Hey guys,

It's been a long time since I've posted a question. I've been lurking a lot but realizing that a lot of the love questions seemed to require more inner reflection rather than asking others.

But here's one that's got me stumped, and it's not about love.

I have a situation with my boss, which I find perplexing. I started freelancing at this place around 9 months ago. At first it seemed like I hit it off really well with the boss. And they kept re-hiring me, extending my contract in little intervals that went on and on until I'd been there about 5 months. I did a good job at the work, took on most things without complaint and felt I was succeeding there. I also got on well with the group and went out with everyone on multiple occasions to have drinks etc. Had some drunken convos with the boss where we did some sort of mutual ego stroking etc. We had fun. He told me at one point– you're in no matter what, whether you want freelance, full time or whatever.

Then almost 2 months went by. He had mentioned possibly hiring me for one of the full time positions. But nothing happened. The woman in the position left. And lots of other people left. There were lots of shifts in the balance, and in the meantime I was offered an artist's residency (this is a design job, and I am primarily an artist via career, design is more my job skill). I felt I couldn't turn down the residency, because it came at a perfect time when I had plenty of money, but still hadn't been offered anything concrete or full time. When I told my boss about it, he seemed supportive.

But since then I left for the month and came back to find that they had hired someone new and given her a much longer contract than I had ever had. They have rehired me for short stints, but it seems clear that she has essentially taken my role. They still need me, but the budget has changed so they haven't hired me back for more than a few days at a time here and there. I went out with my boss (and my other bosses) the other night after another brief stint there. We got very drunk and had fun. Once again, he assured me that I am "in" in some way, though they haven 't been hiring me regularly enough for me to see it as an "in." My other boss asked me again if I'd be interested in full time. I said yes. Anyway, the night went on from there and lasted probably longer than it should have.

I don't know but I feel funny. Like on the one hand we are friends, but I really feel replaced by this other person. They are very enthusiastic about her. They went to the same grad school etc. My boss also mentioned a couple of instances where I didn't make it to an event he invited me to– but I reminded him that he asked me at the last minute, left me off the email etc. It's weird I make art too and show actively. He seems like supportive of that sort of but then always makes mention of stuff like, "oh I used to do that too."

I don't get if he really likes me and wants me on the team or is weirdly threatened by me OR if he just isn't that "into" me. His behavior was strange when I left for the residency too. He was cold and odd. People asked me if I thought he had a crush on me. I thought NOOOO , no no– he has a wife and kids and is very happily married. But I'm an empath, and I always pick up on weird energies, but I have a hard time deciphering them sometimes. Anyway, I have asked on multiple occasions "How does he feel about me" or "How does he see me?" and I keep getting 55 unchanging. It seems like too much of something, or something is eclipsed that I can't see. I dunno. What do you think? I am perplexed. I appreciate your feedback.

:bows:

Hi ariel13
Because of the multiple 55 unchanging responses that you have received it may be worth looking at this hex in a generic way and in a wider perspective around what is going on for you right now. Perhaps there are more important things going on for you that the Yi is looking to draw your attention to.

55: Wood over Fire. An inner light rises up and cleanses all around. The Ideal Realising Person sets clear boundaries about what is and what is not responsible behaviour in readiness for what is to come.

Good Luck

But since then I left for the month and came back to find that they had hired someone new and given her a much longer contract than I had ever had. They have rehired me for short stints, but it seems clear that she has essentially taken my role. They still need me, but the budget has changed so they haven't hired me back for more than a few days at a time here and there. I went out with my boss (and my other bosses) the other night after another brief stint there. We got very drunk and had fun. Once again, he assured me that I am "in" in some way, though they haven 't been hiring me regularly enough for me to see it as an "in." My other boss asked me again if I'd be interested in full time. I said yes. Anyway, the night went on from there and lasted probably longer than it should have.

I don't know but I feel funny. Like on the one hand we are friends, but I really feel replaced by this other person. They are very enthusiastic about her. They went to the same grad school etc. My boss also mentioned a couple of instances where I didn't make it to an event he invited me to– but I reminded him that he asked me at the last minute, left me off the email etc. It's weird I make art too and show actively. He seems like supportive of that sort of but then always makes mention of stuff like, "oh I used to do that too."

I don't get if he really likes me and wants me on the team or is weirdly threatened by me OR if he just isn't that "into" me. His behavior was strange when I left for the residency too. He was cold and odd. People asked me if I thought he had a crush on me. I thought NOOOO , no no– he has a wife and kids and is very happily married. But I'm an empath, and I always pick up on weird energies, but I have a hard time deciphering them sometimes. Anyway, I have asked on multiple occasions "How does he feel about me" or "How does he see me?" and I keep getting 55 unchanging. It seems like too much of something, or something is eclipsed that I can't see. I dunno. What do you think? I am perplexed. I appreciate your feedback.

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Well, Yi to one side for a moment this is a pretty recognisable scenario in the work place between male bosses and female staff. He's playing, entertaining himself with you and the power balance of course is he's holding out, or was holding out a carrot of more work for you whilst also indulging in some flirtatious behaviour and saying things like 'you're in no matter what'.


This is ultimately harmful behaviour to you because of that power imbalance as well as the emotional strain you will come under by wondering things like this

I don't get if he really likes me and wants me on the team or is weirdly threatened by me OR if he just isn't that "into" me. His behavior was strange when I left for the residency too. He was cold and odd. People asked me if I thought he had a crush on me. I thought NOOOO , no no– he has a wife and kids and is very happily married. But I'm an empath, and I always pick up on weird energies, but I have a hard time deciphering them sometimes. Anyway, I have asked on multiple occasions "How does he feel about me" or "How does he see me?" and I keep getting 55 unchanging. It seems like too much of something, or something is eclipsed that I can't see. I dunno. What do you think? I am perplexed. I appreciate your feedback.

Click to expand...

I honestly cannot tell you how often I have seen this scenario and it's always bad news for the woman.


I can't be sure of course what it's all about but I've lived though it and seen it - they really really ought to teach it in schools. I think it goes something like...



Boss is attracted to female employee and they get along especially in a jokey sort of a way. When they are 'off duty' the boss lets her know she's special to him, he's not going to let her go, her job will be safe and so on. In many instances in structured work places for example this is viewed as highly unprofessional as he's promising what he cannot deliver and also it's hardly equal opportunities is it and it goes dangerously near 'if you sleep with me I will see that your jobs safe'. I say 'goes dangerously near' because it doesn't get to that point because this isn't a man who wants to risk everything it's just a man who likes playing about in the workplace. For him it's a game because there's less at stake, he has the power to hire/fire you and he probably likes you so for him it's fun.

Now for you, both as a woman and as his employee it's not so much a game. So you are going to spend a lot more time wondering about what is in his head than he spends wondering what is in yours. Indeed I think research/theories have shown that those with less power in any situation are going to be spending more time wondering about what is in the minds of those above them. They have to, it's survival I guess. We need to know what those who have power over us are going to do.


The trouble with this situation is it isn't now just about the job it's gotten all mixed up with the relationship between you. I do think generally speaking women will take this kind of thing more seriously, it's kind of programmed in. So not only are you feeling kind of betrayed about someone else taking your role, he sort of broke his 'promise', which has financial implications for you, you are also thinking about personal stuff of whether he likes you or not. This is actually 'toxic' - a word I often object to but I use it here because you must realise this situation long term is actually bad for you because so many aspects of your life, financial/career/personal are now bound up with his decisions and his games. I would urge you to recognise this before it actually causes you more harm, even eventually upset.


Side note this may happen with female bosses and male employees I have just never seen it. I think it's an unfortunate mixture of male/female emotional patterns/ psychology in the workplace combined with the power imbalance of him being your boss.



55uc - the sun at noon is as full as it ever will be and it is time to 'march forth' and make decisions. This definitely NOT a time to go hunting down to find more information in the belief that this will clear it all up and everything will become clear. You have all the information you need. It's not clear for sure, there's an eclipse, it's hard to know what to do when there's such profusion around you but you must decide and act. Here I think you have to weigh up what the cost of this is for you in real terms. Flirtation with the boss is one thing (not saying you're flirting) or boss playing with you is one thing, but actual financial loss or career hurt because of it is serious. So don't let that happen.


Do not spend more time wondering what is in his head, it doesn't matter. Instead look at the effects in your life now and make sure you look after your interests first. I would say to try to get clear of all this as it can be very undermining both to your pocket and your confidence and worse, if you become emotionally involved with him, it will hurt your heart too.



Use any of this that you can. It may not all apply to your situation but it is at least worth seriously thinking about IMO. I don't think it's a good idea to continue to get drunk with him. Your guard is down, so is his BUT he has the power over aspects of your livelihood and that is not a game. It is also immature, bad business and unprofessional to make promises to you about your position when drunk.

It's bad for you to get drunk with him and not take this danger seriously but instead wonder about his feelings. I think 55uc is a wake up call quite honestly.

Link to experiences of 55uc

How does he feel about me or How does he see me?
and I keep getting 55 unchanging

55 is abundance, something like plenty of fish in the sea. In 55, we feel sorrow but try not to show it. We try to focus on other opportunities. 55 unchanging appears very often when a relationship ends. So he feels sorrow, tries not to show it, and wants to find other people to work with.

Nice to see you back, ariel13!

"How does he feel about/see me?"
55uc ~ Beware of over-abundance.

One of the things that I like about Kari Hohne's "Essential i-Ching" is that her translation addresses some of the seldom-read aspects of the hexagrams, such as "what not to do if you get this hexagram," and "if you get this hexagram as the 2nd hexagram" and:

55 Unchanging
I had the good fortune early in my career to work for a prestigious firm where all of my peers were well-qualified and super-talented. In theory, nobody should have lost their job for performance reasons?

And, yet, there was a steady stream of people vacating these great positions?

Over time, I came to realize that, in many instances my colleagues were torpedoing their careers not thru lack of performance on the job, but after-hours socially? At company gatherings they would relax themselves to the point of getting carelessly over-familiar with the hierarchy, and then the next thing you know, they'd be leaving the firm...

People familiar with dream analysis and tarot tend to like Hohne's translation ~ she's very expressive, and provides lots of material to work with for readings?

I hope this helps!

Hi radiofreewill!

Thanks! And thanks for your interpretation. I do like that alternate interpretation of 55, and it seems to make sense here.

Wow this part is really interesting:
"Someone may be holding back in a type of punishment that has its roots in their own insecurity or jealousy."

And also the stuff about lack of boundaries. Yeah, it feels like there is a lack of boundaries there in general with everyone that works at this place. Everyone goes and gets really wasted together all the time. But most of them have worked together for a really long time, so I think they are actually more bonded. People leave but mostly, because the place has kind of a lack of structure and opportunity that actually has very little to do with my direct bosses (the ones I went out with). They are actually really good bosses for the most part. That's partly why I like it there. They're typically pretty encouraging and hands off, and even when they have feedback it's always a respectful dialogue. But yeah, there's an undercurrent of something there just with my one particular boss that's odd.

Anyway, thanks again for that interpretation, it does offer some insight that I find helpful.

WOW Trojina,

Thanks for this response. It's given me a lot to think about. I think it's actually really insightful, and it's sort of what I was looking for in a way. i.e. I knew something was off but couldn't make sense about it..

Yeah I think the following is pretty accurate:

Trojina said:

Well, Yi to one side for a moment this is a pretty recognizable scenario in the work place between male bosses and female staff. He's playing, entertaining himself with you and the power balance of course is he's holding out, or was holding out a carrot of more work for you whilst also indulging in some flirtatious behaviour and saying things like 'you're in no matter what'.

This is ultimately harmful behaviour to you because of that power imbalance as well as the emotional strain you will come under by wondering things like this

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And I think that you are right that it is causing an emotional strain on me that is toxic.

It has been particularly frustrating for me, because I couldn't really talk about it with anyone because no one else can really see the odd behavior but me. I had even asked my co-worker (who got me hired there), because she is also friends with him and works on projects with him outside of work. But she can't see it, because yeah of course she has never been there with me when he and I were "bonding" or whatever, and I was getting special seeming treatment and drunken promises.

And this part makes a lot of sense to me:

Trojina said:

he's promising what he cannot deliver and also it's hardly equal opportunities is it and it goes dangerously near 'if you sleep with me I will see that your jobs safe'. I say 'goes dangerously near' because it doesn't get to that point because this isn't a man who wants to risk everything it's just a man who likes playing about in the workplace. For him it's a game because there's less at stake, he has the power to hire/fire you and he probably likes you so for him it's fun.

Click to expand...

And that's the other part that made it hard to pinpoint why I was feeling weird. Because like you said I think he has no intentions of acting on anything, but is perhaps even unconsciously acting out the "playing with me" part. And that makes it almost as insidious, because it is so hard to pinpoint what the problem is there.. All I have known is that I felt kind of uncomfortable.

As for the rest, yeah I think you are right that I shouldn't be worrying about it, and I've really already put too much thought into it. It's just a shame, because I do really like working there but if there is always going to be some weird underlying sexual tension and ego games it probably isn't the healthiest thing for me.

And WOW yeah, you are so right about it messing with my self esteem too, because I was already questioning myself, like am I not as talented as her? Etc.. And after working there this week I've been kind of a mess and couldn't figure out really why I was so mad. I kept lashing out at people and all.. and drank more this weekend than I usually do (I've been mostly abstaining lately), and I just felt really keyed up and pissed (angry) for days..

I think I obviously may have to keep picking up work from them here and there for a while, but otherwise I think I need to work harder to find something else...

Anyway, thanks a lot for your insight. I feel better already knowing someone else understands what I've been experiencing, and I feel a lot less crazy. And I feel like it's easier to take it less personally seeing it in the light of day. Maybe I got a little of the 55 style clarity after all..

Thank you so much.

:bows: