So, I've recently had a tooth surgically pulled - it was healthy but it started to go sideways - probably due to prolonged jaw clenching for years and years due to stress and childhood traumas. Antibiotics werent prescribed at first but the infection occured so I got antibiotics. On a 5th day when everything supposed to get better, I had again a tremendous pain in the jaw [my other tooth on the right of the one that was removed was extremely painful after the surgery] - at 4AM. And the swelling again occured very big. So, I feel really weak, and had to move flats yesterday, and it looks like the problem isnt resolving. My thoughts are that its the jaw clenching that is aggravating the symptoms... normally the twisted tooth was taking the pressure from the upper jaw, this time theres no teeth and the other one takes all the force. I know you can die from infection so I am a bit worried. Theres bank holiday tomorrow in Ireland, earliest I can get back to dnetist is Tuesday. I am already in poor shape financially my friends already helped me and we have no sick pay at my work. I need to pay a lot for a place to live [but very grateful I can live at the new place]. I thought about calling my mother. She is a narcissist, possibly with BPD. Toxic. (yes I used that word again!). Year earlier I had the same problem, this is literally second time I am contacting her. I asked I ching whether I should do that, ask for little help and then I will be able to take 2-3 days off work and rest.

Hex 42 UC

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Fixed (no changing lines);This is a plateau process or event; the given model will hold true for an extended period of time. Attempts to manipulate events away from the present course could prove frustrating and fruitless, until destiny is satisfied. Consider the following as well as the above: The object of your interest requires significant and consistent generosity on your part. You must demonstrate your commitment on a long term basis to achieve your goal.

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I see this as I will need to contact her more than once, and probably sustain her moods again etc. This always placed me into depression for days, years ago when I was still contacting her. Anyway, I did called her. I told my story. All I've heard is not a single ''I am sorry you feel bad, son'' - she started to brag how it is hard to live for herself! Unbelievable. Anyway. It might also be an advice to not concentrate on her bad sides and just pick on the good ones. That is all I can do. What do you think?

Asking for help = 42 unchanging

The way to help yourself is to stay with all that is happening to you. Reflect on each event and learn to develop a clearer insight of what it all means for you deep down. You'll gradually begin to understand better how things can be improved for you and it'll give you a fresh starting point from where you can see and do things differently. Only then will you be able to manifest the improvements you would like in your life. (42 - Augmenting follows on from 41 - Diminishing.)

'Increasing' includes 'broadening' and 'empowerment' so maybe it's suggesting that you look at ways to apply these ideas to your situation. How can you get through this surgery and recover in a way that empowers you? To stay with your mom solely for her material and physical support - when you don't otherwise accept or even like her - seems to not be in line with this, and could just add to the 'toxicity' you speak of.

So, I'd say, find a new way to be with her that does not drive you further from enrichment, or, figure out another way to take care of yourself through the surgery (that does not involve her).

I know at one point I learned I didn't have to be so fiercely independent all the time when I was with my mom; I was then better able to accept her and whatever she wanted to offer me - meals, to do my laundry, etc. without always having to think it was an attack on my independence. This may or may not apply to you (I didn't ever feel my mom was toxic or had BPD, though she was overbearing), but I mention it because it is an example of how I changed my relationship with my mom by changing an attitude I was holding onto.

Best, David.

I asked I ching whether I should do that, ask for little help
42 unchanging

42 means profit / advantage. So, look at where your profit is. I believe you did the right thing to call her. Of course you can only expect material profit from an NPD (if that, as they only care about their own pocket), never any love or empathy. Be on your guard as continuing contact is a dangerous path to take, not one for the faint-hearted.

42 UC could be saying slow down with this whole situation... moving homes again, ongoing stress, financial, emotional and physical, then a toothache and infection; then the situation of having to contact a 'toxic parent' to ask for help... well, it seems that stress is piling upon stress here!
Well all of this is a lot! 42 UC could be saying that there is increase in whatever is going on, whatever you put energy into (where attention goes, energy flows).

https://cafeausoul.com/iching/yi-increase

Unchanging: With every awakening = a sunrise comes. As Thunder stirs below the Wind in stagnant form you may not be getting the message about the abundant opportunity that is presented in this situation. This can be the classic message about the silver lining in any difficult situation. To balance the enthusiastic Thunder with the Gentle and Penetrating efforts of the Wind above, you may need to be more sensitive or patient about the object of your enquiry. Perhaps you are so much in a hurry to obtain what you desire that you move too fast or out of step with the time and miss the opportunity presented. The Thunder is powerful but its effects can only become lasting and understood when applied with the Gentle influence suggested by the Wind. When Wind and Thunder move in unison the power is unstoppable. Find a balance between enthusiasm and patience. Consider how abundance is fortified when it is shared with generosity to those below.

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I think that this could be a good time to begin healing your relationship with your mother (if you do wish in your heart for this, or to heal yourself in relation to her behavior), because of, but after this crisis (thunder and toothache? )… but right now, stay under while the thunder moves and shakes the air... allow the impact to shift your understanding, but the gentle wind influence, maybe see this as something healing or growing over time?
Asking for financial help... well you may have some 'loud' conversations with her, but, I think this will calm down, and that she will help you financially, and that this will allow you the few days off that you need (the gentle wind). Yes, it is very important, with Narcisstic traits, BPD behaviours, to be very cautious in conversation, very aware, to name behaviour, and then withdraw (e.g: "Mum, you are putting me down again, Im going to hang up if you continue to do this" )
I would recommend having the support of a therapist or somebody wise when dealing with or trying to communicate with a narcisstic or ' toxic parent's however.
My own mother has some of these traits, and I often have to psych myself up before communication, preparing myself for the "price" (emotional, ranking etc)I will have to pay some day for the help now. I mean, I try to acknowledge what she will expect in return, and accept that this will come one day, and prepare to be able to try to meet it in a deeper heart way when it comes.

There is a lot of "noise" and "thunder" in your situation right now, 42UC could be saying that the thunder will keep going, but not necessarily will 'the lightening' strike. The gentle wind will continue much longer however, maybe this could be seen as the support you are gaining from reaching out in a very difficult and vulnerable place? maybe like here on this forum? These connections will continue for you, and be supportive and important for a lot longer.
Getting the teeth attended to is important, very important for the long term, but this may involve more than one visit to a dentist.
42UC also could bring a gradual increase in happiness, rest, inner peace and balance in your life. (Again, the increases of whatever is going on)

Sometimes, I find the "Modern Poets I-Ching " very resonant to my questions, and worth contemplating, or savouring:
https://web.archive.org/web/20171108032110/http://janan.members.sonic.net/ching/main.html#42

Overview

You can now gain ground on the situation in question. After waiting a long time, as you have, for a breakthrough, you see an attitude shift on the part of someone else. This outward change in karmic weather is an important sign for you, and may have an ultimate meaning for a specific personal relationship. Like a ray of sunlight in a dense forest illuminates secrets of the dark, so now will you catch fleeting glimpses of the truth about yourself. Normally you might blindly overlook your faults or stubbornly cling to them because of some neurotic attachment, now their obvious presence will make them (the faults) easier to uproot. The discovery of those problems might be amazing and unsettling to you, since they have been so close to you all the time, but now you will not get lost in negative self-images. You will seize the opportunity for change and begin a new road with confidence based on the Increase of clarity.
"Increase" brings you a clear view of your positive traits. You are only human, and if you could overlook the weakness under your nose, you could also miss having a clear view of your strengths. You are a quality person who has fought many battles with yourself for the peace of mind you possess. Look to others for inspiration which they will provide simply by reacting to you and by seeing themselves.
Just as a peaceful and illuminating passage of weather must give way to atmospheric changes, so does your period of Increase give way to other forces. The key to this time is the intensity with which you study the outer and inner signs. There will never be a better time to see who you have been, who you are, and the quality person you can be.

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Probably too late now, but there is an emergency dental service in Dublin, they can prescribe an anti-biotic, and dentists cant work on your teeth until after the infection is cleared.

Good Luck with it all, and I hope that the teeth get better!

What happened MrKind?