12.3 - they bear shame

[esolo]

I did something that I'm not too proud of. I am very angry at someone and I humiliated that person in front of some other people. I asked about someone who witnessed it..what that person's opinion of me now was and I got this line. How to interpret it? I suppose that she finds me 'shameful' but I'm not sure that's the meaning of the line. Yes, I did bring shame onto someone else and in that sense I did 'bear shame'. Maybe it's both?

 

[laylab]

Actually I think that the line is tell you that the feelings of shame are more inside of you than coming from anyone else. In other words, you are thinking about it and feeling worse about it than anyone else is.

The Yi is telling you, "yes, I know you are embarrassed by your own behaviour". Therefore, the best pragmatic advise would be to mend fences. To contact the people and apologize.

They will probably be shocked and tell you that they weren't thinking that badly of you but are impressed that you have the courage and attitude to apologize.

 

[willowfox]

"what that person's opinion of me now was and I got this line."

Hex 12.3 suggests that they think you went too far and humiliating that person in public was indeed a shameful thing to do, so I would imagine that they are very displeased with your performance.

 

[rosada]

What is this person's opinion of me?

She thinks you acted like an inferior person and should be ashamed. She isn't intending to make a big deal about it but assumes you will come to realize your behavior was inappropriate yourself.

As 12.3 changes to 33, Retreat, you may find that while this person doesn't say anything, she RETREATS from you as a result of witnessing the incident. Not good. So although you did not ask for advice, I think you should not ignor the situation,not just hope everyone will forget about it, but rather you should contact both the person you humiliated and the person who witnessed your performance and say, "I was wrong. It wont happen again."

 

[laylab]

I still think that it's him that is thinking this and believing that that is what others are thinking about him...more than it is that the others are actually giving it that much thought.

I think they noticed it but do not believe they are harping on it.

 

[esolo]

Um, I actually think this person deserved it to an extent. I was fairly harsh but this has been a festering problem.

 

[rosada]

Well, you may be right, the person may have deserved it. But you weren't asking if the I Ching agreed he deserved it, you were asking what the person witnessing the incident thought. So I still think the I Ching is saying the person noticed the incident and THEY thought you ought to "bare shame." Hmm, now that I write this out, I'm thinking, Is it possible the witness thought the person you were scolding was bearing shame? Like, not particularly making a value judgement as to whether you were being harsh, just observing the situation and registering, "That person is getting reprimanded." Maybe you should ask the I Ching what if anything you should do now. Is an apology or an explanation necessary?

 

[Tohpol]

I did something that I'm not too proud of. I am very angry at someone and I humiliated that person in front of some other people. I asked about someone who witnessed it..what that person's opinion of me now was and I got this line. How to interpret it? I suppose that she finds me 'shameful' but I'm not sure that's the meaning of the line. Yes, I did bring shame onto someone else and in that sense I did 'bear shame'. Maybe it's both?

I think it's a perfect and very clear response.

There is shame on both sides. You feel shame for doing what you did. And the person feels shame for the humiliation you brought upon him/her.

I think IC is saying take responsibility, learn from it and move on.

Topal

 

[esolo]

Hmm, now that I write this out, I'm thinking, Is it possible the witness thought the person you were scolding was bearing shame? Like, not particularly making a value judgement as to whether you were being harsh, just observing the situation and registering, "That person is getting reprimanded."

Yes, that's what I think it means. This person was really getting humiliated and that probably stood out much more than the feeling that I was acting shamefully.

 

[esolo]

I think it's a perfect and very clear response.

There is shame on both sides. You feel shame for doing what you did. And the person feels shame for the humiliation you brought upon him/her.

I think IC is saying take responsibility, learn from it and move on.

Topal

Yes, it was one of those answers that I like receiving, very clear and to the point.