I have never casted about love, as it really has no place in my life.

I have been with a few guys but I was not in love with them. And the only guy I was ever in love with kept saying he liked me but in the meantime he would go with someone else. I remember that if I started looking at someone else he would get jealous and say that I didn't love him! Basically he was playing with me, wanted me there in full adoration of his person but wouldn't dare to touch me - a bit of what happened with the director, that kept saying she wanted to work with me, wanted me there in adoration, would get mad if I just went to do a seminar with someone else but in the end she would work with anyone but me. Interesting coincidence.
I have the same awful karma in love and work.

Anyway I find peculiar that I don't love anyone nor that anyone loves me or tries to approach me. I'm not really that bad looking some people would say


So I asked why is it that I don't have love in my life? 51 unchanging
I think it might mean that I shock people or that I tend to fall in love with love at first sight, as if hit by a big light from the sky? the two times it happened to me (I didn't mention the first one as I was a child) it happened this way, and I remember I just stopped breathing.

So I asked: Show me how to have love in my life! 59.1.2.3>37
I used to get 59 a lot last Autumn.
Lighten up 59 and you will have a family 37

Does it make sense?

Hi!!
will attempt to read, also had experiences with the same exact hexagram combo but for a different story...Although your question was very broad, I assume that you were asking about a relationship with love as its basis?

59 talks about finding a greater/spiritual goal for yourself as I see it, above individual. And calls for a deeper understanding and clarity of the situation at hand. First of all it wants you to dissolve all fear and misunderstandings/alienation?
59.1 Speaks that you need to utilise all of your energy on that - or simply concentrate on that aspect of your life to be ready. Question needs your devotion, energy. Otherwise, it can mean you really need a strong drive for that.
59.2 Your problems originate from within, if you understand that love will support you, you will be less alienated, more open. But what you described so far was what you really wanted inside (or avoiding intimacy). So it really a matter of your own wants and desires. What is it your "altar"? Just for example, /iIf you worship your ego - you will not get deeper love connections. If you really want to love - it means to give, be selfless.
59.3 Don't associate yourself solely with your desires/personal power illusions/need to express oneself. Step your personal interests as crude as they are aside to focus on HAVING LOVE in your life (which seems to be a goal in this situation).

and resulting 37 is quite optimistic. It shows what happens if you continue working towards your goal and work on yourself and your responses (self-control).
Also by lines it could tell you 1) to establish some order in what kind of relationship do you want, what are priorities etc. You have everything to put order on things already, just need some organization/parameters set by yourself. 2) After that you need to be consistent in your own role that you set for yourself in the relationship. Dont act on impulses, be firm and consistent (as wife in traditional family - doing her thing without complaining). 3) If your actions will involve some disciplined action towards how you react to things, or so to say an hierarchy in the relationship - it can help. So trying to be balanced and monitoring whether you fulfill your role in the relationship.
Really hope it makes sense...What do you think. It was my attempt. Depends on how it fits your situation as well..

Hi innertruth, thank you for replying!

I asked in general, since I am not in love with anyone nor do I fancy anyone in particular at the moment.

I am very happy by myself actually and feel no desire to be in a couple
But having love does not mean to necessarily be in a couple.. so I asked generally if there's a way to let love in my life as life is better when you're in love!

I don't certainly want a relationship with defined roles, I think I could choke at the mere idea

But I have noticed as you have that 59.2 talks about inner problems..
So it's like something inside me is preventing love from getting into me. I wonder if it's the fact that I don't really want to be in a relationship and feel suffocating at the idea. (I have so many friends that are unhappy in their relationships and have to give up so many things of their lives)

Olga, you are absolutely right - you can apply the structure of my answer to your situation.
So when I was speaking of hierarchy it was not literal. It was speaking about the structure that satisfies you. Or maybe some form of consistency. If you choose relationship outside of couple - that is your parameter. Maybe it needs a definition - clarification of what you define as love.
What you mean by Love, when you talk about Love, what do you understand by it. How you see it...

Maybe you are idealistic - and what you see in your friends' relationships is not an ideal of love that seems appealing and right for you. I dont know.

olga said:

why is it that I don't have love in my life? 51 unchanging

Click to expand...

Because I'm scared of it!

59 is about Individualization. Maybe 59 speaks to you : TRUST YOURSELF. If you don't need a relationship - it's ok. If we take central 2nd line from each hexagram (core ones):
59.2 speaks of WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU, What supports you. If your own place is found (altar - in yi language). The core of yourself, what really matters to you is at stake here.

37 is a family hexagram. How is your relationship with your own family or say close ones? Maybe the answer lies in connecting to them in some way.

59 is about Individualization

Click to expand...

is it ? I'd say it was the precise opposite since the ego boundaries dissolve in 59. Why do you see it this way ? I agree with the rest of your post I just don't get this.

I thought 59 meant let go.. things dissolving.. need to let things go and not think too much about it
So I thought it meant open yourself and relax!

family. Mmh.. grew up with only my Mom so that's probably why I am scared of having a man beside me

Trojina said:

is it ? I'd say it was the precise opposite since the ego boundaries dissolve in 59. Why do you see it this way ? I agree with the rest of your post I just don't get this.

Click to expand...

I guess i didn't use the right word. I meant in the sense that 59 is the highest peak of understanding that can be done solely by person itself. On a personal level - but about a collective selflessness.

I think maybe it is asking you to dissolve your idea of what family, or home means, and start anew. What is your vision of home? For example is it a place where you share food, or watch films, or talk to people, or where people accept you exactly as you are? I don't mean the home you had in your childhood, but what would feel instinctively like a true home to you. Is it possible for you to identify some of those things, and then share them, in small moments, with others? For example, if food were important you could invite a new friend over for a snack or meal, without expecting anything from it, but just to enjoy the moment together. If it is being accepted as you are, perhaps you could try accepting others exactly as they are. Consistently giving the kind of love you would like to other people, without expecting anything from them (even a consistent friendship or return) would change everything, I think.

Thank you, I think it applies.

although love means sexual attraction first - otherwise I could say that I'm in love with my housemates too: we share food, watch tv, do things together.. but it's not love, it's just sharing a house. More than a friend but less than a friend!

Maybe I should dissolve the idea I have of a relationship. Since I tend to think of relationships as suffocating, maybe it's saying that. that there's no need for it to be it like that.
I shall think about it, thank you for replying

olga said:

I thought 59 meant let go.. things dissolving.. need to let things go and not think too much about it
So I thought it meant open yourself and relax!

family. Mmh.. grew up with only my Mom so that's probably why I am scared of having a man beside me

Click to expand...

Hi, Olga:

The name of H.59 is 渙 huan4 = scatter / disperse. I prefer the first sense SCATTERING or SCATTERING ACCROSS. It's a compund of 氵,the WATER radical, and 奐 which means excelent/brillant/numerous/many/...

An old character for huan4 looks so...

​

From Sears' Chineseetymology
See: http://www.chineseetymology.org/CharacterEtymology.aspx?submitButton1=Etymology&characterInput=渙

Click to expand...

I see at the right two hands holding a table or platform with a person who is just about jumping into the river, which is at the left. Note that the river looks like the trigram river turned over one side, with curved lines.

Be man or woman the person, I believe that can be a little scared. Nobody's perfect.

Now, see what the sentence says:


If nobody has something forever, neither kings have it, why worry?
Of course we must take care of ourselves before jumping into the river. Take some precautions.

The sign of H.59 is favorable.

All the best,


Charly

Olga I am not very good at answering queries but have tried to reply several times but felt unable. I have not looked at responses - sometimes they confuse my thoughts in how i should respond. Sorry if I repeat what has been said
My gut feeling is that to ask your question in the first place you must have had some issue way back connecting to your family. There is something that your heart feels unable to grasp or connect to. Someone once said to me that his heart needed to be polished - and that it was akin to an onion with many layers

Not sure if this helps but with hex 37 and the preceding hex I think it is like you need to just do some gentle polishing with as much help from family friends or others.

Whenever I have asked myself this question it had always made me re evaluate my own perspective - by affirming and being positive. Rephrase to. Why has nobody yet seen how wonderful I am

Much love
Xx

Update

Almost three years have passed and the situation is exactly the same

I just can t get in love, I don t seem to be interested in anyone nor are people interested in me. Except that they re always ready for sex! But to go beyond that? No way. They would look at me with big eyes as if I was crazy only by thinking about it.

Merry Christmas

Thanks for updating olga.

Reading your posts, it's not clear what you're after and what you mean by 'love'.
You sound as if you want a loving stable relationship, but at the same time you state you don't.
Maybe if you clarify what you want within you, then you can figure out other ways to get it?

Why am I without love? 51 unchanging
The character for 51 shows rain and lightning, which are phenomena that occur in nature beyond our control. Shocks do happen in life, in everyone's life, and it's very important to know how to respond with a cool head. There's a source of strong 'electricity' in your life, you somehow need to learn how to deal with it. It probably refers to the way you mentioned you fall in love. Ok so a thunderbolt occurs, love at first sight. What do you do after that? How do you handle it? The Image says: "Thus in fear and trembling The superior man sets his life in order And examines (or cultivates, or repairs) himself". 51 also shows that where and when this thunderbolt happens is actually out of our control. We simply can't cause this to happen.

Show me how to have love? 59.1.2.3 > 37
This shows how to stop the dissolution, the flood. At the first signs of things dissolving, rely on your partner and they will respond. Let your ego aside and let them know you need help, then they'll help you. 37 is about persevering in what is familiar.
Hidden lines are 61.2 (loving telepathy) and 42.3 (being profitted in hardship via letting others know).
Overall it sounds to me like you'd need to learn how to stick around 'through thick and thin'.

Diamanda,

thanks for replying

it s not easy to say what love is, we probably all have different ideas of love,
and I guess all relationships are different and according to the time you are going through in your life you might be seeking different things

The fact is that my life is simply unavailable on that side.
I am not even thinking about what I want or what kind of love or relationship I am looking for because on one hand, I think as you say that love just happens, and on the other,
it is so deserted around me that I can t make conjectures of any kind.

I mean any feeling would be something to start from. if not the purest love,
it would make me feel alive and not a stoned Medusa.

Any person to spend time with (going to the cinema, phoning me and asking how I am..
simple stuff like that) could be seen as a resemblance of a relationship.

So I am not looking for a stable relationship, not necessarily I mean..
Being completely 47 unchanging, any human interaction is what I am looking for.
But it seems that I am completely unseen from the rest of the world so I must be sending wrong signals or I may not be aware of the signals I am sending out.

diamanda said:

Ok so a thunderbolt occurs, love at first sight. What do you do after that? How do you handle it? The Image says: "Thus in fear and trembling The superior man sets his life in order And examines (or cultivates, or repairs) himself". 51 also shows that where and when this thunderbolt happens is actually out of our control. We simply can't cause this to happen.

Click to expand...

very interesting indeed. This thunderbolt happened only twice in my life actually, the first time I was a child, and the second time well I tried, but this guy played with me. He said he wanted me but in fact he just wanted a girl looking up to him with big eyes He didn t touch me with one finger, I was sort of a idealized figure in his head..
We were young, so I guess this has happened to many people

Overall it sounds to me like you'd need to learn how to stick around 'through thick and thin'.

Click to expand...

Sorry this I don t understand. But if it means be together with my partner through the goods and the bads, well I never had a partner so I can t say

Yes I see what you mean. It certainly makes things very difficult when there aren't many people around to begin with. In this case, the 'horse' who can help you might be a metaphor for you moving to a different place. Is there any nearby place for you to start going out? Do you have friends who live a bit further than you? Aim to travel.
As about 59.2, I've seen it often refer to mobile phones and tablets, so maybe give it a go online as well.

olga said:

He said he wanted me but in fact he just wanted a girl looking up to him with big eyes

Click to expand...

Well that's exactly what the vast majority of men want, so let's all practice batting our eyelids

Happy new year!!

two more years gone by, and the situation as stuck as five years ago

Men of all ages still after me for sex, a religious one got to the point of asking me to marry him but a secret thing, just to wash his conscience off in order to have sex. No-one had to know he was seeing ME.
(Which is not religious at all by the way)

It appears I have turned into something people are ashamed of even dating.

Hello Olga.

I somehow understand how you feel: never had any long-term relationships, didn't love most guys who insisted on seeing me- some of them had serious issues-, the great love of my life who caught my eye from the start & was my best friend, and said felt the same about me, decided to date other girls (maybe because of our unusual conditions, me being several years older?), and the only guy I loved & could start a relationship with turned out to be taken. Then there are all those guys after quick sex with the first girl they can get.
I know how frustrating it sounds, and we tend to imagine all the negative things about ourselves; however don't let the thought of "I have turned into something people are ashamed of even dating" dominate your mind.
In I Ching terms, it would be more helpful to ask something like "what should I change to have a successful love life?", etc.

Thank you Mary blue sky

it’s what I actually asked at the time but couldn’t understand properly.

recently after this religious porn addicted guy I asked once again and got 5>31 which made me think I have to wait for attraction, wait for someone I like and am attracted to.

this only happened once so far, I really wonder how people manage to have so many relationships and marriages

it’s so rare to be attracted to someone and fall in love!