Hello Everyone. I am still a novice at this but am trying to learn over time. In the meantime, could someone help in interpreting a reading I got with the question of "will my ex come back to me?" We broke up 4 months ago (her decision), and my feelings have not gone, so she is constantly on my mind. My interpretation of 21.1.4.5 changing to 20 is basically of a standstill and inaction with no discernible outcome. Is this correct? I was hoping for a clear yes or no answer, but there doesn't seem to be one here.

21.1.4.5 > 20

I'll agree with you, this matter is not as simple as "will she come back to me".

21 and its lines show a lot of anger and/or punishment.

One of the two of you repeatedly tried to warn the other that they were doing something wrong. The person who was doing something wrong was doing something along the lines of "I don't pay much attention to my partner - my partner is hungry for love but they just get some dry crumbs - while I, at the same time, cheat/want to cheat/spread my affections to many other people". The one of you who was the victim of this behaviour is (or should be) angry and resentful.

If it was you flirting around and ignoring her neeeds, then she's very aware of exactly what was going on, and she doesn't want to get back to such a situation. If it was she doing the flirting and ignoring your needs, then you should think very carefully if you really want this person back into your life. It sounds like you had a very one-sided and unloving relationship, and of course anger was (or should be) the direct result. You really need to think about this more carefully.

Hi Diamanda,
Thanks so much for your reply and your help in interpretation. Wow, I am a little taken back, because I don't think she was cheating and I certainly was not. However, we had problems for some time. I always thought it was because of the distance between us (long distance relationship recently) and we were going to move in together this coming summer. There were expressed feelings of neglect on both sides, but I guess since she initiated the break up, she must have felt unloved and cheated while I was assuming it was due to insufficient actual time being spent together.

I guess the only option is to wait and see. I tried some communication two weeks ago, after I received a "I miss you so much" message in the middle of the night (during a drunken stupor, I believe) but she didn't reply or want any type of communication. Many thanks, again.

As an addendum, I tried a new reading today with the question "should i try to communicate with her again and see if there are any chances of getting together again?". I received 41.6 to 19 . Which to me basically says she is no longer interested and wants to pursue all other options and opportunities open to her. I thought I was being too negative in my interpretation. So I tried to talk with her. She was sullen and non communicative and basically said she never wanted to speak to me again. So I guess this settles the matter.

You beat me to it, I was about to suggest that you try and talk with her.

Since you know you weren't cheating, I'm wondering if she did - or if she thought that you did. I've seen 41.6 come up many times when one partner sees the other as a "servant", or feels they are treated as a servant (and "not as family"). In your case it's very unclear if the situation between you two IS actually a case of a master/slave dynamic, or if one or both of you fear that this might be the case. The fact that she was sullen and non communicative is quite strange.

My only suggestion (i ching apart) would be to write to her an email, stating how you feel about her and what your purposes are regarding her, making clear that you have not cheated. Be thorough, and honest, but don't make it too long or too sentimental - and ask her what is the precise reason for her retreat. I guess if she is actually a decent person, then she will respond honestly and openly too. If she still sulks after that, then you'll know it's one of those games master/slave people like to play. In the case she belongs to that category (and you don't), you really don't want such a person in your life. If you do belong to that category, just adjust your act accordingly.

If you write out the word Hexagram and then the number - as in Hexagram 21 - people can then click on this and the WikiWing page will come up (if you subscribe to it - I think it's $1 a month, worth it!).
Anyway, as you are probably realizing by now, the I Ching doesn't give yes-or-no answers. It's more like it gives a snapshot of the current situation. Sometimes it's tricky to come up with a question not phrased as yes-or-no. In this case you might try asking, "What would my future self advise me to do?"

Thank you (again) Diamanda,
I don't know to what extent the master/slave dynamic is true in our case, but we are both dominant personalities and were able to manage it quite well for 2 years. We understood this from the beginning and were able to balance it out with give and take. But I will admit that both of us did feel that the other was not doing enough for the other at times, and complaints were voiced in that regard, and listened to. Distance and time apart makes you feel underappreciated.

She seems to have softened a bit and replied in a more cordial manner in a later message in the afternoon. But she clearly said "I don't want to restart the relationship again". I'll just keep at it and see where the path leads. Thanks again.

Thank you Rosada,
I'm a guy who likes to see the World in black and white and yet realizes that most of it is grey. So, accepting answers that are not clear yes or no, is not the easiest thing for me to do, LOL. But I see your point and understand it. Thanks for the search suggestions.

As a continuation of this situation, it's been two weeks since we last had any communication. I wrote to her to ask if she wanted anything in London (since I was there on business) she replied with a "No" and a bored smiley face. When I asked why the smiley, she didn't answer. I've left her alone since then. I see her adding male contacts to her social media accounts all the time. But she hasn't removed the photos of flowers I sent her for her birthday in January, or photos of our trips together in the past two years. Normally, she is very temperamental after a fight or a break up and deletes all things that remind her of the past. So I'm surprised she hasn't done it.

Wondering what to do, because I am both confused and at a standstill, I asked the I Ching " Should I continue to pursue her?". The answer I received was Hex 3 Unchanging. I read this to mean to continue leaving her alone and wait. But my concern is that the longer I wait, the greater the chances she will meet someone else. And, of course, I also understood that any approach to her by me, would not be well received or accepted. If it's not in our destiny to be together, then I'll accept it (sadly) because that's how it is in life, but what is very disappointing and irritating is the time we are losing now if our destiny is to be back together again.

Have I read Hex 3 correctly and do you agree? Or do you see things differently? Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you in advance.