adult stepdaughters

bruce_g · Jan 15, 2007

Thanks, Martin. I don’t know whether it’s genius or just convoluted. Maybe just 10th century BC :rolling:

.

mudpie · Jan 15, 2007

On other occasions, I have heard Bradford say he does this, and since then I have tried it with multiple changing lines. I think it makes a for a reading that has more depth, altho I would also not neglect to read all the primary hex's lines. Wow, I really loved what LiSe said about 48.5...to keep the clear inner spring...while plugging up the leaks. It's beautiful advice to the original question. and it really fits with what Rosada said. Rinda can plug up the leaks but is also advised to maintain a serenity and flow of good-will. the wicked stepsisters won't have the "history of harsh words" to throw back in her face.

RindaR · Jan 15, 2007

bradford said:
<snip>

Rinda-
Are you sharing any of this with your new husband?
Or is this just something his witchy wife does on her own?
I hope you get through all of this OK with some good mental health to spare.
Do keep us posted

I'm on my own in this household with Yi. Husband is aware of my interest and participation here and accepts it as something I do/use to help me think about things. He says I spend a lot of time thinking...

We are working on the issues with the girls together, I don't think we'd get through them at all if we didn't. It certainly wasn't what I'd expected from them, I just figured they were grown and pretty much a non-issue - would come to know me and we could be at least real friends. oh well, perhaps someday, but I'm sure not going to hold my breath on that one.

I'm feeling much stronger now that y'all have helped me explore the issues with the help of Yi. Thank you so much.

I'll keep you posted, it's going to be a long process...

Rinda

bradford · Jan 15, 2007

bruce_g said:
don’t know whether it’s genius or just convoluted. Maybe just 10th century BC .

In the 10th century bce they mightuv been even smarter than we are today,
having our anatomically modern brains without all the distractions we have.
They didn't have Christianity or Mao Zedong to make them stoopid.
And of course they could see right through the whole twitching captives,
dancing elephants thing and wouldn't dream of writing about that.

autumn · Jan 15, 2007

Maybe it’s best to think of reading all of the lines as one lens to see the reading through, and the steps of changes as another lens depending on whether the focus is on understanding the present or transitioning into the future.

If you just want to focus on the present, and everything going on in the situation, both lines speak to it. The question was “how to proceed”, and the answer is, “focus on the well”. Usually, the well is the querent’s own emotional source, but when asked in the context of the family it could mean the hidden emotional undercurrents in the family.

Whoever is the well is told that the potential for the water to nourish others is being wasted (48.2). More can be done, but first the ‘leaks’ must be plugged. The well is also told that when the leaks are plugged, the inner wellspring is clear, and growth will come of that pure source. Reading it practically, perhaps put aside disappointment and anger at their behavior (a leak) and work to overcome their mother’s negativity (another leak) by proactively being kind, and after time, they will find a wonderful new relationship to cherish that they don’t appreciate now? Perhaps when the leak is plugged, they see clearly your love for their father?

Moving to another lens, the change process speaks to how to get from here to there.

So, starting from the bottom, with 48.2. The first catalyst comes into play here. A decision is made to plug the hole to allow the “well” to become self-sufficient. Perhaps you pursue a campaign to get to know them on you own? The transitional hexagram is 39. 39 is a rough terrain to climb. It’s an impasse that has to be studied before it can be mastered. One way is blocked, and the other way needs to be sought carefully and with the support of others.

Finally, the second catalyst of 39.5 comes into play- the crisis that creates the heroes. Do they perhaps see your love for them or their children or their father in a moment of difficulty for the whole family? When 39.5 changes in response to this crisis, you have a maturing and balancing in the family (15). So, it suggests that if you confront the impasse directly, then the fruits of this “difficult climb” through the rocky terrain will be greater authenticity and balance in the family.

(But- this is just my question going through that- I wonder if there is any validity in reading the change process backwards? With 46 as the transitional hexagram? That might be interesting to examine- do 46.2 and 39.5 have any complementary or inverse meaning for this particular situation? 39.5 the crisis creates the heroes and 46.2 the sincere (small) sacrifice yield later harvest. If you read it backward, and I don’t know that you can, I don’t know what principle is involved with beginning in the lower trigram then the first catalyst would be 48.5- or dealing with the purity of the source before you deal with plugging the holes.)

bradford · Jan 15, 2007

Technically speaking, a leak in a well is a GOOD thing.
That's the only way water gets in.
What you don't want to leak is your bucket.
Now plugging the leaks in a lake, as at Gua 41,
that's another thing.

RindaR · Jan 15, 2007

Another insight... With the prospect of balancing their financial demands on their Dad with gifts to my children or grandchildren, that part of my anger seems to be abated. I noticed I still resented being excluded from their times together - usually a movie with a meal at a good restaurant, or tonight a trip to a local hockey game.

I realized this exclusion coupled with their attitude toward me was triggering feelings related to memories of a year in a new grade-school. My social skills were so poor at that time that I spent the year as "the outsider" with all the name calling and snubbing and cruelty that children can impose on each other. At mid-year a new girl moved to town and "took up for me" standing against all the other girls in the class. I don't remember anyone else's name from that year except her name and the name of the teacher who was sharp enough to get me back on my feet with my schoolwork in the midst of the chaos. The next year my family moved to a new town, and with some struggle I was able to manage to avoid taking that particular role. My social situation now is totally opposite, I am warmly accepted at work and valued by my boss and peers as a vital part of the team.

With the realization of this "echo" of feelings from the past I had a mental image of the yin/yang symbol, each half with its inclusion of a bit of the other. Mostly rejection with a bit of acceptance when I was a child, and the cycle of change leading to where I am now, mostly acceptance with this bit of rejection that's like a sharp stone in my shoe.... (Adler would be proud...)

I thanked God and Yi, asked what I needed to know now, and received 7.2 >2. (Yi often leads me back to 2). Pretty cool, eh?

Rinda

Trojina · Jan 15, 2007

bradford said:
Technically speaking, a leak in a well is a GOOD thing.
That's the only way water gets in.
What you don't want to leak is your bucket.
Now plugging the leaks in a lake, as at Gua 41,
that's another thing.

A leak by definition is water getting out so I don't understand this. A leak is the 'only way water gets in' ???

RindaR · Jan 15, 2007

A well needs "living water", water that moves through it, both in and out. Otherwise it becomes just a nasty pool with stuff decaying and growing in it, and the water is not fit for drinking.

stevev · Jan 15, 2007

trojan said:
A leak by definition is water getting out so I don't understand this. A leak is the 'only way water gets in' ???

Maybe that's a leak out of the earth, into the well ?

Sparhawk · Jan 15, 2007

trojan said:
A leak by definition is water getting out so I don't understand this. A leak is the 'only way water gets in' ???

Actually, the M-W definition for "leak" says "1 a : to enter or escape through an opening usually by a fault or mistake..."

I think Brad's thought about a well was so painfully obvious that was almost guaranteed to be ignored by most. Good one! If you don't have a leak into a well you only get stagnant water...

L

Sparhawk · Jan 15, 2007

rinda said:
A well needs "living water", water that moves through it, both in and out. Otherwise it becomes just a nasty pool with stuff decaying and growing in it, and the water is not fit for drinking.

Oops, I didn't see this before and replied with my own "same thing"...

L

Trojina · Jan 15, 2007

Well you learn something new everyday :rolling:

So plugging up these leaks is not a good idea then as some have suggested ? You just have to worry about your bucket.

I used the think of the well as resources, the leak as leak of resources - but leaks are good now otherwise you get a stagnant situation ? So everyone who wrote about stopping leaks have to be clear they meant the bucket and the bucket is not the same as the source of the resources Okay so if its the bucket to worry about wondering what is the bucket, your capactiy to get stuff from the well I suppose.

Luis a leak is usually something undesirable thats the point I was making. As soon as a leak into the well becomes desirable well then.... I don't know.

autumn · Jan 15, 2007

rinda said:
With the realization of this "echo" of feelings from the past I had a mental image of the yin/yang symbol, each half with its inclusion of a bit of the other. Mostly rejection with a bit of acceptance when I was a child, and the cycle of change leading to where I am now, mostly acceptance with this bit of rejection that's like a sharp stone in my shoe.... (Adler would be proud...)I thanked God and Yi, asked what I needed to know now, and received 7.2 >2. (Yi often leads me back to 2).

7.2... very appropriate. The king is in the center and from the center he can bestow commands and reward. So perhaps, you need to know that you are at the center of your husband's life already? Don't allow yourself to be moved to the sidelines? A similar message: don't let anything interfere with your ability to draw from the depths of the nourishing well? You remember from grade school that being rejected or accepted by a group sometimes hinged on how confident you felt about your own social position. Perhaps the message here is that you have more power than you realize to create a place for yourself?

bradford · Jan 15, 2007

Most of my commentary on the Well has been informed by my ongoing job as the caretaker of the well on our old commune in Big Sur. It was the old style, the kind you can climb down into during a drought, about 25 feet down. The Yijing's thoughts on the subject are by people who knew their wells well.
For instance, I learned that when you get down to the mud during a drought, that is the perfect time to clean it out and dig it a little deeper. That's why this text referring to mud appears in the line with the Zhi Gua of Waiting (for Rain).

Sparhawk · Jan 15, 2007

trojan said:
Luis a leak is usually something undesirable thats the point I was making. As soon as a leak into the well becomes desirable well then.... I don't know.

Another good point. You are correct, taken by itself, the word "leak" has negative connotations. Context is everything to make it positive.

L

autumn · Jan 15, 2007

A leak is negative in 48.2. It's the inability to draw from an existing source of nourishment. The problem is in the approach used- not in the situation. The right bucket will work. The "well" is the source and simliar conceptually to the "center".

bradford · Jan 15, 2007

rosada said:
I am wondering if we are overlooking a message in 7.2. Wilhelm says, "The leader should be in the midst of hes army, in touch with it, sharing good and bad times with the masses he leads."

Note that the Militia's leader is called "the General" and not "the Specific"
In the midst or in the thick of it is where he is closest to "everything" that's going on.
But there is a problem here if he loses the big picture, the overview that his place in
the hierarchy affords him. There is an optimum time to be in the midst and an optimum time to be above it.

Luis said:
taken by itself, the word "leak" has negative connotations. Context is everything to make it positive. L

"Taking" a leak, for instance, can be a wonderful thing and a great relief

Sparhawk · Jan 15, 2007

bradford said:
"Taking" a leak, for instance, can be a wonderful thing and a great relief

Thanks for the reminder!! Time for a visit to "in the back and to the left"...

L

Trojina · Jan 15, 2007

autumn said:
A leak is negative in 48.2. It's the inability to draw from an existing source of nourishment. The problem is in the approach used- not in the situation. The right bucket will work. The "well" is the source and simliar conceptually to the "center".

Well yes on reflection I see I had fallen into, somehow, the notion that it was the well which was leaky. Whereas the text states its not the well that will stop providing but the pitcher/bucket broken, rope being too short. And also of course the factual stuff about how a well actually functions. It all makes sense now.

Now I'm scratching my head wondering how I got there, a kind of vagueness I guess, or you know just plain stupidity :rolling:

but I've seen people talking about plugging the hole in the well all over this site so I blame them, yes hmmm

autumn · Jan 15, 2007

I don't know if I was that clear on it, either. But I'm of the mind that it doesn't matter as long as the metaphor and application to the question is understood. Rinda doesn't have a bucket or a well, after all. As long as the metaphor comes across the intended way... and great to have Bradford here to let us know if we stray too far from the translation- hence- meaning.

Trojina · Jan 15, 2007

I think its shifted my understanding in that to me theres a great difference in a source drying out/disappearing and a source always being plentiful its only how one trys to draw of it thats the problem. Its not that what you want you can't have cos its not there, you can't have it cos you can't contain or carry it to where you need it. I guess in line 1 theres nothing there of use even if you had a decent bucket.

martin · Jan 15, 2007

Hmm, I think I'm going to have a leak. Brb!

Trojina · Jan 15, 2007

Actually I have cystitus today, leaking is no fun for me

Sparhawk · Jan 15, 2007

trojan said:
Actually I have cystitus today, leaking is no fun for me

Ouch! Lots of cranberry juice...

L

martin · Jan 15, 2007

Ay! Hope you will be better soon, Trojan.

RindaR · Oct 28, 2010

Hello again, friends-

For the sake of follow-through, and because I find myself missing you and missing Yi, I'd like to share some outcomes.

There was a crisis of sorts and some resolution. About a year and a half ago the youngest daughter got pregnant and had a little baby. Baby's father has a problem with alcohol and had a responsibility to his older children, and wanted badly to go to school to become a deep-water diver so he could support both his older children and the new baby, and we gave him some help. He did most of it on his own - we just made his life a bit easier. Daughter wanted to see if she could make their relationship work and couldn't afford to fly to the Texas coast to visit him so she could introduce him to their baby girl. We helped, and also visited other family nearby - Great-Grandfather and his wife. She asked her father several times "Why are you two doing this?" and really seemed to have no clue. Since then she seems to see me as an ally and her attitude has changed 180 degrees. Husband adores the first grandchild of his body, and we continue to help in small ways that we enjoy.

Her older sister married a pleasant young man with a very large family and is moving upward at her job. She remains detached and cool, and that seems to be ok with everyone but her father who still misses her.

Thank you so much for your help through that difficult time!

Rinda

rosada · Oct 29, 2010

Sounds like the crisis that Brad predicted would lead to healing did indeed manifest!

Thanks for the update!
Rosada

adult stepdaughters

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