why is my friend distant 35 to 55

[pammy]

Hi,
I have a male friend that has become distant towards me for some reason. I tried to email him asking him why.. he told me that he has a lot of things going on and that he was very sorry if he hurt me in someway and that even tho he has a %^*% way of showing it.. he has a special place in his heart for me... well that was a month ago and he is still not talking to me. I fear that I might of said something to hurt his feelings , but I cannot image what that would of been. We go not fight.
I asked
Is X purposely pushing me away ? 35 1.3 6 going to 55
What was my responsibity in his distance towards me ? 59.4 going to 6
what can i do that would benitit both of us 6.2 going to 12

Any insight would be greatly appricated, right now, I just don't know what to do.
Thank you

 

[kitty]

Hi,
Is X purposely pushing me away ? 35 1.3 6 going to 55

You know, this reminds me of something that happened to me a while back. I had a close friend who had bipolar disorder. He would go through periods where he was volatile and unpleasant to be around. When that happened, he would often withdraw or disappear, sometimes for days or longer. He explained that when this happened, he was doing it to protect the people around him, as well as himself. I found it difficult to deal with, but I came to realize that it was not about me at all, and that I shouldn't take it personally. (I had to accept that I had no control over it, either.)

I'm not saying that the same thing is going on with your friend, just that something about the situation feels familiar, from what you've said and from how the Yi is addressing it. In other words, he may be purposely pushing you away, but it's not done out of a desire to hurt you, nor because he feels you've hurt him. He's simply doing what he thinks he needs to, for whatever reason.

What was my responsibity in his distance towards me ? 59.4 going to 6

Whatever your responsibility was, it was nothing that you did "wrong".

what can i do that would benitit both of us 6.2 going to 12

Let it be, leave him alone (at least for now), and don't do anything. There's nothing you can or should do about it. It may not look or feel like it, but what's happening here is for your good. (I mean that in a positive way, not like "you're being punished for your own good" .)

 

[pammy]

Wow Kitty !!!
I have been wondering if he was bi polar.. in fact I was googling .. How to tell if someone was depressed. I have not known anyone (that I know of) that is inficted with this sad disease.
He always seems to have major problems every time I talk to him. Very hard person to get close to. But I value his friendship.
He has done this before, and always and I mean always its been up to me to reel him back in...lol That was why I was wondering if he just wanted we to go " poof " or something.
I will follow the advise and give it awhile .
Is there a question you can suggest that I could ask to get some insight that direction?
Thank you Kitty

 

[kitty]

Bipolar disorder is a very difficult thing to deal with, both for the person who has it as well as the people who care about them.

He has done this before, and always and I mean always its been up to me to reel him back in...lol That was why I was wondering if he just wanted we to go " poof " or something.

It's interesting you used that expression, because the desire for things to "go poof" seems to be common among people who are in the midst of a bipolar episode.

Is there a question you can suggest that I could ask to get some insight that direction?

I'm not sure I understand what "that direction" means. Can you clarify what you mean?

 

[pammy]

Thanks Kitty
I was going to ask I ching.. if he had bi polar.. but I do not think that would be a good idea. Not sure if I would get any insight to that. I don't want to assume anything.
So.. I think that I will just take the advise now and leave him alone, then when I see him again...try to talk to him about why he does this directly.
Thank you

 

[willowfox]

what can i do that would benefit both of us 6.2 going to 12

The message here is quite clear, there is nothing to be done, so don't create problems as it is far wiser to back off and that will benefit you and him.

 

[pammy]

Thank you Willowfox

My gut is telling me to leave him alone for now also.
I will give it a couple of weeks and consult the I ching if I have not heard from him.

 

[willowfox]

Is X purposely pushing me away ? 35 1.3 6 going to 55

This says that when he becomes distant, take no notice and just go about your business as usual and when he is friendly just go with him until he stops yet again, don't get angry or try to pry into his affairs because he will push you away when he deems it necessary for his own good.

 

[pammy]

I understand...when i see him, don't question him. Good advise. I have noticed that he is not one to open up... usually when he comunicates to me... am thinking... geez that was random. ya know... like where did that come from
After all, am just a friend. We are not in a relationship or anything.
Patience is my middle name.. so I will wait for his return.

 

[philish]

After all, am just a friend. We are not in a relationship or anything.

I think this is an interesting statement. You are "in a relationship": it's a friendship. And I think that friendships, like any relationship, benefit by knowing when to engage and when to back off. Some people need a LOT more "back off" time than others, no matter what sort of relationship they have.

This assumes your friend doesn't intend to harm himself while he's checked out.

FWIW, I'm walking through this revelation myself. Or rather, relearning it over and over this past year through someone who seems to have entered my life precisely to teach me "relationship" detachment.

Astro note: We've had a series of big eclipses this summer --bam, bam, bam-- and loads of people I know are having serious revelations and reorientations. The final summer eclipse happens on the 6th, this week along with the full moon. So I reckon your friend might be caught up in the flux time. And all of us could do with a dose of patience and compassion right now.

 

[pammy]

Thank you Philish for making me see things in a different way. I think he has taught me alot about how to be detached..lol He comes and he goes.. it was this time he has been gone longer than usually.. so I was getting kinda concerned about it. I know however that if I were a girlfriend, I would probley would not deal with his coming and goings very well, so am in a good place.
I have no clue, if depession has anything to do with it, and don't want to jump to conclusions. So he has one more week of hiding, then am going to send a funny email or text message and see what happens then. That is not advasive and he will have the option to answer or not .
I will update in about a week
Thank you

 

[pammy]

Hello all,
Well, it's been about a week now... and not even a boo from my friend.. but am not surprized at all... it's alway been me luring him back into the fold..lol
Anyways, am not sure if I want to call him or not, would really like it if he made the call this time. I just always hear this little voice in the back of my head.. telling me to call him... and I keep saying no....I just wished the little voices would find somewhere else to argue instead of my head..lol
I asked....
To call him 35.5
Well, now ... it looks like I should ?
then... I thought about sending him an email inviting him out to a friend gathering this weekend 17.4 going to 49
following brings change ? I don't have a clue...lol He does need to lighten up and be more open. or maybe its talking about me.

 

[willowfox]

To call him 35.5 > 12

Yes give it a try but whether you get an interesting response is another story.

I thought about sending him an email inviting him out to a friend gathering this weekend 17.4 going to 49

Perhaps not.

 

[kitty]

35.5 is not a big signal to "go for it" with expectations of success, although doing it and seeing what happens could bring you some clarity into both the situation and yourself. (Maybe the latter is the more important aspect of it, actually.)

17 talks about the environments we put ourselves into, the people we associate with, their influence on us, and thus the necessity of choosing those environments and associates with caution and deliberate awareness. 17.4 indicates a situation where something is askew, not as it seems, and likely not in your best interest.

 

[pammy]

update

Well I have a little update on my readings...
I called him. After about an hour of talking to him, I felt like the life was sucked out of me.... lol Such a negitive person !
He has issue's, most just everyday stuff, but he makes them sound so dramic, and there is so many of them...geez !
I did tell him about the barbaque, and he went into 101 reasons why he could'nt...lol
I just told him..." no worries, if you wake up on Sat and want to join us.. you know where we are."
At the end, glad I called, I can rest that I did reach out to him. It's now for him to reach out to us. He will need to make the next call.

Thank you all for helping me on this... your the best !!

 

[pammy]

oh... how do I change the title to read "update"
Thank you