6.2.5.6 > 16

[redoleander]

I have a client who very clearly meddles in others’ lives and it gets in her trouble. She spends more time talking about what other people should do, say, and think than she does reflecting on her own behavior. We all have opinions, of course, but she seems genuinely unaware of a number of very obvious things about her behavior. For example, she’s a physical therapist but she tries to make medical and psychiatric diagnoses (essentially) that she’s not really qualified to make. She tries to share her opinion with people she works with beyond where scope of practice, etc. As far as I know she hasn’t gotten in trouble for this formally (professionally) but she has a lot of conflicts with people and doesn’t seem to understand why. It’s a bit concerning to hear about some of her perspectives. Telling people exactly what to eat etc, like telling them there’s only one right way when obviously most people have a few paths they could take.

This is pretty common behavior (it’s on a spectrum; everyone does this a little bit, some people do it excessively). It’s hard to penetrate because that’s sort of the whole purpose of always focusing on everyone else, to not have to really examine yourself. But I don’t feel I’m being helpful by just being silent about this pattern.

I asked simply for insight into what it is. What is this behavior so I can understand it better.

6.2.5.6 > 16

First impression is sort of just being a blowhard. Arguing + Enthusiasm… it’s a lot of hot air. A lot of feelings, opinions, and futility. It can be entertaining and harmless, or loud and troublesome.

6.5 might be the seed of truth that’s in there, that we do often have some accurate observations about other people, but 6.6 is a warning not to take it too far and 6.2 maybe about staying where it’s safe? I thought perhaps 6.2 could actually be about the safety of doing what’s familiar (criticizing and controlling others) rather than being brave and going beyond that.

The reading could also be talking to me and telling me to return to my safe space, to not get too caught up in what this person is doing, to simply say what I do have to say that’s useful but, again, not take it too far. Essentially the same advice for me. I can share a perspective but assuming I need to change this person would be futile and emotion-driven.

 

[diamant]

insight into what it is. What is this behavior so I can understand it better.
6.2.5.6 > 16

Someone doesn't want to argue and retreats (6.2).
Then the situation changes and an argument takes place (6.5).
The result of that is that someone keeps arguing and loses their money (6.6).
It's all a con, or she is deluded, or both (16).

Her behaviour is obviously not beneficial to anyone. Too many arguments. If she's unaware of what she's doing, she's deceiving herself, if she's aware, she's deceiving others. I agree, I also highly doubt that you can influence her positively.

 

[redoleander]

“Con” is actually a really helpful word because I think that constantly needing to debate and discredit others (sort of making themselves the supreme knower) is always a con! No one truly respected in their field does this. I think maybe Line 2 is about other people trying to stay away from the argument as long as possible but because this person is so intent on arguing it always becomes an argument no matter what?

People like this can be pretty dangerous and it’s actually probably better not to teach them to slightly modify their behavior because at least their bloviations tip a good number of people off to the reality of what’s going on. After sitting with it, and encountering this behavior other places too, I decided I’m just not going to work with her. It’s like being the enabler who pretends the alcoholic isn’t an alcoholic meanwhile they’re constantly storming around the house making everyone else tiptoe around them. Not a role that appeals to me! Any argument with someone in denial is a losing argument, if only for the pure waste of time.

 

[diamant]

constantly needing to debate and discredit others (sort of making themselves the supreme knower) is always a con! No one truly respected in their field does this.

I think you've nailed it.
Yes line 2 sounds like people want to avoid her, but in this cast they somehow get drawn into it at some point.
Great decision to not work with her, she sounds unbearable. You'd certainly have to constantly pretend if you did.