Does mother really know best?

[annietyme]

Thank you Hilary, Candid, Dharma & everyone else!
You all are oh so helpful and thoughtful. I really appreciate all of your insight, and Hilary you are more than welcome to ask what ever you would like on my behalf. I would love to hear it all. Something bad happened last night however. I went over and hung out with him at his house, with his roommate and one of my friends. Well, we went to Cheers later and he ended up leaving with a guy friend of mine to go "jam". They are both musicians that I understand. But this guy he left with is a total male whore, and they left with two girls... This guy goes home with a different girl everynight so I know that more than music was going to get played. My guy invited me to go and said that he would really love me to go, but I had to take my friend (tracey) home and I had to work early this morning.
I got really upset that he ditched me to hang out with this guy friend and two girls that I know followed them. What am I to think? To do? I don't know. We didn't get into too serious of a conversation about it, but he said that "We're not boyfriend/girlfriend" and he doesn't want anything serious. Blah Blah Blah...
I really don't know what to make any of this... It just seems like I keep on making the same mistakes over and over and over.
Anything you have to say is very appreciated and please feel free to consult the I Ching on my behalf at anytime...
Much love and gratitude~Annie

 

[moon_shadow]

Hi! Hexagram 22 can also mean "facading". Sometimes plain one story buildings have false
fronts...think of Tombstone in the Old West.
Sometimes the decorative elements add to the total picture, sometimes they are misleading.
They are not really dishonest, but they do not
particularly provide anything of substance, either.

Confucious said that the I Ching only answered
falsely once...it gave hexagram 22 in response to his question. Commentators say the I Ching was trying to tell him to "lighten up". It is a light and artsy hexagram.

Sometimes when we are children our parents teach
us the skills of verbal facading. A friend of
mine recollects eating a lovely piece of chocolate
cake as a child. Her parents would tease her
and say...when are you going to give me that cake?
They did not really want the cake, but the game
did not end until she offered them her plate.
She said they taught her dishonesty in this small
way. Social banter...teasing...verbal aptitude.
All these things are nice, but not particularly
important or full of substance.

A man might want to date a woman because she
is fun and pretty...but his interest in her ends
there. Does he look better with her at his side?
Why is he concerned about his image, anyway?
Is that what Hex. 36 leads into?

So, you see? the 22/36 reading might be a warning. Narcissism is a pretty scary stance,
and that is what I see in Hex. 36...someone who
talks big, but who is really weak inside...jealous
of another's integrety or "light", too weak to
risk authenticity...so they are "smooth" (like
that wonderful Santana hit)
So it's advantageous to hide the light so as to avoid people who use other people to get praise
and admiration.
The real test of whether someone is a narcissist
is how they deal with criticism...if they
accept it gracefully, fine. Do they have a sense
of humor about themselves? Or do they ALWAYS have
to play the part of the "wunderkind"?

Hope that you do not have to encounter anyone
like this. There is a great website on "Malignant
Narcissism" that is helpful. It is truly
a rare problem, but one that can hurt innocent
people. Narcissists do not love others. For all
the wonderful things they say about themselves,
they are really not happy with themselves either.
Another person's congruency and self-acceptance
is salt in their wounds.

Hope this helps,
Moon_shadow

 

[hilary]

Hello all,

This is just a lightning-quick note as I have to go out in 10 minutes (back at the computer tomorrow)...

but I added another reading last night which I thought people might like to get their teeth into:
Please comment on what really happened that night? (The one Annie wrote about.)
Answer: 11 changing to 9.

I haven't pulled this together yet, but the two lines seem to be two ways Small Taming might affect Harmony. And Annie probably knows the feeling of line 6 very well... and remember that Diyi's young cousins married King Wen, founder of the dynasty that succeeded Diyi's...

I was prompted to ask this because I wondered whether it was really as bad as it looked, and whether we're not maligning the poor bloke somewhat. Did he even know the reputation of the man he left with, for instance?

Four minutes till the bus. Must run.

 

[moon_shadow]

One more idea about hexagram 22. I was reminded
of another saying in the I Ching...it's not the
flower, it's the fruit that is important.
I think that we should all look for the beauty in
others, because all of use are complicated people.
We are all a mixture of motives and some of our
feelings are oblivious even to our own selves.
I am not sure exactly who or what Hexagram 36 is
talking about. However, I do think that there
are people who become jealous when others are too
happy and full of light. It does not make them
a bad person. It does, however, help us to protect ourselves by not sharing too much, too soon. Sorry if my post was too heavy, because
we all need to be tolerant and look for the good
in others. I just am very cautious of hexagram
36.
Moon_Shadow

 

[hilary]

What I'm learning from this is that personal associations with a hexagram are certainly the key to understanding it, but may only represent a smallish fraction of its overall spectrum of meaning. 22 can mean that the surface appearance emerges straight from the substance, as with the flower of the ideogram, or point to ways in which this ideal isn't happening. But either way I think that - at least with line 6 moving - it's an admonition to stick with what's visible and not seek to extrapolate. What you see is neither more nor less than what you get. (When we get #23, we know the focus needs to change in a hurry!) Sometimes hiding your light (#36) is a vital self-protective strategy against the kind of person Moonshadow describes, occasionally it's self-defeating, a self-fulfilling prophecy, 'I am disempowered, I always get hurt...'

Annie, you say you feel like something is repeating - is it those patterns of #36, do you think? Events being dictated by people whose 'principles' do not match yours, so that if you shine out you get hurt?

Looking at Hexagram 11, it says that there were some powerful energies at work that night - the kind that can push trivia to one side and bring out the important things. Also that if you can combine this power with the cautious, conscious approach of the preceding hexagram - as if you were treading behind a tiger - then it creates peace and security. But it is not particularly easy to work with - you really have to engage.

This is something that flows: essence pouring into substance, like a torrent. Everything is open and moving, free and affirmative. You can expect communication to be open, and inspirations to turn into reality. At its best this energy is love, but it can also be sheer human vitality and energy that has to find an outlet.

All this is encountered by Hexagram 9 - very different. Someone is trying to contain and harness a huge creative force, trying to bring it to expression in a way they can use. They're like a small farmer working with the greater forces of nature. This can be frustrating: in the Judgement, someone is looking up at clouds that darken the sky but don't quite rain. 'Not quite' is the keynote: you don't have quite enough influence, you're not quite strong enough, things don't quite work out. There is a positive way through, of course - to focus on the greater force rather than the lesser abilities, and let it shape your response... the small farmer can still make a living. Annie, I think (correct me if I'm wrong!) that this is you, wanting to make it work out as you would choose but finding you just don't have as much influence as you'd need.

The two moving lines linking 11 and 9 have had me baffled for a while - line 5, especially. But here are some thoughts:

They're at the extreme of #11's dynamic energy: it is definitely tending to change things here. Small Taming has to find ways to work with it, not oppose it.

Line 5: "Diyi [the 'high ancestor'] marries off his cousin. Thus satisfaction, fundamental good fortune."
The story behind this: Diyi married his female relatives to King Wen of the Zhou (polygamy was an obligation then for noble men). Wu, born from this marriage, would later overthrow the descendants of Diyi. But at this time, Diyi was the one in power, showing favour to Wen and cementing an alliance with him.

You brought this man in among your friends because you were the one who knew the area, he didn't know anyone, etc. But as he grows in confidence, he goes off with his new, um, acquaintances, and if you can't come with him, he'll regret this, but it won't stop him going.

A modern version of the old story? Maybe. But I think that if you look at this more generally, the message is that you may not control developments, things can happen that you could never have anticipated, but the end results can still be creative and good. It can be part of nurturing your own growth. These shifts in influence can work to your advantage.

Line 6:
"Bulwark returns to the moat.
No use, the army.
Your own capital, an informing mandate.
Constancy: shame."

I think you'll probably be able to identify with this. You'd built something up (expectations? defences?), then it crumbled. The line blends positive advice with warnings. What you can't do is clear enough: there's no point manning the defences when they've fallen back into the moat. In other words, you can't prevent or reverse the change, no matter how organised or determined you are about it. Trying to force your original conception through only leaves you lost and embarrassed. But within your own place - where you are in charge - there is something new and important to be understood. What you learn can take you to utterly new experiences.

phew. Sorry that was so long and unwieldy. Please let me know how you respond to it all, though! I hope it's some help.

 

[annietyme]

As always you and everyone here are a HUGE help!
I really like what you just mentioned! I think that is extremely accurate. I am constantly amazed by the I Ching!
I am trying to be stong, learn from these mistakes and not make them again.
I am not going back, try to make things work or anything for that matter. If he comes around, calls or what have you, I will do nothing... To establish even a friendship at this point would take a lot of work on his behalf. I do not have the patience nor the willingness to invest in such a venture. I have just heard that the guy he went with had a threesome with the two girls they went off with. He neglected to mention where my guy was at or what he was doing. I hardily doubt that he was in the other room watching cartoons.
What a man-pig! The hung out together all day the next day too I guess. Now they are really 2 peas in a pod. I am just so frustrated.

 

[moon_shadow]

aww..Hilary! That was absolutely *beautiful*
when you described Hex. 22. You know, maybe
like Confucious I need to lighten up! lol.
Actually I truly *love* flowers, and realize
that sometimes the effort that plants put in to
them, when they produce such little seeds...well,
it is a miracle. The beauty and immense variety
of flowers, even in the wild is a testament to
essence, isn't it?

Happy spring to those of us in the Northern hemisphere, BTW. (I'm off for a walk to appreciate
nature for awhile).
~Suz