40.6 and 48.2 spring fever

[kestrelw1ngs]

Its spring, the magnolias are blooming and I'm swimming in feelins.

There is a friendship of about a year, that I am now developing feelings for.
A mutual friend told me he thinks I am attractive.
We have both discussed being insecure, a tendency to intellectualize and mostly right now bond by showing eachother art or discussing, analyzing and criticizing media, society, ideas. Not so much emotional support.
However, its a rare bond for me, to intellectually be on the same wavelength & share interests and consistently maintain interest in the other.


A few weeks ago he began to mention another guy online he is flirting with. I feel confused, a bit jealous. Have I misread?
Or said something to indicate I'm not interested?

Of course the easy course is to talk about this, but I don't want to sour the friendship.


Its a pattern: meeting intelligent, flight, quirky creative queer men, liking them immediately (I get annoyed or tired from most people quickly so when someone's presence is enjoyable it feels intoxicating), we begin to flirt or even be intimate, but then I come on too strong and they skitter off, or neither one of us does anything, or I give up and move on only to find they were interested all along but had some issue or were hurt by something/hung up on an ex.
It gets mixed up in self-esteem issues at this point.
most of them its now awkward to carry on a friendship when we could have been close friends without these misunderstandings....

Tonight facing my feelings, I asked the Yi for a clear image of myself:

48. The Well​

Line 2:​

At the well in the valley one shoots crucian carp.
The jug is worn-out and leaks.

Then I asked: what is the situation between me and X currently?

40. Release​

Line 6:​

The duke shoots a hawk at the top of the high castle wall.
He catches it.
Without disadvantage.


My namesake, is a falcon (hawk)
There is shooting in both answers ( a bit sexual), neither are quite "positive" for a romantic reading.
What my intuition suggests is, that perhaps being the natural haughty, intensely focused hawk and "going for it" right now would result in being "shot down" and I should attend to the leaky jug (my connection to Source and art practice) before shooting any shots at cute carp right now.

But open to other perspectives.

 

[kestrelw1ngs]

well per advice in another thread I asked
how to behave towards this person?

32. Permanence​

Line 1:​

Digging for permanency.
Persisting brings misfortune.
This lacks a beneficial purpose.

Trying to make a situation more permanent, while this isn't appropriate. If continued, things will go bad. It really doesn't serve any good purpose.

Line 2:​

Aversion goes away.

The aversion to the situation goes away, and one gets used to it.



Okay, I think Yi is warning me wanting to jump in feet first and be close without all the long process of getting to know a person, won't go well.
And I'll get over it, feelings are just feelings....

 

[Traveler74]

Its spring, the magnolias are blooming and I'm swimming in feelins.

There is a friendship of about a year, that I am now developing feelings for.
A mutual friend told me he thinks I am attractive.
We have both discussed being insecure, a tendency to intellectualize and mostly right now bond by showing eachother art or discussing, analyzing and criticizing media, society, ideas. Not so much emotional support.
However, its a rare bond for me, to intellectually be on the same wavelength & share interests and consistently maintain interest in the other.


A few weeks ago he began to mention another guy online he is flirting with. I feel confused, a bit jealous. Have I misread?
Or said something to indicate I'm not interested?

Of course the easy course is to talk about this, but I don't want to sour the friendship.


Its a pattern: meeting intelligent, flight, quirky creative queer men, liking them immediately (I get annoyed or tired from most people quickly so when someone's presence is enjoyable it feels intoxicating), we begin to flirt or even be intimate, but then I come on too strong and they skitter off, or neither one of us does anything, or I give up and move on only to find they were interested all along but had some issue or were hurt by something/hung up on an ex.
It gets mixed up in self-esteem issues at this point.
most of them its now awkward to carry on a friendship when we could have been close friends without these misunderstandings....

Tonight facing my feelings, I asked the Yi for a clear image of myself:

48. The Well​

Line 2:​

At the well in the valley one shoots crucian carp.
The jug is worn-out and leaks.

Then I asked: what is the situation between me and X currently?

40. Release​

Line 6:​

The duke shoots a hawk at the top of the high castle wall.
He catches it.
Without disadvantage.


My namesake, is a falcon (hawk)
There is shooting in both answers ( a bit sexual), neither are quite "positive" for a romantic reading.
What my intuition suggests is, that perhaps being the natural haughty, intensely focused hawk and "going for it" right now would result in being "shot down" and I should attend to the leaky jug (my connection to Source and art practice) before shooting any shots at cute carp right now.

But open to other perspectives.

Its spring, the magnolias are blooming and I'm swimming in feelins.

There is a friendship of about a year, that I am now developing feelings for.
A mutual friend told me he thinks I am attractive.
We have both discussed being insecure, a tendency to intellectualize and mostly right now bond by showing eachother art or discussing, analyzing and criticizing media, society, ideas. Not so much emotional support.
However, its a rare bond for me, to intellectually be on the same wavelength & share interests and consistently maintain interest in the other.


A few weeks ago he began to mention another guy online he is flirting with. I feel confused, a bit jealous. Have I misread?
Or said something to indicate I'm not interested?

Of course the easy course is to talk about this, but I don't want to sour the friendship.


Its a pattern: meeting intelligent, flight, quirky creative queer men, liking them immediately (I get annoyed or tired from most people quickly so when someone's presence is enjoyable it feels intoxicating), we begin to flirt or even be intimate, but then I come on too strong and they skitter off, or neither one of us does anything, or I give up and move on only to find they were interested all along but had some issue or were hurt by something/hung up on an ex.
It gets mixed up in self-esteem issues at this point.
most of them its now awkward to carry on a friendship when we could have been close friends without these misunderstandings....

Tonight facing my feelings, I asked the Yi for a clear image of myself:

48. The Well​

Line 2:​

At the well in the valley one shoots crucian carp.
The jug is worn-out and leaks.

Then I asked: what is the situation between me and X currently?

40. Release​

Line 6:​

The duke shoots a hawk at the top of the high castle wall.
He catches it.
Without disadvantage.


My namesake, is a falcon (hawk)
There is shooting in both answers ( a bit sexual), neither are quite "positive" for a romantic reading.
What my intuition suggests is, that perhaps being the natural haughty, intensely focused hawk and "going for it" right now would result in being "shot down" and I should attend to the leaky jug (my connection to Source and art practice) before shooting any shots at cute carp right now.

But open to other perspectives.

Hi kestrlw1ngs,

I hope this helps.

I find the reading in Hillary's book on 48 to be interesting.
The well is a metaphor for our personal source, having its independent being. And then it says people and experiences come and go time passes. If I had drawn this I would interpret it as, 'do what you will do, but the well is always the well, the source is the source, stay connected to the source regardless of what happens.'

And then line two mmentions "at least the water is flowing clear and there is some life and activity in the well but people only experience the wells dark isolating deaths, and all they see in it is what they can believe in: a small visible immediate boon for themselves." And to paraphrase, well it's not a very good shape and people are not inclined to fix it, people may not even notice when a stray arrow cracks the wells jug. I assume there is another interpretation on shooting fish that would cause the jug to get cracked. How this pertains to your situation I can't say, but it is clear that the Oracle is emphasizing this line.
Who is doing things, focusing only on small gains and possibly selfishly, unaware that it may be damaging access to the source?

So h48.2 changes to h39, limping. The reading on that Oracle mentions it's wise head west and south as this direction will bring you friendly allies. Dimensions taking a step back from the struggle and connect with people more than with ideals. Seeing great people may help and you may be guided by an inner vision.

It's interesting that your next question moves you from 39 to 40.6, line 6 mentioning shooting the hawk, then "dealing directly with something ominous that looms over you releases the tension in the situation and puts it to good use it shows Clear Vision and unwavering Focus. First if you wait, keyed up and uncertain, for the moment to act, knowing you'll only get one shot at this. Then everything lines up perfectly, and you know you can do it."

This hexagram changes to h64, not yet across
I know I've already listed a bunch of stuff that may or may not be helpful but just in case here is the reading for that:

' not yet across, creating success.
The small fox, almost across,
Soaks its tail:
No Direction bears fruit.'

Here at the very end of the yijing, nothing is settled or complete; everything is in flux. A wise fox will only attempt to cross when there is solid ice on the river, and then pick his way over carefully, ever sense alert. If he sets out when the conditions are not right, he won't be able to complete the crossing, he'll be shamed and stranded at best, and he may be all together sunk. For a small Fox on drifting ice in midstream, there is no useful direction. He can't plan his way out, but perhaps he can still sense it, following his ears and whiskers from one step to the next. When you are not yet across, you may be hesitating on the verge of transition, trying to tell whether it's safe to commit yourself. It's time to use the skills of a wise Fox.

I think you have plenty to work with here.
Be like the fox, find the right time to talk to this guy, and don't lose your Center

Hopefully others will let you know what they see,

J the Traveler

 

[kestrelw1ngs]

Thank you Traveler. <3
Its funny because foxes are one of 'those animals' for me, I even have a sign on my room that says "FOX DEN"

Reflecting on the first two reading gleaned some things I have been avoiding dealing with: cynicism/drying up or overworking & avoiding the very simple need to feel grief & love & such, sort of loosen up and let the emotions flow around, and make art & write just as a way to do that, not for some external product (small gains), opening up to the world not with cries for help, but taking little risks of being seen. Like asking the neighbor to play basketball, or cracking a joke, you know, all work & no play makes Jack a dull boy.

And when dull I do look to romantic connections, friendships, physical affection to fill the void left by unkindness & shame. But the people attracted to my down-on-self state of mind rarely can offer that kindness, we struggle with the same problem.

That I think is the dangerous hawk to be shot down, and a cycle that is ready to be closed.
As in, thinking of relationships the wrong way.


I asked again a few days ago for generalized reflection of my state of mind that day.

58. Exchange​

Line 2:​

Trustworthy exchange.
Good fortune.
Aversion goes away.

An exchange that can be trusted. It goes well. Initial aversion to it will go away.

Line 4:​

Deliberating an exchange, not yet settled.
Great distress, but there is joy.

Deliberating an exchange one is not yet certain about. There are good as well as unpleasant aspects to it.

Hexagram is changing to:​

3. Difficulties​

It was a day before hanging out with this guy.
And we had a lovely time, going to a puppet workshop. I noticed a few more things about him, which complexified the simple feeling of a crush.
Its worth giving the feelings more time. As with every connection there are things you like and things you don't.
Thank you for helping me out, with this reading.