Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).
I will address the first question you asked as it gets confusing to address many in a row, at least for me. You asked what you should do. You seem to know what you did to create the problem. And the IChing seems to be playing that back to you -- saying your answer is in knowing where you went off track.
Hex 25, especially the moving line you cast, refers to a disaster caused by someone treating a situation in a base way. Using this relationship as something quite common and of convenience, rather than the wonder that it is, or was. The result is that nothing resonates any more. Apparently not even your voice on the message machine since she isn't responding to you.
I would expect from this reading that your significant other has felt insignificant for a long while.
Not really reading what the IChing says about your consideration of making a major "gesture"
I would say from this first casting [Hexagram 25] that gestures aren't the primary measure called for.
The other person needs and demands your true attention and a genuine change. Gestures are pointless in a condition where your ultimate sincerity is in question. Unless the gesture is combined with an utter transformation and true sorrow over what has happened and regretting your part in it to the core.
This was a relationship with great potential. That's how I would read Hexagram 17. It had/has promise to be a very fine partnership. You have squandered that potential now. Winning this woman back would be very desirable. But she is no fool. You are going to have to get real, and stay that way. Proving something to her about this is going to take time. To get a foot in the door, maybe suggest this is where you are headed and that you clearly see the mistakes made so far and want to make a new start with a different attitude?
My source for this opinion is Wilhelm and LiSe's interpretation of the IChing, combined with my own experience of the hexagrams cast.
- How can I show [name] that i love her and am serious about fixing our relationship?
8 (unchanging) "GROUPING. join people and things thru recognizing their essential qualities is the essential way to handle it"
THE JUDGMENT
HOLDING TOGETHER brings good fortune.
Inquire of the oracle once again
Whether you possess sublimity, constancy, and perseverance;
Then there is no blame.
Those who are uncertain gradually join.
Whoever come too late
Meets with misfortune.
What is required is that we unite with others, in order that all may
complement and aid one another through holding together. But such
holding together calls for a central figure around whom other persons may
unite. To become a center of influence holding people together is a grave
matter and fraught with great responsibility. It requires greatness of spirit,
consistency, and strength. Therefore let him who wishes to gather others
about him ask himself whether he is equal to the undertaking, for anyone
attempting the task without a real calling for it only makes confusion worse
than if no union at all had taken place.
But when there is a real rallying point, those who at first are hesitant or
uncertain gradually come in of their own accord. Late-comers must suffer the
consequences, for in holding together the question of the right time is also
important. Relationships are formed and firmly established according to
definite inner laws. Common experiences strengthen these ties, and he who
comes too late to share in these basic experiences must suffer for it if, as a
straggler, he finds the door locked.
If a man has recognized the necessity for union and does not feel strong
enough to function as the center, it is his duty to become a member of some
other organic fellowship.
Here success can still be
expected, because the situation is such that the opposition does not preclude
all agreement.
Sorry, one more thing. Wilhelm is a reference translation of the IChing you can buy in most bookstores. LiSe's IChing webpage is here: http://www.yijing.nl/i_ching/index.html
This is a hexagram of concord and unity, so that is auspicious. And it is unchanging, which suggests all good possibility for you to be together, in new circumstances, and in a better way.
There is an aspect of evening things up, measuring things properly, making things equal in this hexagram. That seems to have been missing as you were not focused on being with her. And that would have to be a reality, not just a promise, for the future. I would say, from an ethical standpoint, you have to know what partnership means to you. You have to have thought through HOW you would be married. What's in it for her, to be blunt.
Defining and beginning to create that, conveying that to her, would seem to be the imminent aspect of what needs to be DONE. Hexagram 8 has an interesting story behind it, of Fang Feng. There was a time of unifying a new kingdom in China, that the Hex 8 symbolises. All the warlords were called together to make a new nation. Fang Feng got there late, for whatever reason, and the Emperor cut off his head. He didn't want a new beginning with anybody who wasn't TOTALLY there, and there at the crucial moment decreed by the Emperor.
Worse case scenario, you have had your head cut off. Better case scenario you have a chance to get there at the right moment.
Gazing briefly at your "marriage proposal" casting, I think that's a losing game. Something more basic is needed first. Your sincerity, your proposal of how the two of you will go forward, how the TEAM meshes, where her place in the team is from here forward, how much you love her and want to participate in life with her, how you plan to enact that dreams that relate to you two as a couple.
But you need to get a foot in the door, at the right moment, and have all of this in mind.
And most of all: MEAN IT. Hexagram 8 is also about motive, and are you sincere, and is this your true intention. Anything less is not going to be accepted and is going to stand out like a sore thumb when you try to tell her why you just don't want to live without her and that everything else would be meaningless to you if she isn't there, first and foremost.
In fact, hexagram 8, judgment, suggests that you cast again to divine your true motive; that is, if you are entirely sincere and devoted and in the proper frame of mind to pursue this. You might try that to get your bearings as well.
I do understand what you mean. I'd imagine you're used to taking in huge amounts of material, getting a trend, and then acting.
The point about teaching a man to fish is fine, but in relation to "fishing" in the IChing it's a complex skill to learn and it requires patience. So I wouldn't want to be in a lifetime crisis and relying on the IChing to tell me every move to make.
Rather IChing suggests how to behave and then YOU have to apply that to your life and situation and make choices of your own.
In that respect,I'm still back on hexagram 8 thinking about how you let this woman know that you love her. She doesn't know. Doesn't that seem rather key?
When you cast Hexagram 8, judgment, the recommendation is that you enquire again to ask if your motives are the proper ones or do they need to be adjusted. This isn't necessarily another actual casting, it can be construed that you are simply asking yourself about your own motives. Are you doing the right thing? Are your motives appropriate? Are you prepared to take action? Going through this process with yourself might turn up some of the answers you need about approaching you partner the proper way.
Hexagram 8 says you need to do something. I think WHAT you do is your call. If you've done some meditating about your best options and what would make your partner FEEL loved then give it a try. I think some on here would tell you that too much analysis is as bad as none.
If anybody would like to jump on here and add something or correct what I'm saying, feel free. I think Einhorn wants to get underway soon and needs all the help he can gather in the meanwhile.
I agree, by the way, that consulting the IChing when anxiety is beating you down is just fine. However, my idea of why that works isn't that you churn out castings as fast as possible to match your anxiety level, but rather that the process of consulting, considering, contemplating and organising your response to a problem is extremely calming. The process can often put matters into perspective very neatly and you realise that the feeling of flailing disappears, having been replaced by a more centred and focused plan.
OK. A few things come to mind. One is to ask a question searching for direction from the IChing like "What is the most important thing to know about this situation right now?"
The answer to that may be illuminating.
Otherwise, besides merely contemplating, I would start looking at those impulses which come to mind with the answers you are already generating. That is, what are these casting saying to YOU that you should do now?
For instance, Hexgram eight indicates you need to make some decisions and get moving at the proper moment. You've said that the proper moment is when she feels she misses you. How will you know when she misses you? Does she miss you yet? How are you going to find out?
5. Waiting
Line 4:
Waiting in blood.
Get yourself out of the pit.
Waiting in a dangerous situation. One needs to get out off this as soon as possible.
THE JUDGMENT
WAITING. If you are sincere,
You have light and success.
Perseverance brings good fortune.
It furthers one to cross the great water.
Waiting is not mere empty hoping. It has the inner certainty of reaching the
goal. Such certainty alone gives that light which leads to success. This leads
to the perseverance that brings good fortune and bestows power to cross the
great water. One is faced with a danger that has to be overcome. Weakness
and impatience can do nothing. Only a strong man can stand up to his fate,
for his inner security enables him to endure to the end. This strength shows
itself in uncompromising truthfulness [with himself]. It is only when we
have the courage to face things exactly as they are, without any sort of self-
deception or illusion, that a light will develop out of events, by which the
path to success may be recognized. This recognition must be followed by
resolute and persevering action. For only the man who goes to meet his fate
resolutely is equipped to deal with it adequately. Then he will be able to cross
the great water—that is to say, he will be capable of making the necessary
decision and of surmounting the danger.
Changing on the 4th line:
Six in the fourth place means:
Waiting in blood.
Get out of the pit.
The situation is extremely dangerous. IT is of utmost gravity now—a matter
of life and death. Bloodshed seems imminent. There is no going forward or
backward; we are cut off as if in a pit. Now we must simply stand fast and let
fate take its course. This composure, which keeps us from aggravating the
trouble by anything we might do, is the only way of getting out of the
dangerous pit.
Deciding
Deciding.
Making it known at the king's court.
Crying out the truth is dangerous.
Telling the city oneself,
it is a disadvantage to be close to battle.
It is beneficial to have a goal to move to.
A decision. To inform others about the decision, it is best to tell key people first. It is not a good idea to bluntly tell the truth, or to get aggressive about this. Having a positive purpose in mind will work better. It is good to have a plan.
This hexagram signifies on the one hand a break-through after a long
accumulation of tension, as a swollen river breaks through its dikes, or in the
manner of a cloudburst. On the other hand, applied to human conditions, it
refers to the time when inferior people gradually begin to disappear. Their
influence is on the wane; as a result of resolute action, a change in conditions
occurs, a break-through. The hexagram is linked with the third month
[April-May].
THE JUDGMENT
BREAK-THROUGH. One must resolutely make the matter known
At the court of the king.
It must be announced truthfully. Danger.
It is necessary to notify one's own city.
It does not further to resort to arms.
It furthers one to undertake something.
Even if only one inferior man is occupying a ruling position in a city, he is
able to oppress superior men. Even a single passion still lurking in the heart
has power to obscure reason. Passion and reason cannot exist side by side-
therefore fight without quarter is necessary if the good is to prevail.
In a resolute struggle of the good against evil, there are, however, definite
rules that must not be disregarded, if it is to succeed. First, resolution must be
based on a union of strength and friendliness. Second, a compromise with
evil is not possible; evil must under all circumstances be openly discredited.
Nor must our own passions and shortcomings be glossed over. Third, the
struggle must not be carried on directly by force. If evil is branded, it thinks of
weapons, and if we do it the favor of fighting against it blow for blow, we lose
in the end because thus we ourselves get entangled in hatred and passion.
Therefore it is important to begin at home, to be on guard in our own persons
against the faults we have branded. In this way, finding no opponent, the
sharp edges of the weapons of evil becomes dulled. For the same reasons we
should not combat our own faults directly. As long as we wrestle with them,
they continue victorious. Finally, the best way to fight evil is to make
energetic progress in the good.
2. Land
Line 3:
Keeping the story to oneself allows for persistence.
Somebody attending to the king's affairs,
is without achievement, but will bring things to an end.
Quietly doing work for someone else, without taking credit. This makes it possible to get the job completed.
Line 5:
A yellow lower garment.
A source of good fortune.
Being modest and ordinary. This allows for things to go well.
(Such a lower garment is like a kilt or skirt, and was commonly worn in ancient China. Nobles had embroidered ones. Yellow was considered the color of the sand, and thus an Earth symbol.)
Hexagram is changing to:
39. Trouble
Trouble.
Beneficial is the southwest,
not beneficial is the northeast.
It is beneficial to see a senior person.
Persistence brings good fortune.
There is trouble. It is beneficial to have partners and allies, and avoid people who have different interests. Some advice or help might get one through. Things will go well if one perseveres.
(At the original place and time of the Yijing, allies were in the southwest, territory they wanted to conquer was in the northeast.)
This hexagram is made up of broken lines only. The broken lines represents
the dark, yielding, receptive primal power of yin. The attribute of the
hexagram is devotion; its image is the earth. It is the perfect complement of
THE CREATIVE—the complement, not the opposite, for the Receptive does
not combat the Creative but completes it . It represents nature in contrast to
spirit, earth in contrast to heaven, space as against time, the female-maternal
as against the male-paternal. However, as applied to human affairs, the
principle of this complementary relationship is found not only in the relation
between man and woman, but also in that between prince and minister and
between father and son. Indeed, even in the individual this duality appears
in the coexistence of the spiritual world and the world of the senses.
But strictly speaking there is no real dualism here, because there is a clearly
defined hierarchic relationship between the two principles. In itself of course
the Receptive is just as important as the Creative, but the attribute of
devotion defines the place occupied by this primal power in relation to the
Creative. For the Receptive must be activated and led by the Creative; then it
is productive of good. Only when it abandons this position and tries to stand
as an equal side by side with the Creative, does it become evil. The result
then is opposition to and struggle against the Creative, which is productive of
evil to both.
THE JUDGMENT
THE RECEPTIVE brings about sublime success,
Furthering through the perseverance of a mare.
If the superior man undertakes something and tries to lead,
He goes astray;
But if he follows, he finds guidance.
It is favorable to find friends in the west and south,
To forego friends in the east and north.
Quiet perseverance brings good fortune.
The four fundamental aspects of the Creative—"sublime success, furthering
through perseverance"—are also attributed to the Receptive. Here, however,
the perseverance is more closely defined: it is that of a mare. The Receptive
connotes spatial reality in contrast to the spiritual potentiality of the Creative.
The potential becomes real and the spiritual becomes spatial through a
specifically qualifying definition. Thus the qualification, "of a mare," is here
added to the idea of perseverance. The horse belongs to earth just as the
dragon belongs to heaven. Its tireless roaming over the plains is taken as a
symbol of the vast expanse of the earth. This is the symbol chosen because
the mare combines the strength and swiftness of the horse with the
gentleness and devotion of the cow.
Only because nature in its myriad forms corresponds with the myriad
impulses of the Creative can it make these impulses real. Nature's richness
lies in its power to nourish all living things; its greatness lies in its power to
give then beauty and splendor. Thus it prospers all that lives. IT is the
Creative that begets things, but they are brought to birth by the Receptive.
Applied to human affairs, therefore, what the hexagram indicated is action in
conformity with the situation. The person in questions not in an
independent position, but is acting as an assistant. This means that he must
achieve something. It is not his task to try to lead—that would only make him
lose the way-but to let himself be led. If he knows how to meet fate with an
attitude of acceptance, he is sure to find the right guidance. The superior man
lets himself be guided; he does not go ahead blindly, but learns from the
situation what is demanded of him and then follows this intimation from
fate.
Since there is something to be accomplished, we need friends and helpers in
the hour of toil and effort, once the ideas to be realized are firmly set. The
time of toil and effort is indicated by the west and south, for west and south
symbolize the place where the Receptive works for the Creative, as nature
does in summer and autumn. If in that situation one does not mobilize all
one's powers, the work to be accomplished will not be done. Hence to find
friends there means to find guidance. But in addition to the time of toil and
effort, there is also a time of planning, and for this we need this solitude. The
east symbolized the place where a man receives orders from his master, and
the north the place where he reports on what he has done. At that time he
must be alone and objective. In this sacred hour he must do without
companions. So that the purity of the moment may not be spoiled by fictional
hates and favoritism.
Six in the third place means:
Hidden lines.
One is able to remain persevering.
If by chance you are in the service of a king,
Seek not works, but bring to completion.
If a man is free of vanity he is able to conceal his abilities and keep them from
attracting attention too soon; thus he can mature undisturbed. If conditions
demand it, he can also enter public life, but that too he does with restraint.
The wise man gladly leaves fame to others. He does not seek to have credited
to himself things that stand accomplished, but hopes to release active forces;
that is, he completes his works in such a manner that they may bear fruit for
the future.
Six in the fifth place means:
A yellow lower garment brings supreme good fortune.
Yellow is the color of the earth and of the middle; it is the symbol of that
which is reliable and genuine. The lower garment is inconspicuously
decorated—the symbol of aristocratic reserve. When anyone is called upon to
work in a prominent but not independent position, true success depends on
the utmost discretion. A man's genuineness and refinement should not
reveal themselves directly; they should express themselves only indirectly as
an effect from within.
The hexagram pictures a dangerous abyss lying before us and a steep,
inaccessible mountain rising behind us. We are surrounded by obstacles; at
the same time, since the mountain has the attribute of keeping still, there is
implicit a hint as to how we can extricate ourselves. The hexagram represents
obstructions that appear in the course of time but that can and should be
overcome. Therefore all the instruction given is directed to overcoming
them.
THE JUDGMENT
OBSTRUCTION. The southwest furthers.
The northeast does not further.
It furthers one to see the great man.
Perseverance brings good fortune.
The southwest is the region of retreat, the northeast that of advance. Here an
individual is confronted by obstacles that cannot be overcome directly. In
such a situation it is wise to pause in view of the danger and to retreat.
However, this is merely a preparation for overcoming the obstructions. One
must join forces with friends of like mind and put himself under the
leadership of a man equal to the situation: then one will succeed in
removing the obstacles. This requires the will to persevere just when one
apparently must do something that leads away from his goal. This
unswerving inner purpose brings good fortune in the end. An obstruction
that lasts only for a time is useful for self-development. This is the value of
adversity.
This is going to have to come from you. You have the heads-up here on the major problems involved. But if you try to break it down into confirmations of sending flowers, not sending flowers, to me, this sounds more like the problem than an answer. You don't know really, what brings a response from the person you love.
I'm not sure how long I'm supposed to ponder an answer
what can i do to get [name] back?
2.3.5 -> 39
Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).