Hello All. I've been put in the unusual position of having to trust somebody [whose integrity I have reason to doubt] with most of what I own. This is my ex who is moving from our former common home -- which I left several years ago. He is taking a truckload of stuff to outfit a flat somewhere. He feels he is "owed" by nature -- meaning he has always felt the world owes him a living and takes without much thanks.

I am trying to negotiate with him what he will take from a significant distance. Our signed agreement says he is entitled to his personal things -- but nothing else as most of the house contained my furnishings before we got together -- and others I bought thereafter.

I'm not in a panic, because the mistakes i've made in relation to him go lots deeper than "stuff" and who gets it. There are things of great value to me in that house. He is saying he wants enough to outfit his new place which sounds rather small and I don't have huge objection to that. I've offered to decide with him what he will take but, in the end, he could do anyting and I can't stop him.

I asked the Yi: Can I trust him not to steal from me? Casting: Hexagram 38.3 to 14

This seems to be saying to stand up for myself and be proactive -- which I am trying to be. But gives no particular indication what he might do. Thoughts?

38.3 - there is not much that you can do, for now.

arabella said:

This seems to be saying to stand up for myself and be proactive

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It doesn't say that. It says to understand this person for who he really is. Trust him to be that kind of person.
Maybe have some large, intimidating male friends with you while he's cleaning out your place.

ditto here, 38 means your view and his view are different, divergent...etc. You see it axs you having to trust him to do something he prob sees it differently, which you could only find out by communicating etc.

I think its great how direct the answer is though, you have a different view(38) about your assets(14).

line 3, what a drag . but it does say it will come to an end. So perhaps this will herald the final closure for you affiliation with your ex and that chapter of your life leaving room for something wonderful to come in.

Not a good beginning, but a good end.

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I don't see it as stand up for yourself, I think somehow I almost am leaning towards thinking the man whose hair and nose is cut off might be your ex, in the sense of another layer to the reading. But I think the image of the movement that should be happening being stopped is more frustration and the best way to deal with frustration like that, like getting a car out of a bog, is to approach the problem slowly and calmly so instead of getting yourself into further trouble by slamming on the accelerator you stop breathe and remember you have to let the air out of the tyres.

i remember reading somewhere that having nose cutoff was a punishment for thieves in ancient China

bradford said:

It doesn't say that. It says to understand this person for who he really is. Trust him to be that kind of person.
Maybe have some large, intimidating male friends with you while he's cleaning out your place.

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Yes, this is what I was getting from it -- and jumped to the idea I am supposed to stand up for myself. In fact, there if probably nothing I can do then. Thanks.

chingching said:

ditto here, 38 means your view and his view are different, divergent...etc. You see it axs you having to trust him to do something he prob sees it differently, which you could only find out by communicating etc.

I think its great how direct the answer is though, you have a different view(38) about your assets(14).

line 3, what a drag . but it does say it will come to an end. So perhaps this will herald the final closure for you affiliation with your ex and that chapter of your life leaving room for something wonderful to come in.



I don't see it as stand up for yourself, I think somehow I almost am leaning towards thinking the man whose hair and nose is cut off might be your ex, in the sense of another layer to the reading. But I think the image of the movement that should be happening being stopped is more frustration and the best way to deal with frustration like that, like getting a car out of a bog, is to approach the problem slowly and calmly so instead of getting yourself into further trouble by slamming on the accelerator you stop breathe and remember you have to let the air out of the tyres.

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Yes we are entirely different and I don't want to argue, which is why we had an agreement. "Calmly" sounds like good advice to me. It is truly a case of whether he decides to take things that aren't his, or not. He has said yesterday that he won't abide by the legal agreement that was signed because we signed it in another European country. So this speaks volumes.

Because he is so aggressive I left with what I could put in my car and haven't been back in over three years. I can't wait for this to be over with and at least there is that on the horizon now.

I think it really will be, at least there is no reason for it not to be over for you. On a higher level, whether you want to approach it this way at this time, 14 is the big big possessions and I can't say it better than LiSe.

The talents for living and loving are the really big ones.

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but I like the last line too

But small ones can also achieve a lot.

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Perhaps if you can think of the things that are the most important for you you can communicate this to him and how important they are to you. He still may choose to not act fairly, but I couldn't say, and I don't think the reading says on any level that he will, but I guess he might its up to him. If that's the case you can always be philosophical about it, which is one of your great assets, and its better than feeding the fear.

edited to add: how about seeing the reading as, in this uncertain time how about taking in a different perspective on what great possessions truly are.

edited again:

also if your urge is to do something then i dont think the reaidng is saying do nothing, so there is no reason to be passive but I guess I would say draw a distinction between 'sticking up' for oneself and being one's own champion, the latter being IMO a more integrated approach because a champion seeks an outcome where everyone ends up on the same page. To champion is not to railroad, so in terms of 38 I think it would be engaging with your ex by sticking to truth as opposed to personal point of view, in that some people say tomayto and some say tomahto, but the truth is both are correctly spelled tomato and both describe the red round fruit with green leaves most commonly used in savoury dishes.

chingching said:

I think it really will be, at least there is no reason for it not to be over for you. On a higher level, whether you want to approach it this way at this time, 14 is the big big possessions and I can't say it better than LiSe.



but I like the last line too

Perhaps if you can think of the things that are the most important for you you can communicate this to him and how important they are to you. He still may choose to not act fairly, but I couldn't say, and I don't think the reading says on any level that he will, but I guess he might its up to him. If that's the case you can always be philosophical about it, which is one of your great assets, and its better than feeding the fear.

edited to add: how about seeing the reading as, in this uncertain time how about taking in a different perspective on what great possessions truly are.

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Very wise, Chingching. This is the feeling I've been trying to focus upon, although I haven't yet gotten rid of some sense of disappointment. As you say, greed is the source of the difficulties in the world. Knowing what the world is about to face, that further calamities and even bigger tragedies than anyone has yet imagined will emerge soon, and realising that all of these have been caused by over-emphasis on material wealth -- what have I really lost? No sense in contributing to it.

I will attempt to have a reasonable conversation with him, but I'm not really hopeful based on past experience.

The image I try to keep in mind is that we can only take the positive with us to the next world -- no negative feelings or ideals are useful there. So best to leave those behind now and use the bright and light to make our way.