Yet another relationship issue..

[angeleyes]

Hello everyone!

For the past few weeks I've been through my usual "crisis of faith". I had posted in a previous thread about my trust issues and I've been working really hard on overcoming them. I actually thought I was doing really well until all of a sudden, without any real reason I found myself thinking, doubting, questioning all over again.

Whenever i get like this, I tend to project all my fears and anxieties onto my relationship. So once again my boyfriend is the unlucky victim of my "paranoia".I don't actually make any major scenes, but i become distant or even offensive and i do my best to push him away. As far as he is concerned, he has never done anything to make me feel this way and most of the time he is supportive and wants to talk it through, help me find out what's causing all this anxiety..

So today I had some quiet time and decided to have a conversation with the Yi. Some of it is clear to me but I would appreciate any input..

Q1. "Where is my relationship with X at the moment?"
47.3>28 This one is pretty straightforward. I perfectly understand the Oppression part.. And i do feel exausted as i am sure he does too.. And ofcourse 28..This is indeed stressfull for the both of us.

Q2. "In what direction is my relationship with X heading?"
55.4.5>63 Ermm...Somewhere.. good.. i suppose? Not so sure about this one, although it does feel encouraging.(any ideas?)

Q3. "Concedering the above what would be the appropriate behaviour on my part towards X?"
21.6>51 LOL! Arabella's thread came to mind. So much easier when I give advice to others... This felt like the Yi was telling me off. So, there's something I refuse to listen to..OK.. And I guess the "appropriate behaviour" would be to simply "open my ears" (?). But..

Q4 "What am i not hearing?"
57 This is the one that puzzled me the most. I think that 57 unchanged was the answer i expected the least.. I'm failing to listen to the wind? (the Wind of Change maybe?). I am not getting it. What is the actual advice of 57, other than "be gentle" or "gently penetrating"? And how does that answer my question? Any suggestions? (Funny thing is we've had a couple of days with really strong winds where i live which only now seem to have calmed down..).

55>63 and 57 are the ones i mostly need help with. However any thoughts are always welcome and helpful. They give a fresh, objective perspesctive and I could certainly use that!!

Thank you all once again!
Love
A.:bows:

 

[rodaki]

hi angeleyes,

when I read your post I thought how Bradford calls hex 57 'Adaptation' . . To me that could refer both to how your outlook on things adapts according to your inner landscape and how you can learn to adapt your behavior to compensate these fits of insecurity you described. I've often had 57 about worries and doubts that can be helpful up to a point but can be undermining if kept up indefinitely, things that seem little but can pile up if not dealt with (thinking of how wind is about everyday chores or cares in hex.9 . .)

Other than that, the last two readings could also be self-reflective, telling you that previous readings have already given you all you need to know(?) Just a couple of thoughts . .

 

[chingching]

Other than that, the last two readings could also be self-reflective, telling you that previous readings have already given you all you need to know(?) Just a couple of thoughts . .

That makes sense. Too many readings, I would say the first is most interesting.
47.3 > 28
In the stressful times(28) of this relationship you are feeling confined(47), and that confinement has caused you to arrive at a breaking point(fan yao). You need to find where your true support is(line 3) and stand on your own(28).

the others , to me, look like:

55.4.5>63
The question was already answered(63), you are making this denser than needs be(55). OR
otherwise it would maybe be:
The relationship reached a sense of being complete(63) but really it was a plateau filled with many(55) feelings and influences which clouded your view, but you can still see your guiding star(line 4) and it is an opportunity change things(line 5) and arrive at a new level of completion(63). With everything you have gone through and acheived(55) its time to cross the river again(63).

21.6>51
Oi! *slap across the face* listen to what yi is saying.

57
What rodaki has already said but also 57 can simply mean your inner voice or as Lise puts it, your seal assignment or blueprint.
and also the image of 57

Noble one delegates orders to get things done.

yi has given you something to do with the reading od 47.3>28 and following those orders will gets things done.

 

[angeleyes]

Thank you both for your input here! It took me a few days to respond because i needed to sit back,take it all in and (quite literally) "sleep on it" for a while..

I've been observing my thoughts and feelings lately and i have come to realize that I feel so tired and exhausted from over-analyzing everything all the time. I was talking to a friend the other night and I found myself saying: "I wish i could just stop analyzing and start taking it as it comes.." . And at that moment 57 came to mind! What if (my)57 is all about taking things as they come, gently adapting to whatever comes my way, being true and honest to myself, while i keep my goal steady. And my goal at this time would be to simply start trusting the process itself.. Well, having a steady goal and at the same time taking it as comes is a major challenge for me

Anyway i think it would be interesting to share something more here. After a very short break ( and a beautiful, tender weekend), i did another reading today in the same direction.

"What is the prospect of this relationship?"
63 unchanged! Yeap another 63. At the moment it felt like this is not about the future at all. My thoughts are a cycle is ending and another one is beggining, like chingching pointed out in the previous one..

And ( this is where it gets even better )
" What can I do so that we can be happy together?"
57 unchanged!!!

I simply love these moments when i feel like i am being told something really important. Interesting thing is that the more important and into the point the message feels, the more hard it seems to be to grasp its meaning.. It's called "resistance", I guess

Thank you again chingching and rodaki. It certainly feels like I am on a mission here!!
And while I am at it,if anyone has a 63 or 57 experience or ideas to share i would love to hear them. Some more food for thought never hurt!

Love,
A. :bows:

 

[angeleyes]

OK! That's ...exciting!?! Right after posting the previous message I sat down with a cup of coffee and asked a (seemingly) irrelevant question.

I was thinking about adopting a cat the past few months and two nights ago i met a friend i hadn't seen for a while. She loves cats and i knew she already had three so i asked her if any of her cats were pregnant. She told me that she had a fourth one that she had found in the street and now she wants to give her to someone because four cats is just too much.. I offered to adopt the kittie but when i got home i had second thoughts. I never had a pet before and although i love the idea, it feels kind of scary at the same time.

So, the question was
"How would adopting a kittie influence the rest of my life?"
And the answer? 57 unchanged........

I am definitely taking the cat home!

:bows: