19>50

[yxeli]

Hi there,

This reading is about a relationship that has been a main focus of mine when consulting Yi. We were friends before having an affair that was a very 28 type scenario,as in lines 2 and 5, a very open dynamic that was hard to base on traditional forms of coupling. I suppose it has a lot to do with commitment issues on both sides that lead to a very unstable and erratic relationship. It lasted approx. 3 years and has been over close to a year, now it has reached a point where we are behaving like dramatic children amongst our friends.

My last post on shared readings was about this relationship, and the advice from members was just not focus on him. The problem with this is that we have the same group of friends and at this point its making everyone feel uncomfortable. I sent him an email expressing how he is effecting my free will to go and interact with whoever i like, as last time we met he basically kicked me out of a houseparty and the house wasnt even his. So I hope readers will not just say im obsessing about this, Its reached the point where i cant go where i like, or interact with who i like, and now others are being drawn into it that have nothing to do with whatever issues we have with eachother.

I sent him the email to set boundaries in our conduct with eachother. At this point I'm not willing to forgoe my ability to hang out with our mutual friends because he still has problems with me, that tend to become very public and hurtful. It makes everyone feel uncomfortable and whatever issues he still has with me shouldnt affect other people or my free will to hang out with my friends.

After asking Yi's advice about sending the email, i eventually did, two days ago, after making sure I wasnt going to perpetuate any negativity in how i phrased it. All i hope for now is some basic respect when we are forced to be in eachothers company, which we are alot of the time. So I would really appreciate what others make of this reading, as this particular relationship has not got anything to do with whether or not we should reconcile our relationship in couple form. At this point, and after witnessing his conduct over the past year, i've come to see a totally different side of him and I have no interest in the persuit of reconnecting romantically.

I asked Yi an open question. 'Image of me and him now'. A basic overview of what is happening now with us. I presume he has read the email and is forming his own stance, of course that is complete presumption, but seeing as the chances are we will see eachother this weekend due to mutual friends and gigs we both attend regularly, I'm very interested to know what the overall atmosphere is now between us.

19 is all about potential, and 50 is another 'potential' type hexagram in my mind, The combination of both lead me to 'a big vessel for potential' as the response. Both hex's seem very positive on the outset, but i'm feeling like the combination of both feels quite 'empty', if you know what i mean.

The lines drawn were 1,3,4,6,

1 lise ''Every caring has to be with love. One action which is not right can mess up everything.''

This fits with our nitpicking attitude, tit for tat, an eye for an eye. This is the way he's playing it at the minute. I'm trying to take the high road, just ignore it, but its now becoming near impossible to, we hang with the same people and its just getting redic.

3 Lise ''When you are 'nice' to others, they will inevitably disappoint you, because you expect something back. Be yourself, that is the only way to give something of value. Only then you really give, and only then they really receive. The exchange will be full of life, for everyone involved, so you expect nothing, you already get plenty''

I dont know whether this is referring to me trying to play down his nitpicking. I'm trying to be nice so that we can develop some sense of public decency with eathother.

4. ''Everybody has to live his own life, so grant everyone his own Tao. His decisions, his way of life, his death. Acknowledge it as part of his being, do not withdraw and do not try to make it fit your own convictions 'for his own good'.''

I think this is referring to how this relationship is stopping me being able to go and interact with whoever i like. I'm very angry with him for using some idea of his own 'authority' by kicking me out, and I've told him this in the email. Is it saying i shouldnt be so pushy?

6: ''A small heart occupies a big place in one's head. A big heart forgets itself and thinks only of the other and his well-being. But life is a fair merchant: for every thing one takes, one pays a piece of one's soul. For everything one gives, one acquires soul. ''

This again seems to be highlighting our current 'nit picking' ways.


If anyone could help me with this, as I'm not really getting how I can enhance our relationship to one of respect, and basic decorum when we are forced into eacothers company by our mutual associations with others.


Sorry for the length of this post, but I'm just not getting how to really integrate this reading as advice.



Yx

 

[answeredquestions]

Hi, ... just from a first impression I am getting the sense that they reading is showing you ways to cultivate the other relationships around. That THAT is the true thing you are concerned with and were thinking about. I am going to go with that perspective (althought it could be painfully wrong), so here is my take:

Every line could be taken as talking not about him and yourself, but instead your interactions with all of the friends and associations you have in common. Since 19 is all about engaging and managing, I see this as Yi's advice to take charge of your relationships. Each line could be a hint at how to do this.

1 could be saying to pay attention to the little things, the initial things you bring to the table. Perhaps showing the friends around what you intend your relationships with them to be. 3 could be saying to not sugar coat it, be real, be true, perhaps there will be some associates that do not understand your situation, or maybe even lean towards "his side of things". Stick to cultivation of the good things. 4 is when everything comes into focus and maybe you see everyone's place in the matter. You start to see the relationships of everything clearly and know where to commit yourself to cultivating good stuff. 6 seems to be after following through with this commitment, and you are really making it your own. "Working it" so to speak.

All of this is under the umbrella of management. You are the boss of yourself (not others ) and so once you see what needs done, and the relationships of everything, you can work towards things accordingly. I am sure that a lot of the interactions are confusing because of the mutual friendship with yourself and your ex. Other's might be just as confused to their place in the matter. Really, if you treat each friendship like you are cultivating a harvest, you can succeed. The 8th month is when you reep what you sow, so in 19 it is not about this. It is just about managing the cultivation.

I see 50 as the background of you working on yourself, growing as a spiritual women, strong and sturdy, holding the good stuff in your vessel, cooking things up and knowing that this whole process will just make you stronger.

 

[yxeli]

Courtney,

Thank you for your insightful reply, and I do understand how you might reach the conclusion that my intention is about other people who happen to witness these 'explosions' between us, But whatever conclusions they might draw from watching these dramas, i'm not overly concerned with. They are passive observers of this nonsense, and noone is forming factions, theyre just super-aware of me and him being in the same company because, as history has shown over the past year, he will treat me like **** in public and ill end up fighting my side, Its almost as if he makes these scenes on purpose, possibly because he is thinking about factionalism, getting others on his side, or some other wierd stance he has, that somehow he can kick me out/force me to never have any social contact with our mutual friends. whatever way he is thinking, and for whatever reason he is angry at me, these social outbreaks arent helping anyone involved.

If we are going to somehow reach balanced and friendly conduct, I have to focus on us, as two people, and the dynamic thats now forming. This is my intention, not of how i can make sure my friends arent going to abandon me. They know what he's like. Thats no mystery.

However your advice still applies, I can easily translate it into how our dynamic is working, and not about the other people.

Thanks so much for responding and it is of great help.

Yx

 

[answeredquestions]

I was painfully wrong! I thought I would throw it out there. I would say take charge of how you want the interactions between him and yourself to go. Like planting crops, each situation can grow to something and we ourselves are responsible for choosing what to grow, where to grow it etc.

The Trigrams:
Earth outside, Lake inside.. To your surroundings, and to your ex, being receptive to the situation. To yourself, and your inner voice, being joyous and open. I don't know how that associates with 19 and managing. How do you associate that?

 

[yxeli]

No not at all Courtney, I know exactly why you deduced it from my initial post, but all the guidance you gave from your answer still applies so its fine!

As far as the trigrams go, I think its highlighting dui, as in whatever way were communicating is making the problem. I'm genuinely frightened of opening my mouth, he tends to put a twist on anything i say, and i think we're in this cycle of perpetuating this high tension environment because it feels like we're being oppressed by eachothers words alot of the time. This nitpicking stuff ykno? kun the receptive, again about responses, being able to be calm enough in eachother company that we can 'hear' respond appropriately?

19 can be about teaching too right? Maybe we're in a stage that, i have 'taught' him or shown him how we are behaving with eachother in public, via the email, and now we can move to 50 where theres a transformation through this 'teaching', showing eachother the way?

wiki on fire over wood/wind (50)

In 50 the clarity of Fire (The noble one corrects the situation to solidify fate)

Yx

 

[answeredquestions]

Hm, yes, maybe you have a lot of responsibility to teach him the way things will work out best. If you are like 19's trigrams, like you said above, it seems you will naturally understand what needs to happen in the social situations with him. You can teach him the way it should all go down if you act accordingly. Do you feel you have a good image of how things should be? How they would best flow for the two of you? If you do, perhaps 19 is about having the presents and confidence to go through with that (again, taking charge of the situation). Showing him how to work it. .... which seems very much like the email you sent him.

 

[yxeli]

Do you feel you have a good image of how things should be? How they would best flow for the two of you? If you do, perhaps 19 is about having the presents and confidence to go through with that (again, taking charge of the situation). Showing him how to work it. .... which seems very much like the email you sent him.

Hmm.. I dont know if i have an image of how things should progress, Most of the email was just highlighting this spiral we're in of beating eachother up in public. I did say that we need to find some boundaries for eachother, some kind of basic respect. To get so angsty with an ex (me) seems to be completlety pointless, I mean the level of drama he's portraying might make sense if we were a passionate couple, but we're not! he has no right of treating my like this anymore, forcing confrontations with me, its like hes just looking for drama.

I explained all this to him in the email, and i said that we should look at everyhting up until this point as being dead and gone, done and dusted, so we can behave like human beings in public.

Thats as far as ive thought. But thatnks for getting me to answer questions on it! its making things solidify!


Yx

 

[answeredquestions]

Awesome! Yeah, seems he is being immature and you seem very mature and able to get this straightened out. Maybe you could come up with a 'work in progress' list of ways you would like it to be, like, if you were to be the boss of the situation, how would you want things run. I guess what I am saying is, figure out what you want the situation to be like first, before acting (line 1?) and go from there, building things. Line 3 don't build too extravagantly? Then once you formulate these ideas of how you would truely like things to be, lines 4 and 6 can manifest things a bit.

ADD: Oh, just thought of this, a good boss is receptive and communicative for sure, so that could help to see what you need to do, what he and yourself both need (and what needs talked about).

 

[zhan1]

Hi yxeli,

If you want to achieve balanced and friendly conduct in this situation, then my suggestion is that you be the change you want to see in the world, although this will require a huge amount of patience on your part. You can see that what he is doing is only causing more damage, and that this kind of behavior reveals his intention to push you out of the social group, by any means necessary. He fails in achieving his goal if you continue to do what you like with your friends and acquaintances, and if you can resist stooping to his level whenever he tries to provoke you.

 

[yxeli]

Courtney, thanks again, its starting to make alot of sense, especially cos you made me have a look at the trigrams (i'm just getting to them now, 2 yrs on) and yeah, it seems in 19 i have to initiate some kind of 'approach' to this situation, I keep getting 19 about it, 19.2 three times now, 19>17 once, which i'm taking as a sure sign that all we need to do is sit down and teach eachother, some guidelines about how we need to be with eachother now.

He obviously thinks he still has the right to be so confrontational with me, and i need to learn what i'm doing wrong to set him off.

Zhan, thanks and it makes alot of sense. I'm not going to allow him to ruin my entire social circle just because he thinks he can. ( he is a gameplayer, quite socially intelligent, a charmer, and can be quite manipulative. Thats not just me who confirms this about him, alot of people have said this) so yeah, i'm just gonna go about my business and if he does anything rediculously confrontational/manipulative again, i might just laugh it off and move away from here on out. But i do need to think alot about it and figure out how to proceed.

Thanks both, most appreciated. has really cemented the reading for me.

Yx