And back to your question- Possibly! I was wearing a very thick armor for a very long time, but that was somewhat necessary. Only recently I am starting to finally be able to get rid of some of those 'armor plates'. But for this to happen, I had to heal myself from within on all areas and aspects of my life - my physical health, my workplace, people I have surrounded myself with, learn how to cope with stress, and so on. From a person who was drinking and smoking a lot years ago due to very stressful job (my current one isn't ideal, but it was an improvement!) I've transformed into someone who lives very healthy (cycling a lot, doing yoga for the past 7 years regularly, exercising etc.) and doesn't use any mind-altering substances - 100% no alcohol, no caffeine, no nicotine. I allow myself to enjoy some alcohol and caffeine only every 3-4 months for a short period. This system allows me to balance my body and health nicely. Healthy body = healthy mind, and this influences the spirit. Of course, I was escaping into the easy path of drinking to ease my stress as most of our modern society does! They all ''socially drink'' which means drinking to death every Friday! It's crazy! So, yeah. It was (and still is!) a long journey and I am still trying to get better every day. Regarding to the past... of course I do realize it is all connected. My mother had very controlling strict conservative religious parents herself (her mum - my grandma - wanted me to become a priest! Haha!) and my father had a very absent, careless parents himself too (they were both not present as they were travelling due to their jobs, also his father was an alcoholic - the same with his brother) and so on.. I am sure it could be backtracked a good few generations with similar stories! That's why it's even more important that this disease stops with me. And I do concentrate on positives - for example, my love to plants and animals, and a curious interest with various herbs and natural treatments possible comes from my grandfather (from the side of my mum) who was very into it. I've found I enjoy it as much as him! So there are some good genes out there. Clarity,
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49.4 > 63 from www.eclecticenergies.com : "Aversion goes away. There is trust in the change of command. Good fortune." I see this as saying that you need to trust your decision to distance yourself from your mother. You know you need a better job and true healthy great friends, summed up in Rosada's "Be here now" sense of the line. AND...
I wonder if there is another "radical change" that is underway. You have aversion to the inability of your mother to change. Perhaps you will come to a place of acceptance of the "isness" of it and your aversion to her shortcomings will go away. In a way, your own healing is a healing of your family line even if your mother doesn't find healing in this lifetime. You are the one growing a new tree from the seed of your family. (you did get 23.6 as a part of one of your readings about this situation as I recall). You can let the dysfunction in your family be the outer part of the seed that falls away and sprout from the blessings of your family. I believe all families have both curses and blessings. It is easy to focus on the curses and forget the blessings. I think I am saying things you already know.
It happens differently for different people. I have a friend who yelled at her mother about the past. Her mother had developed spiritually and was able to say the things that you want to hear from your mother, i.e., "I hear you. I hear you when you say you are having nightmares every night for 10 years..." I wish this kind of response from a parent could happen for all of us. But it doesn't. It didn't happen for Rosada. Her path to healing her relationship with her father was different.
You are no longer allowing how your mother is to be what commands your life. You are taking charge.
I wonder if there is another "radical change" that is underway. You have aversion to the inability of your mother to change. Perhaps you will come to a place of acceptance of the "isness" of it and your aversion to her shortcomings will go away. In a way, your own healing is a healing of your family line even if your mother doesn't find healing in this lifetime. You are the one growing a new tree from the seed of your family. (you did get 23.6 as a part of one of your readings about this situation as I recall). You can let the dysfunction in your family be the outer part of the seed that falls away and sprout from the blessings of your family. I believe all families have both curses and blessings. It is easy to focus on the curses and forget the blessings. I think I am saying things you already know.
It happens differently for different people. I have a friend who yelled at her mother about the past. Her mother had developed spiritually and was able to say the things that you want to hear from your mother, i.e., "I hear you. I hear you when you say you are having nightmares every night for 10 years..." I wish this kind of response from a parent could happen for all of us. But it doesn't. It didn't happen for Rosada. Her path to healing her relationship with her father was different.
You are no longer allowing how your mother is to be what commands your life. You are taking charge.