Ex husband relations 55.5

oceangirl · May 9, 2017

Recently I had a pretty serious fall out with my middle son who I'd always had a close relationship with until recent months.
For some reason he rang his dad (my exhusband) to talk about it. That's very strange as his father and I have had absolutely nothing to do with each other since our divorce over 8 yeats ago and I mean no contact or communication at all ever since we split and it's very rare for the kids to even mention him to me or me to him. My youngest son is the one who told me about this recent call and he said dad really really cares about you mum!! Say what???!!! The fact is we never hated each other but it was better to have no relationship at all once the marriage ended.

What of my connection with my exhusband
55.5>49

Personally I've got nothing - the reading has no understanding to me

oceangirl · May 10, 2017

I feel 55 represents things are as 'Full' as they can get in reference to our family dynamics and it"s time for a radical change.....which I guess is exactly where my life's ended up right now. I've done as much as I can but it's now time for a major change. Unsure in Line 5 except I may finally get some sort of merit or acknowledgement for all the years I've just 'hung in there'.

diamanda · May 10, 2017

What of my connection with my ex husband
55.5 > 49

You're right, there's praise in this line.
However this combination is not as simple as "I've done well so far, so now I'll get praise".
I believe there'll be some form of action, because of these two characters that the line contains:

lái - come, arrive, next, draw near, approach
zhang - section, chapter, lines, rays, composition, a seal or stamp

I had this combo once before a particular important medical appointment.
It prompted me to do a lot of research beforehand, asked lots of questions, doctor praised me for it.
Doctor was female, we parted ways after that appointment (49 - two women at odds with each other).
Maybe he doesn't get along with his current partner?
Or maybe ask lots of pertinent questions before you reach any conclusion, because he's with someone.
I don't have any spectacular conclusion about your cast, but I hope these clues are of help.

oceangirl · May 10, 2017

Thankyou and I would like to know what in these hexes made you do research, ask questions. Oh I see well that's a definite re the two women.....once I tried to co-parent with him with a particulat incident with my youngest a couple of years after we split and his partner (who is more than volatile generally) made sure that contact between him and I was never going to happen to the point I had to call the police for my own safety and I know she committed domestic violence against my exhusband.
According to my children they argue constantly, it sounds like just one of those relationships.
I can imagine if we ever did talk he'd ask me a lot of questions - for the first couple of years after we divorced apparently he still asked the kids about me but I'd no interest in him or his life and still don't to be honest. I'd be interested in having an amicable relationship so we could unite in our concerns or triumphs of our children. That would help me a lot as he hasn't really been there for them as his partner also tries to ostracise them as well. I said to the middle one a couple of weeks ago that his dad is really good to talk to about 'stuff' - he always was despite his other shortcomings. Haha clearly he took my advice although I would rather the subject wasn't about me.

rosada · May 10, 2017

Hexagram 55.5 - Hexagram 49.
As a comment on your connection to your ex I see this as saying your marriage connection went as far as it could go and now it's time for a radical change. Perhaps this is encouraging you to consider that while you two are no longer husband and wife you are still in relationship as the parents of your kids. The message that he continues to care about you then could be encouragement that the two of you could have contact that would be helpful to the children. Maybe Dad can say something that would heal the relationship between you and your middle son. Something along the lines of, "Although your mother and i didn't stay married I want you to know that I think she's a wonderful human being and I hope our difficulties never cause you to see her in a negative light." Kids often treat their parents the way they see the parents treat each other and if the Dad undervalued you it would make sense that the kid would think it was appropriate not to appreciate you either.
Anyway, I think this reading is reassuring you that you needn't try to rebuild the old relationship with your ex, but perhaps to see how you could find a new way of relating.

diamanda · May 10, 2017

I would like to know what in these hexes made you do research, ask questions

The line (55.5) sounded to me as "arrive" with lots of "chapters/lines/writings".

oceangirl · May 10, 2017

Thanks for clarifying diamanda.

oceangirl · May 10, 2017

Thank you Rosada. Hmmm you made me think about his treatment of me. I think it's more I undervalued myself (and always have) putting everyone else and their needs first and now I'm thinking about it, my children put their needs first before anyone elses as I'm seeing in their relationships including their mum so when I ask for their support they're obviously incapable of understanding that.
I know, by the things my youngest has told me, that my exhusband saw the value of me for a long while after the divorce. Our chikdren know that we loved each other deeply but we just couldn't work out our relationship issues so it would be nice for all of us to have that radical change.

Tohpol · May 11, 2017

55.5>49

My experiences with this line have always been unexpected and generally constructive. I agree with Rosada's take in particular. I think there could be a safe place to build on a connection here for the sake of the children perhaps? Not about building a new relationship but forging a connection that works for all. Your phrases: "...my exhusband saw the value of me for a long while after the divorce"; We loved each other deeply"; and "...dad really cares about you mum!!" suggests there's some mileage there for a revolution in perception at least.

Of course, it's speculation without all the details but the description regarding this "connection" was very precise it seems to me. i.e. there's something to celebrate here in the near future, perhaps something to retrieve from the rubble of that broken relationship? I wonder what effect it would have on the kids if you were both able to meet half way, older and wiser? The gold medal received for radical change. And as Diamanda highlights it may require a careful, gentle, non-anticipatory approach over time which might yield benefits. Who knows?

oceangirl · May 11, 2017

Thanks for your interpretation and thoughts Tolpal....my beautiful friend who had the exact same thing happen between her parents when she was a teenager said it was so much better when her folks started to relate properly again. I wish I had all the details too - to me it's like we're all standing in a different corner wanting to step into the middle to meet but it's not happening. I've expressed my desire a few times to meet in the middle but so far no- one else has found the courage to do it.

rosada · May 12, 2017

Re-reading this thread - perhaps the message here is that the connection with the husband isn't the important thing, it's the relationship between you and the kids that matters. Whether the ex "really cares" can't be known and it doesn't make any difference. What is important is that the son interpreted Dad as feeling that way and made a point of sharing that message with you. How you respond to your son could be what's crucial. Is the boy somehow wrestling with his own unresolved feelings about the divorce? Perhaps he is aware that his dad is in an unhappy marriage and somehow fantasizes that means you and the father could get back together? Perhaps the healing can start by you being very up front and real with your kid saying things like, "Well I'm glad to know that, I certainly wish him the best too, but just between you and me, even though he and I created some beautiful, wonderful kids together, the man drove me crazy. I'm glad you and he can talk though - but if he starts to drive you crazy too, I just want you to know you're not alone! Now, who's ready for ice cream?"

diamanda · May 12, 2017

oceangirl said:
I've expressed my desire a few times to meet in the middle but so far no- one else has found the courage to do it.

Sadly not everyone is born with a generously large loving heart.
It's frustrating when it's about our own flesh and blood or our nearest and dearest.

oceangirl · May 12, 2017

Ah Rosada they're all adult men in their 20's so not sure about the ice cream offer!! However you're right - it does stem back to the divorce but more how my middle son acted at the time and the guilt he feels about that. I've said over and over it's forgiven and forgotten it was a highly emotional time for everyone but he's still carrying the guilt and that's what this fall out is about. If I was back on my feet and everything was going ok in my life then perhaps he would be able to let go of the guilt but he blames himself though I don't know why. I told him once if anyone should feel guilty it's his dad but even then there's no point in casting blame. The kids know exhusband and I bear no ill will towards each other.

oceangirl · May 12, 2017

diamanda said:
Sadly not everyone is born with a generously large loving heart.
It's frustrating when it's about our own flesh and blood or our nearest and dearest.

Yes I found it terribly sad for all of us. Thankyou for the acknowledgment.

...life can be translucent

Ex husband relations 55.5

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