lola1986]

Hi all,

So some final sort of feedback...I did hear back from him, it was a nice message but indeed he is not available for a relationship because he is still grieving one not so long ago over. So it's good that I sent that message and thankfully he replied and I feel ok about it all. He did want to meet again as friends (which I won't do not now anyway since that's not what I'm looking for) but it's nice that the words were well received and that the feeling is good between us - what a relief. Thanks for your support! It's a very new thing for me to draw boundaries like that and so it was helpful being able to share the issue as I get a lot of anxiety when I do put them down! So there we go. I did when I asked whether I'd hear back get that don't chase 7 hills hex, I can't remember, your items return to you after 7 days. So that was pretty accurate.

I hear you breakmov on getting clearer on what is the central point of a relationship for me, and in a dynamic, so will carry on chewing on this in the meantime

Lola

 

[Sarah_]

Hi all,

So some final sort of feedback...I did hear back from him, it was a nice message but indeed he is not available for a relationship because he is still grieving one not so long ago over. So it's good that I sent that message and thankfully he replied and I feel ok about it all. He did want to meet again as friends (which I won't do not now anyway since that's not what I'm looking for) but it's nice that the words were well received and that the feeling is good between us - what a relief. Thanks for your support! It's a very new thing for me to draw boundaries like that and so it was helpful being able to share the issue as I get a lot of anxiety when I do put them down! So there we go. I did when I asked whether I'd hear back get that don't chase 7 hills hex, I can't remember, your items return to you after 7 days. So that was pretty accurate.

I hear you breakmov on getting clearer on what is the central point of a relationship for me, and in a dynamic, so will carry on chewing on this in the meantime

Lola

You were true to yourself congrats