Clarity,
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London.
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United Kingdom
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G
gael123
Guest
So I'm seeing this new guy, and slightly confused both by him and by the oracle's advice. Though perhaps (perhaps in both cases) I am being silly.
We've been seeing each other once a week for two months. I don't believe he is seeing anyone else, partly because he is massively overworked - we are in the same profession and I've done the sort of job he has now, so I know how true that is.
He is a big talker - talks so much, and so lucidly, but so without letting me into the conversation, that I have wondered if he is on some sort of spectrum. (I am very aware, as someone with family members with Asperger's syndrome, that any such spectrum is very wide, and every person's experience unique. This is one reason why I like this man so much - I have no difficulty with, and a great deal of affection for, people who find gregariousness of a 'conventional' kind, whatever that is, challenging.) In any case, he does not seem to find it easy to communicate about emotions.
He has told me he needs to take things slowly. He's in a new city (mine), having just relocated for a new job; and he is a bit all over the place, tired, organising his new life, and so on.
He has told me many times he is shy, too, a word which seems to mean a range of things (English is not his first language). Unfortunately, one thing it does seem to mean is that too often I'm reduced to being an audience, batting my eyelashes while he talks impressively at me, and not really getting a word in edgeways. This is an odd kind of shyness where the other person is kept at arm's length by being talked at, but I can tell his intentions in this are almost childishly good, if you see what I mean: he is nervous, a bit solipsistic, and quite frank.
I've stuck with it for several reasons. One is that he seems to me an honest, good-natured person with a wide range of interests and a wonderful mind; and also, that I can tell that he has a great deal of warmth and sensitivity that he struggles to express, including towards me. I think this is one meaning of the word 'shy' for him.
On the other hand, I am beginning to wonder if this is really going anywhere. I wrote to him to tell him that I found taking things slowly a bit difficult, because it meant expressing affection becomes harder - I revealed that I feel that I worry saying too much, or showing too much, might scare him away, but that I genuinely liked him a lot.
We went further together than we have before two weeks ago; and since then, mainly for work reasons, I've not seen him until last night, when he seemed awkward, more distant than before. I could still sense the affection but, after we'd been so close, I found it hard to encounter a new level of nervousness or reserve.
So basically it's a bit of a crossroads. I think I need to start dating other people; but I feel sad because I feel attached to him despite everything.
I asked the Yi some questions, and I would be very grateful for any thoughts people might have. You will see some recurring hexagrams...
Thank you very much. Gael.
What do I need to understand about things between me and X? 17.1.2 to 47.
How do things between me and X appear to him? Hexagram 42.
How does X see me in relation to him? Hexagram 25.6 to 17.
What should I do in relation to X? Hexagram 33 unchanging.
If I do follow the advice of hexagram 33, what will happen between me and X? Hexagram 45.2 to 47.
We've been seeing each other once a week for two months. I don't believe he is seeing anyone else, partly because he is massively overworked - we are in the same profession and I've done the sort of job he has now, so I know how true that is.
He is a big talker - talks so much, and so lucidly, but so without letting me into the conversation, that I have wondered if he is on some sort of spectrum. (I am very aware, as someone with family members with Asperger's syndrome, that any such spectrum is very wide, and every person's experience unique. This is one reason why I like this man so much - I have no difficulty with, and a great deal of affection for, people who find gregariousness of a 'conventional' kind, whatever that is, challenging.) In any case, he does not seem to find it easy to communicate about emotions.
He has told me he needs to take things slowly. He's in a new city (mine), having just relocated for a new job; and he is a bit all over the place, tired, organising his new life, and so on.
He has told me many times he is shy, too, a word which seems to mean a range of things (English is not his first language). Unfortunately, one thing it does seem to mean is that too often I'm reduced to being an audience, batting my eyelashes while he talks impressively at me, and not really getting a word in edgeways. This is an odd kind of shyness where the other person is kept at arm's length by being talked at, but I can tell his intentions in this are almost childishly good, if you see what I mean: he is nervous, a bit solipsistic, and quite frank.
I've stuck with it for several reasons. One is that he seems to me an honest, good-natured person with a wide range of interests and a wonderful mind; and also, that I can tell that he has a great deal of warmth and sensitivity that he struggles to express, including towards me. I think this is one meaning of the word 'shy' for him.
On the other hand, I am beginning to wonder if this is really going anywhere. I wrote to him to tell him that I found taking things slowly a bit difficult, because it meant expressing affection becomes harder - I revealed that I feel that I worry saying too much, or showing too much, might scare him away, but that I genuinely liked him a lot.
We went further together than we have before two weeks ago; and since then, mainly for work reasons, I've not seen him until last night, when he seemed awkward, more distant than before. I could still sense the affection but, after we'd been so close, I found it hard to encounter a new level of nervousness or reserve.
So basically it's a bit of a crossroads. I think I need to start dating other people; but I feel sad because I feel attached to him despite everything.
I asked the Yi some questions, and I would be very grateful for any thoughts people might have. You will see some recurring hexagrams...
Thank you very much. Gael.
What do I need to understand about things between me and X? 17.1.2 to 47.
How do things between me and X appear to him? Hexagram 42.
How does X see me in relation to him? Hexagram 25.6 to 17.
What should I do in relation to X? Hexagram 33 unchanging.
If I do follow the advice of hexagram 33, what will happen between me and X? Hexagram 45.2 to 47.