Had a recent thread on here which describes latest non-relationship thing with an emotionally unavailable man who ghosted not just me, but all our mutual friends over a month ago. I'm 36, I've never had a relationship, never had sex either. Romance just eludes me- men almost never are attracted to me (I have found out recently that 3 dudes apparently were, tho never made any move or indication, of course none of them are available now or when I ended up feeling for them). Reason was generally feeling intimidated according to friends, and I guess their own non-confidence at the time? I also have my own issues, I take a long time for me to like someone, both emotionally, and physically which is the last thing for me, usually I realize I already like someone before I'm like whoa, want to jump this rn. Had some abuse growing up, I'm not a person who is all that physical upfront unless I know I like someone (which takes forever, sooooo, endless circle), used to be quite reserved and while I'm definitely more social and dare I say zany and outgoing now I still can struggle with the body language tip.

I asked yi what I could do to find a healthy/satisfying romantic relationship with an emotionally available dude. Got 61.1.3.5, which was quite lovely and told me a lot of things I guess I knew, just be true to myself, don't be attached to an outcome tho holding to principles, be content in myself and not being so affected by if someone else likes me or not (this is so hard since there has been NOTHING in my life, it sucks to not be able to give/receive love), yada yada, it will happen (line 3 with the drummer and mate is so nice for me, I'm a musician). But beautiful stuff.

Then there's that related hexagram 18, Ruin, which is like wowzers. One thing I am not sure about is- when you have a related hex- is that like setting the stage, or the past which it's founded upon? Or is it the future it develops into? If it's the latter, um....doesn't sound so great, which is really confusing considering 61. I guess this is something I've never really understood so now's a good as time as any to get some opinions and clear that up.

Okay thanks for your help!

what I could do to find a healthy/satisfying romantic relationship with an emotionally available dude
61.1.3.5 > 18

61.1 - you must trust your intuition, if it looks bad from the start, it is. Especially long-term bachelors are something to be very wary of.
61.3 - people do play crooked love games, making you feel more like enemies than lovers.
61.5 - despite all the above, you still trust the guy, and feel bound sincerely to them.
If you ignore the signs, and play those twisted games, yet still persist in trust....
It will keep ending up in poison (18).
In short, the more you ignore your intuition, and blindly trust, the worse off you will be.

18 shows what the result will be if all the previous lines play up.

jawnwilliams said:

don't be attached to an outcome

Click to expand...

Be very careful on this point. It's of paramount importance to set boundaries and know what you want. Ok sure, don't be attached to an outcome, but, know what you want and insist on it. A lot of guys out there prey on this very specific 'new age' motto, they say big fat empty words along those lines ("let's see where this takes us") etc etc. While all they want is dress up in dreamy words the fact that they just want to sleep around. I've seen this played out a zillion times, so please be careful on this particular point, because the fact that you do want to take it slow makes you a prime target for that type of lie.

I’m not yet a great reader of the iching, but I’m gradually finding it less harder to find interpretations of its answers .So I’ll tell you my first impression reading your post..: I think that the 18, working on what has been spoiled, pictures the work you have to do on yourself in order to adopt the attitude described in 61.1.3.5 which I would have interpreted in the same way as you did and which I also think describes the necessary ground for a healthy relationship in general. You said that you lived a traumatic experience, maybe this kind of wounds are the ones you have to work on to be free in your search of love.