Divorce, who should file?

flashlight · Sep 20, 2012

Hello,

I'm pretty new at using the I Ching and find understanding its advice rather challenging.

I have separated from my husband (my choice) after 15 very emotionally difficult and painful years. I know this is the right decision for me. I have made peace with the issues, am turning the page and rebuilding myself from the inside out. I would like (hope?) that the divorce process be an as peaceful one as possible, nothing good comes from two people tearing themselves apart in a nasty and protracted legal battle (save that lawyers make a mint!). My husband has not made peace with this situation, alternating between anger and threats and hanging on (even suggesting we remain separated and not divorce), asking me time and again whether I really do want to divorce. My answer has been consistent (yes) as there is really no point to remaining in limbo (separated, but not divorced).

Wanting for this to go as smoothly and respectfully as possible, I asked the I Ching two questions:
- What would be the effect if I took the lead and filed for divorce?
And got 61.1.3 (inner truth) to 57 (subtlely penetrating), the resulting hex leaving me confused as, to me, it is one of communication and problem resolution within the couple.
- What would be the effect if I waited for my husband to take the lead and file?
And got 49.3.4.6 (radical change) to 42 (increasing).

I also asked what I should know about divorcing my husband and received 11.2.5 (peace) to 63 (already across), which to me suggests that I need to keep on track, tend to all the details of the situation lest (and that's scary!) "only the most extreme caution can prevent damage."

To know more about this damage or chaos, I asked how would it manifest itself, and got 64.4 (not yet across) to 4 (not knowing). The reference to 3 years in the first hex worries me and the resulting one seems to suggest that what I don't know is very hidden and searching for answers is not a good idea.

Any insights would be greatly appreciated as I'm really having a tough time determining what would be the best course to take.

long yi · Sep 21, 2012

49.23.4.6 is not 42, it is 25
49.3.6 is 42
There is a big difference in the analysis

61.1.3 to 57 is correct.
You cannot initiate the request. It seems that there is a child involved in line 3 of the hexagram 61. He comes into the open and the issues are in conflict with your husband.

flashlight · Sep 21, 2012

Sorry Long yi, I jotted down the changing lines wrong, but the resulting hex was 42 (I used the app on this site to toss).

Very curious about your seeing a child involved. We don't have children. My husband has an adult son from a previous marriage and if he were to pop into this picture, I'd suppose the conflict would be most likely with me, not with his father...

jbutler · Sep 21, 2012

Hello;
In many failing relationships I counsel, the main complaint women have is that she has lost attraction for her mate. You asked, What would be the effect if I waited for my husband to take the lead and file? Raw male energy leads. Females are attracted to this energy. Men take the risks. They are saying a great deal by taking the risks: I protect you, you are safe with me, you can be an emotional being (which most feminine creatures are in their natural state) and in all that they show the woman they love them. Be aware, this is only part of the mating game, but there is a lot of essence in this.

Okay: 49.3.4.6 (radical change) to 42 (increasing) To me this is rather straight forward. There will need to be a radical change in him to file the divorce. Line 3 says, taking action will result in mistune. Repeated honest and open communication regarding your intentions are required... But he already said he wasn't for the divorce, so this isn't hard to decipher. He believes that through ...sincerity and honesty you and he can transform your situation and there will be good fortune. Line 6 is his ultimate value in the situation. He believes it so strongly that he knows you will change things back to normal. No matter how deluded this sounds to you, it is what you ask the Yi, and the Yi spit back at you the obvious answers he would give you. Now, the kicker here is Hex 42 increasing.

But before we get to the Hex we need to ask ourselves a basic question. What goal do you have in mind? You want a separation. He wants reconciliation. If you two can follow the goodness of each other, then there will be increase. What do I mean? If he releases the tension of trying to force you to reconsider
and if you release the tension of trying to leave, you both will have increase. Do you feel that?

If I said, DON'T YOU DARE DO THE DISHES! What are you going to do? You are going to do the dishes just to spite me, to show me that you are in charge of you. If he says, WE'RE NOT GETTING A DIVORCE, what do you want to do? You want to get a divorce. If he can release that demand and let it go, you may have the freedom from his oppression and think otherwise. Likewise, if you can release your insistence that the divorce has to go through without talking, then you will have lifted the oppression he feels about insisting for reconciliation. He is oppression you with the only weapon he has, ordering you.

In a way, I suspect that is way you asked the Yi if he would file for divorce because of his new found masculinity coming out in his insistence. I also suspect that this is somewhat attractive to you, other wise you wouldn't be here asking us to advise you. If you wanted the divorce, you would just go ahead and do it. But you are here asking us, in essence, is there enough here to postpone?? I don't know for sure, but you are hesitant, that much seems evident to me.

I wish you well whatever decisions you make. I also hope that you and your mate can find a good therapist to hep you make these difficult and life changing decisions.

Good luck.

flashlight · Sep 21, 2012

Hi JButler,

Thanks for taking the time to respond at length.
No, I'm not hesitant about wanting to divorce. There is no turning back, no way we will live under the same roof again. Details as to why are not for a public forum. My goal is to end this, as elegantly as possible, and rebuild myself and my life.
The reason I asked the questions is to see which path might lead to the most peace / least harm. A divorce needs not, in my eyes, be destructive and painful,there is nothing to be gained by such long, litigious and mud-slinging proceedings. The decision to end this came from me and though it had been on the table for several years (during which time there was still a chance to repair, but it takes two to tango...), he reacted with shock and violence (the latter a definite issue in the marriage). As sometimes, when one gains solace from being able to 'act' as opposed to just being in a 'reactive' position, I wondered whether the process would be less bitter if he were to file rather than me.
The Yi's answers remain confusing to me.

long yi · Sep 22, 2012

61..1.3 to 57
Your six line layout

出生时间：年　性别：女　起卦方式：直接指定
起卦时间：2012年09月20日02时56分
神煞：天乙—丑未　福星—寅　日禄—寅　羊刃—卯　驿马—寅　桃花—酉　华盖—辰
干支：壬辰年　己酉月　甲申日　乙丑时
旬空：午未　　寅卯　　午未　　戌亥

六神　伏神　　　艮宫：风泽中孚（游魂）　　　　巽宫：巽为风（六冲）
　　　　　　　　　【本　卦】　　　　　　　　　　　【变　卦】
玄武　　　　　　　▅▅▅▅▅　官鬼辛卯木　　　　　▅▅▅▅▅　官鬼辛卯木　世
白虎　妻财丙子水　▅▅▅▅▅　父母辛巳火　　　　　▅▅▅▅▅　父母辛巳火　　
滕蛇　　　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　兄弟辛未土　世　　　▅▅　▅▅　兄弟辛未土　　
勾陈　子孙丙申金　▅▅　▅▅　兄弟丁丑土　　×→　▅▅▅▅▅　子孙辛酉金　应
朱雀　　　　　　　▅▅▅▅▅　官鬼丁卯木　　　　　▅▅▅▅▅　妻财辛亥水　　
青龙　　　　　　　▅▅▅▅▅　父母丁巳火　应○→　▅▅　▅▅　兄弟辛丑土　　

●　六三：得敌，或鼓或罢，或泣或歌。《象》曰：“或鼓或罢”，位不当也。

Line 1: Marriage document on the go (separation) to someone else (him)
Line 2: This man is done deal in your house of marriage. Wood element is empty under the house of marriage.
Line 6: same for the man
Line 3: if this is him, the child line is hidden under line 3. This child reappears in change hexagram line 3 and is in conlfict with him (not you).
Line 4 (you): Have a man on your mind (may be him or someone). This male has no place in your house of spouse,
Line 5: The female is the hidden line under a marriage document (on the move).

Change hexagram: conflict linea 1/4, 2/5, 3/6.
Line 2 = you. You want it over with.
Line 5 = marriage certificate or divorce papers
Line 3 = his son. He does not dislike you

Line 6 produces line 5.... Nothing will be solid until March 2013. Divorce paper... try May 2013. The man has the upper hand.

You two do not see eye to eye on the inner truth.

11.2.5 to 63
出生时间：年　性别：女　起卦方式：直接指定
起卦时间：2012年09月20日02时56分
神煞：天乙—丑未　福星—寅　日禄—寅　羊刃—卯　驿马—寅　桃花—酉　华盖—辰
干支：壬辰年　己酉月　甲申日　乙丑时
旬空：午未　　寅卯　　午未　　戌亥

六神　伏神　　　坤宫：地天泰（六合）　　　　　坎宫：水火既济
　　　　　　　　　【本　卦】　　　　　　　　　　　【变　卦】
玄武　　　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　子孙癸酉金　应　　　▅▅　▅▅　妻财戊子水　应
白虎　　　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　妻财癸亥水　　×→　▅▅▅▅▅　兄弟戊戌土　　
滕蛇　　　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　兄弟癸丑土　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　子孙戊申金　　
勾陈　　　　　　　▅▅▅▅▅　兄弟甲辰土　世　　　▅▅▅▅▅　妻财己亥水　世
朱雀　父母乙巳火　▅▅▅▅▅　官鬼甲寅木　　○→　▅▅　▅▅　兄弟己丑土　　
青龙　　　　　　　▅▅▅▅▅　妻财甲子水　　　　　▅▅▅▅▅　官鬼己卯木　　

Line 3: (you) He wants to divorce. (女测，兄持世，是丈夫想离婚)
Line 2: change line with the man. This means, he hestiate to move towards divorce.
Line 5: You do not know what to do.

Line 2; male moves to another person for help.
Line 5: female move to another person for help.

Opinion are differnt at the beginning. Peace at the end.
If there are funds involved, no one wins and everyone ends up with less.

flashlight · Sep 22, 2012

Wow Long yi.. thank you... That's a lot to think about and digest, and I shall do so before posting back... You are very spot on in saying we do not see eye to eye on the inner truth...
Off to think...
Thank you, again

flashlight · Sep 23, 2012

I've read various translations of these hex and changing lines and, probably because I am so new at this, I am largely unable to "see" the clear references you do, Long yi, in the changing lines to my husband, to me, and to his son. Perhaps more experienced readers can, and I'd love their insights.

Yet your analysis makes a great deal of sense to me, as it echoes my instincts in many ways, save for the reference to the son being in opposition to the father (and not disliking me -- we are not fond of each other at all!). The only way I could see conflict between son and father is that with me out of the picture, the son's filial responsibility is no longer 'escapable', it can't be shoved off onto someone else's shoulders (ie, mine).

Yes, we've each seen a lawyer (moves to another person for help), and no one has made a clear move yet. It is as if each of us is watching to see who blinks first. As we've been separated for several months, the pressure of being under the same roof is no longer an issue, and daily life is thus more peaceful (though of course in the background, the issue is always present). You seem to suggest that it has to be him who acts first.

In pointing that the divorce could be done next May, that suggests that a negotiated settlement would be the path taken. Which would be good. A conflictual divorce would take a heck of a lot longer than that (probably years). And though my instincts would tend to agree on the financial front (and of course, there are funds involved, aren't there always?) that no one wins and both end up with less, factually speaking even if I "won" (ie was awarded a settlement), I'd still end up with less. What is not clear is whether it is a judge or ourselves who makes these financial decisions (both options are possible).

Any other insights would be greatly appreciated. This is a tough period and though I know in my heart my decision is the right one, it doesn't make it any easier to live through!

miakoda · Sep 23, 2012

Flashlight,

I don't have much time to respond but, I empathize with your situation and wanted to help.I'm glad to hear that youve made the effort to understand the lines on your own and encourage to keep on. I do think your readings are pointing you away from taking the responsibility to file, Try this (different) way of approaching your answers:

Effect of your filing: 61.1.3>57. Your current situation is one of subtle penetration (57) and the solution or change comes working through the inner truth (61). Sometimes when we get two lines it is a because it is showing you two sides of the situation or sometimes it is this comes first, this comes second. In short, thinking of others is bringing no peace (61.1) and you will acquire an antagonist 61.3).

Effect of not filing: 49.3.4.6>42. Again, the current situation is one of Increase (42) and the change comes through a Revolution (49), suggesting this would be a more radical approach on your part. I read 3 or more changing lines in a transitional way, so would look at 17.3, 63.4, 13.6 instead of the original lines. In shorthand this would mean that in waiting for him to file, you would 17.3 follow the responsible manager and let the small son go; 63.4 recognize that even silk can turn to tatters and that you are in a leaky boat you're going to have to keep plugging up; and that you will meet on the outskirts.

Finally, I took the time to write this up because you received 11.2, which I received on separating from my former husband and a dear friend also got when she separated. I think of it as the line of divorce. Neither of us (who both had very tough, contentious divorces) got 11.5, which I think likely bodes well for your situation.

Good luck. Note that the hexagram search is also a good place to research the lines. I hope it is not too hard a road for you.

All best,

Miakoda

flashlight · Sep 23, 2012

miakoda said:
Flashlight,

I don't have much time to respond but, I empathize with your situation and wanted to help.I'm glad to hear that youve made the effort to understand the lines on your own and encourage to keep on. I do think your readings are pointing you away from taking the responsibility to file, Try this (different) way of approaching your answers:

Thank you so much, Miakoda, for taking the time, I truly appreciate the gift

Effect of your filing: 61.1.3>57. Your current situation is one of subtle penetration (57) and the solution or change comes working through the inner truth (61). Sometimes when we get two lines it is a because it is showing you two sides of the situation or sometimes it is this comes first, this comes second. In short, thinking of others is bringing no peace (61.1) and you will acquire an antagonist 61.3).

That's a useful way of seeing more than one changing line. As I'm discovering the I Ching, I do get brain muddled when getting more than one changing line and these conflict or disagree with one another; that leaves me lost. The idea of looking at both sides of a story is useful.

Effect of not filing: 49.3.4.6>42. Again, the current situation is one of Increase (42) and the change comes through a Revolution (49), suggesting this would be a more radical approach on your part. I read 3 or more changing lines in a transitional way, so would look at 17.3, 63.4, 13.6 instead of the original lines. In shorthand this would mean that in waiting for him to file, you would 17.3 follow the responsible manager and let the small son go; 63.4 recognize that even silk can turn to tatters and that you are in a leaky boat you're going to have to keep plugging up; and that you will meet on the outskirts.

How did you choose those particular hex to read the same lines as those changing in 49? That is a complete mystery to me, and I'd not be competent at this point to venture out in that manner in trying to do my own readings. If you can clue me in, that would be great.

Finally, I took the time to write this up because you received 11.2, which I received on separating from my former husband and a dear friend also got when she separated. I think of it as the line of divorce. Neither of us (who both had very tough, contentious divorces) got 11.5, which I think likely bodes well for your situation.

I've reread the two lines, and shall ponder, it escapes me for now.
But I keep trying to get my husband to understand the difference between "stopping" (what is not working, what does damage, what is not sustainable...) and "terminating", which, to me, throws out the baby with the bathwater so to speak and in the process (contentious, protracted, destructive divorces I've seen) annihilates/denies/rejects a part of who we are individually. Letting go of the bad, turning the page, achieving peace and maintaining elegance and mutual respect is a far different thing to me and what I personally, am aiming for here.

And in reflecting on how to get there, knowing both personalities involved, the same sentence keeps popping into my head: doing things quickly and doing things well are not the same thing. Allowing perhaps time to offer some sort of appeasement strikes me as a wise and healthy 'investment'. It's not like I needed, for external reasons, to get this over likety plit, like some sort of a chore. it's a process, the goal is clear, how we get there is completely unrelated ego questions for me.

Good luck. Note that the hexagram search is also a good place to research the lines. I hope it is not too hard a road for you.

It has it's moments

Some days are OK, some are less so, but I know I have to do this even if the material effects are going to be a real trial to face. Life is short, and many other things are a heck of a lot more important.

Thanks, Miakoda

jbutler · Sep 26, 2012

Hello,
At this point, it doesn't really matter who files. It is a nasty job. Statistics show that women file more often than men. After reading your second post I realize now how ready you are for divorce. I wish you and you spouse well. Good luck.

miakoda · Sep 26, 2012

Unfortunately, it often does matter who files. Unless the divorce is mutually and freely entered with easily divided assets, The person who files is an agressive position in the eyes of (US) court and the other is the defendant. For many ive seen go through it, the steps leading to the decree play out as a final fight that echoes the battles leading up to the breakup. It is prudent to be thoughtful about the position someone chooses when ready to leave a marriage, and I think the answers flashlight received from the I Ching support her being cautious at this time.

flashlight · Sep 27, 2012

I agree with you Miakoda. I'd read a really good article by a couple of psychologists on whether one is really ready for divorce. Their thesis is that it is when one or both parties are not fully ready that a divorce ends up lengthy, bitter and conflictual - which echoes what you are saying. This, combined with my knowledge of how my husband functions and "where he's at" suggests that he needs some time to digest. Flip side is that often in courts it is better to be the one who files rather than being named as the defendant as it is the filer who sets the rules, ie the type of divorce that is being launched. It's a tight balancing act I am in the midst of...

flashlight · Sep 27, 2012

Hmm, just asked the Yi if my husband would be able to come to terms with the separation/divorce. Got 49.1.3.4.5 to 2.
Not sure whether the changing lines are referring to me or to him!

rosada · Sep 27, 2012

I would think receiving hexagram 2 would be a positive omen for the situation ultimately coming to rest.

As we so often do mirror each other perhaps you can encourage his acceptance by being particularly aware of being at peace yourself.

rosada

flashlight · Sep 27, 2012

I hope so, Rosada. For both our sakes. And just because the marriage can't continue does not mean, in my eyes at least, that we can't be on good terms. There's a lot of history there. I've seen other divorces "work" when the marriage no longer could, and it's pretty heartwarming!

jbutler · Sep 28, 2012

Filing doesn't matter. I know some of you say it does, and some on the internet say it does. As far as the court seeing one as an aggressor or another as passive is inconsistent with unbiased court procedures. The reason why courts see one as an aggressor or another as passive is how the attorney presents themselves in the courts. But don't fools yourselves, passive/aggressive behavior comes out everywhere. I've seen very passive mother's who were very aggressive in waiting and won. Sun Tzu says, “Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win” Whichis what most of you are saying. But it also says, “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle” Husbands and wives know each other intimately and choose the passive or aggressive mostly to survive!

flashlight · Sep 28, 2012

Not everyone lives in the US; legal systems differ; divorce law, norms and practice are not uniform; and cultures and mentalities are distinct, and so on and so forth. All that too must be considered.

jbutler · Sep 30, 2012

Good point.

But, as miakoda said, "in the eyes of (US) court," so we were talking about US courts. If we are talking French courts, or Spanish courts, I do not have information to share with you about that, but I would like to know. As far as this conversation goes flashlight, I thought we were indeed talking US courts. Thanks for your input though.

flashlight · Sep 30, 2012

I'm learning.... first divorce, new legal system, I ching... My neurons are overheating

As I understand, regardless of who files, the divorce could be heard in one of two locations, without my being able to weigh in on the choice. As Miakoda put it, bones of contention within a marriage get played out in divorce proceedings and finances indeed have been a major problem (ha ha, guess who has been paying for most of everything??Thus why my reserves are depleated...). Here, as I understand it also, attorneys and judged don't really care much about context, personalities, what happened, faults or not. They just look at numbers and make financial decisions, but without standard guidelines so that their own experience and how they "feel" about the parties influence outcome a great deal.

So I asked the Y:
What would be the financial outcome if the divorce took place in venue A? And I received 62.4 > 15, the changing line pointing to a dangerous situation for which I need to keep my headlights on and that would be better to face than run from.

And then asked What would be the financial outcome if the divorce took place in venue B (which, for a variety of reasons, had my preference)? And I received 18.3 >4. The father's corruption bit makes no sense to me and I'm wondering whether the Y was ticked that I asked another question and decided to give me 4....

How can these readings help me prepare, line up my ducks and keep my headlights on

?

flashlight · Oct 8, 2012

Choosing a lawyer

Hi folks,

Me again...

I am now at the point, regardless of who ends up filing first, where I have to choose between two possible divorce lawyers (I could have consultations with more, but it is time consuming and costly....) and, naturally turned to the I Ching for insight.

Lawyer 1 is male, has reasonable fees and I did not have good vibes with him. He had no interest in hearing anything about the "story", just wanted official documents dealing with the financial questions; his estimate of what a court would afford me as temporary alimony (which I really need at this point) was low. He did not have clear recommendations about strategy. Lots about him was "sloppy" - his offices were sloppy and the invoice he sent me for the consultation had the decimal in the wrong place. Not a great first impression.

Lawyer 2 is female, is very (gasp) expensive. She wanted to know the "story" and the people in it, asked insightful questions and "got it". The financial bit (without even asking for official documents at this point) came at the end and her estimate on the temporary alimony that could be asked for was significantly higher than lawyer 1. She is very clear that, regardless of the type of divorce we end up with (negotiated, no fault, conflictual - or local equivalents), that it behooves me to file first. She made a good impression on me, her fees though make me pause.

So I asked the Yi the same question regarding both attorneys:
What would be the ROI (return on investment - the only issue in this divorce being money, there is nothing else to settle) of choosing attorney 1 or 2 as my divorce attorney?
- For attorney 1, I got 51.1>16
- For attorney 2, I got 51.1.4> 2

I wish the Yi had provided more contrast in its answers, both, to me a neophyte, sound rather positive. I'd really appreciate the insights of waaaay more experienced ones here. Many thanks in advance...:bows:

long yi · Oct 9, 2012

Do nothing and let him file first. Hexagram 51: both of the lawyers are not any good. Outcome is no real benefits They are a bit hollow.

flashlight · Oct 9, 2012

Long Yi, your response baffles me. What makes you affirm that neither lawyer is any good, that both are "hollow"? Lawyer 2's arguments in favor of my filing first made sense to me (won't go into all the details why). Among other reasons, waiting for my husband to file first is leaving me in a very tough financial situation and he might well let that limbo last quite a while. My preference for his filing first is that it is more comfortable to me (I don't like to be the "bad guy"), yet my hope that it would make the process more peaceful is seeming increasingly illusory.
Perhaps I wasn't focused enough in using the Yi last night....I might try again today once I am more centered. I am uncomfortable with my instincts and your interpretation of yesterday's toss being in contradiction. That's a tough situation to be in when facing such an important decision...

flashlight · Oct 9, 2012

I asked the same question again , regarding lawyer 2:
What is the ROI of choosing her? And received a very different answer: 50.6 > 32
***
Wondering how one should interpret answers when receiving quite different answers to the same questions on two consecutive days...Learning, learning....

forty two · Oct 10, 2012

@flashlight:
I`m not sure but maybe "hollow" means: hexagram 16???

51.1 > 16

51.1.4 > 16.4 > 2.

Often hexagram 16. shows a situation where one is blinded by the light,haha. Means: Enthusiasm is an overreaching emotion and probably not helpful in divorce questions. That`s my guess at least.

50.6>32: Look for who is 50.6. The Lawyer who represent this line is probably the right one.

About different answers: It is because things are not SO simple and each situation has a lot of aspects (more than can be revealed at just asking one time) and if time is passing (the next day) new changes already happened and so you get different answers to the same question if you ask again or next day. Yi just shows you MORE aspects by asking again and it shows new changes by asking next day for example. So don`t get confused, just try to put it together to a meaning for you.

Best wishes Yvonne

flashlight · Oct 11, 2012

Thank you, Yvonne.

forty two said:
51.1 > 16

51.1.4 > 16.4 > 2.

Often hexagram 16. shows a situation where one is blinded by the light,haha. Means: Enthusiasm is an overreaching emotion and probably not helpful in divorce questions. That`s my guess at least.

That's a neat way of getting more insight. I didn't know one could/should look at the resulting hex from each individual changing line. Very helpful suggestion, thanks!

50.6>32: Look for who is 50.6. The Lawyer who represent this line is probably the right one.

Hmm... not sure how to do that... L. 6 is a young yang line, which would seem to suggest lawyer 1. My instincts, though, are not keen on him at all and I have decided not to work with him. I don't see how that line could refer to a woman (lawyer 2) - or maybe it can, but I lack knowledge. Having consultations with one or more other attorneys is both costly and time consuming though...

What's interesting in the various questions I am respectfully asking the Yi about different aspects of this (complex, somewhat scary) situation is that I am often receiving either 49 or 2 as resulting hex. Am pondering that deeply.

forty two · Oct 11, 2012

Hi flashlight,
I don`t know (exactly) how long yi came to his conclusion, but check out his other readings please, and then you see that he is knowing what he is doing and so I`m pretty sure there is a good reason for his advice. That`s why I said: Look for who is line 6 at 50 because probably none of the both is, unfortunatly. Maybe Lawyer one is too tough and Lawyer two (the female) too gentle. Line 6 at hexagram 50 represents a balanced person which is tough and gentle same time depending on what is needed to a certain time or situation. A wise man (or woman ;-)). Someone you can trust. If none of the both is, you should keep to long yi`s advice I think.

The rest is puzzling for me. I have no idea what 49. means in this case, but hexagram 2 means to be passive and that would suite to the advice long yi already gave you

Best wishes Yvonne and good luck for all

Let us know how things develope.

flashlight · Oct 12, 2012

Oh indeed! Long Yi's interpretations are amazing. As a beginner, I am baffled at the amount of insight and level of detail his readings offer and would love to learn how to develop that skill. I need to understand things by being able to do them myself.

I have one thought as to why I'm often getting hex 2. I'm struggling with many questions and decisions that are not easy and leave me anxious/stressed. Perhaps hex 2 suggests that once I've made a decision, then I can relax a bit and be receptive to what takes place as someone else (lawyer?) would be handling things for me. But again, I am too new at this to trust my own interpretations yet.

forty two · Oct 12, 2012

flashlight said:
Oh indeed! Long Yi's interpretations are amazing. As a beginner, I am baffled at the amount of insight and level of detail his readings offer and would love to learn how to develop that skill. I need to understand things by being able to do them myself.

Long Yi himself is the only one who can teach and you would have to learn a lot for to understand it. Since when do you work with the I Ching?

flashlight said:
I have one thought as to why I'm often getting hex 2. I'm struggling with many questions and decisions that are not easy and leave me anxious/stressed. Perhaps hex 2 suggests that once I've made a decision, then I can relax a bit and be receptive to what takes place as someone else (lawyer?) would be handling things for me. But again, I am too new at this to trust my own interpretations yet.

Hexagram 2 means to let yourself lead. Either by another person or by Yi. Means: Do nothing and wait for an impuls either from the outside or from the inside. If something will come which pushes you into a certain direction then move, but do not move without this impuls because it could be that you get lost then. I find it hard to be hexagram 2. but I practise at the moment *lol*. Being passive can be hard if you feel the need to act, but sometimes we have to wait for an impuls which shows us the right direction.

The need to act in your case is: Making a decision. Just wait with your decision until something happen (outside or inside) which shows you the way. Are you in a hurry or is it possible to take your time? If it is possible to take your time, relax

Often we are seeing things quite clear after we relax and if we are calm inside.

There is a nice figurative analogy: If you wishes to see the ground of a lake first the waves must stop. You can`t see the ground if there are a lot of waves. First when the water is even then you are able to see the ground

flashlight · Oct 12, 2012

forty two said:
Long Yi himself is the only one who can teach and you would have to learn a lot for to understand it. Since when do you work with the I Ching?

Oh, it's been an on again / off again courtship for years, perhaps more like occasional dating

. It is something I would like to have the time to really sit with and learn, without the interference of all the stuff one has to do in daily life!

Hexagram 2 means to let yourself lead. Either by another person or by Yi. Means: Do nothing and wait for an impuls either from the outside or from the inside.

The need to act in your case is: Making a decision. Just wait with your decision until something happen (outside or inside) which shows you the way. Are you in a hurry or is it possible to take your time? If it is possible to take your time, relax Often we are seeing things quite clear after we relax and if we are calm inside.

Well, the fundamental decision (separating) I made 4 months ago. Where it is becoming necessary to act is that things are a mess on the financial front (I'm footing all the bills). That's not sustainable. Only way to solve that is to take some legal action. There is no incentive as far as I can tell for my spouse to do so, rather this "hiatus" is in all likelihood beneficial to him on that score. I find it hard to be zen with a pile of big bills sitting on my desk

. So the advice received at the beginning of this thread that I am basically powerless and to wait for my spouse to file (which, on other fronts is quite comfortable) becomes problematic in this instance.

There is a nice figurative analogy: If you wishes to see the ground of a lake first the waves must stop. You can`t see the ground if there are a lot of waves. First when the water is even then you are able to see the ground

I like that! I used to live by the ocean. It was soothing to go sit by the water and helped my mind to quiet. No water around here though!

Thanks for your help and insight Yvonne :bows:

Divorce, who should file?

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