Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).
can someone share their interpretation?I will wait for two or three days for any advises on this and then make the decision about contacting her or not. I'm still undecided somehow.
Thank you. I will know more on Monday and then I will share the update herel yes I do know whether she is alive. Theoretically I am a branch but practically I have understood long time ago that by trying to keep in touch I was only hurting myself. Why should I keep toxic people access to me? Just because of the fact she gave birth to me? That's ridiculous. She was like that for her entire adulthood when she was raising me. She was already an adult by then. I was only a powerless child that was deeply hurt. I had a physical problems with my heart due to this toxic relationship and other issues in my own daily personal and professional life. Even if one side did the homework its not enough if she did not. We shall see.Finally, I think we can all learn more about your readings if you put your impulse to ask your mother for help to the trial. "Do it, and then we will know."
I agree with you. The very fact that we were "created" out of our mothers, and we haven't made a conscious choice as to who our parents will be adds to this internal conflict. Yet, if one tried every possible way and the outcome was always negative it is illogical to continue being on the same path behaving in the same way expecting different results. For example, being grateful that my father slept with my mother and created me this way is one thing. But willing to stick around and suffer their toxicity is another. This is an important point. One needs to save, heal and love itself first and foremost. Without this nothing can be really transformed. And if I respect and love myself, I won't allow any toxic people influence my life negatively. Doesn't matter who they are. It's harsh, but it's okay. I am taking care of myself, probably for the first time in my entire life. I was stripped out of such care in the past. It's time to get it back. Now it's my life and finally I have control over my boundaries and people I invite into it. On a more metaphysical side - who knows, probably I have chosen to incarnate in such conditions to learn some important lessons. And the same goes for them. Ultimately, none of us are bad, evil people. Being sick, toxic or lost isn't being evil. It just means being lost. But every single one of us need to find their own way. Well, at least the remaining two of us, as my father commited suicide as I have mentioned before. I can't save her. I can't help her so that she won't need to do anything in order to save her. I had nobody and I am not even interested in any sort of mother-son relation at this point. It's too late. I have learned everything on my own and I can't give her any authority anymore. Well, she was so overcontrolling that this authority was the biggest issue for me to get rid of. Fear of your own parents because they don't allow you to express yourself, is simply wrong. So, no. It won't work. Maybe after 10 years from now? Who knows.I guess it is my own wish for nontoxic interactions with my family that leads to the hope of that for you with your mom. I understand your feeling to not want any more contact with your mother. My siblings have made that decision about my Mom and I am starting to come to the same place. I recognize that polarity of being either accusatory or apologetic. Neither seems correct but it is seemingly impossible to find a different way. I think you are right about cutting the umbilical cord. At the same time I think that in spite of all of the pain it is a big thing to have been made alive and even if we don't connect with our parents as adults some degree of gratitude for the fact of their making our existence possible is warranted.
Ultimately, none of us are bad, evil people. Being sick, toxic or lost isn't being evil.
Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).