I am in an ambiguous situation with a co-worker for several months. It all started when he proposed an appointment, to which I did not answer him immediately, since he is married, and when I decided, and I reminded him of his proposal, then he was the one who did not answer, giving me long. Time has gone by, there has been a coming and going between us, but nothing has materialized. I know he likes me and he knows that I like him, but we have not talked about either of what happens between us. I continue to hope that things will finally end well. I have asked the I Ching what he advises me to do regarding my hopes that X and I will start to initiate a love relationship and the answer has been the hexagram 5.4.6 mutating to 1.It seems that he is telling me to stop waiting anxiously, to continue with my life, since something different than what I expect may happen in the end. Or also, if one the two hexagrams, wait for (5) the passage of time (1).What do you think about it?. Thanks for sharing.

what he advises me to do regarding my hopes
5.4.6 > 1

I find this a very strange question. So, about your hopes... you'll be waiting very anxiously and will feel unable to escape these horrible feelings (5.4). You will feel very stuck and will ask some outsiders for help (5.6). Then your hopes will be re-ignited (1), I'm assuming because the outsiders might tell you that a happy end is possible.

The answer only speaks about your hopes though. It tells us nothing about you and this married man, with who you're not even in any kind of relationship with.

Thanks for your answer Diamanda. The meaning of my question was whether it is worthwhile to conceive hopes that this person and I will finally have something together or if it is better to stop waiting for something that will not happen and not waste any more time with this issue. That's why I was asking what to do with my hopes of having a loving relationship with him. The answer really talks about waiting, that is if I see it, but I do not know anything else. I do not know if what I am commenting now makes the question and the answer that i ching has given me clearer.Thank you.

Yes, I understood that this was what you meant. What I meant was that we need to be careful when phrasing divination questions.

Serraluna said:

whether it is worthwhile to conceive hopes that this person and I will finally have something together or if it is better to stop waiting for something that will not happen and not waste any more time with this issue. That's why I was asking what to do with my hopes

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Your question basically is (as you phrased it) what to do with your own feelings. Which is a strange question. It's impossible to switch off feelings for someone just like that, even if a situation is impossible. Also, you already know what your feelings and intentions for him are. Hence, in my opinion, you should be asking something more practical, e.g. "what is the best that can happen between us?", and if you like the answer then perhaps ask "how do I need to act to achieve that?". You feeling hope, or you not feeling hope, will not make any difference to what he's after.

Thanks for your answerf, Diamanda.

Hello Diamanda,I have asked the question you suggested: What is the best thing that can happen between X and me? and the answer has been 59.1.4.5.6 to 54. I have the feeling that the CI is responding that the best thing that can happen is that we distance ourselves from each other, that we disperse (59) from an infidelity relationship (54 ). But it could also be the opposite, that we clear misunderstandings (until now, this person and I have not talked about feelings, rather we have done as if nothing happened and there have only been timid approaches without consequences), what divides us, and that would propitiate a loving union like the one described in the hexagram 54.What do you think of you, Diamanda? Thanks for your help.

What is the best thing that can happen between X and me?
59.1.4.5.6 > 54

The dispersion doesn't really fully happen (59 is changing drastically, with four lines).
And the result would be a love triangle (54 is not a loving union, it's the wife plus the mistress).

So overall I'd say it's very possible to have an affair with this guy, but he wouldn't leave his wife for you. I don't quite grasp the lines - he would help you? you would try to break up? he would definitely shout a lot of lame excuses... you'd try to keep away from harm... but you'd still end up as a mistress. It sounds like a lot of emotional turmoil and a lot of heartache, and he still wouldn't leave his wife.

It all depends on what you're after. If you're after a hot, tumultuous, non-committed affair then this sounds just like the thing. If you're after something more standard then he's defiinitely not your guy.

Thank you very much, Diamanda. I agree with you.

Serraluna said:

I am in an ambiguous situation with a co-worker for several months. It all started when he proposed an appointment, to which I did not answer him immediately, since he is married, and when I decided, and I reminded him of his proposal, then he was the one who did not answer, giving me long. Time has gone by, there has been a coming and going between us, but nothing has materialized. I know he likes me and he knows that I like him, but we have not talked about either of what happens between us. I continue to hope that things will finally end well. I have asked the I Ching what he advises me to do regarding my hopes that X and I will start to initiate a love relationship and the answer has been the hexagram 5.4.6 mutating to 1.It seems that he is telling me to stop waiting anxiously, to continue with my life, since something different than what I expect may happen in the end. Or also, if one the two hexagrams, wait for (5) the passage of time (1).What do you think about it?. Thanks for sharing.

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I feel I should respond to this as I know I have suggested people ask questions about their own hopes and how realistic they are. So I think this is a good question with a very clear answer.


I also think you have interpreted the answer correctly. 5 of course shows you waiting with expectation but line 4 says 'don't wait anymore in this dark place -move -get out' (my words). So there is an urgency to line 4 where it's time to act to get out of painful place. Line 4 is generally the line of the minister, the line where you take action in a situation. Line 6 can be a very mysterious line. The waiting ends but what arrives isn't quite what was expected, indeed it might appear as someone or something you realy aren't terribly interested in. But the line says to honour these unexpected guests.


Hexagram 1 as a relating hexagram often indicates there is - how shall I put it - a greater design, a greater will than yours behind events. So in a sense there is the force of destiny or divine will or however it suits you to think of it, working here.


Now as a reader, I mean just someone reading , even without the I Ching I would say exactly what Yi has said in line 4. Really get away from this


1. He's married

2. He's showing no great commitment or interest in you

3. He sounds like the average workplace game player, having a bit of fun at work.


You say you hope things 'end well' but what does that mean ? That he leaves his wife and family for you ? It doesn't look like it as he doesn't even reply to you promptly.

So on that level it looks like that very common situation where woman falls for married man at work. He's having fun flirting but she invests her heart and loses any shred of common sense (or concern for his wife or family) - no judgement we've all been there …..if you read your initial post in 1 years time I guarantee you will think "what was I thinking "

But what I wouldn't see just with my ordinary workaday eyes is line 6 - or hexagram 1. So somehow what has happened with him is actually part of your greater emotional development perhaps. My sense of it is that when you meet someone who is actually there for you what you had with this guy will highlight everything that's right about the new interest. I can't say for sure with line 6 it acts in mysterious ways as does hexagram 1.


I mean men do sometimes leave their wives of course so it can't be ruled out 100% but by the sound of it even if he wasn't married he's not exactly showing much enthusiasm which is surely a big turn off...you wrote

and when I decided, and I reminded him of his proposal, then he was the one who did not answer, giving me long. Time has gone by, there has been a coming and going between us, but nothing has materialized.

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...well if he can't manage to materialize anything he's not worth your time and energy

What is the best thing that can happen between X and me? and the answer has been 59.1.4.5.6 to 54. I have the feeling that the CI is responding that the best thing that can happen is that we distance ourselves from each other, that we disperse (59) from an infidelity relationship (54 ). But it could also be the opposite, that we clear misunderstandings (until now, this person and I have not talked about feelings, rather we have done as if nothing happened and there have only been timid approaches without consequences), what divides us, and that would propitiate a loving union like the one described in the hexagram 54.

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The best thing that can happen is that the whole thing dissolves into thin air which you have more or less already said when you said nothing had 'materialized'. This cast says to me again 'get out of there' (line 6) You will I think soon have quite a different perspective on all this (line 4) and you need it - you need to grow beyond this. I think the whole thing is floating away from you anyway, 59 is the great shape shifter. it might turn into a friendship some way down the line but at the moment it's dissolving. Let it dissolve, well I don't think you can stop it dissolving anyway.


Line 5 might show an outpouring between you, where feelings are shared fully but I think that would be the final blurt before the dissolution.


In the thread title you call the situation 'ambiguous' but it isn't really. If you read your initial post with the eyes of a stranger there's no ambiguity there at all. He's played games with you - it's very common in the workplace.

Thank you very much, Trojina. I agree with you. I think there's nothing to do between this men and me.