Hi!

The communication with my very cherished friend broke up and he is not responding to my email.

I think I don't need to say how hurt I am...

I asked Yi Jing how this situation will evolve.
I got 62.1.4->36
I understand this that obviously there is no developement and I should keep my distance.
36 is about inner light - I feel that my friend didn't understand me or ignored what I wanted to say; is this hex 36 saying that now it is not the time for my light to shine?
What in fact I need to know here is: was there a light? Maybe it is trying to tell me that I do have something to say, that what I shared with him is not bullshit, just now it is not the time for it to be seen and accepted?
Because he thinks that what I shared is stupid and silly, and that is so painful to me.

I asked how to get over the fact that this friendship ended.
I got 57.2->18
I guess I need to reevaluate everything and clean the past.

And then I aksed if he will answer my email (although I already feel that he will not).
And here I am puzzled.I got 16.4.5.->8
From the line 4 I would say: yes. I mean, it is very clear, friends gathering and they welcome your sincerity and trust - in my email I was very open and frank.
So it could be that he will appreciate it?

But then come the 5th line which seems quite dark...I feel like it is trying to say: even if he replies you will not feel better, the pressure still remains.
I guess it is trying to tell me that our differences will not be solved by his answering to me, maybe we will say goodbye in a more friendly way, but still I will feel the pressure of the loss.

Can you please help me out here? I know I asked about this friend so many times here...but this is so painful for me, I love him like he were my own father and he rejects to respond to me.

Please help.
Thank you.

Hi Moonrise

1.- No one can help if you refuse to do what you need to do.

2.- Remember about helpers? Find them, soon (maybe terapeutic help or counselor advicer)

Sorry if I'm rude.

Wish you the best for improve your life

Hi Jesed,

although I am hurt about my friend that doesn't mean that my whole life is a mess
I am actually quite enjoying myself but this situation really hurt me. I am en amotional person so quarrels with people I care about touch me deeply.
And this guy is very very special.

I would be very grateful if someone could help me with the interpretation of the hexagrams. I asked Yi Jing for some guidance and since I am so personally involved, it is difficult for me to see the message. And I would also like to learn to read Yi Jing better.

So, as for "helpers" - I think Yi Jing is a perfectly good help, but I need to understand its language.
And this is what my question was about.

Thanks!

Hi Moonrise

I'll try to explain myself better, even if I need to do a more direct comment:

You already knows that this friendship is end (altought you are still hopping he will answer your email)

How to get over this fact? 57.2->18
57 is penetration of understanding. A penetratation of understanding to fix what is spoiled in emotional issues is a good definition of therapy goal.

57.2 in modern terms is psycologic therapy or counsel advice

57 and 18 belongs to the Cycle Hexagrams. Those are hexagrams showing the cycle to achieve 18 (fix what is spoiled) and are inner hexagrams (the work to fix what is spoiled is most of all inner work) .

If you already knows that this relationship is end, and you are willing to do what you need to do (leave this relationship as 36 in answer 1 recomend, with the help of inner work for reconstruction as answer 2 recomend) is useless to ask if he will answer

Of course, you have the last word in this. Wish you the best

57.2 doesn't become 18, it becomes 53.

Hi,

yes, I know this relationship ended and yes, I still hope he will answer - because there are different ways to end a relationship.

For me it is much easier to close it, inside, emotionally, with the feeling that there was a certain understanding and compassion from both sides.
There is a difference if you just ignore someone or if you try to see their view and show understanding. This in itself is healing and doesn't leave you hurt.
And as for me: the ending of the relationship shows how the relationship was in the whole. To end in a loving way - this is a challenge. And it makes saying goodbye much easier.

Actually what still makes me hold on to him is exactly the fact that I didn't have this final conclusion and I feel that he is angry or annoyed. These negative feelings are those which keep you chained to a person, usually. This is what trully hurts: that he is annoyed and doesn't find worthy what I expressed.

So yes, I do know that this is goodbye and at the same time I am hoping for a friendly and loving one.
And I don't see any kind of paradox here and I do not feel that is useless to ask if he will respond. On his reply depends a lot how I will handle this loss.

And in any way, I would like to understand the difference between 4th and 5th line in hex 16.

And I made a mistake - it was not 57.2, it was 57.5 I am sorry.

But thanks for your comments! They make sense but I feel that how I see this, also makes sense.

I still hope for some more clarification in order to understand Yi Jing better.

How to get over this?
57.5
Perseverance brings good fortune.
(Just keep on keeping on)
Remorse vanishes
(So just FORGET ABOUT REMORSEFUL EVENTS - let them vanish!)
No beginning, but an end.
(While there are difficulties getting over this at the beginning, you have not made a mistake ane there will be an end to the heartache.)
Before the change, three days.
(Don't expect to see improvement immediately)
After the change, three days.
(Monitor your progress.)
Good fortune.
(Yes! You are doing the right thing.)

Changing to 18, Work on What Has Been Spoiled
The image says the Superior Man stirs up the people and strengthens their spirit.
Find some one else to cheer up and you'll cheer yourself up too.

Good luck Moonrise. There is a book I think is worth getting. "How to survive the loss of a love." Less than $10 and it will just walk you through the pain. Two hours of reading will fast forward you like two months of recovery.

Best Wishes.

Hi Moonrise

I can resonate with your post because something very similar has recently happened to me also. Before I try to give you any additional insight, let me just say how admirable it is of you to try to hold on to your compassion and loving feelings of the relationship. Even if it is to end, you are going about it the right way. It??s quite a rare feat nowadays to be able to part with someone without the bitterness and resentment of loss, I just wanted to say I respect your approach very much. It??s refreshing, and try to hold on to it, it is the core of all truth.

For many years now, I??ve curiously followed an arranged cycle of hexagrams, I call it Natures Cycle. Just as day merges into night, so do the seasons merge into each other. Energies mingle, yin and yang take turns in dancing in each others shadow and light. Natures Cycle is like an extended version of day and night, which extends the whole year, with different I Ching energies expressing themselves at different times. A dynamic and forever changing pattern if you will. So the information I??m to offer is from my own observations of this Cycle of Nature, you can take it or leave it, because it may only exist in my imagination, even I haven??t decided that yet ??

Last week, we were in the part of the cycle that corresponded with hexagram 62 ?V Small exceeding. This is the last hexagram before the midpoint of Spring. In my experience, 62 is a difficult emotion to work with. There is a combination of the arousing potential of Shake, and the calming stillness of Mountain. A conflict of purposes. On the one hand, Shake wishes to rouse to action, and on the other hand Mountain wishes to slow things down, it can create many uncertainties and misunderstandings as we feel its dual nature inside us. What normally happens is that we tend to try to do both, to arouse and still, and in relationship terms, this can often translate to a shock, followed by a need to end things. And they are not always ended pleasantly, they are left in the state of shock and uncertainty.

If you look at the lines of 62, you will see that the yang lines are centralised, in the centre of the situation. This is the effect of 62. All the substance within the relationship is drawn into the centre between you both. It can make everything you say seem very intense. It can make us feel like we do not have a solid inner base from which to endure the difficulties of any problems that may arise, it is almost as if we feel a little unbalanced at having lost ourselves a little in the relationship. There can be a power struggle in some sense. For example, one person wants to arouse the potential within the relationship, whilst the other wants to takes things slower, and calm them. The duality of 62 makes this a difficult balance to achieve initially because as soon as we start to yield and soften (Mountain), then the opposite energy of Thunderous activity kicks in (Shake).
In your case, you received the first changing line in 62. This means that one of you has tried to take control of the situation and assert some direction. The central yang lines is the substance existing between you. And the initial yang line activating, means that one of you has tried to articulate the situation from an ??inner?? perspective. When in fact, 62 is not a time for assertion and control, it??s a time for small things, not great things. So the first line shows that one of you ?V in this case him ?V has pulled away, trying to enforce the duality of shock and finalisation in one swift move. It??s unlikely that it will end this way however, it was an impulsive response. The 4th line shows that there will be a delay to any forthcoming communication. And I should also emphasise, that he is also feeling quite bad about this too. It??s impossible for him not too. I imagine that you situation was something about him feeling more than you, maybe his love going beyond the friendship level. Whilst your expression was undoubtedly love, but it was a more spiritual one, less physical. That might explain his withdrawal in such a way.

Your follow-up questions, regarding the future, may be answered quite soon. We have just entered a phase of the cycle that is about re-visualising and enriching our view of relations and the world ?V 42 Augmenting. It??s a time when we can properly see others motivations as well as just our own, something very difficult to do with 62. Hexagram 57 is about a week away in the cycle. And Hexagram 16, lines 4 and 5, will show themselves over the next few days in their subtle ways. Hopefully you will be able to find a few more answers to your situation, because I assure you, they are approaching. Things between you are just procrastinating at the moment, with good reason. You both need your own space to remember things about each other, to re-visualise the situation you created between you. And it??s a very nourishing space, it??s very rare that during an Augmenting phase, that one-sidedness can grow, although it is possible.

I wish you all the best with it, I am not sure if I have written any of this very clearly, I would happily expand on anything you would like me too.

Hi, Rosada, thank you for your input!
I feel much better now...the initial shock is over and now I am more at peace that this is how thigs are.

Hi, Matt,

this was such a lovely answer and such a good insight that you gave me - I am very very grateful! Thank you for taking so much time for this, it is so much easier to go through this if you can share the pain and have another input.

I really really appreciate and value your inisight in hexagrams, it was really amazing! Really true and it cleared many things for me. it is so much easier when you get awarness about what is happening.

I don't know how to read yi jing so much...I don't understand its dynamics so much; so this was very insightful for me. How the trigrams relate in the hexagram...I never considered that, and the lines...it makes much sense.

It is true - the relationship with this man is as you described in 62 - there is an urge to push and also the stopping of the mountain. And this tension is so difficult to handle. You don't know what is trully happening and you are just left to guessing.

As you said, it is so: everything we say is very intense, my emotions and his harhsness. And it also true that there is this duality between calmness and movement.
I feel so blocked in this relationship mostly because he doesn't consider how I feel and he doesn't take into the account how I see this relationship. Actually it is him who thinks that I want things to be romantic between us which is not true. He is very much older and I see him like a father.

It is also so true what you say for the first line...he just pulled away, there is no voice from him, he ignores me.
You really think that he feels bad? I think that he is so indifferent towards me...not caring at all about me. That hurst mostly, I admit.
The situation was, as I said, him being very impersonal, obviously pushing me away after a long time of sharing and confidence. He feels that I am emotionally demanding and for a long time I was feeling guilty about it, thinking that I trully want so much. But it is not so...I do have needs, as any human has, but he can trully treat me just like an object. This is how I feel, that I am like a machine to him which he uses as he pleases and when he gets tired of it, he shuts it down.
I don't know if I am clear about this, I just feel such lack of respect and care from his side.

About these cycles...42 and 57 approaching - this is in general or refers to my specific situation? I didn't quite understand that.

You really feel that there could be some more answers? Maybe him responding and for me some relief of getting some kind of response?

Although I already accepted that he doesn't bother, probably he just rolled his eyes when he saw my letters and never even bothered to read them.
And that actually is what hurts most. He doesn't find what I feel, how I see things, what I need meaningful. Everything for him is just useless emotional outburst I should get rid of and he should ignore.

I do understand him also...he is busy, he doesn't have much time, he is tired and well, old I understand that for him I can be too much, with all my feelings and things...but I wish he could have some more repect for me and what I need.

Thank you again for giving so much attention to this.