Completely Lost on this one

[diamanda]

She sounds like the type of girl who will start running after you once she sees
you going out with someone else - whatever sense that makes... I will never
understand this type of people. But hey, there we go, they exist! I agree with
your interpretation. And great congratulations on your extra strong and cool
response to her!!

 

[unsubscribed_cm]

I could see that being an entirely possible scenery. Very good insight.

She seems a little wary in general. Especially of men.

I don't blame her, I don't think that it's an entirely productive state of mind.

but again can't blame her for it, it's just the way our species is at this time.


Thanx again Diamanda
This community... so nice.

 

[openheartsf]

It's great you took this step...very proud!

It is unfortunate that some people are flaky. The girl who is right for you won't flake though. Women have to deal with just as much confusion with men. Seems to be an epidemic that men will show interest for a while and then decide they "don't want to be in a relationship right now." as soon as you start to like them. It's true that everybody likes a bit of a challenge I guess. Then that same guy will turn around and get married to the next girl he dates! There are a lot of factors here, so who knows!

Just hang in there and congratulate yourself for taking a risk. She said yes right? So that's great encouragement even though she didn't follow through.

 

[unsubscribed_cm]

Yes, at least she said yes.
and she said yes again as well ...

She returned a call after the message I left. We had a short chat.

She said she still wanted to go out. So I said we should meet next friday.

We sort of agreed, on that. Then I sent text the next day with the details of "the plan"

She said: "Works for me"

... That was yesterday

This morning she sent another text saying:

"Your gonna hate me but i'm going to Houston on thursday to visit a friend to stay a couple days."

Something like that.

Baffled on what to do I asked the Yijing for advice:

I got

42.3 -> 37

One is increased by unfortunate events.

Didn't seem to give much advice. Other than the misfortune will help me mature.

So I replied saying basically:

"thanks for letting me know. were going to have to call this off for now. I'm sorry."

Frankly I didn't know what else to say. The Yijing didn't let me in on any secrets. So I just said what needed to be said as gracefully as possible. She put me in an impossible situation. I cannot say I even had a choice on the matter. I was simply fulfilling the only option she left me with.

 

[diamanda]

Well one can say you could have said 'ok no worries, have a good time and we can
arrange something else when you get back'. On the other hand, she has actually
overdone it at this point. She noticed how eager you are (by texting her the details
the very next day), and i think she's taking you for granted a bit. It was rude of her
to agree, and agree on the details as well, and then go and arrange something else.
It's definitely something not to be encouraged, so in this case, to say 'oh ok yeah
great let's meet later' would have been wrong.

You actually did exactly as 42:3 advises.

"No blame, if you are sincere" - you said exactly what you felt, let's call it off.
"report with a seal" - your answer does sound very dignified and authoritative.
You were polite, yet firm. I can't actually think of a better attitude in this specific
situation. As about 37, that's interesting, haven't got time right now to write more,
but i'll think about it and post later. It sounds promising in some way.

 

[unsubscribed_cm]

Thats another question I've often had.

The whole thing about having no pretenses...

I have often read or heard these Dating tips.
And inevitably they always advise some level of bullshit,
so that the person seems some way that they really aren't...

For example. They very often advise males to

Pretend as if you've got 50 women calling you every day.
That you have very little time to give out - and that your a rare commodity.

Then they also advise you to feign non interest.
Because as soon as she knows your interested - game over you loose.
And they don't belive in superficials ways, but in real ways kinda like my situation.

I showed my enthusiasm I guess by texting her the next day.
And she turned around and made other plans - like you said "taking me for granted "
so this would be the argument for taking the "dating manual success with women" advises.

Yet, I see no reason to run around with a mask like what I really am isn't good enough.
I don't want to date someone in a mask, and I don't want to become a mask.
I'm like 22.4 - I reduce all pretenses. I find the advise in dating manuals degrading and injurious to my self confidence. Most people probably don't even give it more than a superficial thought - but what is contained in those dating manuals about putting up pretenses is really a degrading and humiliating way to behave IMHO. Maybe it's a conspiracy .

However I notice many women do the same thing. so I suppose I'm in the vast minority here.
So I suppose there is going to be allot of 42.3 in my life.
Because I don't feel it's good to pretend to be in some glitz when I'm not - even if it's minor.
It's deceptive. I'm not doing it for the girls benefit but for mine.
I think it's pathetic, and an act of true desperation. To do these things.

It's pretty disappointing to me that women can't see through them in the first place.
It's almost as if women were programmed to fall for the biggest cliché's imaginable.
Maybe thats a conspiracy too. heheh some i know would say it is. But I digress.

I know that this is a big part of the reason why I haven't been able to get a girl yet in my lifetime.
It's because I don't play games. I don't make up bullshit. I'm a naked man between heaven and earth.

 

[openheartsf]

CM,
It just sounds to me like she’s keeping her options open. A lot of people do this when dating. Also, while I hear that you just want to “be yourself” and be real and not play games, there is often some wisdom in these dating books. Sometimes we can pursue a love interest like a locomotive and scare the beejesus out of them. Having a life and healthy boundaries is important in relationships and is an attractive quality. Appearing needy and desperate is a turn-off. So sometimes the dating books are telling you to act “as if” until you really do have a life and can be happy with where you are right now.

So while I know it looks really phony to go against all that is “real” and “natural”, putting up “pretenses” can be good sometimes. There are things in life that we really want to do that aren’t good for us even though it feels right. We don’t chase after people who aren’t interested, we protect ourselves in a healthy way.There is wisdom in taking things slow, hthere is wisdom in having some mystery.

Believe me there have been times when I REALLY wanted to pursue a guy who I knew wasn’t showing interest, and I made up all kinds of excuses as to why he wasn’t calling me. And I thought that if I made some grand gesture it would change his mind. That if I completely exposed myself he'd see how wonderful I am. He didn't. Acting as if I wasn’t interested could have saved me a lot of drama. Following the dating guidelines could have saved me a train-wreck and valuable dating clock hours (LOL). Not everybody has a healthy sense of attachment and boundaries so we need a bit of help.

That being said, I don’t think you were over-eager in calling her and firming up plans and I don’t believe this is what changed her mind. You did the right thing, you took a chance and she’s not that interested…no biggie, now you know this, and you found out much faster than if you hadn’t taken a chance. You also proved that you aren’t a doormat by calling the whole thing off. This is all good for you!

Dating is a numbers game. When you are assertive you will weed through the non-contenders much faster. Right now the learning curve is a little high because you are trying out a new approach for the first time. Don’t give up.

I don’t see hex 42 so much as misfortune. I see the increase in 42 as a very positive influence…movement and growing. And line 3 says you will BENEFIT from the unfortunate event. Who knows, maybe if you go out on Friday with your friends instead of with this girl you will meet someone new!

Don’t despair! You need to have a positive outlook on all of this. Take responsibility and have fun. Don’t blame everyone else, the books, etc. on your misfortune. LOL!

Openheart.

 

[unsubscribed_cm]

Well it's unfortunate you think that I'm blaming everyone else, or the books.

Because I just think that if you have to put up a pretense.
Your not really ready to date.
If your boundaries are unhealthy
Pretending as if they are - will allow them to never firm up.
Your life will be "empty" until you face it, and to something real about it.

And while you say "she's just keeping her options open"
I see that as a pretentious fantasy at my expense - or someone else in my situation.

Frankly if your "staring the beejesus" out of someone then nature will teach you the truth,
and in a appropriate way. Somthing a dating book will never do, becuase it's all about
tricks and illusions. What are you going to do when your illusions fall apart? Or are you going
to do whatever it takes to never loose them? This is what makes evil people possible.
Life becomes so much more complicated until you finally face it and stop bullshitting
Then - it's incredibly simple.

Appearing desperate is a turn off. Which is why I don't pretend.
I don't pretend to have no time, or that a million girls are calling
me just to get with someone I like - that is desperate is it not?

Frankly I think following the dating advice is a way to waste allot of time,
Not gain it. Life is short - don't cheat yourself out of reality. Before you know it's going to disappear.
I'm sure these little lies work.
Thats because the world runs on a ratio of maximizing bullshit and minimizing reality.

I appreciate you views but I really can't the understand the virtue of that mentality.
But I know how effective it is - So I can understand why it's done.

I want something clean and good. I may never find it.
In fact I kind of know in the bones I'm not going to. But it's been a long time.
I still am resolved, that means more than getting a million girls to have sex with.

But no - the bullshit works - it's very effective.
Outside of the lies, people really have no idea how to go or get along.
Which is why everything is so out of control... So sad.

 

[diamanda]

It IS a conspiracy! Dating tips tell women the same things (pretend you
have dozens other dates, you're really busy, feign non interest etc etc).
Perhaps these books are written by single people, who want everyone
else to remain single as well. Or maybe it's a game of who cracks up
and shows interest first lol! But, on a more serious note, you have to
keep in mind why these books are written the way they are, and what
their deeper meaning is. I too used to think exactly like you, very many
years ago, that it's all a pretentious fake game. Now i think that this
depends on how you 'translate' the dating tips. For example:

pretend you have a dozen other dates = be confident in your worth
This actually means "be confident in yourself, feel wanted". 'Inferior'
people do not know how to do this properly, so they have to use little
tricks like that to fake it. This also means that you must show in some
way that you will not commit till you've found something good (which
makes perfect sense).
you're really busy = you can survive, are independent and creative
In other words, you have a life. You are an interesting person, with
interests, you're active, have good survival skills. Again, if someone does
not really have this attribute, again they have to use the trick to fake it.
feign non interest = do not be desperate! (see no 1 again)
This actually mean don't desperately go full-on. Which i don't need to
analyse as it's really obvious! On the other hand, whoever is foolish
enough to take this advise far, will end up on their own, because no
one would really be interested in someone who is aloof and does not
seem to be interested at all in them! Imagine, standing on a pedestal
alone, just looking pretty, hmm.... yawn... In this category, of taking
things too far, i'd also place that other comment, "as soon as she knows
you're interested - game over you lose". If this happens indeed, then
it only shows one thing: that all she wanted was games, and she's not
for you. In which case, as Openheart said, good to know sooner rather
that later, and avoid time-wasters (since these games are obviously
not your thing - but keep in mind, a lot of people love them, in order
to boost their very lacking self-esteem).

If you think about it, all this is good advice. Now how you are going
to implement it is up to you - different people use different tricks,
or some people are indeed confident and creative, and thus do not
need to use tricks. It can only be good to have a balanced control over
our instincts, and that is not a game - but a sign of strength.

In your case, i would understand it if the girl postponed a couple of
times, to see how interested you really are in her, and if you're brave
enough to pursue her a bit. But in this case, it's one thing to say
'maybe' or 'another time', and yet another to be rude and make plans
then cancel. Women are indeed supposed to not let you near them
immediately, but that is not a game at all. It's both self-preservation
and DNA-choice (sorry to spoil the romantic character of it all). She
needs to make sure that you are brave, persistent, strong, all that.

"women can't see through them in the first place" > some of us can! ;-)

Openheart is also right in saying that you are indeed increased by this.
You need such little incidents, to learn - believe me nobody was born
knowing all this stuff! (well not me for sure, and i doubt i'll ever master
this whole thing - but then again, we are all human, and by definition
of our nature, an interraction between two of us can never be totally
predictable). Better to learn now, early, by little incidents, in which
you are not greatly emotionally involved.

And try to see it the other way too. You are saying "I haven't been able
to get a girl" and "It's because I don't play games". How about changing
it slightly, to "i have yet to meet the girl who is as genuine worthy and
dignified as myself"? This is a decision you'll need to make. If you do
decide to go for someone who likes that sort of tricks, then you'll need
to learn them too. The alternative is try to find someone more similar
to yourself, who actually possesses these qualities, and does not fake
them.

 

[openheartsf]

Well it just seems like you have an attitude that "they are out to get me". I think you miss the point entirely seeing it as trickery and manipulative, but you aren’t alone, lots of people choose to see the negative parts of social dynamics and advice on how to appear more attractive. Diamanda’s translation is totally right on!

Because I just think that if you have to put up a pretense. Your not really ready to date. If your boundaries are unhealthy. Pretending as if they are - will allow them to never firm up.

Maybe. But another way to look at it is to wonder if perhaps we can learn and grow by giving ourselves the experience of having strong boundaries even when we don’t. When we act “as if” a funny thing happens…we start to develop them! Sorta like cognitive-behavioral therapy. I know this from first hand experience. I have had to say “no” when I wanted to say “yes”. I have had to put limitations on myself when my self-esteem was low. But now I no longer “fake it”. It’s part of who I am even though it felt really un-natural in the beginning to act like a healthy person. I'm not trying to manipulate someone in to lking me. I'm giving the relationship room to play out a natural healthy courtship.

Sometimes in dating we have to put our best foot forward, we act positive even when we had a bad day because it’s just more fun to be around a positive person. We open up slowly when we can trust someone. It that a game? Is that me tricking you in to thinking that I’m just a positive happy person all of the time? No, it’s being discerning with my heart and not laying heavy stuff on to someone I just met.

Yes, dating is a “dance”. There is push-pull, give-take. Not just dating, but relationships in general. Trust me, even when you say I'm "not going to play games" you are playing games. We come up with all kinds of rules about dating even without the books. If you look closely even you probably have your own dating games. It's kind of "fake" that you really like this girl but you are ending it now because she's not showingg enough interest in you isn't it? It's not so different from what books say. Anyway, you’ll see this soon enough so I’ll not try to convince you.

 

[unsubscribed_cm]

It's kind of "fake" that you really like this girl but you are ending it now because she's not showingg enough interest in you isn't it? It's not so different from what books say. Anyway, you’ll see this soon enough so I’ll not try to convince you.

It's not fake at all. Frankly I have a very real feeling of disgust and repulsion from this event. I am pretty angry, disappointed, and depressed by this. This shows how much she really cares, and what she thinks about me. This compounds naturally with how I feel about her personally.

Sexual attraction is different. Yes It remains where it is.
Yes I am still a lonely and horny exploitable 25 year old male.

If you look carefully - i'm not ending anything - I really am just fulfilling what she has already decided. I really have no power over the situation in any way. To put it off, I'm being totally receptive to her decisions and even giving the benefit of the doubt that:

1) She isn't lying - because this is two events in less than 1 week where she has to go visit someone.
2) She is even available in the future at all being "so busy".
3) That she is actually a nice girl and this is all just a freak accident. And maybe things will work out in the future.

Thats going WAY out of my way for her benifit and none of mine. Becuase I could find out:

1) She was lying
2) She is available and trying to put me through some rite of passage
3) She isn't a nice girl, and in the future she will do the same thing again!

So granted it's still up in the air if anything will ever come by and I get lonely enough to grovel before this woman for a date. I do treat myself badly (and perhaps because others expect me to). And thats why I had to cancel indefinitely - because I can't stop throwing my self out the window for the pleasure of other people's inconsideration.

If I mistreat myself I cannot treat other people well.

Jesus said one really good thing and it's that:
Treat others how you want to be treated.
Thats the golden rule of truth. Why? It works by duality:

You cannot treat yourself or others any better than you treat others or yourself.

I hope I'm not "throwing my pearls before swine" here.

 

[openheartsf]

Hang in there. I know you weren’t being fake. I was just making the point that sometimes we go against certain desires to save some face and remain in control of the situation. We can’t blurt all and tell all 'cos it makes us look a little unstable. Constraint can be good sometimes. If we do things to maintain some dignity and respect and even a little “power” in a relationship, it’s not a bad thing necessarily. If our intentions are good.

I was rejected recently too and now I’ve lost one of my best friends and I’m not sure why. Humans are complicated. I know how you feel. It sucks, but the feelings will pass. Focus on what is good in your life and stay present.

In your dating life you will find some girls who play hard to get and some girls who are truly just busy and some will be more interested in someone else but then maybe that won’t work out and she’ll suddenly be interested in you. Whatever, just accept what is happening now. If we are constantly fighting against these realities of life, we suffer. Sure we don’t always like it, but we have to accept that frustration too. ☺ The sooner we accept things the easier life gets

Be well.

 

[mudpie]

Cyclo, I suggest you take the 42.3 to an even higher limit and let the disappointment in your love life impel you to give it up for awhile in order to find some satisfaction and fulfillment for yourself through your own nourishment.

Dont know what your current life situation is, but surely there is something to build on or begin. and age 25 is the best time, lots of time, to do this. To attract the mate of one's dreams, you can focus on being the one who that dream girl would be attracted to .

Dont fake it about "having a life" as the dating advice tells you. Build your life. If you have a career, build on it... or change careers, go back to school. There is always excuses for not doing these things (and I dont know if this applies to you) but they can always be done. It is kinda hard to make the girl appear, but it isnt hard to make a decision about other things in your life like school or career or interesting hobbies.

all these things build your confidence, but sometimes we just dont do them ...until we get so fed up with lack of fulfillment.

a disappointment, or lots of years of disappointment, can just be pushing you to take steps to feel better about yourself...and in the process, make yourself more attractive to a love interest. whaddya think?

 

[unsubscribed_cm]

I've pretty much already taken good care
of all that you mentioned already.

I'm just reluctant, and frankly lazy.

While I want a woman or girl I just am kinda unenthusiastic about talking to new girls.
Most of the time it feels like it's work and that I should be paid for doing it.
Women always have this reaction of distrust ... I really tire of it.
Not even thankful for the crap I go through.
They think somehow they are entitled
to what I give them before I even
give it out to them.

 

[Tohpol]

I've pretty much already taken good care
of all that you mentioned already.

I'm just reluctant, and frankly lazy.

So, there's part of your problem there. You get what you give in life.

If you've taken care of everything that Listener mentioned then I guess it's everyone else's problem right?

While I want a woman or girl I just am kinda unenthusiastic about talking to new girls.
Most of the time it feels like it's work and that I should be paid for doing it.
Women always have this reaction of distrust ... I really tire of it.
Not even thankful for the crap I go through.
They think somehow they are entitled
to what I give them before I even
give it out to them.

And you wonder why you've having difficulties?

You might want to go back to your very first post on this and look over what the YI said to you.

Topal

 

[unsubscribed_cm]

OK

Why is it so hard for me to find a girlfriend?

8 - -
8 - -
8 - -
7 ---
8 - -
8 - -

Hexagram 15 Modesty


What do I need to make it easier for me to find a girl?
7 ---
8 - -
8 - -
8 - -
7 ---
7 ---

41

Please specify what I'm supposed to decrease in terms of 41 to make it easier to find a girl?

8 - - - -
8 - - - -
8 - - - -
9 --- - -
7 --- ---
8 - - - -

46 -> 7


If modesty is my problem. And I'm too arrogant. Then Decrease would be the remedy.
But when I asked it what do I need to decrease it said 46 -> 7.

Which seems to imply that I need to stop trying to push upward?
Push upward meaning what? Trying to move forward out of isolation?
Or trying to be arrogant? Or trying to get a girl at all?

7 I thought meant lead.

Perhaps it means pushing upward into isolation.
And renouncing them in conceit?

46.3 does talk about pushing upward into a empty city (isolation).

But then what does 7 imply?

Does it say I need to stop leading or competing?

Or maybe it saying I DO need to lead and compete.

 

[openheartsf]

Hex 7 is about self-discipline. Another poster said this about Hex 7 in regards to relationships.

“organization & discipline...grow up and get some discipline... "marshall your resources" and develop a plan.

So it's telling you to NOT to take romantic approaches to your lovelife, but to get organized in a forceful and no-compromise way. Hex 7 isn't about waging war, it's about strong, wise leadership guiding powerful, organized force”.

Women always have this reaction of distrust ... I really tire of it.Not even thankful for the crap I go through.
They think somehow they are entitled
to what I give them before I even
give it out to them.

Yeesh, do you see the problem in your thinking here? We ARE all entitled. Each and every one of us is entitled to the best love we can get. We deserve it, and why shouldn’t we evaluate a new person in our life? If you view women like you do they will feel this energy and not want to be around you.

The art of dating is about negotiating. What are we negotiating? Well, women and men are different (the sooner we accept this the easier it gets). Men are negotiating for sex and women are negotiating for commitment. There are exceptions but in general this is just the reality and it is the natural order to ensure the human race continues.

How do men get to sex? Well they usually have to earn a woman’s trust first. So, yes women KNOW this about men and can be quite cautious.

46 Pushing Upward/Upward Mobility

Success through an active effort, step by step, one day at a time, one interaction at a time. But you must do the work. You said yourself you are lazy. You must be active in order to progress. Being lazy won’t cut it.

Here is what LiSe says about line 3

“Fight your way up by battling all enemies and using all your arms. But did you really make sure there are any enemies? An army needs not only fighting power, it needs intelligence too. So first of all evaluate the obstacles, fighting might very often not be the best solution. And fights based on emotions only makes things worse, so be careful about which arms can be used.”

Cyclone you just need an attitude adjustment. Maybe one day you will learn to adore the qualities of women. The coyness, the playfulness, the receptive feminine power. It seems that right now since you have not yet conquered a women you just resent them. It’s a negative energy to hold and the universe gives us what we dwell upon. If you keep this attitude you will not succeed in your quest.

 

[unsubscribed_cm]

OpenheartSF I realize your trying to help but and I appreciate that, but what you wrote in that last paragraph really upset me.

 

[Tohpol]

Ok let me have a stab at it Cylco. As always it's only my opinion - feel free to discard if it doesn't resonate. It's a long post. Ready? Ok, off we go.

Why is it so hard for me to find a girlfriend?

Taking into account what you've written and your appraisal of the situation I'd say this refers to the way you are viewing yourself, women and the whole idea of interaction. You seem to be expecting a girl that will worship you and be the perfect girlfriend. You have an idealised perception of attraction and being attractive. You literally underlined the fact that you consider yourself good looking Now take this perception with what you wrote in your previous post and it's clear you believe you are OWED something and what's more ENTITLED to something. Well, get rid of the idea that you might be hot stuff or a great catch for starters. You need to learn modesty and humbleness, and not imagine that you're something special or that being aloof is attractive. That's a turn off. You can be shy, mousy and quiet and still have an inflated concept of self.

"I have very little ego here. So i'm just going to post this and see if anyone can help.
Yes I'm a utterly parched and starving child of humanity when it comes to sex.
And as far as I can see there is little to no reason for it.

God or the universe or whatever, has given me a more powerful sex drive than most people and also given me this totally impossible situation of perplexity."

I'm afraid you have considerable ego my friend! And no, God hasn't given you a more powerful sex drive - you are just a biologically healthy 25 year old with lots of energy that is being inverted based on your own misunderstandings which are probably very deep. Your sensitivity and artistic soul aren't helping you here - they are adding to your self-pity and self-importance. The reason is right on your doorstep. So drop all that nonsense and start to look inside to the real issues of why you are where you are. You may think you have been doing so all these years but it appears not. You've been fueling your victimhood because some part of you gains from it.

i.e. get over yourself.

I know that sounds harsh but bear with me Cyclo...

What - do I need/can i do - to make it easier for me to find a girl?

It depends exactly what kind of relationship you are looking for I suppose, but 41, in my own experience can often be about signing cheques that your body/mind matrix can't handle. It complements 15 in that the simplicity required for more harmony in your relationships is missing and you need to decrease your attachment - become detached emotionally from this issue in order to "re-align" yourself. You're seeking nourishment from others because you feel the lack in yourself. Perfectly normal to want a relationship of course, but until you see why you and only you are the master/slave of the situation it won't change. Or you'll find someone that mirrors your own gaps in awareness. You'll learn but I think it's preferable not to learn the hard way if at all possible.

Now when it comes to the sexual aspect - sure you can find release and get into all sorts of interesting fun and games without any emotional maturity whatsoever. Most people do it all the time. And a lot of people suffer the torments of hell as a result. I know I did. Don't assume that when you find a girl you can get hot and sweaty with suddenly everything will be all right and it will be some kind of revelation...Nope. You have already set your expectations into the heavens which is why the Yi gave you 41 to bring you down to earth. Stop thinking so much - get outside, get into your OWN body and release some of that energy in sport or team sports and get in touch with nature anyway you can.

Don't compare yourself with the rest of society. You have your own blueprint and your own path, the light of which you can't quite discern as yet. But there is no reason at all why you can't have a fulfilling, loving relationship as well as a sexual one. But start to look within while you still can and the blockage that is there doesn't consume you completely until you have no idea what real emotion is like. Your circular thoughts in combination with a blocked sexual centre can do that and make you extremely body-centric in a short amount of time. You can wake up one day and not know what it is to really feel let alone love.

46.3 is a warning on that score. Sure, you pushing upward but you do indeed need to make sure your going in the right direction. I'm sure you will get there, but it would be nice to get there sooner rather than later right? You don't have all the angles on this yet so tread really carefully as your destiny becomes more defined. It looks pretty good and you are making progress by addressing all this imo, but step by step. The important thing to remember is not to give yourself any airs and graces and accept that you've got some re-evaluating to do. You are "pushing upwards" and success is possible. So, no more "woe is me."

7 seems to be about marshalling your resources and being disciplined. At the moment your energy is draining away, fueling fantasy and erroneous thinking which inevitably means you're even less likely to see your situation objectively or have the resources to choose longer term solutions and gather your inner army. The army is weak and in disarray. But you can be a leader and whip them into shape. No one else but you can deal with this. Lay the foundations - in the proper way - for what you need, and then what you want will have a better chance of arriving. It won't be easy, and you can't afford to be lazy, but sometimes when you begin to view things more objectively it is surprising how the Universe can respond. Be independent on this issue. Don't look at what other 25 year olds are doing. That's their life and their lessons.

You are young but you are not a child. Be a 7 warrior.

So, all I can say in closing is that 15, 41 and 46 (7) suggest that you can beat this as long as you adopt a very different attitude which will mean changing your assumptions about yourself and the way you interact with others.

I do understand having gone through very similar experiences at your age, so I can see how these things can really cause havoc in later life if you don't address this now. You might even think about some psychotherapy to get it in perspective.

You've got some good advice in this thread so after this one maybe I can suggest to let things be for a while - let the answers percolate a bit and see what comes to you over the next few days. I hope this has given you something to think about at least!

Good luck, and keep us posted.

Topal

 

[Pallas]

Amazing thread!
It's years later but this is a great response Topal.