Wow

[meganj]

So last night my "boyfriend" went out with his friend/ the guy who has been staying here. They met up with some people back home, anyways he texted me at about 12:30 and said they'd probably be late. I thought nothing of it and went to bed around 3.. he comes home half an hour later drunk, immediately I knew there was something wrong, I could just feel it it was weird. Well I was right because he drove home drunk and got into a little accident! (thank god it wasn't nothing major) so last night he freaks because he doesn't have any money and then he says something about selling drugs.. wth? I find out his friend has been while staying here.. I am horrified at hearing this.
Apparently this guy has been staying here and dealing, and I was finally told just last night. I feel lied to.. we are trying to rebuild our relationship yet i wasn't told this.. not only is it ignorant and selfish but like what about personal safety.
The safety of him and myself while this guy is doing this?
So it turns out last night his friend ditched him so he could go home with some girl, I specifically told Gary (my "guy") to take it easy and not drink so much because that guy is unreliable and well can't be trusted. I knew the other guy would get drunk and Gary would have to drive so I told him to be sober.. well he lied, he drank over 5 beer and shots, wth! So, now he has to pay a huge bill to pay for the guy and his friends vehicle I feel like yelling at them both for being so stupid and irresponsible.
I am leaving in a week but am not so sure that this guy is a good influence on Gary.
Yes I know he's a grown man, but he's so trusting of people he ends up getting himself in bad situations, it worries me!


So I asked

What actions do I need to take now because of this situation that has happened?
46.1>11

Am I overreacting?
(I pretty much told Gary i'm pissed and this guy needs to find his own place, I can't even look at them today)
54.1.3.6>50



I have a few more questions but I should probably think about how to form them first.

Ugh i'm so disappointed and mad.. *sigh*

 

[goddessliss]

46.1 - keep out of it. You will only impede your own life. Liss

 

[dragona]

46.1 - keep out of it. You will only impede your own life. Liss

I was thinking the same, without even looking at the cast, but did not want to come all of the time here....it is a test for him, don`t nag, see how he handles this-he knows he messed up, I am sure...take care, d.

 

[meganj]

Well I talked to him, I was mad.
He understands though how I feel about drugs and him being around people like that, he got jumped a year ago and was left for dead. So his choice of friends worry me at times because some of them don't care or worry about their own safety or that of others. His choices obviously effect me and the people he hangs out with are a part of those choices that worry me.
I had to tell him how this makes me feel and how he shouldn't just brush this off, I really want him to consider how his relationships with others affect him, I don't want him to get into another near-death or death experience, it was scary the first time.
So yeah I nagged a little.

 

[meganj]

Advice
22.1>52

Take it easy and be kind and understanding of the situation?

 

[Trojina]

Advice ?

I'm baffled.

Yesterday you said he was your 'ex' boyfriend you just broke up... with then described how you made breakfast for him... http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?t=14766 so you still live with him....and here you say he texts you if hes coming home late. Thats not what exes do ususally




If I'm confused you two must be even more confused.

 

[dragona]

of course you are going to speak out. I was just viewing it through that last cast, rules and creating of ting, and it still can get messy..but you can`t solve all of the issues alone..he has to contribute as well, and 46.1 rings to me that you should step out of the situation and insist that is is solved quickly, so you two wouldn`t get caught in it as well.

 

[Trojina]

How the heck does 46.1 mean 'leave the situation' ??

thats a new one to me ?

I'm kinda kidding but I'm totally lost by this thread and the one where megan describes how she broke up with her boyfriend 4 weeks ago then got up to make him breakfast is my mind losing its grip....? and then Liss and you say 46.1 says 'keep out of it'

I agree with the advice or better still if hes an ex then why don't you both act like hes an ex and move out or something...but 46.1 says 'rises to the welcome of those above him' I never heard it mean 'keep out of it' Do you mean sort of 'rise above it' ?

There is confusion all around yes....when is an ex not an ex...when you live him and cook his breakfast and he texts you hes late back.


I swear women make their own lives more complex than they ever need to and I'm one of them !

I think women like being confused, well the women on SR do.

 

[meganj]

lol well things got bad over the last few weeks because of everything going on between us.. its in my past posts (i think).
lots of emotions.. i thought i was going to have to quit school and then that wouldve screwed up my plan for school. he was angry i was angry but we still love each other. and i wanted things to work but he didnt know but kept showing his affection towards me.. it was a weird situation.

anyways yeah i told him this needs to be dealt with immediately. its not right.

 

[Trojina]

okay megan has explained the situation on the other thread

anyway i think actual physical distance is necessary for any growth to happen here. Its impossible to half be together when living together,,,,generally psychological torture, messy, emotionally frazzling...no boundaries. I think everything will be much better after megan leaves the house





crossed threads

 

[Trojina]

Advice
22.1>52

Take it easy and be kind and understanding of the situation?

ah perfect an answer that supports my advice. Simplify things, walking on your own feet, leaving the carriage implies leaving structures/ situations that carried you. You lived with him for practical reasons but now its good to discard that...its a carriage a way of making a transition or getting by. Get out of it now, you'll do much better out of it...and once out of it your relationship can get more clarity becasue of the distance.

If its not that its still asking you to make things as simple as possible. If you are going to be together then call it being together...but that doesn't sound likley right now

46.1 could be moving on to things above and beyond all this which is presumably similar to what Liss meant

 

[dragona]

i got over the messiness, it is a 64 hex situation trojan...i meant rise above it and away, yes, let him sort his own mistakes out and do not get caught in that episode since you have made certain decisions, yes? the man is a grown up

 

[hopex]

Yes - i can see how progress in this situation can be monitored when
2 people are living together

i think you are a student maybe the big recess will tell all

 

[hopex]

i meant CANT be monitored - too much proximity

 

[meganj]

yes exactly! maybe if we didnt plan to spend our lives together and make plans for the fall! or the fact were really close.. it was hard for both of us to finally get along without anger. But anyways thanks, I guess we'll just have to see how things go when I'm actualy gone.

peace/ love
meg

 

[hopex]

just read this more closely and would like to put my bit in

46 > 11 is take it step by step to restore a harmonious atmosphere

are you over reacting 54 > 50 well I think as others say you are in a
secondary position in that it is not your business - but it is your home
50 your DING where you rest and eat. I would say hell yeah get a drug
dealer out the door in my presence.

I think this is all part of educating your man about your standards -
presumably if you were married with a baby in the house you would
not allow him to court danger. These guys sound young and I know they
are 'buds' but no I think saying you dont feel safe and could he leave
would be ok - though being a sharer your say is limited as he is allowed
friends/guests by contract. Yeah - go home if you feel strongly.:bows:

 

[meganj]

That's exactly what I did hopex

Yeah I didn't think I was reacting too, in regards to the reading and just how I felt.
I had to talk to him to make him understand how this effects others, not just himself.
It's up to him how wants to deal with it.. I told him how I felt, he did have a talk with him though.
Hopefully they both learn something from this episode.