Dear community,

there is a man that I really, really like. The first time we looked deeper in each others eyes, it was so flashing -- at least for me, and I think, for him as well. Then I asked the I-Ching about the issue and my result was 13.5<30.
My first thought was, oh wow, that is fitting absolutely... but then I thought that reads to well to be true and indeed, since we work together and are in private circumstances that allowed no further contact, I didn't hold on to it. Plus, I met another guy with whom I was a year and a half together then. After we broke up, I worked again with that first guy, looked in his eyes again... much to deep, asked the Yi and the result was 13.5 < 30 again. Since that time I asked the Yi too often, the result were sometimes good, sometimes bad and as confusing as the situation between the two of us is itself.
Really, I think I love him and I hope and think that he shares these feelings.. but at the moment we avoid each other in order to avoid more confusions or even trouble. I am a good actor, and he as well. Or possibly, he already decided to stay away from me. But he can't help to stare at me secretly whenever we see each other.
I know after a lot of research that a lot of you here are sceptical when it comes to 13.5 <30. It seems to remind too much on a hollywood movie happy end
I guess, either it promises a good end -- or it simply and only shows that this person and me are truly fond of each other and there will be short glimpses of recognition and then doubts will overcome us again. Like a ever revolving cycle of recognition and doubts.
I would prefer the first possibility of course.

So, dear community. What would you recommend to me? Should I show him my love, regardless to anything else, whatever may be the outcome between us, maybe 'just' a deep spiritual friendship.
Or should I stay modest, distanced, adjusted to the outer circumstances and just be glad that sometimes we catch each others glare... and hopefully recognition outweighs confusion a the end, even it doesn't lead to *anything* further?

Thanks in advance, I really appreciate your answers.

blackmilk

I recommend asking the I Ching "What is the potential of this connection"?

Thank you a lot rosada, but I already asked the I ching way,too offen. I try to get a clue by trying to interpret the first result. Possibly I won't succeed but I learned for the next time that less is more...

Hey blackmilk,

Well here's my thinking. You asked the I Ching "What about this issue?" and received hexagram 13.5 - 30. The 13.5 line seems to point to the difficulties you've had in developing your connection even though there seems to be some sort of spark between you. Hexagram 30 also seems to point to the two of you being close but not necessarily connected as it is made up of two fire trigrams suggesting two people who walk along together but are independant. You now ask the community for suggestions for what you should do to develop the possible friendship, be more out going or continue as you have been? If you just want random opinions then I say in view of the I Ching describing your situation as 13.5 which talks about difficulties in meeting to be overcome, I think you should speak up as I don't think difficulties will be overcome just by hanging in there. But that's just my opinion and I think you would be better off to ask the I Ching what you should do - particularly because you specifically ask us to pick between two extremes, ""showing my love" or staying distant and neither of these choices may bring you closer. I mean, maybe it would be better if you just show him your interest because despite all the longing looks he may not be open to a full on romance, at least not right off the bat. So this is why I suggest a follow up question of the I Ching, "What is the potential?" so you'll have some sort of guidance as to just how far you should go in declaring your feelings.
Another possible question could be, "How can I go about developing our connection?"

Good luck and let us know!
Rosada

Thank you a lot for your thoughts, Rosada. Sorry for replying late, my life was quite busy until yesterday.
Now I have a few days off.

I was totally convinced now to ask him to go out for a coffee or to meet me for whatever. But the I-ching answered me twice with 7.2 <2, when I asked if this is a good idea.
I can read from this, that I should be receptive, but does it mean I shouldn't approach him at all? He openended up again to me a bit more, but the chances that he'll approach me are tending towards zero. Well, at least I think so. I really feel helpless about what to do after this divination. I am really happy about any insights about 7.2. It is for me hard to point out, what the Yi wants to tell me.

blackmilk said:

Thank you a lot for your thoughts, Rosada. Sorry for replying late, my life was quite busy until yesterday.
Now I have a few days off.

I was totally convinced now to ask him to go out for a coffee or to meet me for whatever. But the I-ching answered me twice with 7.2 <2, when I asked if this is a good idea.
I can read from this, that I should be receptive, but does it mean I shouldn't approach him at all? He openended up again to me a bit more, but the chances that he'll approach me are tending towards zero. Well, at least I think so. I really feel helpless about what to do after this divination. I am really happy about any insights about 7.2. It is for me hard to point out, what the Yi wants to tell me.

Click to expand...

At least if you asked him to meet you you'd find out where you stand so why not do it ? I don't think you can guess he is in love with since he has done nothing to show it except look you in the eyes and that isn't enough to go on. He may just be flirting, playing games, trying to get a reaction.

You are not being advised to be receptive, you got 7.2, that is the most important part of your answer, you are being asked to take responsibility. So why not approach him and see what happens. If he responds negatively at least you won't be wasting any more of your time on him. These office type flirtations where he just keeps staring making you think he's interested and making you keep on expecting something to happen are things I have lost count of hearing about. They are big time wasters. However maybe he is not a time waster, maybe he feels the way you do. So why wait, find out, then you can move on in some way.

Thank you for this pragmatic answer, Trojina.
I don't think he is somebody who plays around, he is much more the upright and serious kind of guy -- but still you are right. Stares, how longing they may ever be, can't promise that he is willed to go further.
But the situation is really delicate. I found out that he is in a relationship, and this is normally a No-Go. I do not want to intervene in a relationship or to make another woman unhappy. And also I do not want to be the mistress. But chemistry between us is really strong and I am sure not to be trapped in wishful thinking concerning this story.
If I could be at least friends with him, or share any kind of intimacy...
But, yes, the fact, that he is my workmate (superior) and obviously in a relationship, plus I am very shy, makes it hard for me to apporach him even in a casual way.
On the other hand, he can't approach me easily as well, btw he is also very shy.
So I thought about if 7.2 means that I should rather be patient, send strong signals and wait for him doing a step further towards my directions, or if I should 'take the lead'.
Despite the difficult circumstances I feel still encouraged by 13.5 <30.

Thanks again for your insight!

Now I asked the I ching to give me a further advise and I got 44.5 <50.
Ok, now for me it's almost safe to say, that I should at least not declare my love to him

[edited] Crossed posts with you!
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This is an I Ching forum, of course, but you might also want to try thinking clearly about just the non-Yi, real-life situation. Especially since it's possible to misinterpret readings. You think it's surely saying "xyz"...you take action based on that...it doesn't work out as expected...and then with hindsight you're able to see a whole other angle to the same reading, and that it never meant "xyz" at all. That has defnitely happened to me.

He might just be flirting, as Trojina says, because it's fun. It's a distraction from work that makes the boring day more interesting. Or, let's even say it's completely sincere, and he really is attracted to you. From personal experience, just because two people have a real connection, does not automatically mean they should be an actual couple in real life. Maybe the connection - if you look at it from a "spiritual life trajectory" sort of perspective - is serving some purpose that has nothing to do with dating, marriage, a "fling," or any such outward expression.

Again, personal experience: I once had a similar situation. Nothing whatsoever came of it, and in hindsight, I can see how ridiculous it was to think anything should or would. I'm very relieved nothing came of it, and I find it all really embarrassing now. However, with the benefit of time, hindsight, astrology, Yi readings, and (mostly) just plain getting over it/him, I also understand better the real purpose this "relationship" did have. There is a vastly larger arc to our stories than just our everyday experiences. "Important connection" does not always mean "play this out in real life."

I agree it's possible to interpret 13.5 as "talk to him about it." And maybe that's what it does mean - I'm not going to even try to guess. But that's why I'm saying try to give this a lot of very careful, practical thought. You work together. Right now, you each have "plausible deniability" to yourselves. "Yes, we look in each others eyes. But nothing's happening, really it's not." Is that deniability important? If you'd acknowledge it openly to each other, you can't undo that. It would be fine if talking about it helped. But as with many things, there are other possible outcomes. For example, a level of awkwardness that's now very difficult to live with. And then what happens at work?

And, a decision to talk can almost certainly only be made by one of you. One of you has to approach the other, and say "let's talk about this." The other person could have several reactions, ranging from "yes, that's a very good idea" to "I do not even know you, go away" (The latter would clearly be untrue, but could stem from fear and having something pushed at you unbidden.)

But as I said, it could be completely different. Clearing the air might be exactly the right thing to do. [edited] And maybe you are meant to be a couple. I don't know.

You might be able to work through this with Yi readings - maybe some of the readings you've already done, if you keep going over them and over them.

Bottom line, it might be best to be completely sure what Yi's advice is before you take real-life action that can't be undone.

Thank you, Liselle.
"From personal experience, just because two people have a real connection, does not automatically mean they should be an actual couple in real life. Maybe the connection - if you look at it from a "spiritual life trajectory" sort of perspective - is serving some purpose that has nothing to do with dating, marriage, a "fling," or any such outward expression."

These are very true words. A connection between people may exist just to show you your own shadows, your potential, or even an urgent need to grow finally in certain ways. You can never know. It's very healthy to see it this way. Every situation is given (by god, by destiny, by karma, whatever one may believe in) in order to grow.
But still, sometimes life gives presents to us, in form of sweet love or long lasting deep friendship. Let's see. *sigh*.