I'm so sorry I put the wrong heading up it should read - 36>2 if one of the admin could change it for me please.

I'm going to try and cut a long story short but it stems back to before I was born.

My mother never liked me and once told a counsellor I was seeing at the time the same thing. This resulted, as you can imagine, in me having very little self esteem although I really thought I'd sorted out my self esteem issues and was doing really well in the last couple of years.
I was told by a kinesiologist some years ago that the dislike towards me from my mother started in the womb and the reason why.....the story made a lot of sense to me as put the pieces of my parents relationship together in a way I hadn't before.
As I was growing up my mother managed to turn my sisters and my father against me and then my exhusband who I divorced over 25 years ago who then in time has managed to feed my oldest son the same story who has now managed to turn my middle son against me as well.
This has all resulted in a lot of pain, heartache and loss for me and right now I have absolutely noone in my life that loves me unconditionally.
Yesterday at work I found out that my boss know my exhusband and his wife and her family quite well and this has resulted in my becoming extremely distraught and has brought up all my old issues again. I can't seem to get away from whatever this issue is - is it karmic or what is it? What do I have to do to resolve it and have unconditional love in my life.
My boss has assured me with words and actions that who she knows or what she knows is irrelevant to my job or her judgement of me.

I cry a lot now except when I'm at work and I don't sleep at night really I just cry and cry.

I feel like I've done nothing wrong and have no reason to apologise to anyone about this but for some reason it looks like I'm a horrible person.
I do love myself now and I do think I'm worthy of the best and to have unconditional love in my life but with all my children now buying into this story I just feel absolutely distraught.

What can I do to resolve this issue once and for all for myself 36.1.3>2

Hex 36 says to me to remain true to myself and keep my light burning within no matter what others may think or say.

I feel like Line 1 - those in authority have something to say is my boss encouraging me that everythings fine with her judgement/perception of me in regards to my work.
Line 3 I feel also is also her saying she will lead me out of this and not also join in the 'affliction' against me.

This job means a lot to me and from the moment I was at the interview I felt that it would be a way to prove my self worth to not only myself but to others too in terms of my value as an employee.
My boss and a man on the committee told me they could see the value in employing me despite my lack of experience in this particular role because of the different experiences I've had in the childcare/teaching sector. That meant a lot to me to hear that.

How cruel!
I think 36.1 is referring to those whose talk about you has been negative and the advice is that you should get completely away from them.
36.3 suggests that you have already put cures in motion - perhaps by distancing yourself from these family members - and that you don't need to do more than you are already doing.
Hexagram 2 represents a field that is cleared and available for planting. It's a nice feeling of things being quiet and receiving it suggests that as you avoid these people and do not put more energy into the situation it need not continue to affect your life.
Interesting how on another thread we've been talking about a situation where the person has a hurtful relationship with their mother and the I Ching - in my opinion - seems to be saying she can find a way to hang in there if she chooses to. Your cast here seems to me to be saying get away from the whole bunch and don't try any harder with any of them!
Anyway, I think receiving 2 as the relating hexagram is a very positive omen for you to be able clear your field of all the weeds and plant only the positive energies you want to have manifest.
On a day-to-day level 36.1 could be advising you simply not to think about these people. You might also do some sort of ceremony, like a 3 day juice fast, to mark that that was then and this is now.
Play good music!
Rosada

“What can I do to resolve this issue once and for all for myself?”
36.1.3 to 2 ~ Step out from behind the wall and be receptive to all.

Line 1 suggests a ground-hiding bird, like a pheasant, that gets flushed with a startle into flying for the next safe spot.

However, during a family hunt, line 3, the pheasant gets flushed and downed by an arrow.

The Yi suggests that this is a wounding that won’t get better for the pheasant.

Therefore, the path of best fortune is to step out from your hiding spot into the present ~ and let go of the part of you that takes flight and can be wounded ~ and you will find your true Mother, the One that has always loved you unconditionally ~ the Way.

Much Love and Many Blessings to you oceangirl!

In Unchanging Hexagrams in Exploring Divination, I think Knot's comment on Hex 2 matches how you might be feeling on the inside related to the Hex 2 part of your reading:

More and more lately I am finding that "At first: confusion. Later: gains a lord" is the center of 2uc for me. Usually when I ask the question, I am completely confused about what I am supposed to be doing in order to achieve [whatever]. And 2uc makes me understand that it's okay, I'm supposed to be confused right now, but pretty soon a direction will emerge. It's incredibly calming that way.

Click to expand...

It almost sounds like you may be going through an emotional "thawing" process with these people treating you warmly after your feeling out in the cold for so long. Having a mindset like the above may give you clarity over time with Hex 36.1.3 being about not forcing things.

Also, I don't know if this website about mother wounds helps, but it feels healing to read: Dharma Wisdom.

, Ig

So sorry to hear this deep scar is reactivated

Just to add to the wonderful advice of Rosada, Radiofrewill, and Iams girl:

36.1 - going without 'food' for three days might be advising to take a few days off work, if it is at all possible. People (the host, your boss maybe) will gossip but who cares, these are critical days for you. Crying all the time and being unable to sleep is no good, you need to reclaim yourself.

36.3 - you'll manage to get to the bottom of this and solve the riddle. This issue has no quick solution, but, it does have a solution. It needs patience to get there though.

2 - I was thinking what this might mean here, till I read the word 'mother' that radiofreewill wrote, and it immediately clicked with me. I'll explain what I mean.

You speak about unconditional love, actually what you're describing is the love of the mother towards her child. Otherwise it's very difficult to find 'unconditional' love outside a parent/child relationship. I was having a chat a few days ago with a close friend of mine, whose mother also never loved her and her sisters (same for me). We were discussing what was the turning point for us, and to our surprise we discovered it was extremely similar for both of us: it was when we decided to be that 'mother' for our own self - i.e. feel like a totally loving mother towards ourself. Hard to put into words, but I trust you'll know what I mean. For example, what would you do towards your child if it was bullied? What would you say to help him/her stand up for themselves? Whose side would you be on? What would you do towards that child if it was crying a lot? Do the same for yourself. Be the mother you always wanted to have - towards yourself.

If I had a child who was crying and feeling very distraught and tired and sleepless, I would first of all remove the cause of distress temporarily, then make the child feel comfortable, surrounding him/her with the things he/she likes. Bring about calm, then have a chat, reassure, strengthen. Try to do that for yourself if you can, or whatever else would make you feel comfortable and better.

As about this technique of a particular type of people, to marginalise you and vilify you... the best weapon I've found against it is: sneer it away. Sadly the type of person who is prone to such behaviours very rarely, if ever, changes for the better, and they need you to hold a 'whip', not offer a kiss. If you kiss them they'll take the whip, and you don't want that - because if you're holding the whip, you know you won't use it, but reversely, if they're holding it, they'll use it against you.

Ugh.... why can't all people be nice.

Thankyou Rosada - apart from you interpretations your words always make sense to me and help a lot....a ritual of some kind is a great idea as is the concept of Hex 2.

hi rosada. i think you were talking about me...i seem to be able to post everywhere but on that thread...may be the universe is telling me it is a story that is over. thank fully. just now i tried to wrap it all up there, but again the cosmic editor saw it fit to spread the words into air.

when i was young, what i learnt from my mother, was to become very still and quiet inside. it is possible some of us, have chosen this very tough path to stillness and wisdom, and as diamanda says, i recall making that very same choice...except i was chasing to be that person of love for my father and brother too...and i think that is what made me such a target to my mother. i don't know how old i might have been not more than five at all, possibly much younger than that, thinking 'oh she doesn't know how to be a mother'...and i think until i got to learn to love in a very quiet way, she found a way to create a lot of trouble...

and that is where the 'receptive' comes in...to 'be love' and 'let plants grow'...the earth rarely pushes things up...it is about letting everything grow in their own time, in their own way. it is about letting the ball go as high as it wants to go and letting it fall in its own terms, not 'grabbing' at it, or letting it 'slam' back...

i think crying is a great catharsis. a gift even. it is like we are being washed inside. so we can be truly earthlike, mare like in our own being.

radiofreewill said:

“What can I do to resolve this issue once and for all for myself?”
36.1.3 to 2 ~ Step out from behind the wall and be receptive to all.

Line 1 suggests a ground-hiding bird, like a pheasant, that gets flushed with a startle into flying for the next safe spot.

However, during a family hunt, line 3, the pheasant gets flushed and downed by an arrow.

The Yi suggests that this is a wounding that won’t get better for the pheasant.

Therefore, the path of best fortune is to step out from your hiding spot into the present ~ and let go of the part of you that takes flight and can be wounded ~ and you will find your true Mother, the One that has always loved you unconditionally ~ the Way.

Much Love and Many Blessings to you oceangirl!

Click to expand...

This is very illumining to me...let me see if I can shed some more light and share it for better....when i was around a very powerful teacher, i would find myself go deeper and deeper into myself. Often times, just as I am about to settle into myself, someone or the other would rudely and harshly do something...'to startle that ground hiding pheasant bird' of myself...if i did not let me startle in alarm and 'let the bird fly' so to speak, i would always learn something very profound.

And when I do 'let fly', all hell would break loose. Eventually i simply froze....froze...and froze....now it makes me laugh...but boy back then...! i think most of us, who have had such terrible family lives, the hard path people, we might have managed by losing that true ground of earth, and identified ourselves to be some bird of construct, instead of 'being'.

and that is why the 'crying' seems to be such a wonderful thing. i just spent days of crying myself...and i could only 'get there' by basically fasting for days...food, internet, any form of distraction, that we consume...is basically feeding the bird of false construct made out of early patterns of abuse in our most trusted relationships.

those with mother issues have to really look at the root chakra problems. the root chakra is the earth within. it is said to be formed in the first three months of our birth and becomes healthy in being held and loved by the mother and embraced by her in totality.

shocks to the root chakra manifest as the 'fight, flight, freeze, and fawn' mode of our behaviours. people with root chakra challenges are the nomads in the many many sense of that experience. rootless beings. feeling unsafe is the ground of that bird.

as many have advised me on that other thread, self care, body care, relaxation modalities, deep breaths...to nurture and comfort your bird back home into yourself, so that it melts back into our own being...is all helpful.

may be thinking of yourself as this tender little baby chick is a way to open up again our natural mothering instincts towards ourselves...

Thankyou to everyone who has responded to my thread here - as usual the people on this site have helped me so much. I don't have the mental or emotional capacity to thank everyone for their individual thoughts and interpretations but each have helped me in there own way.
Clearly the Mother is the most important aspect of this reading which I wasn't expecting but will now work through and thankyou ig for that website.
If there is anyone else who has links or ideas on how to deal with Mother issues I would love it if you could share them with me. thankyou