Advice please on feelings that won't shift 22.2.3.5.6 > 60 and 22.3 > 27

[Lola1986]

Hi all,

A question about an oldish romance that continues to ... haunt? me. I was with someone for about a month, had strong feelings, they didn't and it ended. It wasn't bad, but it was disappointing. We've bumped into each other here and there, it's awkward, sometimes nice, but mostly awkward. I've now decided to just try and avoid them if I can, whereas before the energy I was giving out was of trying and wanting to bump into them. So I'm really trying to let go, we're not in touch. But I can't stop thinking about him! It's so annoying. He is my last proper romance. I did start crushing on someone else recently for the first time since the start of the year, so perhaps that will help. And part of me really wants to have a conversation with him, but I'm not even sure about what - I think somehow the total cut off felt harsh, like a denial of the whole thing since no one ever really knew about it. Or something about it never having happened, or having had any meaning to him? Not sure. I'm sure he's just moved on with his life and regrets the whole thing so it really is ridiculous to keep thinking on it.

Anyway, I asked:
What do I need to do in order to fully let go of X as a romantic prospect?
22.2.3.5.6 > 60
Now I got something along these lines earlier in the year when I maybe asked a similar sort of question. Is it basically all about self-focus? Beautifying and focusing on my inner and outer self as the healing, in order to get to a less obsessive and more medium/moderate position?

I sometimes think just knowing from him that he's with someone else would be helpful. Like if I knew he'd totally moved on that would help me know it was never ever going to be an option again (I'm quite pragmatic, could help me maybe? But perhaps I'm just looking for an excuse to get in touch and actually that's not very dignified).

I then asked:
Will I ever manage to have the conversation I want to have with him?
22.3 > 27
Doesn't suggest a particularly deep or meaningful conversation does it. Or maybe it would be at some point we have a chat and it all seems nice but it's sort of questioning to me, would it be nourishing really?

What's frustrating is that I think if we'd not had a romance we could have just got on well and it seems a shame in a way that we had a romance instead. Damn life! But hey, we did so what can you do. It's like I want to know not that he's still interested but somehow that there was some care, some thought. Maybe there wasn't though!

Any suggestions, or even suggestions of what I should or could ask to help.
Many thanks

 

[Atalanta]

So, my reading is informed by something I wish I understood earlier in my life. (i.e. I might be biased)

Your post caught my eye because of the use of the word "obsessive" in the title. Because yikes, that is some loaded language. Are you really going to just stand there and let yourself talk about you that way?

I think pop psychology and toxic positivity make us think we're supposed to bounce right back after a relationship, especially a short term one, and something is "wrong" if we don't. But--and this is the bit I wish I'd learned earlier:

The grieving process? It's a *process*. Trust the process. Theres no mathematical equation (half the length of the relationship or some other BS). It will take as long as it takes.

That's my take on your first casting. Yes, it doesn't make sense. Yes, it's bad now. You're on the right track. Don't call your feelings ridiculous--that's rude. Show them some respect. They are here to teach you something.

Take it from someone who knows, intrusive thoughts ("obsessions") feed on your insecurities and self-loathing. Once you deprive them of those things, they will starve. Once I set a timer and gave them 10 minutes to run wild, really bounce off the walls of my brain. Get the energy out.

Your second casting 22.3: yes, but with some effort on your part. It's not something you can take for granted--you're gonna have to put in the work to get to the place where that can happen. Don't jump the gun. Trust the process.

 

[mandarin_23]

Hi Lola1986,

how to calm you thoughts, how to get over a past love and open up to a new one?
My first thought is, that this might take, especially if you got hurt, quite a bit of time. Also, this can be a decision, not just something which happens. And you might decide to forgive and let go and then it still might take time ... as we sometimes can't controll our thoughts. The opposite might happen, as well - to decide never to forget someone and then to forget, anyway.

In your case it sounds as if there was still hope on your side. Otherwise you would not think about a conversation with this past patner.

Now, how to get over this? Beauty is the answer.

'Beauty. Creating success. Small harvest in having a direction to go.'

'Below the mountain is fire. Beauty.
The noble one brings light to the many standards, but does not venture to judge legal cases.'

Well to me this looks as if you put your past experience in a very romantic light. It is good not to be caught in negativity, but to see the beauty in what there was, and the beauty in yourself. Also good not to be judgemental, not to think anything bad about yourself or the other person. See it all in bright colours, take your memories as a beautiful picture, and accept that there was also something which isn't clear to you, wich you don't understand. Dreams and illusions are also part of life. And on the other hand - maybe you see this past romance in an all to pink light.

Also it might help to see the beauty in your present life, as well.
The message of 22.3 as a single line in your second question? What do you think yourself it might say? My suggestion is to think about what it takes to let beauty be in your life. This is an attitude, and it implies a certain ability to stay in tune with beauty. Maybe not necessary to get yourself into a troublesome conversation.

Well and your interpretation might be different, of course.

Best wishes
mandarine_23

 

[Lola1986]

Thanks for your thoughtful responses. I've edited the title - it's true that obsessive is loaded. Thanks Atalanta for pointing that out and actually I agree with you. But it does feel compulsive sometimes, and I think that's just what I do when I have no input, no contact with others and in this case with the old romance, my heart and mind go into overdrive. I make up stories and imaginings. I'm sure he's just got on with his life and is just another normal person doing his normal person things like me, but who knows.

I'm not in a very confident place at the moment so my reflections are a bit jumbled but I do see the idea of 22 reflecting stages and then maybe eventually I get to 60 as a more balanced place. I wonder what stage I'm at now! One of the issues is yes I see the past as romantic, or it's like I saw it as a huge potential romance that never really took off. But somehow it seriously knocked my confidence (partly simply in my ability to discern a good from a bad fit) and I guess I'm trying to figure out where or what the healing is. But perhaps as you say it's a process, thing is it's been like 9 months and it has shifted but man so slowly, I just feel quite stuck and alone with it. Perhaps it will all be ok, 22.5/6 if I just keep things simple and be myself. I guess it's not a bad hexagram reading really. There is at least progression. But the advice seems to be maybe as you say mandarine_23 - keep things simple and step by step, focus on the small beautiful things rather than the grand imaginings.

As for 22.3 - 27 - what I understand from this is leave it alone. A sort of stick to your guns, do 'the work' and trust the process, don't go meddling. Firm correctness seems to be a theme so perhaps I just need to focus on that. Perhaps this is the work that you mean Atalanta. Before a reasonable conversation can happen I need to be in a different place most likely.

Thanks to you both and I'll update if ever there is something to update on
Leila

 

[mandarin_23]

Hi Leila,

thanks for your feedback - and 22 is not a bad oracle indeed! After what I read from you I think it will be essential for you to gain confidence again. And there is a good potential that you will - at least the 22.5 line seems to be speaking about this.
Wish you all the best,

mandarine_23